Nearly
by nickygillian
Summary: Bella moves to Forks. The Cullen and Swan families don't get along. Star crossed love. AU all human.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Disclaimer: I don't own characters, themes or anything related to what is written here. I couldn't afford them if they were the kind of things that could be sold, heck I can barely afford the books that this story is based off of.  
**

Nothing is ever done beautifully which is done  
in rival ship: or nobly, which is done in pride.

-John Ruskin

**Preface**

'**This was the reason I had refused to return to Forks for so long', I thought hopelessly. After all the years I had told myself it wasn't worth it to get involved… and here I was. Here I was smack in the middle of everything, figuratively at least. In this particular moment I was running desperately, my breathing jerking about erratically and I was scared. Even through the terror I knew that I would do it all again because of him, knew that I would do anything for just one more moment with him and I was treasuring my memories even though they were tainted with hate, anger and pain. Surely my attempts were worth it, heroic, brave, noble even because I was running to save someone. I was running to my doom in the **_**slight **_**chance that my sacrifice would be enough.**

Chapter One: First Sight (part one)

My mother had taken us, the two kids, Emmett and I away from Forks when we were small. My brother had returned right after he had turned sixteen. He claimed Charlie needed him and that I was old enough to take care of scatterbrained Renee alone. I was fifteen at the time and since then I had desperately missed him. He spent his summers with me, Charlie and Renee down in Phoenix but I never felt like I saw him enough. We used to be best friends and now distance was corrupting us. Still this wasn't enough to force me back to Forks and until last September I thought there could be nothing to get me back in Washington. My reason for staying away was simple, the Cullen's, Esme, Carlisle and their teenage son.

It was a family thing, a family dispute though I, myself, didn't know the cause of it. When I asked about the fight I was told I was too young to understand it. I hadn't asked about it in years though, maybe they would think I was old enough but by now I felt it was beneath me, a waste of time and energy. I didn't want to know about it, I didn't want to put any thought into it. All I knew was that it went further back then the current Cullens and the Swans; that was enough information for me. So after growing up with Renee and her negative words about the Cullens I understood that staying away was for the best. I wanted to stay passive on the subject, I asked Emmett not to mention them. I didn't want to hear that my brother, whom I loved to death, was getting into fights. I didn't want to hate these people who I didn't know. The thought of Emmett in the situation at all made me uncomfortable enough.

So why was I back here, why had I sentenced myself to the warzone? Well… Renee had found someone else to take care of her, Phil. They traveled a lot due to Phil's work. Renee couldn't stand to be parted from him and it made her feel guilty to leave me home alone. I missed Charlie, though I didn't feel like I knew him well and I longed for my time with Emmett back. Putting these all into consideration I found myself on a plane.

--

"Hey little sis, I missed you so much," Emmett called to me the second he saw me at the airport.

"EMMETT," I yelled back as I threw my free arm around his shoulder. "You've grown again," I chuckled.

"What can I say, teenager genes, you know…," he smiled, "Let me take your bag. You look too tired to carry that heavy load," He smirked, sarcasm dripping in his voice. I shook my head as I passed him my barely full bag anyway.

"Fine, take it."

He chuckled again but complied, "Sorry Charlie couldn't make it here, police duty and all that."

"That's fine, really. I just can't believe I'm here," I muttered.

"No kidding, I was starting to think I wouldn't see you again and the phone calls just weren't cutting it."

We talked casually about the weather, that was raining, and our parents, that were civil, as we made our way to the old house. A place I knew from phone calls looked basically the same as it had when I had lived there; a place that held no memories to me, not having stepped foot in it since I was three, fourteen years ago.

"School will be interesting tomorrow," Emmett commented as he opened the front door.

"Hmm… why's that?" I asked.

"You've never had to deal with the Cullens before," He muttered darkly. "They haven't heard about your arrival yet."

"What do you mean they don't know about my arrival; this is Forks were talking about, small town, big gossip."

"I knew you wouldn't want the attention," Emmett replied easily, "I convinced dad to keep your coming to just Ms. Cope, the guidance consular, and the principal. You know the essentials."

I smiled a bit at this; I was always terrified at being the center of attention. Being clumsy had that side effect. "You're distracting me. The Cullens can't be all that bad, you've been dealing with them for years and look at you, practically unscathed," I kidded.

"Bella this isn't a joke. The Cullen boy and his friends aren't going to be happy now that another Swan is back in town, I don't know if they're going to go easy on you… just because you're a girl-"

I rolled my eyes, "Emmett… what are they going to do; beat me up, drive me crazy-"

He interrupted, "They wouldn't dare with me there."

I let the subject drop. Knowing that he would only be 'there' for the rest of the year made me uneasy. "I'm going to go unpack. Will Charlie be home for dinner?"

He sighed, "Yeah he's bringing home a pizza. You're room is the first left after the stairs. You can't miss it; it's the only clean area in the house."

--

After my reunion with Charlie I headed up to get ready for bed. The boys went to watch football in the living room. I showered slowly letting the warm water seep into my pores and cloud my thoughts, today had been better then I thought it would. Forks was cold and wet but so far it was bearable. Charlie was a lot like me, quiet and easy going and I realized while I ate that it was going to be easy living with the boys.

As I lay in bed listening to the pounding rain outside I fretted about school. I hadn't fit in back in Phoenix and I doubted it would be much different here. I wasn't like average kids or at least I didn't get along with average kids. I worried that the school would side with the Cullens and I would become a loner. Emmett would be with me for the rest of this year at least.

In the end I slept badly and for very few hours when I decided it was late enough to get ready for school. I put on a pair of faded jeans and a black sweater before I headed downstairs to eat. Emmett sat at the table with a bowl of cereal, "Here Bella," he said as he pushed a clean bowl across from him slightly closer to me. "Eat up; I'm driving us to school in ten minuets."

"Thanks; Charlie already headed to work?" I pondered.

"Yeah he leaves pretty early. If it's not work it's fishing, you know how he is."

I nodded as I shoveled the dry cereal into my mouth and chewed with no desire to hurry. When Renee had left Charlie had thrown himself into his work. Even Emmett's return hadn't changed his daily routines. Painfully I wondered if he kept it up in fear that his son would leave like his mom before; a similar gaping hole filling his place at the kitchen table.

--

Emmett pulled up to the high school and pointed out the guidance building, "Go there, Ms. Cope will give you your schedule and a map. You won't need the map, don't worry. I'll be waiting here to show you the way to your first class."

"Fine, I'll see you in a bit then," I replied as I excited his old truck and made my way to the building. Inside it was pretty basic. The room was small, cut in half by a counter, and full of files, papers and plants. It was weird how no matter how much green there was outside they still felt the need to bring some in. A women with red hair looked up as I entered. "Ms. Cope? I'm Isabella Swan. I'm supposed to pick up some paper work from you."

She smiled up at me, "Oh, we're so excited that you're here." She answered. I wondered if her excitement was due to the fact that another Swan was being placed in the ever entertaining fuel between the families or if it was just having a new student at all. I figured it was both as I watched her scatter around looking for my papers, "Here you go honey, Get your teachers to sign this one," she held one up, "and bring it back at the end of the day. Hope you enjoy it here."

"Thanks," I attempted a lousy smile and went back out to Emmett who was leaning against the truck talking to a beautiful blond haired girl.

They looked up as I approached, "Bella this is my girlfriend, Rosalie," Emmett introduced us. I was surprised, it wasn't that I didn't think my brother was attractive I just didn't think a girl as gorgeous as Rosalie, Rosalie that Emmett frequently told me helped him mechanically with the trunk, would be with a guy like Emmett. I knew I shouldn't judge by appearance though.

"Nice to meet you," she smiled at me as she held out her hand. I shook it taking her more carefully in. She was tall, not as tall as Emmett though, and lean. Her body was perfect, swimsuit model standard.

"Nice to meet you too," I replied.

"So let's see what you have first," my brother interrupted my reverie as he reached over and grabbed my schedule. "English, building three," He read aloud. He looked up and pointed to where it was. "Its right there," he told me as he looked down again. "You're second period is right there," he hesitated, "and you're third is right over there." He smiled as he pointed to the last one. "I'll meet you there after and Rose and I will eat lunch with you. We have a tradition, we like eating in the truck, hope you don't mind."

"Sounds good," I replied halfheartedly only slightly curious about eating in the truck. I figured it had something to do with the Cullens or possibly Rosalie and Emmett liked to fool around at noon. Err, that thought suddenly had me repelling from the truck.

"See you later," Emmett called as he and Rosalie headed off.

I walked into my English class and introduced myself to the teacher quickly as I got the reading material. All things I had already read back in Phoenix, I noted. This class was going to be easy and boring. I sat down near the back so the students couldn't stare at me, or at least stare as much. The teacher lectured for the next hour but I hardly listened. After the bell rang a boy beside me spoke up, "You're new, aren't you?"

On the surface I appeared nice enough but internally I wanted to sarcastically ream him out. No kidding I was the new; or maybe he just hadn't noticed me for the past twelve years? I looked him over quickly he had black hair and looked like the kind of kid you might find at an arcade or sitting at home playing online chess. I nodded, "Bella, just call me Bella." I answered.

"Nice to meet you Bella I'm Erick. Where's your next class. I'll help you find it."

Though Emmett had already pointed it out earlier I let Erick help me. He led me there quickly making small talk as he went and I thanked him when he left for his next class.

After third period, Jessica, who I had a few classes with offered to let me sit with her and her friends at lunch. She was bubbly and friendly but it seemed like she was more interested in being seen around the 'new' girl then anything else. I told her I was eating with my brother this lunch but I would eat with her tomorrow, remembering my hopefully incorrect assumptions that the truck may not be as clean and wholesome as I wanted to believe it was.

Emmett was right where he said he'd be when I left the warm room. He was standing with Rosalie and it made me happy to see that he seemed truly happy with her. I wondered if he had told her he loved her yet. It certainly looked like he was head over heals. "Hey kiddo how was your first morning?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes as we started walking to the parking lot, "Oh you know demonic, we dissected Shakespeare in English and I heard something about sacrificing goats in Bio after lunch."

Emmett laughed heartedly, "I think I heard something about that goat thing. Bet you'd never do anything like that back in Phoenix."

I'd like to say that lunch with the couple was entertaining but mostly I just stared out the truck window as Rosalie and Emmett had their own discussion. It wasn't like they were trying to exclude but old habits die hard. I looked at the clock realizing what time it was, "Emmett where's this class located?" I asked breaking into his love fest.

He looked at the paper I was shoving towards him briefly and pointed, "Right there, are you heading off?"

"Yeah I don't want to be late on my first day, See you after school."

I was glad that tomorrow Jessica and her unknown friends would be taking me away from my brother and his girlfriend. Being around people in love when you aren't in love makes you feel pathetic or incapable of receiving love which is worse.

**AN: My inspiration, and I use that term loosely, for this blurb of fan fiction came from 'Twilight', 'Romeo and Juliet', Scribbler of dreams' (by Mary E. Pearson), Roméo et Juliette (the film by ****Yves Desgagnés****) and Romeo + Juliet (the film by Baz Luhrmann).**

**I am not a writer; I state this loudly, not trying to hide this fact from anyone. I never intend my life to move toward that direction in fact I haven't really 'written' a story in approximately five years, not including school projects. I am not good with grammar or spelling and I, you will notice, misuse commas often. I am only one person, and that person is a lousy editor. The only experience I have is from reading.**

**  
If anything is incorrect feel free to shout at me. I do not claim any part of this stories word choices as my own!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One: First Sight (part two)

After I entered Biology I went straight to the teacher, Mr. Banner, he examined my sheet, hesitating at my name before signing it. He pointed to the only empty seat regretfully, it appeared. I hadn't realized I was almost late, everyone was already there. I walked up to the boy who was now my partner. "Hey I'm Bella," I said and he turned to face me. Wow he was a knock out. He had bronze hair and pale skin which made his bright green eyes stand out. He was well built, I noticed, even sitting. He smiled crookedly up at me and I swear my heart stopped.

"Edward," he returned, holding out a hand like a gentleman. I was suddenly nervous as I brought my tiny hand up and shook his. His hand, cool and smooth, enveloped mine. His touch sent electricity racing down my arm. 'Get a handle on yourself, Bella' I chided myself, 'he's just a boy, and you don't even know him.'

"So I guess you're stuck with me for the rest of the year," I managed to croak as he dropped my hand and I moved around him to sit down.

"Don't worry I'm good in Bio." He replied.

I wanted to say more to this but the teacher had just started talking. I couldn't pay attention at all as I snuck glance after glance at my neighbor. He was looking at me too. Suddenly Forks didn't seem bad at all.

Mr. Banner told us to answer questions one through fifteen on page 106 with our partner. Edward pushed his textbook toward me, "Here share mine; doesn't look like you have one yet."

"Thanks," I said as he flipped to the correct page. I smiled at the problems; these were all covered for me back home. Back at my old home, I corrected.

"Too easy," Edward muttered.

"I'll do the last eight if you do the first seven," I compromised.

"How about we race for the eighth question? It's only fair." I looked up at him and he was smirking.

"Fine, get ready, set, and go." He chuckled.

There was still twenty five minuets left of class after we had copied each others answers. Edward had 'won' the eighth question and he seemed to be smug about it.

"So," Edward began, "I hadn't heard we were getting anyone new until second period, how'd you hide that from a small town such as this?"

He was looking into my eyes and I swear right into my soul. I wanted to answer him quickly but my motor functions weren't quite working, "ERR, um," I tried. He smirked again and I looked down, "I mean to say, I don't really know," I paused, "My dad had it all arranged."

"Where'd you live before?"

I sighed, "In the sun. Have you lived anywhere other than Forks?"

His tone wavered, "No, I've always been here; the sun, what a concept."

I laughed softly, "It must be hard to remember it…"

He chuckled, "Don't know if I've ever seen it actually." I looked back up at him and I blushed.

"It's overrated," I shocked myself. I loved Phoenix and the sun but when I saw his face I knew why I had suddenly changed my priorities. I blushed deeper.

"You have beautiful eyes," he murmured and I looked away even more embarrassed.

"Uh, thanks," I whispered back as he gently used his index finger to turn my face towards him again. His finger sent sparks racing through me. I could literally feel my veins radiating the heat he caused moving quickly towards my heart.

Our intimate moment was shattered by Mr. Banner, "Sorry to interrupt your conversation but this is bio. after all, why not get your work finished," he scowled, looking extremely uncomfortably between the two of us. Edward promptly dropped his finger from my chin.

"Actually Sir, we've already finished," Edward corrected. He pushed his worksheet closer to Mr. Banner who picked it up and examined it.

Mr. Banner coughed a bit, possibly to hide his overzealous lecture, "Very well then, as you were."

I giggled after he was out of earshot. Edward turned back to me, "So tell me about yourself, mystery girl."

"Mystery girl," I scoffed, "What do you want to know?"

"Oh I don't know, everything," He smiled crookedly.

"Where do you want me to start, then?"

"What do you do in your spare time?"

"Read, I guess. I'm fairly boring."

"That's not boring, I read in my spare time as well." I had met the perfect boy, I realized. I had always longed to meet someone who enjoyed reading as much as I did. "What are your favorites?"

"'Wuthering Heights', 'Romeo and Juliet', 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray', anything Jane Austin," I paused, "What about you?"

We continued talking about books for the majority of the class with a touch of music and movies thrown in. We had many similar tastes, I was only too elated to discover. The bell rang and he asked, "Where's your next class?"

I looked down at my schedule again, "Gym," I replied, frowning at the thought of sports. I was never a sports person. I could barely walk without hurting people. Sports led to physical pain, not just my own, anyone around me was in danger. In fact back at my old school I had hurt plenty of people. Glimpses of memories from floor hockey, soccer, volley ball, football and even simple laps brushed past me internally. No, gym wouldn't be good for anyone.

"I'll take you there if you wish," he offered. I smiled up at him, cheered, letting the thought of physical education slip from my thoughts.

"Thanks," and I meant for more then just the directions. He got up fluidly, gracefully moving towards the door, never letting his eyes leave me and it made me self conscious of my own teetered gait. I didn't want to reach my next class. I didn't want Edward to leave me. I strangely wanted to stay with him forever; I feared I was losing my mind. I had never been the desperate girl, never. One glance of Edward and my life had changed but at least it seemed to be for the better. Yes definitely for the better. In Phoenix I had never wanted anyone, barely registered any crushes and now… well what now? When people had spoken of 'love at first sight' I had thought they were lying or taken over with lust. Wait, love? NO, I couldn't possibly be in love-, but I wondered suddenly if I could. Surely he didn't think he _loved _me that was impossible. Love required work; it required time, patience and all those silly romantic things like red roses, didn't it?

It was his appearance, I just wasn't used to such beauty, such perfect, amazing-, 'stop thinking like that,' I warned myself, 'stop drooling over him.' Sure he was gorgeous and perfect; so beautiful in fact that a plain, normal girl like me could hold nothing for him. I was deluding myself. I was just average. I had to get my head straight and with that last thought on my mind I realized we were at my class.

"I'll see you around," he casually stated. His face looked so God-like that I had to push my mind harshly away from the urge to lean forward.

"Yes, I'll see you later," I echoed. His hand brushed mine in parting as he left me standing, completely breathless like an angel leaving me to face hell; perfection leaving me to face reality.

--

Coach Clapp, the gym instructor, gave me gym clothes, a locker number and informed me that I didn't have to dress down today. I quickly put my papers and two books into my locker and returned to the open gym. The next hour I spent barely paying attention to the high school students who ran past me. Their curious stares, glances and comments hardly registered. I was in la la land, a place I never thought my usually logical brain would enter. Blond hair, brown hair, red hair and black haired blobs blurred together and formed one confusing swirl in front of me. I tried to wretch my mind away from thoughts of Edward but my mind resisted. I knew from now on I would be warped, I would never notice anyone else's beauty. I was trapped in his spell.

The final bell rang and I stumbled towards the change room, remembering the number Coach Clapp had said was my locker, twenty-nine, I was fairly sure. Yes, it was twenty-nine. I threw the clothes in after I'd removed the few things I had placed in my locker earlier and left class in my own little trance.

"BOO," I jumped, my things falling, my feet stumbling, tripping myself. Cool arms, electrified, brushed and grabbed my arms and I was suspended in mid-fall. "Err sorry about that," a perfect velvet voice said and I could hear the smile behind the apology. A deep blush erupted beneath the thin skin on my face. Edward quickly picked up my things as I resituated myself into reality.

"No, it's not your fault, I wasn't paying attention."

He laughed out loud, "You weren't expecting someone to jump at you. It's really my fault," his smile was firmly on his face but he seemed sincere in his apology. "So how was your first day," he said, changing the topic.

"My first day was," I paused trying to remember it. Trying to see before I met him, it was like trying to remember a dream from two nights ago; much too blurry, much too far away. "It was the best day I've had." I answered honestly to my own shock.

"Ever?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, I think so," his eyes stunned me into honesty again.

He changed the topic quickly, "And now where are you off to, Bella?" 'He said my name, he said my name,' my mind smiled, it beamed. How silly of me to feel so great just because he said my name. I felt like the silliest, young, little, overexcited fan girl.

I avoided his eyes, his perfection, any part of him when I answered, "I have to hand a sheet in to the guidance counselor," I was surprised I remembered that fact.

"Do you mind if I walk with you?" he asked. My heart soared at his question. OH COURSE, my irrational side yelled. Take me anywhere, I'll follow you anywhere.

Instead my rational side broke in and I simply said, "Sure." I looked up and he was smiling down at me, still holding my things, tucking them under his left arm. His right hand came towards me, smoothly grabbing my left hand in his. My whole body reacted internally; outwardly the only noticeable difference was the blush that worsened on my cheeks.

"Let's go then." This felt so right, too right. This was where I was always supposed to be, I longed to know what he was thinking. What could be possibly be thinking? I wondered if it felt as good for him to touch me as it felt for me to touch him. I doubted it but didn't let the doubt cloud my good mood. He was touching me and I knew that I was in love with him, it was obvious. Nothing could feel stronger than this. I didn't care that I had just met him, I didn't care that I had never kissed anyone before him, I didn't care that I was new and likely terrible at this; well maybe I did care about that last one, or later I would care anyway. Right now I was in heaven. I was right, whole, perfect, like him.

We moved together easily as we made our way to the guidance building. He let my hand free, "I'll be waiting here when you're done," He offered my things to me and I took them slowly.

"I'll be just a minuet," I managed to sound nonchalant. He moved to lean against the brick wall and I knew he would wait. I moved to the door, opening it and turning back for one last look as I made my way in. He smiled at me. It was only then that I noticed the other students that were eyeing us incredulously, suspiciously. What were they thinking? No, I knew, they were thinking that Edward could do better, they were thinking that us walking together was practically against nature. I broke into the warm, stale air of the room with a disgruntled disposition. There was no way this boy, no this man, no this- this angel was meant for me.

**AN: Now in my world if someone I just met touched my face and turned it towards them I would likely never want to speak to them again thinking 'wow what a desperate creep'. Actually that did happen to me once but it wasn't an attractive boy it was an old lady who offered me soggy popcorn from the bathroom floor and a used band aid. She didn't even tilt my head gently towards her she just grabbed my face and examined me… you know what that's more of a warning to anyone out there is internet land. In my make believe world I find ways to make this act less bizarre by explaining the awkwardness away. Edward, in my blurb, is not a playboy nor has he ever acted like this before. He instantly feels drawn to her, he's a teenage boy and thinks she's hot, if that's easier to understand. If I were writing this story from his perspective it might go a little like this:**

_I shocked myself by murmuring, "You have beautiful eyes." She looked away and I worried that I had overstepped. A blush that was new to me crept across my cheeks. I had never felt so inclined to a person before, preferring my own company to even that of Jasper's and Alice's, my two closest friends. I had never wanted to be close to anyone like I wanted to be close to this new girl, this mystery girl._

"_Uh, thanks," she whispered back and I felt I couldn't help it as I gracefully moved my index finger to turn her toward me again. I couldn't stand not knowing what emotions were flickering across her face. I longed to see them again. 'You don't even know this girl' I warned myself critically but I didn't care. Though I had worried that the simple act of complimenting her might be 'too' much and 'too' fast I simply couldn't stop going further. I was transfixed by her eyes, by her simple beauty and by her floral aroma that I was humiliated to admit I was craving to be close to._

**Hopefully this clears up his intentions.**

**One last thing I want to comment on, why Bella doesn't suspect the boy beside her in Biology is a Cullen. This is actually a simple thing but I don't know if I made it obvious. Bella knows practically nothing about the Cullens, the most she knows comes from Renee saying rude comments along the lines of, "Nothing worse then a Cullen," or "Cullens: the scorn of the earth," ect. Renee knows and understands that Bella doesn't want to know much about the feud and therefore tried not to mention them though Esme's and Carlisle's names appear in Renee's comments every so often. This is because Renee knew these two characters well from her time in Forks. Bella, due to Emmett's rare mentions, knows about Edward in general and she makes an assumption, which is always the first sign of doing something stupid, that Edward is the same age as Emmett.  
So that's all I think any person may ever question about my motives, if I somehow, possibly, I left out something anyone wonders about feel completely free to ask. I honestly can't think of one thing I haven't over explained though.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Originally I was going to have more than just one scene in this segment but when I thought about it, and thought about how the first chapter of 'Twilight' ended the other scene seemed unnecessary. Therefore this is quite short.**

Chapter One: First Sight (part three)

Dealing with Ms. Cope took little time. I could barely focus on replying to her few questions knowing that Edward was waiting for me. Seconds ticked by quickly, my heart was resolved. His crooked smile played in my memories on repeat and I was overexcited at the thought of him waiting for me. The looks from the other students marred my otherwise perfect feelings. I tried not to dwell on them when I exited the building and walked straight towards him, he smiled down at me. I was just about to open my mouth to talk when a hand flew from out of nowhere and clutched my arm roughly. Edward's face twisted into confusion and anger staring at the assailant I couldn't see.

My arm was pulled, yanking me around and a clear voice viciously rang out, "Bella?" I looked up at a loss for words. I was being hauled in the opposite direction in seconds, my confusion causing my slow reflexes to finally pull themselves together and I tried to plant my feet. Unfortunately I wasn't strong enough to stop the attack.

"Rosalie, stop, what are you doing. Where are we going?" I asked. She didn't answer just kept tugging me along. I realized she wasn't going to stop until she reached her destination. I turned my head around to look for Edward. His hands were in fists, an unknown emotion playing across his face. My own face turned apologetic, unsure what was going through his head, "I'm sorry, err, bye." I called.

Rosalie tugged me rougher, huffing at my words. We were around one of the buildings, shielded from the other students when she let go and spun around to face me. The face I had thought of as beautiful was now scrunched up in disgust. Her previous kind words now seemed like things another woman had said. I was sure my own face was reacting in horror. She noticed my shock and relaxed her face slightly. "What in the world are you thinking?" She screeched. I expected her voice to be smooth, as it was before, but instead it came out in a yelp.

"Wha- What are you talking about?" I whispered, staggered.

"What were you doing talking to HIM?" she shouted.

I shook my head, what was her problem? Did she know him? Have a claim on him? What about my brother? What was he to her? When I didn't answer she lowered her eyes, glaring me down. "He's in my biology class," I mumbled, feeling like a small child being chided by an authority figure. I looked away from her eyes.

"Oh," the voice from when I first met her returned; surprise now present. I looked up in relief wondering if her face had relaxed; it had. "You don't know," she mused. A frown pulled her mouth down, "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't realize…"

"What are you talking about?" I struggled around her mood changes. When Emmett talked about Rosalie he had painted a vibrant picture, he had told me much about her playful anger but this had not been playful in the least.

"Bella, thank God I grabbed you before you did anything further. If Emmett had seen you, been in my place… You don't know how close you were…" My eyebrows creased, what was she talking about?

"Emmett?" I asked looking around for a sign of my brother, a sign of any stable, rational people.

"Yes Bella, Emmett. You know they've fought over much smaller things."

"Fought?"

"Bella, look at me," her voice raised a little. I turned back to her, "You don't know who you were talking to do you?"

She sounded sure of herself, it wasn't really a question but I **did **know who I had been talking to, "Uh, Edward."

She smiled but it didn't touch her eyes, "Yes, Edward, Edward _Cullen._"

My heart significantly stopped altogether, picking back up in haste and chugging along at an irregularly faster pace. Cullen, Cullen, Cullen, it thumped. My eyes glazed over; my palms started to sweat. I repeated her words over and over in my mind trying to force them to make sense with all I had learned from today. The Cullens were awful, mean people. Edward was a kind, lovable soul. The Cullens had ruined my parent's marriage. Edward had touched my skin and turned it to flames, in all the right ways. The Cullens fought and hurt my brother. Edward had made me feel whole. Edward wasn't Edward he was Edward Cullen. He was a Cullen. They didn't fit, nothing fit. I knew Rosalie was calling my name but it took her shaking my shoulders for me to really see her again.

"Bella, are you okay?" I shook my head no but she ignored that, "You're brother will be waiting." She took my hand in hers and led me back the way we had come. I could see Emmett; he was standing just outside the truck looking around for me. I could see the childish smile breaking his face when he saw me and Rosalie. He took a step forward as we, at Rosalie's hurried pace, closed the gap.

"So how was your first day Bells," I couldn't focus on his question just yet. I turned around to look back at the guidance building. Edward was still there, still leaning against the brick. There was another boy with him now, and Edward was staring back at us, though I couldn't see his face clearly I could feel the anger somehow emanating toward us. His mouth was moving and his eyes flew away from mine when he noticed me looking. He stared at the boy next to him and his mouth moved faster.

Rosalie squeezed my hand, trying to convey some hidden meaning, before letting go. I turned back to my brother his face was expectant, "fine," I mumbled. He blinked between the two of us, his best girls.

"Awe, kiddo, did someone give you a hard time?" his face became hard and serious. You didn't mess with Emmett's girls, or Emmett's family and I fit both. He loved me, wouldn't let anything bad happen to me, wouldn't let anything hurt me. But Emmett couldn't fix what was hurting me now. My heart was shattering under my flimsy rib cage. I could feel a hole piercing the center, could feel a hurt that he couldn't fight off. His arms circled me in a bear hug, which did make me feel slightly, not better but slightly… normal; slightly like I had when he had dropped me off this morning.

Rosalie thankfully butt in, "No, Bella's fine, just a long day. Don't worry Em." He let go of me and I stumbled around and into the passenger side of the truck. I took another look at Edward and his friend. They were just walking off now, heading towards the parking lot, where I was. I looked back at my brother; he was giving Rosalie a chaste kiss, mumbling something in her ear. She nodded and walked a few cars away to get into a red Porsche. Emmett watched her, sighing and then turned back towards me and got into the truck.

Edward walked past us followed by his friend then. They didn't look up, just walked in a hurry to their own cars. Emmett scowled out loud as they passed. He started the truck and backed out away from my first taste of the Cullens. I remembered how Emmett had warned me yesterday about them, how I had shrugged him off. Back then I only thought you could hurt someone physically or mentally I hadn't thought there was something worse they could do to me. Didn't know that a heart could shatter…

Emmett turned on the radio, I was surprised it worked in a truck as old as this; he was humming along to a melody as my mind played around with my emotions. I had told Edward today had been the best day of my life now I realized it was something else, it was the worst.

**AN: Now on the subject of the family feud, heck if I know what it was over. In fact I've been pacing, something I do humiliatingly often, trying to piece together why two very different families would dislike each other so much. The Swans are a simple lower middle class family; a father who's a cop and a mother, miles away, who teaches. The Cullen's on the other hand are a rich family; a father who's a doctor and a stay at home mother who enjoys renovations, gardening and cooking/baking. In 'Scribbler of Dreams' the families feud over a death and property but unfortunately these reasons don't fit with the story I'm weaving. So I wonder if I even need to have a reason they don't like each other. It bothers **_**me**_** not to know. The story feels incomplete without this reason because revealing the reason would be a perfect ending or at least part of the perfect ending. I do have to mention that the fight has only worsened because of Emmett, Edward and Jasper who constantly fight with each other and prolong forgiveness.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Okay, well first I wanted to say thank-you for the kind reviews, they really made me feel good and it was nice to hear some feedback, it really was! :D  
Second; I'm still not sure what the feud was about and I should know, being the writer of this and all, but I don't. I have figured out that if it comes into play it will be in the last chapter or in the epilogue, if I write an epilogue. At least I have time to think about it.  
Thirdly, I wanted to comment on chapter one: Fight sight (part three). I wanted to write a small AN about why Rosalie was the one to discover Bella with Edward but I forgot about it and therefore didn't include anything about it in that last part. In 'Romeo + Juliet' right after the lovers first meet Juliet gets whisked away by her nurse. There is a little scene where Juliet looks down at Romeo and they both realize what has happened; which families they belong to. Basically using Rosalie in that part of my story was supposed to be homage to that.  
Fourthly (this is a very long list, ha-ha); I wrote the first draft of this next part before I had the story mapped out and then I left it alone while I wrote other scenes and the only reason I didn't post it right away was because I'm lazy and didn't want to edit it; didn't want to change all the bits that no longer fit.**

It's just two sides that tripped each other way back. Who cares about the history behind it? I am my father's daughter, and when they call me to testify, I will protect my own, no matter what  
-Eva

Chapter Two: Open Book (part one)

The next day was better and worse. It was better because the other students didn't stare as much; some like Erick and Jessica even greeted me and made me feel not as alone. It was worse because in gym I accidentally tripped one of the girls while trying to play soccer, I don't even know what I did; it was just bad. It was better because the sky was clearer than it had been since I'd arrived which in itself was miraculous but it was worse because Edward Cullen was sitting two tables away from me.

I had arrived in the lunch room with Jessica, chatting at my side, and did the standard wait in line for food before she led me to her friends. Her mouth moved rapidly as she introduced everyone around but it all fell out of focus by the time I sat down. My head was focused on more important things. I turned and twisted to see if he was in here and there he was with two others. The other two consisted of a small pixie looking female who had black spiky hair and a boy who had blond hair sitting close to the girl. The blond boy was laughing gently while the girl's mouth moved telling a story. Edward was laughing as well though not as hard. They were all beautiful, like the scene from a movie rather then two tables away in Forks, Washington.

Suddenly Jessica broke into my thoughts, "What are you looking at Bella?" I turned back to her as she realized, "Oh, the Cullen." She looked dreamily at him for a moment before adding, "The others are Alice and Jasper, and they're together."

I nodded and glanced back, Edward was staring at me this time. I dropped my eyes almost immediately. He didn't seem angry but his gaze was defiantly different from what it had been yesterday. I had spent most of last night thinking about him, wondering if he had known that I was a Swan before Rosalie interrupted us. With one look in a high school cafeteria I was sure he hadn't. There was no way he would have been so… so touchy.

"I've never understood why your families don't get along," Jessica continued. She trailed off as if I could tell her the 'whole' story. She wanted to get some gossip; fodder to feed her reputation. She was looking in the wrong place; she probably knew more than I did.

"I don't either," I murmured. Her face fell into a small frown at the sincerity of my words.

"But don't worry the students don't put too much into all that stuff. I mean your brother and Edward are_ always_ fighting… verbally _and _physically," she scoffed, "But the rest of us are neutral." She wanted to make me feel comfortable with her and her friends, I smiled relieved. "Those three pretty much stay to themselves anyway," Jessica scowled.

"Think they're too good for the rest of us." I looked over at the person who had interjected. He was a blond haired boy and his face was clouded in hostility.

The others at the table quickly changed the topic and I pretended to listen. My mind stuck on Jessica's words; _fighting verbally and physically._ If my brother fought did that mean I was guilty by association? Couldn't we just play nice? It was conflicted. Was it because I had met a Cullen and he ended up being nice; met a Cullen and ended up liking him? Had we had a connection? I sat in my little world till the bell rang signally fourth period.

Angela, a shy girl that was kind enough to remind me of her name walked with me to biology. We didn't talk on the way there but I already felt more comfortable with Angela then I did with the other people I had met. She seemed like a nice normal, uncomplicated girl. When we got in Angela headed over to her spot and I glanced sheepishly over to mine, Edward was looking down at his textbook.

I was worried and uncomfortable; I didn't know what to say. This situation was too weird. I wasn't going to talk to him unless he talked to me, I decided. I had nothing against him personally, he'd seemed normal yesterday. As soon as I was sitting I noticed he was as far away from me as was possible, like I reeked and he was desperately trying to rid himself of the scent. I created a barrier with my hair to keep myself from looking at him.

His hands clenched, I noticed from under my flimsy shield. The veins looked like they were about to burst under the exertion. We both ignored the other as the teacher lectured us about cellular anatomy. The hour dragged on and on and throughout Edward didn't loosen his fist or move any closer. With about fifteen minuets left I looked around my hair to see him better, I don't know why I did it but it almost felt like I had to, his beautiful green eyes were hard and angry. I quickly returned my gaze downwards and started doodling in my notebook. This class would be the death of me. When the bell rang Edward ran out, full speed, he was out of his seat and out the door before any of the other students. I felt sick; it was just my luck to get into this situation. I guess we couldn't be civil even for an hour. As I grabbed my things the blond haired boy from lunch came up to me.

"Unfortunate," he paused, "If I had been lucky enough to sit with you-" he paused again, "Well I would have been a lot kinder then Cullen" He smiled at me and I realized he was trying to flirt, this fact made me smile a bit. "I'm Mike, by the way."

"Bella," I replied.

"Oh I know," he laughed, "We have gym together too actually. I'll walk you there." He offered.

I nodded and followed him, while I took a better inventory of Mike. His blond hair was spiked in the back and he looked like the standard all-American boy. I knew I should feel flattered that he was talking and flirting with me but I didn't. I felt more unsettled and it angered me that I couldn't help comparing Mike to Edward.

--

After leaving the gym, red faced because of the tripping incident I hurried to the truck. I had beat Emmett so I turned on the radio and was looking around cursorily as I waited. I noticed Edward leaning against a Volvo staring toward me. I turned sheepish again not sure what to do. Should I wave; look away? Before I had time to react Emmett was beside me, "Hey, kid, how was your day?"

Letting Edward's mesmerizing eyes fall away from me I reentered the real world, "It was fine, different, better, worse… To conclude, it was a second day at a new high school."

He chuckled, "Rosalie told me that you've been assigned as the Cullen's lab partner."

"Yeah…" I paused, how much should I say about this, how much did Rosalie tell him? "Everyone else was taken." I hedged.

"I'm so sorry Bella." That was not the reaction I was expecting. He was sorry? I felt like a traitor already, "If he bugs you, even says one inappropriate thing, you tell me. Don't let him get to you, you promise me that right."

"Emmett, I can take care of myself. He didn't even speak to me today, not one word." It was the truth after all, no need to tell him just yesterday we were walking hand in hand.

"I know you can take care of yourself, you've shown me that. Not only taking care of yourself but Renee too, after I left Phoenix. But you don't have to anymore, I'm here now." He started backing away from the school, "I don't want anyone to hurt you, I won't allow it," his tone was serious, it was weird, the Emmett I knew was casual, a little crude humored but overall like a teddy bear, who was _this guy?_ "I won't let him hurt you."

It was stupid but my mind was screaming, _too late._ It had already happened, Emmett didn't even have a shot at protecting me, it happened before he could move. Stupid heart, stupid feelings. "Emmett we've already had this conversation."

"You're right, and I'm tired of being serious. You've listened to me twice, I don't need to worry. You'll tell me if anything happens and that's all I need know about the subject." He smiled and I turned to the window realizing that we were done talking for the moment. A little guilt spurred down my spine because I knew I hadn't told him when something did happen but even so I knew it was better this way. It didn't matter, nothing really happened after all. Forks passed in a blur of green, a touch of brown (a very small touch) and a blur of grayish clouds. Then it dawned on me, we weren't going the right direction.

"Um, Emmett where are you taking us?"

"We're going over to the Black's for supper, thought we might as well head over there now. Do you remember me talking about them?"

"Jacob and Billy Black?" I questioned making sure. Emmett had talked about them, often actually. He was friends with Jacob though Jacob was two years younger then him. The Blacks were family friends, had been since before I was born. Billy and Charlie went fishing together all the time.

"Yeah, Sam and Emily are coming too." Sam and Emmett were good friends; I could even say best friends. Sam had graduated from high school the year before and was engaged to Emily. "Charlie is going to meet us there after he's done work." He told me.

--

"So we're here," Emmett announced as we pulled up to a smallish house about ten minuets later. He seemed excited as he turned off the truck and moved towards the door. While we excited the truck a tall boy came out.

"EMMETT!" he called, "Nice to see you man, didn't know you were coming up here early."

"Yeah, hope you don't mind. I wanted some time to just talk and do whatever before the rest of them got here." As Emmett was explaining this Jacob was eyeing me over. There was a huge grin on his face, one that had stayed put since the instant I had seen him. I enjoyed seeing a smiling face; it was easy to tell that Jacob was an overall happy guy. Just being near him made me feel happier, I noted. "This is my sister, Bella," He shoved me a little forward.

Jacob looked down at me before surrounding me in a hug, a hug almost as all consuming as Emmett's. I laughed out of shock, "Nice to meet you, you must be Jacob?"

"Just call me Jake, and yes." He told me as he pulled back. "Feels like I already know you, Emmett talks about you so much." I looked up examining him; he wasn't what I was expecting. He was only sixteen but he looked closer to twenty. He had longer dark brown hair and his skin was the warmest russet colour.

There was a pause which Emmett interrupted, "So you heard the truck coming, did you?" He was joking just a bit; the truck had a thunderous roar when it was running.

Jake chuckled, "Well I was actually heading out here to work on the rabbit but it was a nice surprise to hear you come up."

Emmett turned to me, "Jake's building a car; he's a genius with a wrench." Jacob shrugged like it was no big deal. "We inherited this _thing_ over yonder from Jake, actually. Only runs because of him," He added cocking his head towards the truck. "Well we won't stop you, lead the way to your garage of wonders."

"We don't have to; you guys will be bored…" Jacob trailed off.

"No way, we'll be fine." Emmett replied for the both of us and he was right, whatever we did was fine with me.

"Okay," Jacob said easily making his way to his garage which looked like two metal sheds that had been welded together. I sat on the concrete floor as Jacob grabbed a couple cans of pop and handed one to me, "Sorry, this probably isn't your idea of a good time," He grinned as I opened the can and took a long sip shrugging and rolling my eyes. He passed the other can to my brother before he popped the hood and started explaining something too complex for me to understand. Emmett was fully engrossed in seconds while I watched.

Jacob was wrong, this was interesting; I wasn't bored in the slightest. Though I wasn't contributing I was enjoying the easy atmosphere Jake had emanating around him and just like that I realized in time I could see us being really good friends.

--

"Thought I'd find you in here," a voice called about an hour later.

"Hey Sam," Emmett replied, "Where's Emily?"

"Oh she went inside to prepare what she brought over for dinner. Didn't want to hear us talk mechanics," Sam answered. "Hey Jake," He added before looking at me, "You must be the sister, Bella?"

"Yeah, and you must be Sam," I returned smiling from my spot on the ground.

"Nice to meet you," Sam told me before turning back to my brother, "Emmett I don't mean to pull you out of your fun but I did need to speak to you alone. If you don't mind…"

"Yeah sure, Bells, you'll be fine here with Jake for a bit, Jake you don't mind do you?" He asked rhetorically before he followed Sam into the open air.

Jacob turned to me, "So how are you enjoying Forks?" He asked as he sat across from me on the floor.

"It's… different."

"I would imagine," He paused taking in a big breath which he turned into a sigh, "I really am sorry if we bored you with the car talk."

"Don't worry about it, I enjoyed it actually. It was educational. When will you be finished?"

"It depends how long it takes me to find a master cylinder for a 1987 Volkswagen Rabbit. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?"

I laughed, "No, sorry can't say that I have. Good luck with that though."

"No problem," he kidded, "Can't wait till I get the thing done though; I'm stuck in La Push without a vehicle until then."

"Well you'll have to give me a ride when you finish."

His grin got a bit larger, "Of course, you'll be the first person I give a ride to." I blushed a little, was he flirting?

"Hey guys, dad just got here, time to eat," Emmett called surveying us on the ground with a smile.

We ate on Billy's porch with our plates on our laps, everyone making conversation. I felt so good, so safe and happy, it was the best I'd felt since… since biology yesterday, if I was being honest. I pushed that thought from my mind as the night wore on. Our meeting was broken up later by the rain so we said our goodbyes before heading to our vehicles.

Sitting in the truck, heading back home felt so much better then it ever had, it didn't have the usual foreboding that I was used to. The radio was playing one of Emmett's favorite songs and he was murmuring along in-between spurts of conversation. Emmett seemed more like he used to as well, happier, not as serious. I wondered what Sam and him had talked about, but didn't ask. Right now everything felt perfect or close to perfect and I didn't want it to change.

**AN: Sorry this chapter isn't too interesting, just things that had to happen before more interesting things could. Sorry about that, on the other hand the next part shouldn't take too long to write up. Oh, I don't know… I'm getting distracted wondering if I'm putting enough conversation vs enough explanation in this story. Funny this chapter started with the least words and turned into the most, guess it shows just how much I enjoy rambling on. My computer is at that stage where it's **_**just**_ **about to crash, so hopefully it doesn't before I finish posting this story… fingers crossed.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Another short chapter. I had been planning to combine this with the next part but I really wanted to get this up… so yeah short.  
Thanks so much for the reviews and alerts! :D:D I wasn't expecting anyone else to get a kick out of this story but it's so nice to read them, really it is. They are sort of addicting. :P**

Chapter Two: Open Book (part two)

It had been a week and three days and still Edward and I sat beside each other uncomfortably in biology. Every passing day I grew more agitated and upset; every passing day made me more aware of a feud I knew very little about. More than anything I realized that I hated this in-between feeling, I wanted a reason to loath him or… or I wanted us to be… lab partners, an easy, hour a day thing.

At least it was Friday, two more hours and the sweet freedom of the weekend would be mine. This particular weekend I had been impatiently waiting for. Saturday Emmett and I were going down to La Push for a bonfire with the 'gang,' as Emmett had put it. It was strange how much I was looking forward to Jacob's easy going presence. His attitude had slowly worn off since the last time and I was craving anything to get my mind off of school, biology and Edward. I was ashamed to admit how much toll he was taking on me.

Erick had continued to follow me around like a puppy and Mike had continued to flirt unabashedly though I didn't reciprocate. It wasn't just that Jessica seemed to have a thing for Mike either. I wasn't interested in him any romantic way and I wished he would open his eyes and ask Jessica out. It would make my life much simpler. My lack of interest had **nothing** to do with Edward; Edward had been a mistaken hormonal rush. I certainly was over it by now; I didn't even get anxious over coming to class… anymore… or a lot anymore.

Mike at least provided some form of comfort for me; we'd come into biology after lunch and I'd sit while he leaned eagerly toward me and talk. These conversations left the otherwise awkward Edward silence filled. Edward had stopped clenching his fists in anger after the last weekend, maybe his hands were too tired to continue, maybe he was calming down, I didn't know because we _weren't speaking_. He had moved slightly closer to me since that first quiet day as well. His eyes were still hard and hostel but the rest of his face had smoothed considerably.

"I'm going to hand each group a microscope and five slides. You will label which stage of mitosis the slides are portraying on the lab sheet I give to you. No textbooks." Mr. Banner told the class, interrupting my musings, while he handed out the items.

Seven minuets later we had the materials in front of us; now came the cringe-worthy part. The tension between us was palpable I wondered how no one else seemed to notice. "Partners first," Edward spoke, the first words I had heard from him since I'm walked into the guidance building. His voice was beautiful, more so then I remembered. It sent a thrill through me to hear him speak. _Hormones, Hormones, stupid, stupid teenage hormones. _That's all, that's all it is.

I hesitantly grabbed the first slide and adjusted to the proper 40X perspective, "Anaphase," I concluded emotionless.

"May I see," Edward asked; there was no anger in his voice. I was shocked; I had been expecting malice to consume his words. I looked up to quickly survey his eyes; as hard and cold as ever; I shouldn't have expected more. I pushed the microscope at him absently. His glance was even quicker than mine had been, "Anaphase, you're right."

I smiled to myself smugly as he changed the slide out, "Interphase," he said after a quick look.

"May I see?" I asked; he looked up at me, a wry smirk playing on his mouth. He pushed the microscope towards me.

I looked and was disappointed to realize he was right, "Interphase, yes, next slide please." He passed me the next one and his hand brushed mine. A shock went through me at the touch. It was an all too familiar electric jolt. _HORMONES!_

"Sorry," he stated. He handed it to me more carefully avoiding my skin. I looked at this one for as little as I could, "Prophase."

After we were done I began doodling on the sides of the sheet. Edward was looking at me with interest; I could feel his eyes on me, his stupid perfect emerald anger filled orbs. "What?" I asked startling him I noticed, turning to him just as his eyes flew from me and to his own sheet. "What?" I repeated without hiding my frustration.

"Nothing," He mumbled.

"No, not nothing," I goaded him, "What is it, just say it." Just tell me you hate me for being a Swan. Tell me you hate me irrationally for being born; being born to people you hate. I won't mind, give me something to hate you for. Hate me so I can hate you, give me your permission. Do something awful, don't leave me hanging.

He looked back to me, "It's none of my business," He said simply. His eyes weren't even as harsh. These past days in biology had hurt me, had hurt me because he just sat there. He didn't do anything to help the situation but he didn't do anything to hurt it either. I was living in limbo wishing he would tip the scales one way or the other. Originally I had thought would could be civil, had wished for it, now I just wished his half hidden anger would escape, leave me feeling justified.

"Just say it. I won't get offended. I'm not made of glass" I scowled at him. Here you go, Edward _Cullen_ tip the scales, change things.

He smirked instead, "I was just wondering… well I was wondering why you moved back to Forks."

His question startled me a bit. I had been expecting something rude; I'd been betting all my stakes on it. "It's complicated," I replied.

"I think I can keep up."

"My mom got remarried," the words fell out. Was it shock? No… why couldn't I deny him?

"That's not very complicated." He turned sympathetic though. "When did that happen?"

"September."

"And you don't like him," he assumed.

"It's not that, Phil is a nice enough guy. My mom loves him, he just travels a lot. It was too hard for my mom…" I shocked myself by saying so much. "It made her unhappy," I quickly finished. STOP TELLING HIM THINGS, BELLA!

"But now you're unhappy."

"So?" It was tinged with annoyance but it was weak. I was sure the hurt of leaving Phoenix, my mom and my home was evident even in such a short word.

"So… that's not very fair." He pointed out.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you, life's not fair?" No kidding, we could have been friends in another life. We could have been- no, teenage hormones don't mean anything.

"I believe that has been pointed out to me before." His face turned down, his eyes still locked with mine, uncomfortably because I didn't _want _to look away. He's dazzling me, it's not really me. These thoughts aren't things I'm really thinking… It was so convoluted it could just turn out to be true.

I looked to my notebook again, "Why do you care anyway?"

"I don't know…" he muttered more to himself then to me. I scowled without hesitation all his answers were open ended and left me full of questions and empty of all else. "Am I annoying you?" He sounded almost giddy at the thought.

"No," I paused, "I'm more annoyed at myself."

"Why?"

"I'm just so obvious," I explained. "My mom always used to tell me I was like an open book. I've been trying so hard to… appear like this isn't hard but… but like you just pointed out, I'm easily read."

I looked up fleetingly, like I had when peering into the microscope and he met my gaze for a second, "On the contrary Bella, I find you hard to read." I blushed, the bell rang and Edward ran out of the class again. Were we making progress?

Was this tipping us into a civility? Maybe biology wasn't going to be so bad. We could behave; we could get along, if only for an hour, five times a week.

**AN: On the subject of Bella in this chapter she is going off tilter because she's not sure what she feels anymore. So I was trying to make her a bit bi-polar.**

**For the record Jacob will be a large part of this story, I know, I know a lot of people have negative reactions to him. Heck even I have negative reactions to him but only because I know someone who's a lot like the Mr. Hyde version of Jake and he's killing me lately. BUT… I think Jacob's character is really interesting and I feel bad that I don't like him, I'm crazy, obviously.**

**Anyway I just wanted to say this now so people don't get upset later, this is my warning. Ha, I feel silly saying that. I find it incredibly difficult and unfun (Yeah I know WORD PROGRAME… unfun is not a word :( ) to write the Jacob scenes but what fun in reading a story without all those dramatic moments later? So please tell me if I'm being cruel to his character when he appears because, like I've said, I'm unfair to him**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks to everyone who commented and alerted this story, it is incredible to come home from a long day and see people are actually reading this. ;) I'm almost at twenty reviews; that's amazing to me! :D**

Chapter Two: Open Book (Part three)

I left biology with Mike, like I did most days, thinking about Edward Cullen. Wondering what today had meant in the great scheme of things. Gym class wasn't enough to take my mind off of him because instead of exercise we were given a lecture on the proper procedures for football. Coach Clapp handed out a short booklet on what all positions did; informing us that on Monday we would be having a little test on the contents. Really, a test in gym; that was definitely a new one even for me but at least it meant that I wouldn't have to participate in actual football next Monday. Tuesday was a whole other story.

I changed out of the sweat less clothes; moving with deliberate slowness. Everyone else seemed to be moving quickly, like they were in fast forward. I couldn't pin point why I was so out of it, maybe it was Edward, maybe it was the whole situation or maybe it was because my feelings were again confused. I excited the class in a haze after grabbing my few things.

"BOO!" Was I dreaming? No… this _was_ happening again. This time I didn't trip, but like the last time my books clattered to the ground. He chuckled, "You know you're awfully easy to startle."

"Edward, wha-?" I tried to force out. I looked around uncomfortably, I didn't want anyone to see us together but I guess I had taken longer than even _I _thought, the hallway was empty. While I was looking around he must have gathered my books because by the time I looked back to him, he handed me my belongings. "Thanks, what are you doing here?"

"Just passing through, my class is down there," he gestured just down the hallway. He was so casual, like he had never been angry with me though his eyes still weren't clear of the hostility from before.

"Oh," I sighed. Was I actually disappointed that he didn't stop by to see me? That was a ridiculous thought, after all nothing had changed; nothing except now we could _stand_ to sit next to each other for a small part of a day. It wasn't like before; the script might be similar but this time no hands would be combined, no heat.

"Well, next Monday," he added composing his face before briskly walking away without a look back.

I blushed, hesitating in the hallway, standing uneasily with my books. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Drama was everywhere, tangible, becoming part of me. The feud now called to me, telling me it was something I had to know more about. Since I'd arrived in Forks I had seen no fighting, nothing at all, not even the verbal tiffs that Jessica talked about.

I brought these thoughts home with me. As I prepared dinner, as I ate with Charlie and Emmett and as I slept I thought about the Cullens and the fight. Waking up was a relief because I had decided that I was going to speak with Emmett.

--

Emmett and Charlie went fishing every Saturday morning since Emmett had returned, it was their bonding time but this Saturday tradition had been broken. Emmett and Charlie would be going fishing Sunday instead because Emmett and I had a date in La Push.

We were driving down to First Beach, the windows open, breathing in the fresh air. It was another rare almost warm day, the sun just breaking through the clouds in a few choice spots. Rosalie was driving herself down later, she was behind on some of her homework so Emmett and I were getting some sibling time. This was also something that I was eager for. I had spent most of yesterday and all of last night obsessively thinking about the feud and I knew today would be the best chance to figure some things out.

"Emmett," I let his name fill the emptiness, not sure where to take it.

"Yes?"

"Never mind." I chickened out.

"Spit it out, sister dearest." He chuckled.

I tried to think of the best way to bring it up and instead it just fell out, "Why do you fight with Edward?"

"What do you mean, _why_?" His tone fell serious.

"I mean, you two can't just ignore each other?" I questioned my voice sketchy and doubtful.

His laugh was short and pointed, "Bella, you've never wanted to hear about these things before, why are you asking? Is it because he's your lab partner, are you starting to think he's a good person? Well if he's such a good person then why is it two against one? How fair is that?" His venting becoming more exasperated as it went. I was surprised at the venom in his words.

"Two against one?" I mumbled, confused.

"Jasper and Edward are a package deal, you know." He rolled his eyes. I watched his facial expressions knowing that he was never good at hiding how he really felt, he was just like me in that sense. He looked distressed. "You don't want to hear about them, Bella. Like you've always told me, you don't need to get involved. I would never want you to either. I'm sorry I'm getting so hyped about it. They just," He growled, "The thought of them makes me so… so angry."

I hesitated not sure what to say. "Kid, I'm sorry, I am, I just can't talk about this with you, never could. When you told me you never wanted to hear about them before I moved here, I was thankful. I just can't stand the idea that you're being placed anywhere near the leeches." He let out a long gust of air but his face relaxed.

"Emmett, you're right, it's better this way," I murmured though I knew I needed more to go on then what I'd been given. There was no need to get it from Emmett though; clearly it was a touchy subject.

--

First Beach was beautiful; the 'gang' was all gathered around a small fire sitting on logs. The set up had obviously been used for other parties like ours. "Bella, these are the guys, guys this is my younger sister Bella," Emmett announced lacking any specifics. I waved meekly only recognizing Sam, Emily and Jacob. Jacob walked up to me as my brother went to speak with Sam.

"Hey Bella, how've you been?" Jake questioned.

"I'm fine, how about yourself?"

"Fine, fine," he answered dismissively, "Emmett's introduction left much to the imagination. Would you like to know who you've been forced to spend the day with?" He laughed easily.

"That would be nice."

Jacob started pointing around the circle, "Those two guys are Quil and Embry; they're my best buds. The two next to them are Leah and Seth; they're brother and sister. I'd stay out of Leah's way if I were you though, she's pretty vicious," he laughed before moving on, "Then there's Sam and Emily and your brother, Emmett, you might remember them." I laughed despite myself, "Next you have Jared, Kim and Paul and finally we have us, I'm Jacob and you're Bella." He pointed to himself and then tapped my shoulder in turn.

"You're very thorough."

"I've heard that one before. Quil, Embry, Jared, Kim and I were thinking about checking out the tide pools, are you up for it?"

"Sure." I smiled. I remembered hearing about the tide pools and I'd always wanted to see them.

"Okay guys, you ready to head out?" Jacob called as the others muttered their responses before either hanging back or walking toward the tide pools. I followed after Jacob, slowly, careful not to trip and fall.

When we got there I let the sights surround me, drinking it all in. The tide pools really were incredible, I had to remind myself not to lean too close, in fear that I wound fall in. It seemed too soon when Jacob returned to my side and informed me that we were heading back to the fire.

When we returned Rosalie had arrived and Sam was telling ghost stories to the others. I sat down on one of the logs and listened to his enchanting voice. It was full of authority. Jacob sat down beside me while the others who'd returned either sat around or walked down to the water.

We listened for a while before the stories bled into personal discussions and darkness fell. "Do you want to go for a little walk," Jacob asked me, seemingly out of the blue, I looked over at him, though I was dark I could see his eyes uncomfortably looking every way but toward me, he was nervous. It was kind of endearing.

"Sure, where were you thinking?"

"I'm not sure, just around," He let his eyes fall back to me, they were composed and sure, a smile broke easily on his face. His smile was joined by my own; Jake sure had a way of making me feel comfortable.

We got up and started walking away, into the forest and towards the beach. Emmett was too entranced by Rosalie to even notice his younger sister go off with a teenage boy, which was defiantly something! Jake and I didn't talk but he seemed to know exactly where he was going. It was beautiful out, just clear enough that the stars could be seen. Jake walked up to a fallen down spruce tree near the water. "Sit?" he asked.

I nodded though I wasn't sure if he could make that out in the near dark and sat beside him. "Beautiful night, isn't it?" I commented.

"Yes it is, and it was a beautiful day too." I stared at the water, watching as the tide pulled and pushed at it. It was relaxing; being with Jacob was relaxing too. Our silence wasn't awkward like it usually felt with other people, it was just us. I was right before, I could see Jake and I becoming very close, it felt like we were destined to be friends.

"So do you think you'll come back down soon and visit?" He interrupted the quiet.

"Oh I don't know, if you'll have me," I kidded.

He chuckled letting the silence surround us again, "You know you're not like other girls."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." I rolled my eyes. That was something I had heard often. I wasn't like other people, I was strange, odd and off kilter. In my seventeen years of life I had gotten used to hearing this.

"Good, I meant it as one," he muttered good-naturedly as he elbowed me playfully.

"So how's that Rabbit treating you? Are you close to finishing it?

He sighed, "I wish I were, I'd be nice being able to visit Forks, visit you," He coughed almost as if he'd surprised himself, "You _and_ Emmett, I mean. I figure I'll be finished in a couple months but it depends when I find that part I was talking about."

"You'll find it, I know you will." Again the quiet set in. Our conversation felt so simple and at ease. I didn't need to chatter and he didn't nervously talk like most people. People usually are afraid of silence but I welcomed it. I've never been afraid of the quiet; never felt like silence dictates how poorly a relationship is going.

"So you'll come back to La Push _soon,_ you think?"

I thought for a moment, I could tell he wanted a day and time, "How about Tuesday after school, do you mind if Emmett and I drop by then?"

"Tuesday sounds good." I turned to watch his smile widen. He was really such a silly boy, easily made happy. His nonchalance was addicting, it really was. I wondered if soon I would be coming daily to keep myself sane, keep myself away from the feud back in Forks.

The feud; again my mind pushed it back to the center of my mind. Now was as good a time as any… "Jake, do you know anything about the Swan, Cullen fight?" I was afraid of the answer but I was also afraid not knowing. Already I could see that sitting with Edward was getting easier. He wasn't his family, I knew that. Things that happened in the past weren't _his_ fault. Could I really blame him for something that his relatives did? Not until he did something himself would I ever express hatred. My annoyance with Edward in the last week had been wrongful enough. He'd done nothing to warrant it, at least. The rub of the matter was that was why I had gotten so upset… the fact that he didn't do _anything._

"Do you really want to know?" He wondered more to himself. Didn't I just decide that it didn't matter? It had been many years since I had asked about the fight and I had given up wondering long ago because, like I just realized, _it didn't matter. _People only got hurt when they let the past change their future.

I tried unconvincingly, "Maybe, I'm not sure anymore."

"What made you ask, anyway?"

Jake made me feel like I could speak my mind safely so I almost told him the truth; I didn't think Edward Cullen was bad, not even a little bit. No, Jacob was still Emmett's friend, was still on the 'Swan' side of the fence and I wasn't going to get into that. "I just worry about Emmett," which was true, "I just don't want him to get hurt," I paused and noticed he was waiting for more so I added, "Right now it's two against one…" This was the little information that Emmett had let me gain.

"It's not though, _we're_ here for him." I knew by this he meant the boys from La Push.

"No, you're here in La Push." I pointed out.

"You're worried about what happens at school? Hmm," he chuckled quietly. It drifted off into the trees, "Emmett's a big guy and he has Tyler at school, you know."

"Tyler?" I rarely had heard of Tyler. Emmett had talked about him very little when he called. From those conversations I understood that they were _friends_. But I hadn't even met him and it had been over a week since I had started at the high school. I didn't notice Emmett with anyone other than Rosalie. To be fair I didn't see him in class.

"Yeah Tyler, Tyler doesn't like the Cullens either. He and your brother are," he thought for a moment, "I guess, friends, they protect each other… But there isn't too much fighting anymore." Why had Emmett told me it was two against one if he had Tyler?

"Anymore?" this piqued my interest.

"Well James and Laurent aren't in town anymore." His causal tone made me feel like this information was something so obvious.

"I'm sorry but I don't know who they are or what they have to do with this."

Jake's laugh was short but sincere, "Sorry. Do you really want to know? I thought you just said that you didn't."

"Just explain who James and Laurent are. You've made them sound fairly interesting."

"They're Cullens; cousins of the one going to your school. They graduated last year, James is a year older than his brother but he was held back, now they're going to, I think, Dartmouth or something else just _as prestigious_," he sneered. "I wonder how much money they used to bribe themselves in. Anyway while they were here they caused most of the fights. The two of them and James' girlfriend, Victoria, mostly James though. Since they left, life has been mostly drama free."

I let this settle into my thoughts. Maybe Edward didn't do anything wrong, maybe it was just James and Laurent.

"Bella, Jacob, you guys down here?" I heard my brother calling as his shape came into focus out of the trees.

"Yeah over here," Jake called back.

"There you guys are, didn't see you sneak off." He laughed, "Bella, we're going to head back, are you ready? If you want I can leave the truck and ride back with Rosalie." He offered.

"Nah, that's alright I'm ready." I got up and brushed the dirt off from my pants before walking back with Emmett. Jake followed behind as we entered the circle again.

"Well I found them," Emmett announced. "So we're heading out now, see you guys later."

Goodbyes were returned as Rosalie, Emmett and I started walking to our cars, "See you Tuesday," Jake called after me.

"Till then," I replied, turning to catch the last glimpse of his smile before the information I had learnt today clouded everything else; drowning me.

**  
AN: Physical education written tests were actually something that my gym classes had to partake in. Do other school systems do that or is it just a Canadian thing? Anyway, like I said in the last AN writing Jake's character is tricky for me, and hard to get into. That's why this took so long to post and also because instead of writing in order I was writing up the main romantic scene ha-ha.**

**I'm not sure what my posting schedule will be like for the next couple updates because three people quit at my job and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to fill in like mad. Yay, more money, un-yay, less time.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Emmett used the word 'leeches' because of what the Cullen's have done to those he has loved. I will get into this in leading chapters, hopefully it'll unravel itself. Also as the story is mapped out in my head Jacob will not leave this story hurt, well no more hurt than he was in the first parts of 'New Moon'. I can't guarantee this at the moment because, yes, things change. Right now it is not my intention to leave Jacob heartsick, in this story anyway. This will continue to be Bella's point of view but as I did in a chapter before, I think I'm going to have to do little extra, 'what was that person thinking' in coming chapters. XD  
**

Chapter Three: Phenomenon (Part one)

Monday seemed to roll around quickly which was a good thing because I wanted to see Edward badly. I wanted to compare the notes from the weekend with the real guy. Lunch came and went but he wasn't sitting at his usual table. I talked with Jessica to keep my mind off of his absence while I glimpsed Jasper eating alone paging through a history textbook. Mike added to the distractions; going on and on about working at his parent's store. I tried to pay attention but I couldn't help watching the doors, hoping he would come in like always.

Time moved slowly but the bell eventually rang. Mike, Angela and I headed to biology, Mike filling the silence with his long, boring stories. Oh how I wished Mike was the laconic type. Instead of paying much attention I just mhhmd and ahhd where I was required. I could distantly hear Angela adding short comments, keeping Mike going. My head was focused on other things like the anticipation at seeing my lab partner. Once inside the class I found more disappointment; he wasn't in here either.

Like the past days, Angela went to her seat and I went to mine, Mike following like a puppy. He continued on his ranting, something about basketball, I think. "So what are you up to this weekend?" I asked in one of the few moments his mouth wasn't moving; a perfect opportunity to get my head back into the conversation.

"I'm not doing anything except Saturday afternoon; I'm working. What about you?" His expression was too eager; maybe this hadn't been the best question to ask. I didn't want him to think I was asking him to do anything, I mentally rolled my eyes. _Good idea, Bella._

"I'm not sure exactly, I think heading down to La Push," Thankfully I had a decent alibi. I could even work this fictional trip into truth.

His face turned a small bit, "La Push? Why?"

"Family friends," I explained vaguely.

His mouth opened, ready to speak, but the boy sitting down beside me caught his attention instead and his mouth snapped shut. Mike frowned, raising an eyebrow before glancing at his watch. "I guess I have to be heading to my desk. Talk to you in an hour," he hesitantly smirked back at me as he went to his spot.

There wasn't a chance for awkward silence with Edward because almost immediately after Mike was seated Mr. Banner hurriedly began a talk about DNA strands, it all happened in sheer seconds. Time again slowed, my hair was draped as a tentative shield because I wasn't sure where Edward and I stood. I didn't try to look at him; I felt like I had the second day of school, if he wanted to talk, he would. I was certainly just as open minded as I had been that day but exceptionally more curious.

When the lights went out I was confused for a moment before noticing the television set up in front of the class that had probably been wheeled into place while I was zoned out. At first the darkness was welcoming, it felt much more familiar than the light but as the movie droned on I noticed that lingering electric feeling returning. It was lashing at me in waves; I could feel it tickling my nerves. A strong and inappropriate feeling coursed through me urging me to touch the boy beside me. I crossed my arms, clenching my fists, fighting it off.

As the seconds passed I wondered how long this could last, surely Edward couldn't feel this, or maybe he could? I tipped my chin toward him, careful not too move too quickly, trying not to be noticeable. Edward was sitting in the same position, looking at me, though I wasn't sure if he could see my eyes, since they were still behind my hair. I think he could feel my glance because he closed his eyes, still pivoted at me. I imitated him, wondering if that made the electric feeling easier to bear, and found that it did a little.

Mr. Banner stopped the tape what felt like decades later, "We'll finish the rest tomorrow," he announced as the strange feelings dulled but didn't disappear. I looked at the clock, two minuets left.

I pushed my books into a neat 'ready to go' pile when Edward spoke, "That was- interesting." His words were innocent but I doubted, very much, that he had meant the video was interesting. I turned to look at him, pushing my hair behind my ear. He just looked at me, eyes open and thankfully not angry, anything but angry really.

I smiled tentatively, unsure and he mimicked me, we were locked in these positions when the bell rang and ruined the moment. "Bye, Bella." His silky voice added as he walked out of the class in no obvious hurry. I was slightly dumbstruck. Good, everything was great. Everything would be fine. I had just proven everything I'd been guessing, Edward and I were fine, and we could handle this class with exceptional grace. I sighed, luxuriating in the free feeling all these revelations had given me.

Mike grabbed my books before I could, "Taking long enough," He muttered with a touch of annoyance. Mike had never been annoyed at me before, what was that about? I walked beside him toward the gym when the silence seemed to be too much for him, "So you and Cullen, hmm?" He threw at me.

My face crumpled a bit, "What?" I blinked surprised.

"You and Cullen seem to be getting along," he pointed out. My brain picked up speed. Emmett wouldn't want Edward and I to get along, would he? No, I couldn't image he would after the few conversations I'd had with him. It was clear that was the exact opposite.

"We're lab partners, we have to try to get along," I hedged examining my answer backwards and forwards before letting it escape.

Mike looked relieved and yet suspicious, "Just be careful, don't let your guard down."

His warning seemed silly. Edward had done absolutely nothing to me. My guard was up only in the way my hair had shielded me before. It was there but easily shattered, easily pushed aside and in both cases felt unnecessary. I changed the topic, "Are you ready for the test?"

"The test?!" Mike exclaimed, all thoughts of Edward and me fleeing.

"Mike, the football test, didn't you study?"

"That's today?"

I laughed, it wasn't a cruel laugh just a simple quick one, "Yes."

"Damn-it," he grunted. I shook my head at him.

"I'll see you in there." Mike nodded in response. I could practically see the cranks turning in overtime trying to remember everything that had been talked about last class. I doubted Mike had even glanced at the booklet and yet I was sure he would do fine. Mike was a sporty person after all.

--

After finishing the football test I returned to the change room with really nothing to do in there other than pick up my few books which in retrospect would only take a minuet at most. Not many people even ventured into the change room, either because they didn't have books or were leaving them till tomorrow. I could have done either but I didn't because, humiliatingly, even though I'd just spent an hour with Edward, I wanted to see him again. I knew this might not work, just because he ran late Friday didn't mean it would happen again but I wanted to try. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, combing through my brown hair with my fingers as I heard the last person close the door, I was now alone.

I was blushing at myself; nervous, so I ran the cool water and grabbed a paper napkin. After folding and dampening the paper I used it to relax and ease the blood pooling under the thin skin of my cheeks. I also wet the back of my neck until I thought enough time had gone by, surely if there was any chance that he'd be around it would be about now. I sighed, taking in a big breath before walking out the door. No 'BOO' no nothing. It was eerily quiet in the hall. I was sure I wasn't going to see him after all and that information made my face fall. I shook my head vaguely before peering down the hallways hopelessly.

No, I was being silly, there was really no point in all this, and I was definitely turning desperate lately. I took another sigh before walking out into the murky outside.

I wasn't paying attention as I absently ambled over to the parking lot so I heard it before I saw it. Emmett's voice was callous and full of spite, "Don't you EVER speak to her again." I looked up shocked; Edward, Jasper, Emmett and another boy were gathered, a fight lingering on the tips of their tongues. I picked up my pace, moving toward them. I was too weak to stop anything physically but maybe I could pull Emmett out.

**AN: Thanks again for the reviews; they are incredibly fun to read!**

**Right now I'm not sure if this chapter will be in three or two parts. While I'm talking about chapters and parts I might as well explain why I'm posting like that. Mostly because when I'm reading stories I like being able to have a nice cut off point and I enjoy quick chapters but I knew that 1000-4000 words wasn't enough to have a full chapter (in my story at least). So hopefully that's not too annoying to read.**

**The ending of this part will likely be the most cliff hang-y I get and I only cut here because I've already typed out the 'fight' part and it would be much too long for one part.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Never and I repeat never buy furniture from 'Superstore.' I think that's pretty self explanatory. You will likely find yourself, like me the night before, elbow deep in wood glue trying to put a desk together. XD**

**That's my warning to all those out there in internet land.  
**

**Thanks for the reviews, you guys are so amazing!! :D:D**

Chapter Three: Phenomena (part two)

"You know it's true, you do! Why else would you react this way?" Jasper commented, his casual manner somehow making these words all the more vengeful.

"Don't-" Emmett warned.

Edward spoke, "This isn't necessary-" But Jasper cut in.

"She's dirt, it's true!" Jasper's pretense was gone; he glared at Edward before pushing his look toward my brother.

I watched as Emmett's face twisted, angrily and he lunged at Jasper. I started running toward them as Edward and the _other boy_ turned toward each other unsure. The scuffle continued and the _other boy_, made a choice, he forcefully grabbed Jasper from behind trying to pull him off. To this Edward grabbed the _other boy _in an attempt to get him off his friend. They broke apart and began to fight themselves. I could see arms, legs; hear grunts and curses. I couldn't tell who was winning. I wondered dismally how far they would go.

By this time I was a few feet away trying to gather breath. "Emmett," I called, "Emmett stop!" My breath was labored but Emmett had heard, he paused in his angered dance and pushed Jasper away from him. A stale mate, I wasn't too late. Jasper leered at me, angry at my intrusion. I walked still closer and grabbed my brother's hand, tugging him away. I could feel Emmett's incredulous eyes. He had some explaining to do!

Everything happened too fast then, one second I was pulling him away the next I was stumbling back, my ankle twisting uncomfortably, before I fell onto the damp ground. My head hit and a large weight knocked the air from my lungs. It was absolutely quiet for a few seconds while the weight shifted and fell off me. My eyes sprang open; I hadn't realized I had closed them. "BELLA!" Emmett was shouting, "Are you okay?" The worry is his voice was palpable.

Dazed, I blinked rapidly, turning over to the side to see what the weight was; confusion flooded me when I saw it was the _other boy_. He looked back at me horrified. "Get out of here, now, before I do something you'll regret!" Emmett growled to his enemies.

"Are you okay?" the other boy asked.

I was paying more attention to my brother but finally my mouth seemed to work, "Ur, yes. I'm fine, rattled." I managed, still listening to the sounds overhead, moving my elbows up so I could lean on them and witness for myself what was happening.

Edward looked absolutely horrified, paler then he usually was. His beautiful eyes looked frozen, staring at nothing. "Edward," I heard Jasper growl. I turned at his voice to inspect him. His blond hair was artfully disheveled. He stood menacingly, glowering at his friend. "EDWARD," he tried again, I turned to examine the beautiful bronze haired boy again, his distance shattered and he turned to his companion. Shaking his head as if the clear the memory of what had just occurred. I relaxed my elbows and lay back on the damp earth, hearing their footsteps quickly getting quieter.

Emmett's hands surrounded me, "Bella, are you okay?" He pulled me up, leaning me against his shoulder.

"Yes I'm fine," I repeated. I could feel the blank incomprehension of my features, still in shock, I figured.

"I should take you to the nurse…" He trailed off looking towards the parking lot anxiously. I followed his gaze wondering what he was looking at, was it his enemies? Was he planning something more? I saw no one; few cars were left, how long had it taken me to get here?

"I'll take her Emmett, I'm able bodied, you go deal with everything else," the _other boy_ cut in.

"Thanks Tyler, I appreciate it." So this was Tyler, I realized. Emmett's tone was far from angry; he had something else on his mind. I searched the parking lot with my eyes again. Another scan revealed the same, nothing of consequence.

Tyler took me from my brother, pointing me toward the school, I put the mystery aside. Vaguely I heard Emmett's quick footsteps running the other way, disappearing as the other boys had. "You're sure, you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I don't think I need to go to the nurse." He let my weight go, trying to see if I could support myself, I took a step and whimpered, my foot really hurt, how had I missed that?

"You have a sprain," he mused before grabbing me again. I gave up trying to be independent for the moment, hobbling beside Tyler, toward the school. Tyler idly told me a story of the last time he had gotten a sprain; he was into sports, or something, his voice faded in and out.

We entered one of the school buildings, I was too dazed, shocked, to notice which. Ms. Cope was standing inside; she looked baffled by our appearance, "Oh dear, what's happened?" Her eyebrows flew up in surprise.

Tyler answered, "She fell, and I think she might have a sprain. Is the nurse still in?"

"Go lay her down in there," she pointed, "I'll run and get her. I think I can catch her."

Tyler led me toward the small cot that was set up. I sat down and pulled my legs up so I was sitting in an awkward L shape, leaning against the wall for support. "What happened?" I asked as the shock was wearing off. Everything was clearing, my eyes were focusing, and my mind was trying to piece together the past half hour. Piece the past couple days in relation to what had just happened. I was naïve to think the lack of fights would last…

"Edward pushed me into you," Tyler replied. He was looking at me with worry. "I'm so sorry."

Even though the situation was odd I couldn't help but laugh, he was sorry that he'd been pushed into me, silly. It wasn't his fault… it was… it was… Edwards? No, but that didn't make sense either. "It wasn't your fault," I managed.

"Are you in pain?" By the way he was looking at me I figured my face was full of anguish. My mind was collapsing around me. I tried to focus on my physical ailments. I could feel a dull ache on the back of my head but nothing unmanageable. Then the pain at my ankle again made itself known.

"Not too much, my ankle hurts but it's really not too bad," I admitted.

The nurse came in then, looking a little frazzled. "What seems to be the trouble?" she inquired.

"My ankle," I answered, feeling like I was in some time warp, repeating the same information over and over.

She nodded before checking it out, pushing on it in spots and asking when it hurt. Tyler was quiet as the nurse went about her business, she was very quick, probably internally cursing that we were keeping her from going home. "Sprain," She concluded professionally, "Easy to treat, it doesn't look too serious, you should try to avoid doing anything taxing on it, like running, for at least three days," I nodded, "Just remember R.I.C.E., rest, ice, compression, elevation. You won't need to wear a brace; I'd recommend a tensor bandage though. Since this isn't too bad you should be fine if you're careful on it but if it seems to be getting worse you can always get a brace from the doctor. I'm going to get you an ice pack, be right back." She seemed to be stuck in fast forward.

Once she was out of the room Tyler apologized again, his face looked remarkably guilty. Shaking my head I carefully stood up, balancing on my good left foot. Tyler reacted by standing next to me and taking my arm so I could use him as a leaning post. I continued telling him not to worry, before the nurse returned, handing me the pack. I thanked her sincerely.

--

Tyler and I excited the building and began hobbling to the truck. Emmett intercepted us half way there, "Bella, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just a sprain, not even a bad one." I was getting tired of repeating myself, annoyance tinged my words.

"Let me take her Tyler," Tyler shifted me back to my brother, "Thanks."

Tyler shrugged, "No need, I understand."

Emmett smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes, "No there's a need," he paused, "I'm going to get Bella home, thanks again; bye."

"Yeah, for sure," Tyler answered before turning to me, "Make sure you keep it elevated, Bella, see you later."

"I will; bye," Tyler took off towards his car while Emmett helped me to our truck and into the passenger seat. I slowly lifted my leg up, crossing it on the opposite knee so I could use the ice pack. Emmett went around the truck hurriedly and got into the vehicle himself.

He was absurdly quiet; I couldn't stand it, "Emmett, what happened?"

He sighed, looking at the road with a strange intensity, "Bella, I can't talk about these things with you."

I was surprised he could use that excuse after what he knew I had seen. "You're just going to leave me in the dark?"

"I let my temper go, I'm usually more composed, but he said- and I couldn't control-"He stopped.

I let the silence emanate, growing in power as we drove. Emmett continued his emotional distance. After he parked I asked quietly, "This won't happen again?"

"No. This won't happen again! I won't let it! I'm sorry." He sighed again, still refusing to look at me but he moved resignedly out of the car, around, to help me again. We walked, well he walked- I more or less hopped- to the house.

It felt like it had been years since I'd last been inside, the air was stale and uncomfortable to breathe. Now what? "Couch?" he offered.

I let the idea sink in, deciding right now I wasn't in the mood to be around the fake normalcy that I knew Emmett would put on soon. "Just help me up the stairs; I think I want to take a bath." We went up the stairs in the same silence; my hand was freezing from the ice pack.

"Here's good, thanks," I breathed as we reached the landing. Emmett reluctantly let me go. I turned to face him squarely, his eyes were clouded, and worry lines ruined the face of the boy I _used_ to know. Again I realized that who this person was in front of me, wasn't who I had known. An unfortunate lonely feeling drifted down my spine. "Tell Charlie I fell, he doesn't need to worry." I muttered, he nodded, turning away from me before he descended the stairs.

I hopped to the bathroom, turned on the warm water, hopped back to my room, and grabbed a few things awkwardly before going back to the bathroom. I was about to close the door when I heard Emmett's voice, he must have been on the phone… I tried eagerly to hear what he was saying, I was obviously getting myself involved, might as well do it all the way, but his words were unintelligible to me. I scowled selfishly, closing the door and locking it.

**AN: I have never had a sprain before so I had no clear idea how to write about one. I ended up trying to research this but, like I talked about in another AN, my computer is dying and couldn't handle the internet the night I was typing out this scene. Though I might add the internet is sort of bad for teaching you how to deal with a sprain. I read that you ****must**** keep it elevated for 24-48 hours. I asked some friends and they told me that was ridiculous and to only keep it elevated for 30 min. at a time. I'm not a doctor though so piecing together two unreliable sources (the internet and friend's information) was like piecing together that 'Superstore' desk.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Wow the response to the last chapter was incredible! So thank you, thank you, thank you!!**

Chapter Three: Phenomena (part three)

The bath might have been considered relaxing if I had been in any other mind set, I figured while lying on my bed, wet hair snaking around my head. As it so happened I had spent my time in the bathroom staring fixedly at the old tiles; straining to hear anything from below me. When I hadn't focused on listening I had felt a pounding feeling of betrayal, so forceful and abnormally painful I wondered if it wasn't an actual physical ailment.

Now that I had given the situation some breathing space I reflected on it, on Emmett's strange behavior, Tyler, the odd feelings… It was stupid of me to feel betrayed by Edward Cullen. He was never in an alliance with me; had never been on the Swan side. Urgh, the Swan side, was that even where I stood? If this side was going to act like it had earlier today… No.

A tapping on my door halted my thoughts, "Um, yes?"

The door opened, creaking as it did so. I had expected it to be Emmett on the other side but it was Sam… Sam? What was Sam doing here? Why was he here in my room, more specifically?

"Hey, how's your ankle?" He simply asked. I didn't speak, I was dumbfounded. "Okay, you're right, that's not what I'm here for." He shrugged, taking a few steps toward me, kicking the door shut.

I clumsily resituated so I was sitting more conventionally; leaning against my headboard. "What are you here for then?"

"Emmett called me," He replied. Why had Emmett called Sam? Well… Sam was his best friend, he would likely be the first person called after a fight with the… enemy. That sounded so melodramatic, I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Emmett called you and… and he wanted you to talk to me?" I was confused; Sam and I barely knew each other. Sure at the Black's dinner thing we'd spoken. He had seemed like a nice enough person, a little mysterious, but certainly friendly. Emily had been kind as well, all in all the type of people I could easily get along with, a lot like Jacob in that sense.

"Well no, he just wanted to talk to me," he paused, watching my expression, calculating, "You know Emmett doesn't want you hurt, of course. That's obvious, I don't want you hurt either, I'm not sure if you knew that… You mean a lot to your brother, you mean a lot to me," a sense of authority rang in his deep voice, "We don't really know each other but I know Emmett, he's my best friend and you're his sister, a part of him. I would do anything for Emmett and that includes keeping you safe. Do you understand?"

I nodded not sure where he was going.

He walked over to the rocking chair in my room and sat down. "You see, I know how he feels about you and how he feels about the Cullens," Sam explained. I never had to decode my brother my brother before, he used to be easy to read, a straight to the point kind of person, "What happened today, well, you won't see a repeat of that performance. Emmett said you asked about what it was about. I can't tell you, it's not my place, but it wasn't your brother that started it. Emmett just can't stand it when-" He stopped and began again, "It doesn't matter. I want you to know that I'm here to protect you, I'm like an extra brother you didn't know you had," he chuckled, "I can't tell you what exactly happened today and I might not be able to tell you what has happened in the past or what will in the future but I will always be here for you. If any of them bother you or if you need help with anything…"

He stood up and walked over to me, patting my hand in a protective way. "Emily's downstairs starting on dinner, that girl coddles us too much," he smirked, "Do you want to come down now?" I grimaced looking down at my current state, I knew I wasn't presentable for company, "Well you probably want to get ready," he surmised noticing my discomfort, "How about I come back when Charlie gets home, that'll give you some time. Then we'll have a big family supper?"

I smiled at the word 'family' "That would be nice, thanks Sam."

"No need to thank me." As the door closed I realized I was thanking Sam for more than just coming to speak to me, I was thanking him for helping me make my decision.

--

The supper had been amazing; Emily was truly a talented chief. We had gathered in the living room, bringing in the three chairs from the kitchen and had eaten in a semi circle formation. Emmett's attitude from earlier had changed completely and not in a fake way, which I had previously anticipated. I wasn't sure if it was Sam and Emily's presence, being around Charlie or the fact that Sam's talk had visibly cheered me, but it again changed my perspective of my brother. He laughed heartily and often, much like the Emmett I used to know.

Usually in groups of people I found myself being overlooked, feeling like I had nothing to add. This group of people brought out something different, a feeling of safety, and a feeling of family. Sure Charlie and I were both the quieter of the bunch but we were still present in the conversation. The few silences were the ones that only added to the situation and I found myself enjoying the night. I felt well, almost whole and confident in my decision.

--

Sam and Emily both gave me a hug from my spot on the couch before they left. They looked at each other with pure love, they were so happy together. It was easy to understand why Emmett got along with them, why Sam was his best friend.

Upon closing the door, Charlie and Emmett returned to the living room. Charlie turned on football, a comfortingly familiar move. Emmett gave me a hug out of nowhere. Pulling back from me, he smiled, "We'll have to have them over more often," I remarked.

"Of course, and we'll visit them. You haven't been to their house in La Push yet," Emmett replied sitting down beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Which reminded me, "I forgot to ask, I told Jacob we'd visit tomorrow after school; do you mind?"

He chuckled, "I don't mind. You and Jacob are starting to get closer…"

"I guess." I yawned. I hadn't realized I was so tired, "I'm going to head to bed; long day."

"Do you need any help getting up there?" Emmett asked mocking my condition just a bit.

"No," I rolled my eyes, "The swelling has gone down, "I think I'll manage." I got up carefully; though my ankle felt much better I was still hesitant to put much pressure on it. If I was going to school tomorrow I needed to get used to walking though. "Night guys," I called from the foot of the stairs.

Charlie mumbled his good night, already absorbed in the game while Emmett waved, turning to smile at me from the couch.

--

When I reflected on the abnormally long day, from my bed, I almost figured the fight had been beneficial. Violence had been necessary to teach me exactly what I was doing wrong, how I was practically betraying my family in my thoughts. I would never actively seek out the anger that my brother felt to the Cullens but I couldn't play nice with Edward Cullen in biology either. I couldn't acknowledge him kindly, he wasn't good, and he wasn't meant to be in my life. Today had opened my eyes, taught me what I had been too naive to find out long ago. The Cullens weren't to be trusted, they weren't to be accepted. We might be lab partners but we would never be anything more. We just sat beside each other sometimes, hardly a connection.

What I had felt that first day was wrong, was a bodily mistake. Unknown pheromones had combined and drove me to the edge of sanity. Now I was informed, now I had my family. I refused to be forced onto a side in the most general way. I would never fight anyone; I would respect what was built here though. Sam, Emmett and Charlie were protecting me, how could I repay them by becoming slightly friendly with their enemy?

So my decision was to ignore Edward Cullen, like he had done in the beginning. He had been right, I just hadn't understood… but now I did. So I wondered why I still felt like I was a traitor.

**AN: I need to apologize for how long this took to get up. I wrote it a couple days ago but editing it killed me. I've been getting migraines lately. That is my only excuse; it's just hard to read things critically while you're dreading the sound of your fingers taping the keys, ha-ha.**

**Originally I was going to get into the specifics of what was spoken about at dinner but really that doesn't help my story along so after a few tweaks I find myself again with a short, short chapter. So I guess I'll write a quick perspective.**

**(This is a little scene of Edward and Alice; more specifically where they were while Jasper ate alone)**

**Edwards POV:**

_I took a deep breath of the cool fresh air when I finally left my English class. The teacher had held me to discuss the possibilities of an early admission to the college of my choice. It had been difficult listening to her because the clock was much more important, the clock ticking away my lunch hour. I started rushing across the campus when I heard Alice call to me, "Edward, wait!" I paused, turning toward her in irritation._

"_What's up, Alice?" I asked controlling my jittery anticipation. She looked serious, was there something wrong with her and Jasper? I mirrored her expression, always best to be serious when love was involved. "What's wrong?"_

_She shrugged, "That's what I'm here to find out." Her small hand shot out and grabbed mine, pulling me along toward the parking lot. She wouldn't have been able to forcefully take me but I could see something was truly bothering my friend so I copied her steps. She let go when we reached her car, "Get in." _

_I did as instructed, sitting angled toward her. "What's wrong?" I asked again._

"_What is going on with you?" She asked pointedly raising her eyebrows at me._

_Confusion swept through me, "I have no idea what you're speaking about."_

_Her eyebrows relaxed and she let out a small laugh, a hard laugh, nothing like Alice, "Sure, of course. You think I haven't noticed; really? We're closer then that, aren't we?"_

"_Alice, what in the world are you on about?"_

"_You're practically drooling over the Swan girl!" she casually stated. My eyes hardened before the surprise could be detected._

"_Of course I'm not!"_

_Her left eyebrow shot up, mocking my answer. Slowly she relaxed it as the seconds ticked by. "Edward do you really think I don't know? Don't lie to me," She sighed, "And don't worry, I'm not going to tell on you, just tell me the truth. I need you to admit it."_

"_There is nothing to tell." I again resisted her._

"_Tell me!" she repeated._

"_This is ridiculously humorous."_

"_Well if it's so ridiculously humorous," she poorly mimicked my voice, "I should tell Jasper what I've been witnessing, let him in on the joke."_

_That struck a nerve. Alice knew, or at least knew something, and she surprisingly wasn't giving me hell, but Jasper, well Jasper wouldn't take it so lightly. "You wouldn't," I tired, going on the defensive_

"_Try me."_

"_Alice…" I didn't want to say it out loud; I wasn't even sure how I really felt. She just glared at me in a knowing way, "It's not like that. You can't say anything; not to Jasper especially."_

"_But I'm right." I wanted to deny it but I didn't; I couldn't. Minuets passed and she heard the answer in the quiet, "I knew it."_

"_Alice- I'm not sure." I was taken off guard; ashamed of my emotions._

"_Of course you're not. You're head over heals for the girl and you can't even act on it because of all your family junk."_

_My voice rose a little, "It is not junk."_

_She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, I understand but don't think that'll keep you away from her. You want her; I can see it in your eyes. Whenever she enters the room everything lights up for you. I see you trying to hide it but I know you too well."_

"_You don't know anything," I was beyond irritated, not simply because of Alice but because I was so transparent._

_She was quiet, letting my anger dissipate. I felt almost smug, "I won't say anything," She tentatively laid her hand on my shoulder in a sign of friendship, "You should get to class," she paused, "If you want to see her today, that is." I heard her chuckle as I turned my attention to the clock. Damn, I had completely missed lunch. I didn't even bother to say goodbye; just dashed out of the car and toward biology. Her knowing laughter left a ghostly ringing in my head._


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I can hardly remember writing this and it all sounds depressing now, I don't think that's what I was going for though… /sigh.**

**I posted a tentative playlist on my profile. It's supposed to be related to this story but as I created it, it bleed into an emotional summary. So if anyone is interested or maybe wanted some recommendations of songs, it's up there. I spent a good forty-five minuets trying to figure out how to create links to the songs but my patience wore out quickly, ha-ha. Anyway if anyone wants to talk about bands, recommend me some, I'd be really excited! ;)**

**The reviews and alerts are extremely encouraging; I can't honestly believe that I almost have fifty reviews, so amazing! So thanks again!! :D :D!**

You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by _staying_ there

-Edwin Louis Cole

Chapter four: Nightmare (part one)

My dreams revolved around Edward Cullen that night. He was holding my hand, pulling me along. My whole body craved his touch, I couldn't let go of him, just held his hand as hard as he held mine. He didn't speak, only glimpsed at me as we ran; compassion in his eyes. I kept asking him where we were going, screaming at him to stop. I was scared, looking behind me constantly. I couldn't see what we were running from it was too dark, too many trees in the way. It was cold out and I was crying, though unsure why. He stopped suddenly and turned toward me. His gentle eyes had hardened and he looked like he had at the end of the fight, the last time I had seen him, unresponsive. His hold on me weakened and right as I was about to ask him what was wrong hands grabbed me from behind and turned me away from him.

I woke up in a cold sweat. My heart racing, tears staining my pillow. I ran my fingers timidly down my cheeks to feel the damp lines the tears had left. Why was my mind trying so hard to hold onto him? Why couldn't I let this go?

In an attempt to rid myself of the nightmare I slowly got out of bed, being cautious with my still sore foot. I put on warm simple clothes for the school day and tied my untamable hair back.

Downstairs Charlie was drinking a cup of coffee while Emmett rambled on about the game last night. I got an apple and tried to engross myself in the close match my brother described. All the while my mind replayed Edward Cullen's facial expressions, lingering on the addictive feeling of his touch. I was frustrated at myself, unable to capture the anger I should have been feeling about the boy I dreamed about.

--

Emmett spent the car ride to school teasing me about anything that he could think of. I played along, desperate for a distraction. Nervous butterflies danced in my chest and my heart was beating irregularly. Just the idea of seeing him again made me feel sick but at least that was a forgivable reaction. At least I wasn't excited to see him like, I humiliatingly, was before.

I tried to focus on the bright side of things when Emmett's jabs weren't enough. The swelling in my foot had gone down quite a lot so at least I could wear my shoe; that was a good thing. I started to imagine what I would have had to do if the reverse had happened, leaving me with a barely useable swollen limb. I supposed I would've worn one of Emmett's shoes; this conjured up a ridiculous mental picture, clearing my mind of the Cullen for a few moments.

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked me, pulling into the student lot.

"I was imagining what I would have done if my foot hadn't gotten better," I chuckled at my misfortune.

This had the opposite effect of what I had anticipated. Emmett's face froze as he put the truck into park. "Bella-"

"Don't you dare start on that again," I cut him off, realizing the direction my statement had taken his thoughts. I was trying to get my head going the other way, why did he have to pull me back?

His eyes rose to mine, and he took a deep breath, "If they say anything to you…" he closed his eyes while his mouth frowned, "Don't let their words get to you," he concluded. He turned away from me and toward the door.

Before he had a chance to open it I asked, "Do you mind if I eat with Rosalie and you?"

He stiffened again as if my question had brushed him the wrong way, "Oh course," he replied slowly. He shook his head as the door closed behind him with a loud smack.

So much for forgetting…

--

Morning classes moved in hyper speed. I guessed that's what happens when you're dreading something, it comes sooner. I tried to be brave, why should I be worried to see him? He didn't mean anything to me, he was a statue, a figment of my imagination, and he couldn't- wouldn't, I corrected- do anything. That was one thing I truly believed, at least not in public; not in biology.

I paid extreme attention to the lectures during class, not leaving much time for my mind to wonder and when the classes ended I forced myself to be extra talkative with Erick and Mike. In the weeks since I had attended Forks High they had made it their life's purpose to get my attention. Although neither made me gooey in a romantic way I was thankful for their presence now.

I played along with them more today then I had in the other times combined and I could see the hope forming behind their eyes. I had never felt worse about myself then at that moment but I continued. I knew I would soon crush their fantasies, both of theirs, and yet I couldn't stop. Watching the train wreck that was Erick's flirting was the worst of the worst. His big eyes ate up every inch I let him gain while this hopeless feeling engulfed me. Why could my body feel a connection to the enemy and not Erick? Erick was a nice guy, he was passionate and he would certainly be better for me than… No, that's where I had to stop; I wasn't going to compare Erick, or Mike with a Cullen. That was damaging.

I listened to Jessica gossip about the boys in our grade, explaining their faults in extreme detail while we sat waiting for third period to start. She lingered on Mike though not on his faults; instead she went into detail about his 'gorgeous' appearance. Another round of guilt plagued me, Jessica liked Mike, really liked him and here I was just toying with him. I decided right there and then I would find a different way to get my mind on the right track.

When class finished I told Jessica I would be eating with my brother, she didn't seem to mind. I think she was even a little happy I would be absent. Mike's preference for me was obvious to her, in fact I think she talked about him so much to warn me off. I could see the yearning in her eyes at the idea that he would be 'all hers' in the cafeteria.

--

As I approached the truck I was aware that only my brother sat inside the warmth. I opened the door and surveyed Emmett before closing it as quietly as I could manage. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes were focused on the sandwich he had packed that morning. "Where's Rosalie?" I asked.

"She's not here," His answer rolled off his tongue, sounding practiced and formal.

"Well I can see that," I tried to kid but it didn't shake him. I paused while I thought of another route, "What's wrong?" I decided short and direct was the best route.

"Nothing." He was too quick to the draw, rehearsed again.

I let it go. He didn't want to talk about it, not now and I didn't want to pry. It could be something I wasn't allowed to know, something I probably didn't want to know…

He reached for the radio, turning it on and letting the music speak for him. Unfortunately for me the distraction of Emmett, although immeasurably better than being in the same room as the Cullen for lunch, wasn't the distraction I needed. My mind forcefully pulled me back into my dream world. Running again, afraid but safe, yes, I had felt safe with his hand surrounding mine. I sighed as time flew toward my hell, biology.

--

I entered right before the bell not wanting any extra time to sit there next to him. Quietly I walked to my seat; the little nose I made as I neared him caused him to look up at me. I examined his expression as best I could from my peripheral vision, his eyes were uncertain, his posture made him appear defeated. I refused to take in anymore of his unfair Godly looks. He was like a mythical creature, his aura pulling in hopeless girls left and right, pulling my mind to his, holding me entranced.

I pulled the chair as far from him as would be conventional in our school environment. It loudly moved across the dingy off-white linoleum flooring. I pulled my hair out of the binding ponytail and let it fall as before, creating a small barrier, all these things put together would signal how I felt about him, or at least how I wanted to feel about him; what I had decided to feel about him.

I sat down feeling his stare pierce the side of my head, through my hair. Uncomfortably I squirmed trying to free myself from the overpowering force that his eyes put me under. The bell rang and he continued to look at me, Mr. Banner briefly summarized the video from yesterday and he resumed it while my neighbor stared. The lights went off with a resounding 'click' bringing with it the feelings; the electricity.

As I had before, I crossed my arms and dug my nails into my arms. His eyes finally, FINALLY, left me alone. I subtly let out the breath I had been holding, not sure when I had stopped breathing. Time continued to move, not as fast as my first classes but faster than biology had gone the other day. As the clock ticked I forced anger to replace uncertain longing. I changed the urge to touch his skin into a more reasonable disgust for his proximity.

He had fought my brother, _my brother_, how could I ever have thought he was good? The lights flickered on as the movie concluded. Mr. Banner explained what we had seen again, like the movie hadn't oversimplified the topic enough. His words mumbled together and I was only too excited to hear the bell interrupt his lecture; freedom.

I waited for my _partner_, I scowled at the thought of him, to leave quickly like he used to. Instead he hesitated as if waiting for me to say something. I ignored him and briskly walked toward Mike, ignoring the small jolts of pain that pulsed through my body from my ankle. I would stop 'toying' with Mike tomorrow, I desperately needed a distraction.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I'm tried of Bella's anti-Edward agenda and therefore I'm hurrying through the next few scenes so I can finally get into something fun to write about. So if this chapter seems rushed, I'm sorry, I can go back and elongate it later if you think it needs that treatment. Honestly I just had to set up a few things before I could move on and I want to thank everyone who read this far! Today I ended up finding an old story I wrote, and man, I ****used**** to have a sense of humor- years ago- ha-ha. The way Bella's been going on about, well it's frankly depressing me so without further ago…**

Chapter four: Nightmare (part two)

Since my foot wasn't going to allow me to participate in gym I sat on the sidelines like I had before. This should have been a good thing, at least no one was getting injured, but it was just another in the list of bad things that today brought. Now there was no way I could stop my preoccupied mind and the worst part was sitting here reminded me of how happy I had been that first day.

The only good thing about gym today was I didn't have to change my clothes and therefore could leave quickly. I was worried I would run into _Edward _again. What really pissed me off was the fact that only yesterday I had 'prayed' for that exact thing. How fast things changed.

--

Emmett was already sitting in the truck when I got in, "You look anxious," I commented.

He grunted, "I want to check on Rose." He paused for a moment, "I'm going to drop you off at the Black's place. I'll pick you up at six."

"You don't have to," I replied, though I really didn't want to give up time with Jacob. He was the only person who could brighten this day. "I can call and cancel, Jake will forgive me."

Emmett shook his head, "Jake would never forgive me," he chuckled darkly, no smile touched his face. Maybe I was reading too much into this, he was probably just worried about his girlfriend, maybe wanted to bring her chicken soup; if she was sick which I didn't know for certain, she was. It was a normal reaction, wasn't it? "Plus I have some business down in La Push with Sam anyway."

--

"Emmett's not coming out?" Jacob asked as we waved my brother off.

Jake's smile encouraged me enough to be honest, although lacking detail, "He has some business." I brushed it off, "So what did you want to do?"

He laughed, how nice to hear his good nature. "I was just going to ask you the same thing."

"Something distracting," I murmured.

Jake looked down at me quizzically, "What's wrong?" I was starting to hate those words, so overused lately.

I really didn't want to get into it; I wanted to use Jake like I had used the others today, as a means to forget. "It's nothing," but he wasn't the kind of person to allow me to get away with an '_its nothing'_, I rolled my eyes, "Just Emmett."

Thankfully Jake didn't press it, just reached his right hand to take my left. "I would suggest taking a walk but your bum leg has successfully ruined that," a smile played on my lips, "Want to just sit in the garage?"

"Sure," I agreed. It would be nice and quiet there, calming.

--

Jake let my hand go once inside, I leaned against his almost finished Rabbit while he got two cans of warm pop from a flat that lay in the corner. He passed one to me, "Sit?" He asked as he swung the driver's side door and motioned for me to go in. I responded as he knew I would while he walked around and got in the passenger side.

"It's really coming along I see," I said in-between sips.

"Yeah, the Rabbit's mostly finished, just needs a part or two."

Like at First Beach a comforting silence blanketed around me while we sipped our sodas. The memory of the last time I had been here played in slow motion in my mind; Jake and Emmett 'talking car', their laughter. I sighed, "When did everything get so complicated?" I surmised.

He laughed softly at this, "When you moved to Forks, maybe before that?" I mirrored his laughter, "What makes you ask?"

"Remembering Emmett."

He full out laughed at this, "Yeah Emmett's always been a joker; hasn't he," It was clear Jacob had missed what I was getting at but the direction he took our conversation was better, "The first time I met your brother he fell in the lake. We were fishing with Charlie and Billy and he wanted to show me that it was possible to catch a fish with just his hands," I laughed at the image the story brought up.

"Sounds like him."

"That's not even the worst of it," he added, "What he did to the worms, now that's a story…"

Jacob launched into story after story in-between some of my own. We were laughing hysterically when Emmett's hand knocking of my window startled me. I opened the door, still laughing, "It's six," Emmett remarked. His tone was unemotional and it was enough to sober me up.

I nodded, "I'll call you," I told Jake as I walked back to reality. I would return soon, I could tell La Push was the only thing that would keep me afloat and though I could stay under for extended amounts of time I would come here to resurface; breathe.

--

"How was Rosalie?" I asked while we drove _just_ above the speed limit down the darkening roads.

"Fine, better," He stated vaguely. I turned up the background radio, knowing that I wouldn't get much more from Emmett in way of conversation. With nothing better to do I let my eyes roam about the small truck. I noticed the glove compartment wasn't quite closed and I reached out and pulled it the rest of the way open.

A brown paper bag lay inside; an odd bulge filled it out, the opening end pointed away from me "What's this?" I asked more to myself then anything.

Emmett's head whipped around and his arm reached over to smack the compartment closed, "Nothing, don't ask."

Every time I talked to Emmett I found myself leaving him his space and this time was no different. I was curious but I trusted him. I let the music engulf me as I watched the road and trees move past me for the rest of the way home.

--

I made vegetable soup from a can while Emmett watched a game from the living room. I was starting to believe Charlie and him used television to distract them from, well, from everything. I wished it was like that for me. "Hey, Emmett, Bella!" Charlie called as he entered the house, "Something smells good," He added.

"Good timing; I just finished." I filled three bowls and set them on the table. Charlie looked ecstatic upon eyeing the food as he passed into the kitchen. Since I had moved in I had mostly taken over the cooking. I had also taken over a large majority of the laundry and grocery shopping but I didn't mind, it was familiar. Honestly, I had started to wonder how they had managed to feed themselves before me. I took three spoons out of the drawer and handed one to Charlie.

Emmett meandered in and I gave him one as well before starting in on my own bowl. "So have you heard from Renee?" Charlie's question was directed at me.

I swallowed, "She called the other day."

"And she's good?" He was trying to be casual but I knew he'd never gotten over her. Emmett looked up at me, as if to agree to my thoughts.

"I guess." I shrugged.

"She just misses you kids."

"I guess," I repeated unsure what else to say.

Charlie changed the topic, "So Emmett the game…"

Emmett's mood gradually turned less oppressive as the night went on but I didn't hesitate at the first chance of escape. I hurried upstairs, grabbed my toiletry bag, my sweats and an old t-shirt before getting into the hot shower. I examined my foot as the water cascaded down my aching back, it was bruised but that didn't say too much about the injury, I was like a peach. Usually I forgot what caused the cut, scrape or bruise before they healed.

The water ran cold by the time I let myself get out and dry off. I didn't want to sit downstairs and listen to my family talk about sports, act happy and whatever else made them feel normal but I also didn't want to go to sleep. I dreaded the possibility of dreaming of Edward again but it was evitable.

And I was right to dread, the dream replayed in agonizing detail three times before morning released me.

--

In the three months that followed Emmett, Sam, Jacob, Emily and my 'friends' from school and I grew closer. It was to be expected, time has a way of bonding people. Rosalie and I were fine with each other but she held herself at a distance and I had no intention of broaching her barriers. She was around often, even stayed over for dinner, but we barely spoke, Emmett talked enough that it didn't seem notable.

I ate with Jessica and her gang at lunch again; there was only one main change. Tyler had joined out table along with a few of his friends. I started to worry that I had gained a new 'fan' but mostly ignored it like I did with Mike and Erick.

Edward and I hadn't spoken still. When we were forced to do labs I refused to acknowledge him and he didn't seem to care either way. I didn't dread biology but I wasn't excited for it either, it was as it always should have been. The dreams grew worse the more I tried to deal with them on my own but I found Jacob's presence in my life seemed to help. He and I had quickly become 'best friends' and although I wanted to deny it I knew there was something else there, or at least something else there for _him_. He was keeping me happy, I was using him, but I returned to La Push practically every other day regardless, selfishly.

Since so little was going wrong I should have seen the unsteady waters coming closer, coming quickly. My luck had never been of the good persuasion after all…

**AN: So good and bad news**

**Bad first; the happy ending I had been planning to write doesn't feel right anymore and it leaves too many questions unanswered so now I don't know how this is going to end. Another mystery to add to the growing list I have about the loose ends in this story.**

**The good; room for suggestions ;) ha-ha.**

**I just really wanted to thank anyone who has been reading my story, and I mean that in complete sincerity. It means a lot that anyone would take their time on this :D :D!**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: So I have much to comment on.**

**One; yes it was a gun in the bag. ;D Bella will catch on (I haven't written that part yet so I'm not sure when). **

**Two; I am tired of writing Jacob as well. I hate having to make a back story with him which is one of the LARGE reasons why there was a time jump; the other reason was that in 'Twilight' there was a time jump in a similar spot. There won't be anymore jumps as far as I can tell unless I rearrange when the conclusion occurs in the story (I wanted to sync it up and have it near spring break).**

**Three; I hope this doesn't end tragically, myself.**

**Four; finally romance!! You don't know how much I've hated working up to it!**

Chapter five: Rain (part one)

"Looks like you won't need a ride with me today," Emmett smiled as I walked over to him and Rosalie near the parking lot.

"Huh?" I managed following his eyes. "Jake?" Then it dawned on me, "You're done?" I called running over to him and his Rabbit.

He laughed, "I'm done," he repeated, waving 'goodbye' to the others.

"Wow," I was stunned. I threw my arms around him. "So you're giving me a ride?" I asked excited.

I released him quickly, realizing what I'd done, "Of course, I promised you'd be the first." He opened the passenger door for me, "After you."

He got in the other side, "I was actually starting to believe this thing was just ornamentation."

He chuckled, "No, it moves and everything." He started the car as if to prove his point.

"Impressive."

--

We drove around for a while before he stopped at my house. I slowly got out of the rabbit, taking one last look at Jacob, "I'm really proud of you, you know that don't you? I can't believe you built this car. It's amazing, it really is."

He smiled up at me, "Oh of course," He rolled his eyes; brushing off my comment. "I'll see you later. Do you mind if I pick you up again after school. We could catch a movie, I don't know…" he trailed off with half hidden intentions.

"This is going to make me sound like a nerd," I snorted, "But would you mind if we just got together to get some homework done. I know it's not a fun thought but I'm getting behind and Charlie-"

He cut me off, "No I understand. Billy's been trying to get that through my head, a homework date then." Date, my mind picked up? Date… did he think it would be a date; a romantic, lovely dove-y date? He saw my worried face and added, "It's just an expression Bella," but his face fell a bit as he said it and I knew I had shattered some of his confidence.

"Okay then, I guess I'll see you in twenty four hours," I closed the door hearing a muted 'bye' as I watched Jacob drive away from me. Jacob Black, the boy who I saw as a brother, a good friend. But I knew he saw me in a different way, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. He wanted more and I didn't. Jacob was attractive and kind, he was funny and warm but I didn't want him in that way. What was wrong with me? Any other girl would be in heaven just at the thought that a boy like Jacob wanted them. It wasn't like I was seeing anyone, not like I wanted anyone else- but I knew that wasn't quite true. I fought against that thought with all my might. Not like I wanted anyone I could have I corrected mentally.

**NO,** Not like I wanted anyone else, I forced but my mind wavered to the last guy I'd been interested in. Edward was nothing, a quick and irrational crush, a moment of insanity. I hadn't felt anything for him; you can't fall in love in that short a time. Love, I scoffed, as I stood watching the ghost of Jacob's car back out, love was a joke. If I loved Edward I might as well run off and let his family kill me, it would practically say the same about me to Charlie and Emmett. A stupid traitor or a stupid dead Swan, they were synonymous in my head.

I walked towards the house; Emmett would be home, would have beaten me here and would be wondering what was taking so long. As I thought this I realized I didn't want to have a conversation with my brother about Jacob, I didn't want to talk to him about anything today. If I went inside the only place to hide would be my bedroom and even then Emmett was never one for personal space.

I continued toward the house with no intentions to stay. "Emmett," I called in a nonchalant even voice from just outside the open front door, "I'm going for a walk."

"Where to?" he called back probably from the living room.

I was surprised at his casual manner, his missing two hundred questions about Jacob that he had lately been throwing me but I feared it wouldn't hold out. I stayed strong to my plan, "Oh I don't know, around for a bit. I need some air, I guess."

"Kay, sis, see you in a bit then."

"Mhmm, bye." I left the house lost in thought. I was making a mess out of my life here. Jacob wasn't doing anything wrong. I should try to be happy with him. I wondered if I could. The butterflies, the electricity was missing and I begrudgingly had to admit that at least Edward had gotten that emotional response from me, even if my body was just under some wacky misunderstanding.

'Where was I going now,' I asked myself. Where could I go that would make sense out of everything? My feet, without a brain of their own, continued on their way, further from where Jacob's ghost car backed out and away from me again and again.

Then like everything that ever happened to me my luck cut in; my bad luck. The rain started, it was nothing at first, and it even made me feel a bit better… at first. I kept walking farther away from home; walking because I wasn't ready to face anyone or anything right now. Then the rain started to get worse but I was too stubborn to let it stop me. I was walking on the side of the road and the houses had been replaced by trees, stupid awful GREEN trees. The green was making everything worse. I was shivering, chilled to the bone and by now it was pouring.

My stubborn side told me to keep going but my rational side was cutting through a bit by questioning my sanity. I wanted to listen to my logical self but something strange was pulling me forward.

Then my luck cut in again, a silver car pulled up to where I was awkwardly still following my heart. I heard a window roll down but I tried to ignore it, "What are you doing?" a voice incredulously asked.

"Nothing, I'm going for a walk. It's a perfectly normal thing to do," I viciously snarled.

A justified snarl I figured when Edward laughed a sharp short burst, "No it's not a perfectly normal thing to do in the middle of a bloody storm."

"Storm," I scoffed, "It's not that bad."

"Look around, Miss Swan. It's only getting worse." I stopped walking and turned to glare at his unforgivably perfect and dry face. He stopped his car as if on cue with me.

"So what do you want me to do about it," I sneered, "I don't control the weather."

"Just get in; I'll take you wherever you're going."

"Like I'd get in the car with a Cullen," I yelled. "Don't insult my intelligence."

"I'm not trying to, geesh I'm just trying to help you out. You're freezing, look at yourself. Get in; please it'll help me sleep at night. I can't leave you here. Like I said, I'll take you where you're going, wherever that is, straight there. I won't even talk to you on the way if you want…"

"But, you see that's just the thing I'm not going ANYWHERE I'm trying to get away from anywhere actually and you can't help me do that." I started walking away from him and his stupid shiny warm little world. I was just fine, I was just perfect, I was happy and I was certainly able to take care of myself.

"Listen Bella," he called, "There is no justifiable reason I have that would cause me to leave you walking around aimlessly in this weather. I'll compromise with you, give me your great reason for not going home and I'll leave. If you don't have one well then…"

I stopped again and this silenced him. I couldn't look at him but I muttered, "It's none of your business but if it'll make you leave me alone… well I'm, I'm…"

"You're what."

"I'm trying to clear my head, I don't know. I needed to escape and I'm not done escaping and I can't go back there." I turned to look at him, he looked worried.

"Get in, please. Not for me, for yourself. You'll be safe with me, I promise."

"I gave you your reason and now you should leave," I answered.

"Yeah, you did but it doesn't justify yourself getting sick. Get in my car; I won't take you home, just get in my car. I'll pull over there," He pointed to a small clearing in the dense trees that was just a little bigger than his car, "And we can sit there till you want to go back home or wherever else you might want to go that isn't in the freezing rain. I won't even make you talk to me. Please, be reasonable."

I didn't answer, I was contemplating the idea, he was right, I knew he was and his alternative did sickly look promising. It sounded fine but I could only imagine how uncomfortable the silence in his car would be. Lightning suddenly broke across the dark sky followed by a crackle of thunder and I shook convulsively. "Fine," I muttered. I grabbed the handle, opened his passenger door and practically collapsed on the seat. I slammed the door behind me as Edward drove and parked in the spot he had pointed out earlier.

"Thank you," he sighed and I noticed that his tone was full of relief. I looked over at him only to find him staring at me.

"I guess I'm ruining your upholstery now."

He chuckled, his face turning up into half a smile, "Don't worry about it." I didn't want to but my own face broke into a small smile. "Do you want to talk about it? Really, I don't want to pry but you just… well I just don't understand what would make anyone choose the cold downpour in Forks to a warm toasty house in Forks."

I thought about his question and I wondered if he had any right to know. It made me angry that I felt more comfortable with the thought of talking to him about Jacob then the thought of talking to Emmett. "It's just," I started, "it's just…" I stopped for a second, "I just can't seem to get my head together to figure out what the problem is." He laughed out loud the skin beside his eyes crinkling up, the perfect green of his eyes, although slightly obscured by his laughter, already hypnotizing me. "It's not funny," I sighed but his laughter was catching and I giggled without consent.

"No you're right," he managed as his chuckles died down, "I'm not laughing at you, not really."

"Oh of course not, you're laughing at the other girl that looks like a drowned rat that you picked up; obviously," I rolled my eyes. This had him smiling. "I know I shouldn't be sitting here," I started seriously, "I shouldn't be talking to you but I'm actually thankful you came around. I don't think I would have turned back and walked home on my own."

"You're very stubborn," He agreed.

"Stubborn," I mused, "Yes, I guess so." The sound of the rain outside was calming. "I wasn't the only one out in this storm though. What were you doing? I'm not keeping you from something?"

"I guess you could say I had to get away too."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I guess I'm having the same problem, I mean figuring out what that problem is."

"We're an odd pair tonight."

He looked me up and down, "If we're going to sit here for a long time you might want to get out of those clothes." I must have look flabbergasted so he added, "I'm not trying to get you naked or anything, I'm not a pervert but you're going to catch pneumonia like that."

"What are you suggesting then? Should I strip down, act like that's perfectly normal?"

"No!" he laughed again, "I'm saying that I'm going to turn up the heat," He did so as he spoke, "and I'm going to give you my shirt," he reached behind himself for something. "I even have a blanket back here." He placed the blanket in my lap and shrugged and pulled off his simple cotton white shirt. If I was surprised into silence before I was now practically catatonic. I looked quickly away from his body, his perfectly sculpted body. This was unfair, this was wrong. I blushed uncomfortably as I looked out the window and at the inoffensive and not half naked trees. I felt him add the shirt to the pile of cloth on my lap. "Take off your soaked shirt, put mine on. Take off your skirt and wrap yourself in the blanket, I won't look." I wanted to yell at him for suggesting such a thing but he was so sincere that I only found myself glancing to see if he was looking away, which he was.

I hurriedly removed my shirt, leaving my wet bra on, and replaced it with his. It was large on me and it smelt so good, so good and so wrong. My skirt was harder to remove as it was firmly stuck to me but I unbuttoned it and yanked at it till it gave. I wrapped the blanket around my lower half awkwardly. "Okay, I'm decent," I stated.

I looked over at him and he looked at me. He was distracting when he was half naked, have you ever tried to talk to someone conventionally when they're half naked; it's ridiculously hard. My face was still red and I wondered if the blush would ever dissipate. To my shock Edward looked a bit nervous when he saw me and the silence was, as I predicted uncomfortable.

I broke it, "Do you have a cell phone? I should tell Charlie where I am." He reached in front of me and pulled a small silver phone from the inside of the glove compartment and placed it in my left hand. He brushed the skin there casually and sparks flew where they touched. His hand hurriedly flew back to his side of the car, leaving a burning feeling where the ghost of his hand had wavered against mine. I flipped the phone open, dialed home and put it up to my ear.

"_Hello?" _Charlie anxiously asked after a ring and a half.

"Hi, dad."

"_BELLA! Where are you? Are you alright?" _his worry was endearing but completely unnecessary.

"I'm fine. I went for a walk; I had to find shelter from the rain."

"_Do you want me to pick you up, where are you exactly?"_

"No it's fine; I'm good here for a bit. Don't worry about me I'm safe and I'll be home soon."

"_Are you sure, Bella?"_

"Yes, I'm sure, I'm fine, really."

"_Okay, be home soon it's not going to get any better tonight," _Charlie's voice relaxed and I felt a bit bad for worrying him and glad that I had thought to call him before he sent a search team.

"Yes, I will, love you, see you soon, bye." Charlie returned the goodbye and I closed the phone, placing it back in the glove compartment.

"So you acknowledge that you're safe with me," Edward mused. I turned back to him, noticing he was still looking at me intently, had he even looked away for an instant while I was on the phone?

"No, not quite; I just didn't want to worry Charlie. He wouldn't be happy to find out where I was."

"No I don't suppose he would be," he frowned. "But you are, you know, safe that is."

"Possibly," his mouth twitched to smile at my reluctance.

"I think I'm breaking through your stubborn layers."

"Whatever." But I realized he was right. Where had my anger gone? Why was I sitting with a Cullen, this wasn't normal, this was dangerous. Edward wasn't dangerous to me, at least not right now. I didn't believe he would hurt me, maybe that was my first mistake, but being with a Cullen was dangerous. If Emmett, Charlie, Sam or Jacob knew where I was…

And with that thought I found myself circling back to Jacob. Thinking of him sent a shiver through me. He was the reason I was here after all. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that Jacob had driven me into the car of an enemy, into the 'arms of another man'. I wanted to roll my eyes at that thought but it unnervingly rang true.

"Still cold?" Edward asked noticing my shiver.

"No it's not that." He nodded, "I wonder what your friends and family will say when they hear about this."

"I don't think I'm going to tell them."

"Why not?"

"Why didn't you tell Charlie?" he answered my question with his own.

"I guess I understand," I allotted, "but it's not quite the same thing. You're just helping a defenseless," I sneered the last word, "girl who was too pigheaded to come in from the rain. I'm breaking all the trust of everyone who matters to me." Like before after the words left my mouth I noticed how true they were.

Edward's perfect face grimaced, "Even so I think my family would rather I left you out here then find out I offered a Swan my help."

"What a pleasant family you have."

"And your family is so kind, what would they have done if I was wandering around like you had been?" a slightly angry tone marred his smooth voice.

"Well I don't know what they would have done, I don't know everything they think, but I would have helped you if I saw you."

His face did a 180 as the frown flew up in a smile, "You like me."

**AN: Yes, yes I am cutting it here, why? I'm evil?**

**ACTUALLY: the reason is because I needed to cut it somewhere in the middle of their conversation. Why is that? Well I simply refused to write another Jacob/Bella talk chapter so soon and because of that I cut their scene to the small part at the beginning and therefore (longest sentence ever, huh?) got to start writing some romance.**

**Originally (man I use that word a lot, reminds me of how much this story has evolved since the idea) I was going to cut when his car pulled up to her and in my opinion that is far meaner. Plus I'm going to have the next part up so soon it's hardly that evil of me (or at least that's what I keep telling myself) ha-ha.**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Answers to things I missed:**

**One; how long is this story going to be? I have no idea; man my answer wasn't worth much, was it? Ha-ha. Seriously, I have no real idea BUT I have more than 8000 words typed of things that occur after this chapter so at least that much longer? I'm sorry; I wish I could be more definitive.**

**Two; this one I feel really badly about not answering. I wrote out the answer before but then, I do this really weird thing where I edit my author's notes because I ramble (maybe you've noticed ha, sorry), so it was lost at some point. ANYWAY what was that last fight about (not the family feud), is the question. It was about Rosalie. That's the short of it.**

**I'm sorry about how long this took to get out. I was GOING to post this much earlier today but I have this awful guilt complex and I can't say no to people; don't use this against me, ha-ha.**

**Thanks so much for reading, if I don't say it every chapter, I'm sorry.**

Chapter five: Rain (part two)

I rolled my eyes, Edward was pushing my buttons, "I like you enough to save you from the cold and I know you feel the same because you just did that for me. Don't get anything stupid into your head."

He laughed again and blushed, he blushed. His blush was rare, I had noticed, not like mine which sprung up like dandelions. "I guess that's true."

"Plus to be completely honest I don't know why our families don't get along, I didn't even have anything against your family until you fought with Tyler and my brother the last time."

He grimaced at the memory. "You don't know what started the feud?" he realized.

"No I don't and I don't think I want to. It doesn't matter; it's too late for it to matter."

"I guess you're right but to be honest I don't really know either."

"But you still fight it," I explained exasperatedly, "Why?"

"I don't know… I'm easily provoked, or at least Jasper is easily provoked. It's not all us, you know, your side-"

I cut him off, "My side!" I practically shouted, "It's not my anything, I'm just a witness and it's not my side that's doing all the provoking either." He chucked, "You're trying to provoke me now?"

"No, I don't think I am, not really." He paused and took the conversation another direction, "It's just strange to think about the difference from the first day we met in relation to now." He looked away to tap the music system in the car on, adding background noise to our conversation and returned to look at me.

I tried not to think of how much I had enjoyed our first meeting. I wanted to believe I hated him then as much as I did now but unfortunately I knew the truth and that was that I didn't even hate him now. In fact I wondered if I didn't enjoy his company, something was wrong with me. "Does it bother you to know you're able to get along with a Swan?"

His eyes were distracted and his mouth seemed to move on its own, "More bothered that it felt so right," his eyes jumped back to me, "I mean," he stumbled, "normal, easy. Talking to you was like talking to anyone else."

"Anyone else," I repeated, I didn't want to acknowledge that his impersonal take on our conversation hurt me.

"Easier than just talking to anyone," he mumbled.

"Easier?" I asked and then I recognized the music playing, "Claire de Lune?" I was surprised.

"You know Debussy?"

"Not well, I admitted," I let the melody play unobstructed for a few moments. "Only my favorites…"

He was looking at anything other then me which was when a force gripped me. It was like our first meeting but this time it was my move. I wanted to tell my body to stop but I couldn't. My hand moved instinctually up to his face and I turned it back so he was looking at me. His hand came up and rested on mine, the warmth was addicting and I blushed.

I noticed, as I'm sure he did, that we were inclining toward each other. 'STOP' I pleaded myself, 'please don't come closer, Edward.' He's a Cullen, he's a Cullen, he's a CULLEN. My nose was just touching his, I could feel him angling to meet my lips when my rational side won and I pulled back; my hand freeing itself from under his.

He was still, eyes closed as if believing that I would return and finish what we'd started. Instead I looked out the window and broke the silence, "I've got to- I- it's- The rain stopped," I stated. Edward looked completely confused when his eyes snapped open. "I should go home," He didn't seem to comprehend me, "I'm going to go home now," I explained slowly.

I reached the handle again when I realized what I was wearing. "Turn around for a moment." I told him.

"Why?" He finally pulled himself together.

"Because I need to give you your shirt and blanket back and right now I'm wearing those and barely anything else."

"No, I mean why are you going now."

I rolled my eyes but he had listened to me before and wouldn't know that fact because he was facing the other direction. "I need to go home. This is- well I don't know what just happened," I decided to stay honest as I pulled my damp skirt back up. "I mean, what just happened?" I struggled out of his cotton shirt and stretched my own top back on.

"I don't know. I don't know what happened."

"You can turn back around." The sight of his face caused all my feelings to stir again, "So goodbye."

He shook his head and I shoved the blanket and his shirt back at him to keep me from shoving anything else back at him. "Wait."

I didn't pause as I opened the door and got out but I did turn back around to say, "No, I understand, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, or I do but I was- I mean…" I took a deep breath, "Don't worry I won't do that again and I won't tell anyone." He still looked so confused, like a lost child; every instinct was pushing me to give him a nurturing hug. "I… tomorrow."

That's how I found myself walking back to my house with a million watt smile and realized in horror that I was defiantly in love with Edward Cullen but this thought didn't even change the smile plastered stupidly on my face.

--

The second I stepped in the door Charlie pounced. "You're home, thank God," He muttered. "You look terrible."

"Thanks dad, just what any girl wants to hear," and then it dawned on me, I looked terrible. My smile was gone, erased completely. Edward had seen me looking terrible. Great just great and when did I become that girl, the one that was worried about her appearance? "Where's Emmett?"

"He went to bed ten minuets ago, told me you'd be fine, fell asleep in forty seconds flat," Charlie answered. "Why don't you take a hot shower, honey, you need to warm up."

"I'll wake Emmett," This wasn't true and we both knew it, Emmett slept like a cow, only waking when someone pushed him over. The truth was that I could still smell Edward on my skin and I didn't want to wash that away, not just yet.

"Ha, I wish something like that could wake the kid." I shivered and I knew Charlie was right, I needed to warm up.

"Okay, I'm going. Night, dad," I hugged him without thought and headed up the stairs. Charlie and I had never been the type to show emotions so freely and I wondered if this tipped him off.

--

"URrrrr," I grumbled as I woke up. All my muscles felt like jelly and my head was killing me. The light coming from my window was searing my eyes and I closed them immediately. No, I couldn't be sick, no not today. I was craving the hour I would get sitting beside Edward, especially today after everything that had happened yesterday.

"BELLA ARE YOU UP YET," Emmett shouted from just outside my door. His voice physically hurt my head. I moaned and heard as Emmett opened my door and called, "DAD."

"Stop screaming, you're killing me," I mumbled.

"Sorry Bells," Emmett whispered.

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked.

"Shh, look at Bella, she's dying in here," Emmett replied.

Charlie corrected his tone, "Sorry, Bella what's wrong?" He moved toward me and felt my forehead.

"It's just a cold, I know it," I answered having dealt with many similar situations before. I was used to taking care of myself after living with Renee. "Go on with your lives, I'll be fine. It'll clear up by tomorrow I think."

"Are you sure?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, I'm absolutely sure." My body convulsed in coughs and I moaned again. "I'll be fine.

Emmett and Charlie contemplated this for a bit. "O- K," Emmett started, "Do you need anything Kiddo?"

This was not something I was used to, people willing to look after me, but I was going to take the opportunity, "Emmett can you help me get downstairs, I think I'm going to hang out on the couch."

Charlie piped in, "I'll bring your blankets, Kleenex, Kleenex," He mumbled to himself.

"Oh and Emmett can you call Jake, tell him today isn't going to work."

"Of course," He replied as he pulled me from my blanket cocoon, I leaned my weight on his shoulder as we attempted the stairs.

Twenty minuets later Charlie and Emmett were out of the house and I was wrapped in a new cocoon on the living room couch, two Kleenex boxes on the coffee table in front of me, one empty garbage by my head for the used Kleenex, a glass of orange juice, a glass of water and a remote control all within my reach. It was nice having people to take care of you.

I fell asleep again letting the dull ache in my head fade as dreams passed slowly behind my lids. A loud knocking ruined the tranquility. I sprung up, shocked. Looking around confused I reoriented myself and then the knocking occurred again. "Come in," I said as loudly as I could manage, the sound was coming from the front door.

I heard the door open, close and footsteps making their way toward me. "You're sick," the voice appraised.

"No kidding," I allowed, sarcasm still being my weapon of choice. Edward stared down at me looking confused. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked before a round of coughs took me away from the situation.

"How awful do you feel?" he ignored my question.

"Probably not as bad as I look."

"Bad, like you ever look bad," I looked at him confused, his expression was horrified, "I mean, tell me what I can do, do you need anything?"

I knew I'd just gotten down here but the light in the living room was hurting my eyes, worse then that from my bedroom, "anything?" I asked making sure.

"Yes, anything."

"Can you help me get back upstairs," Two coughs, "to my room, my legs are practically Jell-O. I know I wouldn't be able to get up," I coughed, "there myself."

"Of course," He said taking me blanket and all in his arms bridal style. It wasn't the time but my heart reacted to him. So nice, I thought.

"Mhmmm, thank you Edward," I said through a yawn as he went up the stairs. He chuckled. When we reached the landing I could feel his indecision over which room to take me into. "First, left."

He understood and I felt him set me on the bed. "Anything else?"

"What are," cough, "you doing here?"

"I thought you were avoiding me when I saw you weren't in the truck with Emmett and I skipped school," he explained like it was a normal conclusion. He didn't realize how much I had wanted to see him, didn't know how glad I was that somehow I was still given the chance.

"And so you felt the," Three coughs, "Need to make sure I couldn't do that?" I asked, "Did you want to annoy me?" He felt my forehead then and his hand felt so cool and nice against me; I sighed.

"No, well maybe." He informed me, "I didn't think you were sick," he changed the direction our conversation was going; I looked at him skeptically he looked guilty.

"Why do you look so guilty," I murmured.

"I should have driven you home, you were so cold…" He trailed off.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever, I was fine. I think it was," cough, "inevitable."

"I should go-"

"No," my arm reached out weakly and took hold on his wrist-ish area, "Stay, please, I don't know if I'll be able to sleep."

He smirked using his other hand's fingers to trace comforting patterns on my hand. "Of course." His voice was so soothing that I really couldn't help falling asleep and I knew that he knew my reason for asking him to stay was bogus.

**AN: Anyone want to know how the 'car in the rain' scene was GOING to happen? THIS IS AN EXCEPT FROM ANOTHER DRAFT, TOTALLY UNEDITED!**

_And he did come closer and I did move closer. My eyes fluttered shut without my permission and his free hand came up to rest behind my head to help me move toward him._

_Then my luck cut in again and his mouth touched mine. My own free hand mimicked his. I gripped his face. I could feel the rest of my body moving toward him; feel the blood boiling in my lips. I could smell his sweet scent and everything in me was screaming that this was right. His hand that had been laying gently on mine pushed forward so both his hands were on the sides of my face, we were mirror images._

_This was irrational this was wrong but I knew I didn't want to stop. This was something I could fight, even if the fight felt hopeless. The need for air slowly made the stopping seem more bearable; more plausible. We broke apart and I gasped for air, moving as far away from him as I could manage in the car, my hands dropping from his face as his broke from mine. "I'm sorry- I'm-," Edward stuttered, finding no safe place for his words to take him._

_I looked out the window confused. The rain had stopped. It was darker out because it was later but the grayest clouds had passed while we had sat here. I knew this was a sign, a sign that I should get out of the car and walk back home but I didn't move to do that. "What was that?" I whispered, unsure if I was directing the question at Edward or at myself._

"_I'm-," Edward began again; I turned to look at him when he started talking and the force reeled up in me once more. His eyes met mine and we both mirrored each others movements as we kissed again, again and one more for good measure. This time I was the only one who jolted back. Edward's eyes were full of longing and I wondered if mine were as well. I controlled it._

**I'm a total love cynic and it felt too strange to get their relationship started because of something that happened with Jacob.**

**The rain scene came about because on the day I wrote it; I in fact, got trapped walking in the rain. Not so glamorous in reality, gotta admit it.**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thanks so much for reading. ;)  
**

Chapter five: Rain (part three)

Another round of bangs reopened my eyes. Edward was sitting in the rocking chair in my room staring at me looking unsure. "Why is everyone," I coughed, "coming to my house today?"

He laughed and the knock sounded again. I felt remarkably better, not perfect but I knew I was through the worst. I heard the door downstairs open, "BELLA!" Was that Jacob? I looked back to Edward, how was I going to explain him?

"Closet, go now, please." He understood and hid as I called, "up here," as loudly as I figured my throat could manage. I heard footsteps practically running up the stairs and my door opened.

"Bella! Oh Bella you look terrible."

"I'm just getting all the compli-" cough "ments today, aren't I?"

"Sorry," Jake laughed warmly.

"No I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For cancelling on you today," I clarified.

He laughed, "Bella you're so ridiculous, like I'd be upset that you got sick."

"Is no one going to school anymore?" I wondered absently. "Aren't you supposed to be there? Didn't you-" two coughs "just tell me that Billy was getting on your case about school." My voice sounded rough and unusual to my ears.

"I wanted to check on you." Well great he decided to check on me while Edward hid in my closet, wasn't I lucky? How did I get myself here? "I wasn't expecting you to be up here. Emmett said you were camped out in the living room. How'd you get up here all by yourself?"

"I'm amazing, what can I say" cough "Jake."

"I know you are," he told me sincerely as he touched my forehead like Edward had done before him. It made me uncomfortable; I wished his hand was Edward's.

"But really, Jake you should get back to school. I'm fine, I'm tired anyway."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, thanks for coming though, I appreciate it."

"You know I care about you…"

"Mhmm"

"Okay, you get back to sleep, I'll let myself out. You know you guys should really start locking that door. Don't know who might walk in."

"I'll get right on that." He laughed.

"Sweet dreams." He left my room quietly and I listened as he moved down the stairs and out the door.

"That was too close," I breathed as Edward came back with a strange expression on his face, "Are you okay? You look like someone just stole your lolly pop." I tired to kid.

He sat on the edge on the bed looking at me uncomfortably, "I should go." He sounded angry, "I shouldn't be here."

Which was true, "It's not safe here, not for you. If Emmett were here-"

"I saw Emmett at school before I came."

"-and what about if Charlie," cough, "had stayed home to take care of me?

"I didn't think that far ahead," he hedged but he turned the conversation, "You sound a lot better."

"I feel a lot better." His eyes were so _pretty_, mmm so nice staring at him. 'STOP THAT,' I told myself. You might have realized you love the boy but he can't know that. You shouldn't be making nice talk with him, bother him, make him dislike you, you need to get him out of here, you need to convince yourself that you don't care about him.

"I told you, you'd get sick," his crooked smile broke across his face.

Instead of letting him dazzle me I turned his words against him. "Yeah and you were," cough, "right. Do you feel happy about that? Does it give you a perverse thrill to be right; to see me coughing up a lung?" I tried to sound pissed but it sounded more pathetic.

"No, of course not," he looked surprised.

"Of course not, oh yeah sure," cough, "You're probably thinking I deserve it. You're right, you _should _leave."

"Think you deserve it? What are you talking about Bella? Are you okay?"

"Just get out," I muttered. I wanted him to stay which was half the reason I told him to leave, the other half being if anyone else stopped by Edward would be in danger.

He looked hurt, "You didn't want me to 'just get out' a couple hours ago."

"I was delusional then," I muttered. He composed his expression, forcing all signs of emotion inwards, his face now resembled a mask more then a human. He moved out the door without so much as a goodbye but I was strong and didn't cry until I heard the last door slam.

--

The rest of the day passed much the same as any day in Forks except I was trapped in my bed and Charlie and Emmett cooked dinner. Well if you consider 'Campbell's' chicken soup cooking. I didn't say much; thoughts of Edward were depressing me.

I woke up to another brighter then my eyes could handle day, a Friday. I was feeling well enough to go back to school but I hammed up my cold and stayed home instead. I was ashamed to admit how much of a chicken I was being. I wanted to see Edward, more then anything and for that reason alone I knew I couldn't go. If I wanted to see him more then I wanted to protect my family I was a traitor.

Saturday passed and on Sunday Emmett came into my room to lie beside me on my bed. He knew something was wrong with me, I was worrying him. I didn't know what to say, knew that he would see through all lies I tried to sell. "Is this about Jacob?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Huh?" was all I could manage as I stared at the afternoon light that was playing on the wood floor of my bedroom.

"Jacob, are you sad about Jacob? I don't mean to pry," I turned and gave him a disbelieving look and he altered, "Well okay I do mean to pry but you seem so… so out of it and it's more than just a cold. Don't even try to use that as an excuse."

"I've just been stuck in the house," I breathed knowing that this fact in itself was true.

"So you and Jake are good; you like him, aren't mad at him?" He looked serious, he was always serious when things were upsetting me but right now I wanted him to laugh and turn my spirits. I wondered if Jacob was pressing Emmett about this…

"Yes, we're good." Short and to the point, no need to explain my inner turmoil; the worry I felt over possibly leading my best friend on.

"And you want to get out of the house?"

"Uh, yes I guess so."

"Then let's go to a movie tonight; Rose and Jake too. You need to do something fun, I need you to do something fun before you depress me further…"

I laughed for the first time in what felt like years, "Yeah, that sounds good but Emmett, movies don't run on Sunday." I knew he was right, I needed to stop moping and Jake always made my world feel better, made my world light up, like he was my own personal sun. But it was surely wrong to use him to make myself feel better when he was looking for more. Maybe I could explain this to him… I would have to talk to him soon… Emmett didn't notice the frown these revolutions brought on as he bounded out of my bed smiling like a child.

"Okay, later this week then. It'll be fun; it'll make you feel better. I promise. That new vampire movie is coming out on Friday anyway." He enveloped me in one of this patented bear hugs. I was laughing now, mostly at his exuberance. "I'll plan it all too, you won't have to think about it," he added squishing off my air supply, "Say yes." He pulled back to give me pleading puppy dog eyes. I rolled my own and nodded, "There's a good girl, and you won't regret this." He let me go and was heading out the door when he seemed to remember something, he spun on his heels, "Oh and Bella, take a shower, you're starting to stink."

I threw my pillow at him; he ducked, chuckling, and closed my door.

--

By six o'clock I had finally left my bedroom. Charlie was still at work and Emmett had left to visit Rosalie so I had free reign of the house. I absently paced around but that only kept my feet busy, my head was emotionally unstable. Why did I have to love him? Really; why couldn't I want Jake?

I shook my head to clear Edward's image and stalked to my school bag to retrieve my copy of 'Wuthering Heights.' I poured a glass of water and got comfortable on the couch before I opened the book. Ten pages into the story the phone rang. I sighed and set the book down, the binding was so damaged that the book lay flat.

"Hello?"

"Bella; it's Jessica, how are you?" Jessica? I definitely wasn't expecting to hear from her.

"I'm much better," I told her vaguely.

"You'll be back Monday, then?" She asked excitedly. Why was she so amped about this?

"Um, yeah, I suppose."

"Did Emmett tell you about the dance? Are you going? Who are you going to ask?" Woah, way too many questions.

"Dance?" I questioned dryly.

"He didn't then. It's going to be so much fun!" Dancing, fun? Did she really think me dancing would be fun?

"Um-"

She cut me off before I could reply, "It's girl's choice and I was kind of thinking, maybe about asking Mike…"

She trailed off and it figured out the real reason she had called. She wanted to know if it was alright if she went with Mike. I rolled my eyes, "You will have a lot of fun with Mike," I added for her benefit.

"You think?" and I could hear the joy and accomplishment in her voice.

"Of course."

"Who are you going to ask?"

"I don't really know anything about the dance," I said trying to weasel out of answering.

"What do you need to know? It's pretty casual. I already said it's girl's choice…" She paused in thought. "Oh! It's this Saturday. What else would you need to know? It's going to be a lot of fun. You should come."

"Oh well… um… dancing really isn't my thing."

"Are you sure? There are still lots of boys that you could ask," She pointed out. I could hear a small bit of guilt in her voice. Did she feel bad that I couldn't ask Mike now?

"No it's not that. I can't dance."

"Oh," She laughed, "Well if you're sure…"

I let a soft laugh fall from my lips to make her feel more comfortable; know there were no hard feelings over the Mike thing. "I'm sure, very sure," I added imagining trying to dance and in front of people.

"Okay, well then I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mhmm, bye Jessica."

I hung up and returned to my book. No matter how I tried I couldn't reemerge into the complicated love story. The one sided love story that was happening in my own life was far too persistent. I wished Edward was here, what a terrible thought. If he was so awful then why did he make me feel so safe?

**AN: I completely rewrote this chapter. I felt like it was a cop out to write that they were in 'love' with each other so soon. Yes, Bella has thought it but it just felt so **wrong** for them to declare themselves already. It feels so empty now, but my favorite parts in 'Twilight' were the scenes where Bella and Edward were just together and changing this chapter has allowed me two or three more scenes with them. **

**BUT I will give a snip bit of how it was going to happen:**

"_I was delusional then," I muttered, "Thought you were someone else; someone I wanted."_

_He shocked me by laughing, "No you knew who I was." He was so assured._

"_Yeah right, how can you possibly know that?"_

"_Has anyone ever told you, you sleep talk?" Those words sent my blood running cold. My eyes widened and my mouth fell open._

"_What did I," cough, "say?" I managed, horrified._

"_Oh I don't know," he teased a smile playing on his perfect lips, "You mostly said my name," He paused, "a lot."_

"_A lot, how much is a lot?" before he could answer I added, "I was probably having a nightmare."_

"_Oh a nightmare really, is that why you said and I quote, 'Edward mmhm you're so warm'. Somehow those words don't sound so scary…" I covered my eyes with my hands wanting to wipe away all the stupid things I done while asleep. I shouldn't have asked him to stay; I didn't even know why I did that. "You like me." He stated completely sure of himself._

"_No," I lied but I knew my deepening blush would give me away._

"_Bella you're a terrible liar. I don't believe you." Now I was angry. Who was he to tell me how I felt? I didn't care that he was right. "I like you too," the sweetest words exited his mouth._

"_What?" I muttered as his cool lips brushed each hand that covered my eyes; then using his hands he gently moved mine so he could see my face._

"_You heard me, I like you, more then that," his words softened as they moved down his comment._

"_You do?"_

"_Yes, I do, I have since that first day. If things weren't so complicated- and after yesterday-"_

"_But you hate me. You don't- I mean you were always so angry sitting beside me… in bio…"_

"_Bella can't you see I was just angry at myself, not you, angry that I wasn't angry at you. I was trying to lie to myself about how I…" he trailed off. We were silent for a few minuets before he added, "Say something, don't leave me hanging here, please."_

"_What do you want me to say?"_

"_Tell me how you feel about me?"_

"_You already know. We just covered that? Weren't you listening?"_

"_No," me chuckled, "I want you to say it, coherently, wide awake, seriously."_

"_I think I'm falling in love with you," I practically whispered._

"_I'm __**in**__ love with you," he answered, kissing my forehead._

**AN: See it was totally corny, don't you think? I also couldn't quite get over the feeling that Edward was pulling her leg, did anyone else feel like that?**

**I wanted to keep the scenes from this story similar to the book but my fingers typed out something else entirely and I couldn't rein them in. **


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: I wanted to say that the two Edward/Bella romance scenes I posted were cut ****before**** I even started posting this story. I realized they didn't fit almost RIGHT after I wrote them but I thought they were interesting enough to post regardless.**

**ANYWAY, ;) thanks for reading thus far, it's very kind of you.**

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic."  
-Anais Nin

Chapter Six: Invitations (part one)

"Edward, where are you going?" I asked as I hurried to keep up. He stopped as if suddenly noticing me following.

"We can't stay here, it's too hard," he explained, before resuming his pace, pushing through the greenery with his forearms.

"You're going too fast," I told him, picking up speed.

He didn't slow, "We don't have much time; we have to hurry."

His eyes conveyed seriousness and maturity that was far beyond his youth. I tried to reach out to him but he was just a little too far. My breath hitched as I started jogging to breech the short distance. "I can't keep up," I admitted, this made me uncomfortably sad and tears sprung up. "Stop, Edward, please stop." But I knew he wouldn't stop, he never stopped; it was always the same.

He quickly looked back apologetically, "I can't until you give me a reason to," his words were soft yet clear. The trees were blurring together and his image was swirling into the landscape. I tried to keep my eyes focused on his fuzzy picture.

"I don't have a reason," I called to him as the tears clouded the last glimpse of the beautiful boy. "I don't have a reason," I shouted, the sobs breaking my words every which way.

"Don't you?"

My eyes sprang open and my room came into focus. _Just a dream_, I reassured myself. I blinked him away, rubbing the sleep with him. I could hear movement downstairs, it helped me right myself. The clock's green numbers glowed dimly in the morning light, all telling me it was late enough to get ready for school. Another dreaded day…

I pulled on an old pair of jeans and a warm burgundy sweater before heading to the bathroom. While brushing my teeth I noticed everything that I had missed in the past four days. It was almost imperceptible but familiar, shrouding my entire face. Maybe it was that my cheeks appeared a little redder, warmer. Maybe it was the way my hair glowed, shiner; I pulled it into a messy bun noticing how it framed my heart shaped face. My eyes were the most different; the brown was deeper and brighter. I couldn't place the way my mouth was set or the glint in my eyes.

I turned away from my reflection at the sound of my brother's voice, "Bella, come on, don't want to be late, do you?!" I hurried down the stairs, grabbing my bag and a granola bar as Emmett stood at the open door, tapping his wrist in mock distaste.

I brushed past him, "When did you become the parent?" I grumbled, already picturing the day ahead. He laughed as the door shut behind him.

"I was always the parent," He explained when we were seated in the truck; "You just forgot how it used to be."

--

Jessica had been oddly quiet throughout third period. I didn't push for a change; instead I followed beside her as we walked to the lunchroom. We had been let out a few minuets early so the cafeteria was mostly empty. I couldn't help looking over to Edward's table, empty like most of the others but still significant to me. Jessica and I sighed in unison, sitting down at the far end of the table across from one another.

"Not hungry," I surmised.

"Neither are you," She answered. I nodded watching her examine her hands, ignoring me, before I decided she wasn't about to talk. I didn't want to appear rude but I brought out my copy of 'Wuthering Heights;' figuring she'd actually prefer my attention being diverted.

Minuets later I looked up as Angela sat down beside me and greeted her before focusing back into the story. I noticed from my quick glance up that Mike had sat at the other end of the table beside Tyler. As I stared at the page I realized what Jessica's problem was. Asking Mike hadn't gone as she had wished, I was probably the last person she would have wanted to talk to.

--

"Ready for class?" Angela timidly asked from behind me, probably worried that she was interrupting me from my book.

I bent the edge of the page over to mark my spot and smiled up at her. "Yes," I carefully disentangled myself from the chair realizing that I had lied; I wasn't ready for class at all. I hated how excited the thought of sitting beside him made me, how much I longed to see his eyes.

--

"Hey, wait up," Mike called as we reached the door to the biology room, his breath labored. I frowned at him thinking of Jessica while Angela disappeared inside. "I wanted to talk to you," He added.

"Why's that?" I asked disguising my irritation while I followed Angela's lead and walked inside. Edward was already there; sitting casually pointed toward the front and away from me. I thrilled at the sight of him but hid it while I took my seat.

Mike leaned across the table looking at me seriously, "Well," he paused while he searched for the words, "Jessica asked me to the dance."

I nodded, already knowing this fact, "That's great, you'll have a lot of fun with Jessica," I commented with a deliberate smile pasted on my face.

It was his turn to frown, "I told her maybe."

"Why?" disprovable hung in my tone though I was glad he hadn't told her a downright no.

"Well I was," he looked down from my eyes, sheepishly, "I was hoping, that maybe," he sighed, "Maybe you were thinking of asking me."

I grimaced before he looked up, noticing from the corner of my eyes how Edward had inclined his head toward us, "You should tell her yes."

I saw Edward's intrigued expression, and it annoyed me that I cared more about him than Mike and Jessica's interests. I reoriented myself in the conversation as Mike spoke, "Did you ask someone else?"

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all," I explained.

"Why not?"

"I don't dance," I replied, and worried that he would push further I thought of another direction to take my rejection. "I'm going to Seattle that day." I had wanted to go anyway; I suddenly knew it was the perfect time to go.

"Oh," he was dejected and I felt guilty that I had caused this.

"So you should tell Jessica, yes." Although it was against the 'friend code' I added, "She likes you a lot, you know."

He let this sink in for a moment, "She does?"

I laughed timidly, "Really? Are you blind Mike?"

"I'll talk to her after school," Mike told me, nodding his head before turning away and walking to his spot.

Closing my eyes and letting out a slow breath I let the guilt take hold of me. I rubbed my temples as my eyes slid open and I saw from the corner of my vision that Edward was still looking at me. I turned to look at him straight. "What?" I questioned not wavering from our impromptu staring contest.

"Nothing." He pulled his face together before I could understand his expression, forcing it to the mask from before. We continued to stare as Mr. Banner started talking, I refused to let him win and, humiliatingly, I loved looking at him. I liked having a good reason to be able to leisurely examine his beauty.

"Edward!?" Mr. Banner broke in to my reverie.

Edward reluctantly turned to the teacher, "Sorry, what was that?"

"I asked; what are the two large arteries that lead out of the heart," there was disapproval in his voice.

Edward didn't miss a beat, "The aorta and the pulmonary artery."

"Right," the teacher frowned. I was starting to think he was wishing for failure from his students, "But pay attention to class Mr. Cullen."

--

The rest of the day passed quickly and I was relieved as I walked out of the stale air. "Bella."

"Hey Erick," I answered as he walked over to me, where I stood about ten feet away from the door. "What's up?"

I was distracted so his uncomfortable expression didn't set off the appropriate warning bells, "Uh- I was wondering if… if you would go to the spring dance with me?"

I was taken by surprise but calmly replied, "Isn't it girl's choice?"

He squirmed a bit. "Well… yes."

I didn't want to get into it so I told him the gist of what I had told Mike, "I'm sorry Erick; I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

He looked deflated. "That's fine, another time."

"Sure," I smiled, praying he wouldn't take my answer too literally. He nodded and ambled off as a muffled laugh came from behind me. I turned and was surprised to find Edward standing in the doorway, his crooked smile firmly in place.

I scowled and stomped away, knowing the best thing for me was to avoid any situation involving him.

Emmett was already sitting in the car when I got there. I slammed the door behind me and looked out the window. Edward was already at his car, I watched him as he pulled out, was he in a hurry? "What's wrong?" Emmett asked before pulling out of his spot.

"Mike **and **Erick asked me to the dance Saturday," I muttered examining my hands like Jessica had done earlier.

He laughed at me and then turned serious, "What's Cullen doing?" I looked up surprised to notice that Edward was creating a road block in front of us. What was he doing? I turned behind me to see a few other cars slowly starting to build, noticing Tyler's car was right behind us. He waved before exiting his vehicle and running over to our truck.

I rolled the window down angrily, annoyed fully, "It's not us," I managed to sound calm while pointing to Edward's Volvo. Obviously the hold up wasn't our fault.

He smirked, "I see that, I had something else I wanted to ask." _You better not, _I warned him internally. "Will you ask me to the dance?" No, he didn't. I turned to Emmett cringing, his face was remarkably jubilant, he was enjoying this, I could tell.

As I returned to Tyler I noticed that Edward was staring at me from his rearview mirror. He was laughing, like he knew what Tyler had just asked. I narrowed my eyes quickly, "I'm not going to be in town," I told Tyler trying to pull myself together. It wasn't his fault that Edward, Mike and Erick had used up my patience for the day.

"I heard that," he admitted.

"Then why would you-"I cut myself off deciding I didn't care, "I'm sorry Tyler," I gritted, "I can't."

He smiled, confidently as if my words weren't a rejection, "That's okay, we always have prom." He walked away before I could respond.

Flabbergasted I turned back to my brother. He was laughing hysterically now. "That was amazing." He added between laughs.

"Remarkably," I stated sarcastically. Edward's car finally started off to my relief. "You can go now," I informed my brother. He wiped a tear from his bemused face.

"You have to admit that was classic, three guys in one day. You have a gift."

"Some gift."

"So you're not going to be in town?" Emmett asked a tinge of seriousness returning.

"Oh yeah, right, can I borrow the truck on Saturday? I wanted to go to Seattle," I had almost forgotten that the truck didn't belong to me.

"Of course, do you want company?"

"Aren't you going to the dance with Rosalie?"

"She'd understand." He told me.

"That's okay, don't worry about it. I don't mind going alone."

He shrugged as I relaxed. I was glad I was getting out of town, wondering why I hadn't thought of this before. I would be getting away from the dance, getting away from the fight and most importantly getting away from Edward.

**AN: This was remarkably hard to edit, not sure why, but I'm sure there is a CRAZY amount of mistakes.**

**Reading the comments on the last chapter was great, lots of ideas. I wish Bella was actually going to the dance now; I would have loved to write a masked scene. Unfortunately I have already written a large chunk of her going to Seattle… :(**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: I think this is the last dream sequence. I have to admit that I added those in afterwards, I needed to get SOME romance in. Can you blame me?**

**I'll apologize now but this chapter also follows the 'Twilight' route, not as much as the last one. Regardless 'chapter 15' and 'chapter 16' will be the last to be so similar.**

**Thanks again for the response and sorry about grammar/spelling, I try but i'm only one person...**

Chapter Six: Invitations (part two)

"Don't you?" Edward asked. He was standing twenty feet away and looked like he was just about to run. I took a step closer, in an attempt to _finally _close the distance between us; he took one back, deeper into the trees.

"I don't have a reason," I let the misery take my words, "Edward, please don't go," I pleaded.

He laughed at me, "Why can't you admit how you feel about me?"

"You won't stay with me," I turned rational. I took another step forward and this time he allowed it.

"You don't know me well enough to judge what I'll do," he pointed out. I went two steps closer, he stood there speculating. "Give me a reason."

"I- I love you, but it's not reason enough…" I trailed off looking down in embarrassment. I felt defeated and empty; why couldn't I deny him?

His arms wound around me and I looked up to see his face. His face, as it had looked before the mask, was beautiful. Unclouded and full of- full of _love_. My eyebrows rose in confusion, "Why was that so hard to admit?" He asked, chuckling. I hugged onto him tighter; I never wanted to leave this moment. My misery faded.

I had never felt so complete before which was probably why the sound of the alarm jarred me, uncomfortably, away. This time as my eyes opened a wave of despair flew from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I started crying, irrationally, it was just a dream after all. I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe away the evidence while I sobbed uncontrollably.

It took a long time to finally pull myself together. Once I did I grabbed my toiletries bag and headed to the bathroom, longing to wash my face; rid myself of the telltale tears. I brushed my teeth first, not quite ready to face my reflection.

I put away my toothbrush before looking up; when I did I was surprised. I recognized my expression now; it mirrored dream-Edward's. The way my eyes looked alive, the way my mouth teetered on the edge. I sighed, looking away. I turned the water to hot and harshly wiped away the night.

--

I was a phantom throughout the day. I tried not to feel anything; it was too hard- too much- to do anything else.

All the while Jessica was ecstatic, going on and on about how Mike had caught her after school yesterday to accept her invitation. I pasted a smile on my mouth and nodded along to her ramble on about dresses. My heart was empty, and my head wasn't in much of a working order either.

I carefully avoided looking over at Edward throughout biology. He didn't seem to notice, was probably doing the same thing, not for the same reason, of course.

When I felt terrible, like I did now, I usually called Jacob, but I couldn't today. It made me feel too guilty at the thought of using him. Just the thought of him brightening my day a little, even, made me self-loathing. So instead I went to my room, when I got home, and slowly did my homework. After dinner I did the same thing, but without homework, I put on my headphones and blared out all my emotions.

I was terrified to sleep; I didn't want to go through the false hope again.

--

Wednesday was the same, worse maybe, because the dream had been more heartfelt. I did my best while at school but when I got home I cringed away from my family, talked less than I ever had before. I was torn apart, a guilty traitor.

--

So by Thursday morning I was a mess. I was hardly sleeping; even more scared to close my eyes now. Every time I let it overwhelm and take me I dreamt of him, of Edward. The dreams were so sweet, so loving, that waking only left me feeling nauseous and empty. When I rolled over and saw the time I had to silently curse. It was much too early to go to school but I didn't want to try to sleep again so I got up. I turned on my over head light and silently pulled on clothes for the day. I went downstairs being extra careful on the stairs that creaked.

When I got to the kitchen I realized my silence had been in vain, Charlie was sitting with a cup of coffee flipping through a fishing magazine. He looked up when I entered, "Bella? Isn't it a little early for school?"

"I couldn't sleep," I answered truthfully, putting two slices of bread in the toaster.

Charlie grunted like he understood as I went to the living room to retrieve my copy of 'Frankenstein.' I couldn't stand to read any more love stories. I returned and leaned against the counter, reading, as I waited for my toast to pop.

I had hardly started the first page when my toast finished. I ate slowly trying to pay attention to the story but my dreams were seeping to the front part of my mind. The way dream Edward had held me… the way he smiled… the kisses… I was driving myself insane I needed to get out of town. Which reminded me, "Charlie I was thinking about going to Seattle this weekend, do you mind?" I didn't think I needed to ask him but it seemed like a thoughtful thing to do.

"Are you going alone?" he looked up.

"Yes. I just wanted to pick up some new books, maybe clothes. Just personal things…"

"Do you want company? We haven't done anything together since you got here. I can come with you if you want." Why was everyone offering to come? I wondered if it was to do with my behavior the past couple days.

"Thanks for the offer dad but you'd be bored to tears; sitting in change rooms all day… I'm sure you have better things to do." Charlie looked down at his fishing magazine nodding in agreement.

I had finished my breakfast by then and went back upstairs to brush my teeth and hair. Now what? It was still so early, Emmett wasn't even up. I went back down carrying my books in an over the shoulder bag and looked around trying to think of something to occupy my time. "Are you walking to school?" Charlie asked looking a little confused. Walking to school… hmm good idea.

"Yeah, actually can you tell Emmett he doesn't have to drive me?"

"Sure honey."

I left the house feeling better. The cool air outside cleared the images from my head. I grabbed my iPod from my bag and lost any traces of Edward's dream presence, the deep boom of bass took his place.

When I resurfaced I noticed I was already at the school, just walking through the parking lot. I looked around; only one car was in the student lot, a stupid shiny Volvo. At least my luck was consistent. Edward was sitting in his car facing the window, his eyes were closed, was he sleeping? I didn't care; I shook my head at the thought.

It was like he could feel my gaze on him, his eyes snapped open. I looked down and started walking towards a cluster of picnic tables that were closer to the school. I sat down and pulled out my trigonometry homework from the night before and started checking my work. Edward's voice broke into my world, "You're here early."

I promptly ignored him. I wouldn't look at him; he would only distract me from distracting myself. Getting his face out of my head was first priority; second was stopping the gooey, romantic thoughts about him. "I actually wanted to talk to you."

I tried to stay silent but I was curious. "Oh yeah, what about?" I made sure to sneer my words, still not looking up from my notebook.

"Well I was wondering about what you were doing this Saturday…"

This got a reaction out of me, "Are you trying to be funny?"

"No. No let me finish." He waited to see if I would interrupt but now my eyes were on his and he was dazzling me into complying. "See I heard you say you were going to Seattle this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted a ride with me."

"What are you talking about? Why in the world would I want a ride with you?"

"Well I was actually thinking about the environment Bella. I was going to head up there myself this weekend anyway…" he trailed off adding, "I don't think your truck would survive the highway."

I rolled my eyes, "My truck is in perfect working condition. It can and will make the trip fine."

"And how is your truck on gas?"

"Just fine." I spit.

"But not as good per mile as my Volvo is." He pointed out.

"No thanks, Edward," I said disregarding his comment. He nodded with a crooked smirk on his face and started walking away. Something about his expression made me think he wasn't accepting defeat this easy.

**AN: Normally I would do an Edward POV and explain what he was doing at the school so early but I simply don't have the words to put it in detail. So I'll just summarize, Edward got into a verbal fight, since I haven't written it I'm not sure if it was with Jasper or Carlisle, though. I think it was Carlisle, but it's really not important.**

**I thought this was a good point to end on; 'tomorrow' in this story is the movie with Jacob, so that'll be part three.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Thanks for the reviews; they are really interesting to read. So thank-you, thank-you, thank-you. :D:D**

Friday night seemed to roll around quickly. I had avoided seeing Jacob since he had visited. I'd been too worried about everything _else _to deal with my issues with him. We had talked on the phone a bit and I'm sure he knew that I was going through something personal, he didn't press, maybe he was waiting to see me in person before he pounced, maybe he'd been talking to Emmett about me behind my back…

I had planned to talk to Jacob soon; our relationship needed some clarification, but knew tonight wouldn't be the time. We'd be with my brother and Rosalie all night, no time to be alone. I was thankful for how tonight was working out; I hadn't made any decisions regarding Jacob yet.

I wanted to throw myself into something with him to get my mind off of the way my romantic inclinations were pointing me. But I did love Jake, it was sibling love but it was love all the same, and I couldn't do that to him if it could end with him hurting. So I kept obsessing about it till the last minuet.

Jacob's honk brought me out of my reverie, I had been sitting staring at the television screen while Rosalie, Emmett and Charlie discussed something or other; I hadn't caught any bit of their conversation. "Come on Bells," Emmett rolled his eyes in mock hurry. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up, before letting go and tending to Rosalie.

Jacob was waiting in his vehicle, smiling; his predictable attitude clear in the simple gesture. The couple made their way into the back so I was stuck in close proximity with my possible fate. We started off and I tried to force an easy going smile. I guess the force was too obvious, Jacob asked, "Bella, what's wrong, you seem stiff?" his tone wasn't pushy but I had no idea how to answer.

Emmett roared into laughter in the back seat, I spun around to glare at him. "Bella didn't tell you about the dance, did she Jake?" He asked. Where was this coming from? The dance? Emmett…?

"The dance?" Jake repeated, curiosity eating at his words.

"Oh man it was too funny. Erick, Tyler and Mike all asked her to the dance tomorrow. ALL asked her to the lady's choice dance. Too funny," his laughter died down. "Bella is going to Seattle to avoid the situation. She's been down about it all week, feels bad she hurt their feelings, I think." He remarked a little more seriously. Is that what Emmett assumed? Is that why he thought I'd been spending so much time alone in my bedroom? Did he really think I felt bad turning down those boys, that I was worried I'd hurt their feelings? That in itself was hilarious; I involuntarily let a few loud laughs escape, Emmett seemed to take this as agreement from me, "But tonight will be fun; just us four, a scary movie and popcorn."

Just us four, just two guys, two girls and a scary movie. **Wait**… was Emmett setting me up? Oh God, NO, he was setting us up. I was so stupid. It was a double date. Emmett had made that perfectly obvious Sunday. He'd asked me how I felt about Jake, he'd offered to take us four to a movie, and he'd made sure to point out it was going to be a scary movie. He was planning on having me scared and clutching Jake all night. I was ridiculously stupid. Did he think I felt bad about turning the others down because I liked Jacob, liked him more then a friend, more then I did? If that didn't make me more uncomfortable, I don't know what would.

What did Jacob think about this? Did he think it was a date too? How did I not see this? Emmett was too conniving for his own good. He was torturing me.

I was quiet for the rest of the ride but it wasn't silent. Jacob, Emmett and Rosalie talked about cars and mechanics. It all sounded like rocket science to me, I couldn't comment on it if I wanted to.

--

Once out of the car we walked toward the theater. I was more aware of Jake's proximity. He was practically touching me. Emmett was going to get a mouthful from me when we got home. I wasn't ready for this. I made sure that I was the first at the ticket counter, not wanting to let Jacob pay for me. That was defiantly a date thing. After everyone else paid for their tickets we entered the small theater; Rosalie and Emmett in front, holding each other's hands.

Rosalie picked a spot towing Emmett with her, Jake followed and I grudgingly sat down beside him. He turned to look at me and start a conversation when the loud sounds of teenagers entered the theater. I turned away to see who was making such a commotion but found I couldn't see much in the dark. A high soprano was talking about the previews for the movie we were about to see while a deeper voice adding vague comments. He cut her off in the middle of talking about the attractive male lead, "Well fancy seeing you folk."

The others turned at this, "Jasper, what a coincidence." Emmett growled. Jasper; that was a name I knew. My mind tried to call it forward. Oh, no…

My luck went as it had been going lately, bad. I noticed three figures outlined in the dim light. Three… Jessica's words from months before found their way in, _those three pretty much stay to themselves anyway_. Of course Edward was the third. Alice was the small shape; there was no mistaking her now that I thought about it.

"Well I guess we'll just have to sit here, close to our _friends,"_ Jasper sneered moving into the row behind us. As Edward sat down his eyes grazed mine. Perfect! I turned around promptly. The world was out to get me. Emmett made a gruff noise but I heard Rosalie mummer something along the lines of don't let it bother you. I tried to apply her words to my situation. I noticed Alice was quiet which seemed odd since every time I'd seen her she'd been talking. This situation must make her uncomfortable as well.

The previews started then and I focused all my attention towards the screen. I just had to engross myself into the movie, the gorgeous boy who I was desperately in love with didn't matter, the movie did. The boy beside me who thought I was on a date with him didn't matter, the movie did. The movie did…

And I convinced myself of this fact till the conclusion of the movie was playing out. Jacob's arm moving around me snapped me out of my imagined movie bubble. A bang occurred on screen and I used it to disguise my sudden jolt from my seat. Jake's arm stayed where it had been, resting on _my_ seat, I noticed when I turned to look at him, ducking so I wouldn't obscure the film from people who were probably having a much easier time watching it. "I'll be right back," I managed as I went toward exit.

I entered the bathroom, slowed my breathing and splashed some water on my face. I stared at my reflection, I looked normal, a bit wet. Taking a sheet of paper towel I bloated my face till I looked better, maybe a little redder than usual but better.

I left the bathroom to face another dilemma; to go back in there or stand here? Hmm, standing here sounded so much better. Something else made my decision for me; Jacob came out the doors. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Um… yeah I'm alright…"

He grabbed my hand and towed me towards a red bench just outside the doors. "You don't look alright. What is it? You can tell me anything."

I didn't know what to say. I certainly couldn't say anything about Edward. "Can I be honest?" I mumbled looking away from him.

"Of course you can, Bella." He lifted my face so that I was staring into his eyes. Did he have to do that; it only reminded me of Edward. Why was he the first thing I thought about?

"Jacob," I stopped what now? Urgh, I wasn't prepared for this tonight, "Jacob, I can't, I mean-"

"Relax," He laughed, "I think I know."

"You do?" What did he know? Was it Edward? Was it him? I didn't even know what I thought I knew he knew… my mind was officially maxed out.

"Yes Bella, it's okay. You're not ready; you're confused I see that."

"You do?"

"I do," he chuckled, "We don't have to start a relationship here. I'm fine with waiting."

"Jacob you might be waiting for a long, long, long time. I don't think we want the same things." I muttered, his eyes went a little sad at my words but he seemed determined.

"I'm willing to wait. You're worth the wait," He stated, "Just tell me one thing, you like me more then those other boys, right?"

I knew he was only asking about Erick, Tyler and Mike. He didn't know about Edward; would never think of him and me in that way. So I answered his question honestly but not quite entirely, "Oh course, Jake but not like-"

He cut me off, "That's all I need to know. Okay. Don't let this bother you; we're best friends nothing will get in the way of that, okay? I will always be your friend, promise." He hugged me then and I returned it happily. Oh Jake, he was too good to me. He let go and moved to look at me, "You're not crying, are you?"

I noticed the tears on my cheeks, "Uh, yes." I muttered a bit ashamed as I brushed them away quickly.

"I don't want you to cry…" he told me as he got up. He pulled me after him, holding my hand. It felt right now, his hand on mine. Felt like how it was supposed to be, comfortable. It wasn't romantic for me but it was something more than friendship, I knew that too. I tried not to dwell on it as Jake led us back into our spots in the theater. I could sense Edward turn to stare at us, feel his eyes appraising our hands locked together as we walked by.

'_Don't think about him,'_ I repeated in my head as we sat down. I let our hands fall apart, Jake didn't seem to mind; he just placed his arm where it had been before, around me. If we were alone this would have felt natural but because we were with all these people who didn't understand, it made me feel eerie. They would get the wrong impression but what did it really matter what _they_ thought? What did it matter what Edward thought?

**AN: Now I know some people may think that Bella running into Edward at the movie theater is too convenient and although I can't say it isn't I will say I don't think it is farfetched. I happen to live in a small city and run into people practically every time I go to a movie. So because of this I came to the conclusion, if you lived in a small town (which I have, by the way) there wouldn't be TOO much to do on a Friday night. Also I wrote that a new movie was coming out 'this' Friday (in my city new movies come out on Friday, I'm not sure if that is true for everywhere…), so it seemed to be a likely place for run-ins.**

**I found this chapter hilarious to write since I have been in many situations like the one Bella finds herself in, the 'date you didn't know about till you were thrust into it because boys are confusing.' It is one of those situations I cringe even at the thought of. Fun to write about, unending while actually occurring…**

**Mostly this chapter is about how Emmett needed to 'figure' out what Bella's problem was but of course get it wrong. I just think his conclusion was funny, like Bella in the car, I laughed at how far he comes to the actual reason. I don't know… maybe I'm just heartless.**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: So Bella will have her conversation with Emmett but it won't be quite yet.**

**Thanks again for reviewing, favorite-ing and alerting this story ;)**

Chapter Seven: Seattle (part one)

After coming home from the movie last night I had gone straight to bed after a long, hot shower. I didn't have the emotional strength to bother getting angry at Emmett and was too exhausted to do much else.

Of course I dreamed of Edward, like I could ever hope for a night of reprieve but I was used to waking up and feeling awful by now. It was still early when I awoke. I knew without a doubt Emmett and Charlie had left for fishing already. I was used to quiet Saturday mornings alone, most mornings alone, actually.

Trying not to dwell on last night; I put on an eyelet lace white top, a pair of faded jeans and a warm jacket. I brushed my hair out from the haystack it had turned into throughout the night before grabbing my black over the shoulder purse and heading to the truck without breakfast. I wasn't hungry in the slightest, not after the dream I'd had.

And what should I find twelve steps out of my house? Edward Cullen; he was leaning against his silver Volvo like an ad in a 'Car and Driver' magazine. I faltered before stopping surprised.

"What are you doing here?" the words blew from my mouth as I regained my feet. I walked toward the truck, not looking at him.

"I told you, I don't think your truck will make it." I opened the truck door but didn't climb in; I had to finish the disagreement or at least that's what I told myself. I knew I enjoyed seeing him even if it was some sick love fantasy I'd created.

Was he serious? Was he really, actually doing this? "And I told you it _can and will_."

"I'm glad you have such faith. I on the other hand will believe it when I see it."

Well he was making this too easy, "Fine, see it." I called slamming the door and reversing onto the road. _See look it works! I don't need money to have a working car; I don't need an expensive Volvo to make a trip to Seattle_. He couldn't seriously think these things, could he? But he did, he was taking this too far. I looked, confused, into my rearview mirror, he was following me! What did I do in another life to be tortured like this?

Jacob had let our weird relationship rest, let it settle. He was giving me time, why couldn't Edward do the same? Or better yet why couldn't he leave me alone? I kept driving, maybe he'd give up. I didn't think he would, he had to go to Seattle too, didn't he… or at least that's what he'd said. So I guess this was going to be an all day stalking expedition on his part. Great, fabulous but I couldn't help enjoying it a bit. '_NO! If he is anywhere around you, it's bad. BAD! Bad… You are completely in love with this fool,'_ I righted myself.

The truck went 55m/hr max on the 90 highway; he'd surely pass me soon. He never seemed like the kind of boy to take things slow… no definitely not slow. He was all extremes but I knew that also applied to me. He was going to extremes to drive me over the edge, literally.

Twenty-six minuets later, I'd been keeping track, it was simply too much. He hadn't passed me, and my brain couldn't function on driving when my eyes kept drifting to the mirror overhead. I didn't want to look but he was addicting. If he wasn't around maybe I could stop thinking about him, well it was a nice idea in theory. When did he ever stop being around, my mind never let him go…

So I pulled over to the right side of the empty highway. '_Pass me_,' I pleaded. _Here you go; I've proven the vehicle works._ But of course not… He pulled up behind me, stopping his car in perfect imitation. I cursed him under my breath but this was it. This was my chance to scream at him, I was beyond angry. He wouldn't dare bother me again after I gave him the mouthful I had waiting for him. Just let him try!!

I pulled the keys out jerkily and threw the door open in pure frustration. When I looked up to notice he had followed my lead. He seemed perfectly relaxed though; something I could only dream of. This stopped me, now what? My mouth opened to start my screaming but it wasn't coming, I was just watching him come closer and closer. He was so calm, what was his secret? He walked _too close_ in front of me and leaned against my truck. I stared at him; mouth still ready to go, ready but not willing.

I looked up at him and his eyes blinded my anger, totally crumpled it. My mouth snapped shut. _LOOK AWAY_! It was too late, I was dazzled, mesmerized. I was a goner. He stood up straighter staring deeply into me again; exposing everything I didn't want him to see. I took a stumbled step back and he took two forward, closing the gap_. NO, stop. MOVE! FEET, why aren't you listening?_

Then it really was too late, he grabbed me by the waist delicately like I was breakable, lowering his head to mine, he paused, anticipation growing. His breath was intoxicating and I traitorously **wanted** him to close the distance. As if hearing my thoughts he closed the gap and... And he kissed me. My mind fluttered restlessly, my lips turned from unresponsive to urgent quickly. My hands flew to his face, wrapping around him, pulling him closer. My feet NOW moved. _Now, why now? Why not before? Why?_ But they didn't move to escape they moved to push him back to the truck, pushed him so that I could feel some support. His lips were soft and so, so heavenly. I didn't want this to stop.

It was like my lips were meant for his. My mind was spinning, rational thought, out the window. He flipped us so I was now against the truck. It made me feel safe. My body bowed up to his. Lips moving fervently, fingers gripping his hair, his smooth, soft, perfect, beautiful hair. I wanted the moment to go on forever.

But I needed air, and so did he. He pulled back, not an inch, to take a breath. My own breath was ragged, I could feel the electricity, could feel the boiling blood in my lips. My heart was running. It was enough of a distraction that my arms fell limply from his face, came back into my control. I pushed him away, I couldn't speak. He responded as I hoped, pulling back from me, staring at me still. Why did he have to continue to do that? I couldn't think when he looked at me. I closed my eyes and angled my head away.

I moved my arms to push some more distance between us and when he complied I did the only thing my mind could think of. I ran back into my truck. My keys still locked in my hand, my hand that had betrayed me by wrapping itself into his hair. I thrust them back into the ignition I needed to breathe; I needed to get out of here. I needed, him but I wasn't going to let that need be satisfied.

Before I could even slam the door and start away, before I could actually turn the key and make the truck run his hand was on my left, pulling me back to him, out of the truck. I couldn't understand why my body gave up. It was irrational everything about this was irrational.

"Don't," he murmured silkily, "don't just leave me here." Don't just leave him here? He had a car, he wasn't left anywhere… but I knew that's not what he meant.

I wanted to tell him to let go, to let ME go but nothing came out. He led me back to his car; opened the passenger door, leading me in. My body listened to his, I couldn't resist; I loved the fool, didn't I? I was a slave to my hormones… but I knew even now that it was more than that. He sweetly kissed my forehead before closing the door almost silently.

I went into a daze, frozen. I was a deer in headlights; no… it was more like I was suspended in a dream, frozen in the act of drowning. No air, no rationality. Everything was wrong and I was savoring all of it. I could feel every place he'd touched even as I watched him go into my truck and pull away. What was he doing? I couldn't comprehend but I couldn't move either. Minuets passed in seconds, time was elastic and I was barely breathing before the driver's door reopened and Edward sat down beside me. "I'm taking you to Seattle, couldn't just leave your truck on the road," I turned to him, blinking twice. His hand moved, caressing my cheek gently before he grabbed my left hand in his and we drove away, I was lost already.

I stared at our hands interlocked as we drove; I memorized the way his skin felt on mine, an electric current slowly building power. It was warm and smooth, our hands blended together, almost the same colour, we were both so pale. It was quiet and still, I had thought I was drowning before and now I was resurfacing. Breathing no longer felt labored. Everything was more vibrant, new sensations almost felt more alive. Tension from long ago was rubbed out, buried, changed.

"What are you thinking?" His voice broke the peace. Not ruining it, adding to it. I closed my eyes pleasantly trying to take every tone into me, to take it with me wherever we would end up.

"Everything."

"Well that narrows it down," He chuckled. My eyes reopened longing to see the playful half smile I knew would be on his face. I was right, it was perfection. Why had I fought this so hard… because… No I didn't want to burn this so soon.

"Why did you kiss me?" It was the only thing I needed to know. He confused me so. Every time I thought I understood him, he changed.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"No." I barely whispered but he heard.

"You're the only thing I think about. Can't you see that?" He sheepishly asked.

"That doesn't make sense. We've barely spoken." I tried to comprehend.

I watched his face, trying to acquire more than his words could tell me but he was composed. He was so serious; I wondered what I looked like to him. He ignored my comment. "Since that first day. I didn't understand it then…"

"But after that first day you were so angry," I mumbled, letting my words speak for themselves.

"Yes, I was angry. I was angry I couldn't stop feeling the way I was when I knew that you were… well…" He looked quickly at me before returning his eyes to the road. "But I was angry at myself not you."

"But-" I tried. It was like my mouth wanted to destroy our moment. No, I knew it did. It wanted to make me realize the betrayal I had just committed but I couldn't do it, not yet. I had wanted this for too long not to enjoy it while it lasted.

"But nothing, Bella," He let his words hang for endless moments. I stared at the lines that formed, the agitation lines, while he waited for me to speak. "Say something, please."

"This doesn't seem real, it's more like a dream," I knew it was happening but everything felt elusive and yet inescapable; two things that never went together.

A smile pulled the lines away, "You know that's when I realized how I really felt, when it finally hit me. You were lying in your bed, drifting in and out of your dreams, sick and you mumbled Edward. At first I thought you had woken up, that you were wondering what I was doing there, why I had stayed, even though you'd asked me to but then you rolled over and I saw your eyes were still closed, you were so peaceful, even sick as you were. It hit me then. Why else would I have come to check on you? Why would I take the risk of being caught? It was so obvious, I just wanted to share it with you… but I couldn't bring myself to think of waking you in a realistic way.

"Hearing and seeing Mike ask you to the dance; my body was repulsed by the idea. It was like something was burning me and I didn't understand it. I spent the rest of the class wondering why you had said no, wondering if you were just thinking of Jessica or if there was someone else… then the line formed," His smile grew more pronounced and he chuckled, "But you told them all no… and yesterday… I just stared at you, not the movie. I have no idea what happened on screen while you sat there with him. I could barely contain myself. But he moved his arm around you and you jumped away and when you came back with him, you dropped his hand." He looked forlorn now, "Are you with him? I shouldn't assume anything."

"Of course I'm not with him." I managed. All I wanted was to hear him talk.

"Does he know that?"

"Yes," What else could I say? It was true I didn't think any of the other complicated mess mattered.

"Tell me how you feel." It wasn't a demand. I could see the longing in his eyes, the only emotion I understood, I was sure it was written in my eyes.

I had to ruin this; we couldn't do this, no. "This isn't possible. You know that."

"That's not what I asked." He pointed out as the car rolled to a stop. He turned it off and faced me; the full force of his eyes on me. I had to overcome them.

"It doesn't matter how I feel. I can't act on it."

"Tell me anyway."

"It's the same for me. I- I, it doesn't matter though," I tried.

His smile was so radiant, it was unfair, and who could resist him, "It does matter."

"But-" I breathed, almost silently, unsure where to take my words.

"It does," He repeated, his smile breaking my resolve. I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

And that was how it happened. How I found myself in an even bigger mess.

**AN: I miss writing Edward's POVs, maybe next chapter I'll do a smidgen of what he was thinking…**

**I'm not sure if this chapter was too sappy, not sappy enough. I edited LOTS of things from it though, not sure if I took too much away… I really just don't know how I feel about this which is why it took so long post it.**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: I don't know why it's so hard to write lately, almost want to give up, but I promised myself I would get to the end of this story before I stopped writing. Sometimes I really want to verbally tell someone the summary of what's going to happen and have them write out the rest; that would be relaxing, ha-ha. Oh well, SORRY, this took remarkably TOO long to post.**

**So two things I wanted to comment on. One, I have no idea why the site isn't sending emails. I've given up on getting emails myself. I had an old account on this site and the notifications rarely ever worked, maybe that was a problem with my email account then, I'm not sure. I'm technology challenged though, wish I understood. Two; I'm so glad most people didn't hate the sap, I was beyond worried. Actually it's hilarious how anxious posting that last chapter made me. **

**Wow, let me just say I can't believe how many people have commented this story or have it set to alert. That is crazy; well it's crazy to me. So another thank-you is in order, thanks. ;)**

Chapter Seven: Seattle (part two)

He exited the car without another word leaving me staring after him. I wished he would explain before he acted but he seemed to _know_, or at least thought he knew, what he was doing. My eyes followed him as he came around and opened the door for me. I shook my head as he grabbed my right hand and helped me out, "I know how to open my own door," I told him.

He rolled his eyes smiling, still holding my hand, "I just wanted to."

He led me into a large building, my mind not comprehending exactly what we were doing until inside, "You took me to a mall?" I asked; my tone slightly incredulous.

His eyes scrunched as if I'd just questioned his whole view on reality, "Isn't that why you wanted to go to Seattle?"

I hesitated trying to recall why I had decided to go to Seattle in the first place," One of the many reasons," I decided.

"And the other reasons would be…?"

"Well…" I paused, "I mostly needed to get away, away from everything. Away from the dance, away from-"I stopped; I didn't want to think about my reasoning right now.

With his crooked smile firmly in place he spoke, "Ah the dance, if I had asked you, would you have gone?" My eyebrow shot up, as he continued to lead me wherever it was he was going. "I mean," He altered noticing my expression, "If there was no bad blood."

I sighed, imaging a situation where what we were doing wouldn't be looked down upon, "Probably, though I would have cancelled later."

He frowned, considering my words, "Why?"

Blushing; embarrassed, I admitted, "I can't dance."

He laughed softly making my blush deepen, "It's all in the leading," he explained, "trust me."

As he turned into a store my eyes surveyed the inside without really _seeing_ anything. I realized I did trust him. I really, honestly, trusted him. It wasn't my first mistake, no, but it was the worst mistake. Worse knowing that I'd made it before. I remembered when I'd let him pick me up in his car, remembered how_ then_ I had viciously battled against the feelings. Now what was I doing?

When his hand loosened around mine my mind rushed back to the task at hand. My eyes focused and turned questioningly toward Edward. His crooked smile was still in place; he took a step in front of me, peering at me intently. "I think you'll need both hands."

I blinked before actually taking in where we were; a bookstore. I supposed it was the one thing Edward definitely knew about me, I loved books; reminded me of the first time I had met him. I absently turned and walked down the row closest to me; he'd led me into the stacks. Being in-between the shelves always had a way of calming me down; I wondered if that wasn't my favorite thing about going into bookstores and libraries.

I heard Edward's footsteps near me, as I examined random books, thankful for a distraction from the guilty feelings that were brewing. I made my way to the adult fiction section slowly.

Before I began picking up anything I looked back at him, wanting to continue talking yet also wanting to collect my thoughts. I glimpsed back and forth once more before settling on Edward's face. He shook his head in humor, "We'll talk after, while we eat."

I nodded as I turned back to the books, all the confusing babble could wait. I didn't want to worry_ yet_ so I let what usually happened to me in bookstores take over; a strange ability that enabled me to immerse myself in the pages, the faulty dewy decimal system that bookstores followed, and the smell of newly printed paper.

As we wound around the store I collected books of interest to me, reading the backs or sleeves, before I settled myself in one of the dead ends of the stacks. I piled the books I'd gathered on my left side and had just picked up one when Edward sat down on the other side of me, distracting me from my stupor. The familiar electric feelings from biology sparked to life. A longing to touch him rushed down my spine and I leaned my arm softly against his. I watched his face hoping I wasn't stepping over any lines; he gave me a reassuring smile. Now that I felt relaxed I turned toward the book in my hands.

--

An unknown amount of time later the sound of Edward's soft and muffled laughter shattered my concentration. In surprise I brought my eyes up to his while I laid the book I'd been examining down. He was looking at me, mirth clearly displayed on his features. His face brought reality crashing down on me. "Going to let me in on the joke?" I questioned focusing my attention on the creases his smile created.

"Just you," I blushed again wondering what I had done that was funny. "You're so interesting to watch."

"How so?" I wondered; biting my lip to hold my anxieties steady.

"I'm not sure, I can't take my eyes away from you," I had to smile at that. My stomach rumbled ruining the moment, "Are you hungry?" he asked switching topics.

"What time is it?" I had been so distracted I hadn't even noticed how much time was passing.

He looked down at his wrist, "Just after four."

My eyes widened, "Four? _Four?_ Where did the time go?" I carefully stood up, gathering the two books I wanted to purchase.

"It really did go quickly," Edward added following me as I made my way to purchase my items. "Let me buy those for you," he offered.

Noticing how his hands reached for the books. I pulled them back, almost in a teasing way, "That's fine; I think I can afford them." He tried to grab them again; I turned away and took the few steps to the cashier. I passed them to the clerk and pulled out my debit card; cocking my head toward Edward, I laughed and added, "No, thank-you."

--

"You should have let me buy those for you," Edward sighed gesturing to the books that lay on the other half of the food court table. He had wanted to take me to a 'nice' restaurant, as he had put it but I had declined. The thought of him spending money on a 'fancy' dinner simply didn't seem right. Though I wasn't much of a judge of right and wrong any longer…

I shook my head. I didn't understand why he was so insistent. I took a bite of the wrap he had purchased for me. After I swallowed I replied, "You bought supper; that's more than enough."

"You're so stubborn," as if he was telling me something new.

I allowed his comment to settle, managing my emotions and guilty conscience as I finished my food. I took a sip from the coke, that he has also purchased, before tensing, knowing the serious part of the day was just about to start. I knew what I had to say but it was eating me alive; no matter how I justified it I knew I didn't want the words to be said aloud. "So this is a-," I lowered my eyes, knowing I couldn't say them while looking at him, "a one time thing?" It sounded like a question; I had meant it to be a statement.

"Do you want it to be?" I shrugged trying not to let my feelings get involved. I had more important things to worry about, more important people than just myself. He lifted my face so I had to look at his eyes, it was hard to focus and I knew I couldn't lie to him, "because I don't."

"I don't see how it could work."

"It would be just between us," He explained, hope flashing in his eyes again. Dangerously I felt that Edward was worth it, worth the guilt, worth everything.

"And what happens when it falls apart? You're not very careful," I thought back on the last few times I had been alone with Edward; how he had shown up at my house _twice_. Only luck had been on his side then, what would happen when it ran out? "What if my brother or dad walked out of the house instead of me this morning and found you there?"

He chuckled, probably hearing my defeat. Thinking over my point he carefully spoke, "Your brother and father go fishing every Saturday, I'm probably more aware of their predictable habits than you are." I didn't speak at that. It was true; Emmett and Charlie were predictable people. It didn't make me feel any better though. "I _am_ careful. That first time I didn't factor in your friend," he frowned at the memory, "but I won't make that mistake again," he added.

"So what are you suggesting?"

"Give me a chance."

**AN: Such a long time between posts and this is so short, I apologize again. I was going to write some EPOV but I haven't started yet and I feel like I really need to update.**

**I'm so unsatisfied with what I wrote here; maybe that's why it's taking me so long to post. I keep going back and editing out huge sections that I don't think fit. Now I'm left with something that I'm so… hesitant about. So maybe I should re-write this chapter completely, ughr I don't know anything anymore.**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Okay I mostly just wanted to linger on details in this chapter. First love makes me think of treasured experiences, things you remember forever. Maybe you'll disagree but it felt nice to put their actions into extreme explanation, probably too much explanation.**

**I have to say that the comments were really touching. Everyone who reviewed has been so kind and I appreciate it whole heartedly.**

Chapter Seven: Seattle (part three)

I didn't know what to say to Edward. I was already taking a chance on him; why else would I be here?

Already fantasizing about betraying myfamily and friends and I didn't _really_ know Edward. How could I think this way? Could Edward feel the same? It wasn't possible. He was beautiful, perfect and charming. He was godly and I was just plain. I was boring, over emotional -at least lately-; I didn't hold a candle to the man across from me.

After all those things, that would be enough to make me hesitate, there was the biggest issue; the feud. There was Emmett, Charlie, Sam, Emily, Jake and me. We were his enemies. I was his enemy. But he didn't feel like _my_ enemy. I wished I loathed him. At least I would be saving him the trouble, be saving everyone the trouble. I couldn't, I loved him, and there was no anger toward him at all.

"How could you do that to your family?" I finally asked. My words sounded flat even to my own ears.

"I don't know," he admitted sheepishly, guilt tinged, "but I want to try. I understand if you don't feel the same. I won't contest your decision. I just need to know."

There were no words to express what I wanted and no doubt in my mind. After everything, I knew my decision was already made. My eyes fell to the table; to my hands rested idly on the surface, noticing that his left hand lay there as well. Because I couldn't say the words I let my right hand cover his. The surface of his hand was oddly smooth. Cool to the touch, perfect, it felt right, like everything about Edward.

His hand casually turned so we were palm to palm. His fingers interspersed with mine, blending together. The touch was pure bliss; I could feel every crevice, every crease. The heat grew and he delicately bent his fingers making our hold strong; sturdy.

It was strange how such a simple gesture could mean so much. In a way just holding his hand felt more personal than the kiss we had shared. This wasn't out of need, not the same irrational need, anyway. It was about giving in to how I felt, it was about accepting him. It was unlikely he felt the love I did and that was okay. It was better for him if he didn't.

I could feel my heart swelling, feel its warmth. _I shouldn't have fought it, you should never fight love_, I decided. It was so rare; should be treasured not turned away from. My love for Edward had felt like torture, like a punishment, before. Now it didn't feel bad, it felt, I sighed out loud, it felt good. Good wasn't even the half of it. I wished I had words to express how I felt. All I understood was that it was comforting, a little unsettling and extremely personal. Nothing could rival how I felt. It was obvious now why none of the other boys had even caused me to bat an eye. None of them held anything, no chemistry; I suppose that could explain it.

I let my vision sweep past our hands, let it travel onwards. His face held a look of serenity, simple happiness. "What am I going to do?" I wondered absently.

"What are _we _going to do," he corrected.

We; it sounded great to me; it sounded exactly right. "What are we going to do," I repeated.

He smiled at my surrender. "I suppose we should be getting you home."

Those words shattered my illusion. I let go of his hand suddenly and picked up my books to make up for the lost connection. He either didn't mind my bi-polar attitude or understood what the problem was. I cradled the books to my chest, crossing my arms around them.

Home wasn't a term I could guiltlessly say anymore. I had struggled with the concept since arriving in Forks and for good reason. Home wasn't a place, a building; it was people, people I loved. How could I ever go home now? I was a terrible person. Yet still I knew I wasn't going to change my decision.

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Edward walked beside me towards his car, without touching. He was giving me space, time; hadn't I asked for that before? I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted anymore.

He opened the car door for me yet lingered. I tried to pull myself together, tried to see this from his point of view but everything was clouding with the hatred I felt for myself. He gingerly placed a kiss to my forehead like he had before; whispering, "Don't worry," and I listened because I wanted to.

--

It was dark when we reached the spot where Edward had left the truck. It had been a quiet drive; I had focused on the sounds of his breathing. The sound was soothing in an odd way. He didn't comment on the lack of noise, didn't even bother switching on music to ease the atmosphere. I wondered what he thought about to keep himself entertained.

On the way to Seattle I hadn't really noticed Edward's driving; now I was mutely terrified. I knew I was safe in the speeding vehicle but was immeasurably relieved when he pulled over. The stillness was welcoming. "Are you okay?" he finally broke in.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He didn't answer that question. I waited for his voice but the silence had suddenly become too much. I reached for the handle, prying the door open, hearing him do the same thing. I wanted to tell him I could get my truck by myself but I selfishly wanted a little more time with him.

The truck wasn't too far off from the road but it was decently hidden by a large grouping of trees. "Bella," he spoke, his voice sounding ghostly and enchanting. I turned back to him and he grabbed my free left hand, my right was currently holding my books. He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckle. His lips were softer than I remembered. Just as quickly he let it drop. "Be safe," he concluded.

I nodded, hoping he could see, before he started back to his car. I watched him till the trees shrouded his image, too similar to the dreams I'd had. It was when I finally went back to the task at hand that I noticed the keys. Somewhere between him grabbing my hand, kissing it and letting go he had left them with me. I clutched onto them like a life preserver.

--

"Bella, that you?" Charlie's voice came from the living room. The television hummed and I barely made out the sound of a sports announcer as I shut the door.

"Yep," I returned, sighing as I made my way to the stairs.

"How was Seattle?" he called back.

"Fine," I paused, "I'm going to head to bed though," I wasn't lying but I felt deceptive.

"Night honey," Charlie answered.

I practically ran up the stairs, tripping on the last one, but catching myself before I could cause any damage. Edward had told me to be safe, I should be careful. I followed his advice, slowly entering my room and collapsing on my bed. I felt incredibly tired, ravished for sleep actually.

Maybe tonight Edward's presence wouldn't haunt me; maybe it would be the opposite. I closed my eyes wishing for a repeat of my 'nightmares.'

--

Someone was shaking me tearing me away from Edward. "Are you mad at me?" I groggily opened my eyes to see Emmett staring at me. I blinked at a loss for words.

"Mad?" I questioned, pulling my legs up and yawning. I turned to look at the clock, seven am; too early to be woken up on a Sunday. The first time I'd slept well in much too long and of course it was the one day Emmett couldn't wait for me to wake up on my own.

"Well you haven't talked to me since Friday," he pointed out. Friday night, the night he had 'set' me up with Jake… well I wasn't happy with him that was for sure.

"I haven't seen you since Friday," I grumbled.

His worried expression faded. "So you're not mad at me?"

"I didn't say that."

He frowned, "What did I do?" He had the nerve to sound confused.

"You practically set me up with Jacob," I snorted, "don't sound so innocent."

He laughed, catching himself mid guffaw, "Are you really angry about that? I thought you said you liked him."

"I DO like Jake, as a friend."

"Are you sure, you two seem very close."

My eyebrows flew up, it was much too early for this conversation, "Emmett," I warned.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, are you still mad at me?" I rolled my eyes but as the memories from yesterday wormed into my mind I knew I had no reason to be angry. I had done something much worse then setting up someone. I never had an excuse to be mad at Emmett, not after how I'd acted, how I'm sure I would continue to act. "You never could hold a grudge." He smiled before throwing his arms around me.

I was unresponsive for a moment, I testily gave him a squeeze back before he let go. "So you want to hear about how the dance went?" he mocked. I glared at him and he laughed, "Okay, okay, you want to sleep in, I see that."

"You see that now?" my tone was missing all the frustration it would normally have held.

He patted my shoulder before crossing the room and closing my curtains, "Sleep tight kid." He shut the door behind him, leaving me in refreshing darkness. I closed my eyes, further darkening my world and drifted back into the arms of Edward.

**AN: So it was strangely hard to put Bella's struggle into words. I feel so immature writing about holding hands in every chapter, ha-ha. Why didn't they kiss again? Well if I was writing Edward's point of view it would have been explained but since I'm having enough trouble getting out Bella's… well…. To sum it up he was embarrassed and a bit ashamed by how he kissed her earlier. He is used to treating girls with respect and he feels like he should have asked her before he 'jumped' her. Does that make sense because somewhere in my head that was the reasoning that came to mind?**

**I was actually going to have Bella seriously pissed when she confronted Emmett but it didn't pan out that way. This chapter wrote itself, I swear I didn't have anything to do with it, I didn't even know that Emmett was going to have any part in it, he just popped up.**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: I had no idea what this chapter was going to be about so it's probably not going to be too interesting, just trying to get somewhere else I suppose. Oh the transitions from point A to B… I'm sorry but I think this chapter is fairly basic and fluffy BUT a chapter none the less.**

**HAPPY CANADIAN THANKSGIVING! So in spirit of the holiday, and the fact that I finally get a day off work, I will say I'm thankful for everyone who's reviewed and alerted. **

How many of our daydreams would darken into nightmares  
if there seemed any danger of their coming true!  
-Logan Pearsall Smith

Chapter eight: (part one)

Sunday passed agonizingly slowly. I spent the time on schoolwork that I'd had fallen behind on and because I didn't want to dwell on anything substantial, like Edward, my family or even Jacob, I managed to somehow get ahead. While I was reading 'Animal Farm,' the novel my English class was going to read next month, the phone rang. I was laying on my bed with my feet dangling over the edge when Emmett's booming voice called me down, "BELLA, PHONES FOR YOU."

I trudged down the stairs hoping it wasn't Jacob. I couldn't handle anything even remotely serious today. I passed the living room briefly noticing what Emmett was doing. He had homework scattered around him though his attention was on the television. I rolled my eyes as I entered the small kitchen. Emmett had left the old corded phone on the table. I picked it up and sat on one of the mismatched chairs. While bringing my legs up, I spoke, "Hello?" I asked apprehensively.

"Bella, hey, it's Jessica." Jessica hadn't crossed my mind since Friday at school. I was relieved to hear her voice and immediately knew she'd called to gossip about the dance. At least I knew she had a good time, good news, she wouldn't have called if things with her and Mike had gone poorly.

"How are you?" I asked letting my ridged posture relax.

She didn't seem to hear my question. "So," she started, I could hear the excitement in her voice, "Mike kissed me!" She exclaimed. It sounded like it had been hard for her to keep that private. I was pulled back momentarily, uneasily recalling my own memory of a kiss.

"That's great," I replied simply, "What led up to it?" I added hopping to encourage her when the perverse idea of telling Jessica about the day _I'd_ had yesterday pushed at the tip of my tongue.

"After the dance, he drove me home, he was so cute, came 'round to open my door," my mind whooshed away; thoughts of Edward abounded me. The way he had looked at me when he had opened the car door, the way his hand grabbed mine… every part of him. I shook my head, clearing the images from the central part of my mind while I forced myself to make small talk with Jessica.

She added little details about dresses, dates and the small drama from the other attendees but my focus was shattered. I didn't hear the specifics and it confused me when her voice stopped, "Sorry what was that?" I wondered hopping my lapse wasted too delayed.

"I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow," she repeated, her tone was clipped and I hopped I hadn't made another mess.

--

When I awoke Monday morning I felt disappointment; realizing Edward wasn't there. It took me a while to realign my dreams with reality and another moment to process the guilt and numb it. The morning passed through my numbed haze. I focused briefly when a question was directed toward me but otherwise had the emotion of a zombie.

The sound of the bell for lunch hour finally threw my nerves into hyper activity. Jessica was gathering her books beside me and I could sense that she didn't understand my strange behavior. "I'm sorry I've been distracted," I directed to her tense shoulders.

They slumped a bit in response and she spun around to display her slightly annoyed features, "You've been acting weird since Seattle," she muttered making me wonder how I'd come across on the phone; how my attitude had registered with people today.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. I didn't want to ruin the friendship I had with Jessica though I acknowledged it was superficial in a sense.

She seemed to perk up at my words, "So did something _happen_ in Seattle?" Searching for some gossip, I sighed.

I didn't want to lie but I knew I couldn't tell her everything so I edited the truth, "I bought a couple books." She frowned, displeased at the boring quality of my story, and I added, "Your Saturday was much more interesting; have you talked to Mike since?"

She smiled mischievously, "Yeah, he called…" We walked to the cafeteria as she ranted about the conversation her and Mike had, had. I made sure to pay strict attention, even adding tiny fragments of comments back.

Mike was already sitting at our table; finally cancelling out Jessica's speech. She sat down beside him shyly as I walked past. My eyes roamed the room, like they did every day, and Edward's eyes met mine for a moment. A tiny smile played on his lips and I looked down awkwardly.

I sat down timidly beside Angela who was in the middle of a conversation with Erick. Taking out 'Animal Farm,' I pretended to read while sneaking small glances up. Every once in a while our eyes would meet; every time they did I blushed. Tired of playing this game I tried to actually read the words in front of my face.

Some time later I had to set the book on the table in frustration; I hadn't been able to finish a single page since I'd opened it. Everything alright?" Angela questioned.

I shook my head, "Fine," my words didn't seem to convince her but she didn't try to dig any deeper. Hoping, pitifully, she might react like Jessica I turned directly to her, ignoring the pull toward Edward, and asked, "How was the dance?"

Her eyes lowered and she frowned secretively, "Fine." When she looked up I knew that her fine had been exactly the same as mine, evasive. She must have realized this as I did; she smiled and let out a small chuckle. I grinned, "Are you glad you didn't go?"

My smile deepened, "Yes."

--

I walked slowly with Angela to biology. Mike, for once, wasn't trailing along, though someone else was. Edward was walking so near behind me, if I swung my arm it would brush him. With great effort I ignored the small peripheral tidbits of Edward, a touch of his arm breaking into the frame, a few strands of his unique hair.

Even though Angela was my friend, more so than Jessica, I knew I couldn't explain this _relationship _to her. I believed she wouldn't tell a soul, trusted her, but the information hung between us. More than anything I enjoyed that it was secret, enjoyed keeping it personal.

Sitting beside Edward was two things, bliss and torment. I could smell him, could sense him. My instincts wanted me to pull closer, touch him. Of course I couldn't do any of those things. He sat closer to me than before, his arm brushed tenderly against mine; practically as close as we had been at the bookstore. To a bystander it wouldn't look wrong, weird and especially not romantic but to me it felt amazing.

I wondered where my family loyalty went; but that, along with the guilt, had vanished with his presence. I felt whole, strangely just and I liked it. I had finally been able to sleep, finally been able to look myself in the eye and it was all because it'd told Edward how I felt. _He knew_ and he didn't want me to get away, he wanted me nearer.

I savored the class so of course it passed quickly. The other students filled out, along with Mr. Banner in the blink of an eye. We were safe now and I looked up at Edward without hesitation. His crooked grin was spectacular. Warm butterflies tossed inside me. His hand circled mine and he squeezed timidly. "You've got to go," Edward's velvet voice told me. I nodded.

His hand loosened and as I got up from my chair he let his fingers trail loosely up my arm.

**AN: Blah, more hand holding, when will they finally do more? I'm not even sure but it better be soon because I don't think I can write about hands anymore.**

**An extra thanks for the suggestions for where to lead this story. I appreciate it, I'm a little word tied at the moment if you can't tell. Sorry about the lenght, so short; hopefully next chapter will be longer.  
**

**If it wasn't obvious why Angela didn't have a good time at the dance it was because she wasn't too excited to be going with Erick. She was thinking about Ben the whole time. I always thought Angela and Ben were so cute in the book.**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: First off I haven't forgotten about the gun. I apologize about all the open ended details. Hopefully they are all answered by the end. I still haven't even decided what the feud is about but there are more interesting problems that I've been preoccupied with in this story (or at least I seem to think so).**

**This chapter is mostly full of little baby scenes, little paragraph glimpses.**

Chapter eight: (part two)

Monday had finished with my mind still devoted to Edward. I had delayed in the locker room again only to emerge to the sight of him heading down the hallway toward me. Although I'd longed to reach out to him I stayed back. The only thing I worried about from this day on was getting caught; being seen together. As he walked past he stated, "See you tomorrow Bella," and although it was vague the emotion behind it was enough to satisfy me for the day.

Tuesday during a silent work period he grabbed my pencil and 'accidentally' rolled it off the table. When I went to pick it up, hidden from view, he bent beside me and whispered into my ear, "I miss you." Twenty minuets later, as the others hurried out, I finally had a chance to reply, "I miss you too." My words were so soft that I wasn't even sure he understood. One quick glimpse back at Edward, as I joined Mike, showed me he had; a private smile on his lips and a glint in his eye.

As the week progressed the careful, brief touching and practically silent fragmented conversation was all that got me out of bed. When I wasn't near him I felt empty although I tried desperately to appear stable. I believed deep down that Jake could have leveled me out with his reflective happiness but I didn't pick up to phone to call him. It would have been wrong of me. He was still giving me time and I couldn't even explain to him that it was more than just time that would keep us apart.

Sleep had become my favorite activity. Edward kissed me in my dreams like he had before; forceful, passionate and unimaginably perfect. His dream hands trailed all over my body, caressing my face, my sides and anywhere he could reach. My body ached for the dreams to be real, for Edward to kiss me again. My rational side even pushed at me, asking for some alone time with him. All it needed was a little bit of freedom.

Thursday as Edward passed me after gym he let a sheet of folded loose-leaf slip from his fingers. As I had everyday of the week, I stared at his retreating form until the door closed behind him. The sheet of paper laid empty side up when it finally dawned on me to find it. It was carefully composed, obviously written by Edward. His eloquent script marked the page looking more like a work of art than a note.

'_Please meet me behind the same trees this Saturday at ten am,'_ he wrote. I could almost feel how much more he wanted to write. I wished I knew everything else that was on his mind but I understood why he had been so indistinct. If anyone else had found his note they wouldn't understand. I figured he was using Emmett and Charlie's fishing trip again to his advantage. They wouldn't even notice the truck gone if we were extra careful and watched the clock. I guessed he wasn't going to show up at the Swan residence early morning again; not after the way I'd poked his 'careful' tendencies.

I slept with his note under my pillow both nights leading to Saturday, pathetic maybe but it was tangible and proved that although my dreams might be concocted _he _was real. I should have thrown the note away or burned it, better to leave absolutely no trace, but I couldn't.

--

I jumped the gun and was showered and dressed by seven thirty am. Charlie and Emmett were as surprised to see me as I was to see them when I entered the kitchen. I had wanted to avoid them at all cost but because I hadn't thought this through I was stuck eating breakfast with them. "Did you want to come along?" Emmett wondered his forehead creased with confusion.

"No," I quickly replied.

"You're up early," Charlie prompted.

I didn't reply. Since the day with Edward in Seattle I had slept like the dead, worse than Emmett. I had laid in my bed to the last possible instant and had gone to bed ridiculously early each night. I was acting strange on a day when oddities should have been avoided.

Charlie took a bite of his toast, contemplating my appearance. With a raised eyebrow he asked, "What are you doing today?"

I deadpanned, Emmett chuckled at me, "Um-" I stopped uncertain.

"Going to see Jacob? Hmm?" Emmett broke in as my mind frantically searched for something to say.

"Oh, uh I don't know," I paused as my mind threw something sensible at my mouth, "I was thinking I would go to the Thriftway and get some food. We're running low on bread and milk." I forced an innocent smile on my face.

Emmett's grin spoke volumes, _sure, _it mocked, _you're a terrible liar, _it added. Of course he didn't know what I was lying about. I hurried to finish the bowl of cereal in front of me before they could ask anything else. The clock on the wall ticked loudly overhead pushing my nerves into a tailspin.

For once in my life I was finished eating before them. I turned on the television to distract me from the clock but even with the volume high I could pick up the sound of the seconds disappearing. Charlie called a good bye as he left which I returned from the living room couch. Finally alone; I let out a deep sigh. "So, intent about stew?" Emmett asked over my shoulder. My eyes focused on the image in front of me, the cooking channel. Well at least I was consistently acting like a lunatic.

"Stew is delicious," I explained.

He let out a sigh, "You'll tell me what's up when I get back," he told me in an authoritative voice.

"I don't have any idea what you mean."

He laughed, "Have fun today." I listened to his steps, the door closing and the cruiser starting up before I turned off the television. Now I was actually, finally, alone.

Since I had so much spare time I went back into the kitchen and washed the few dishes that were clattered in one half of the sink. After putting them away I grabbed Emmett's keys. He had deserted them on the counter and had somehow managed to pour something sticky on them, probably jam. I returned to my room and fell on the bed belly side to the quilted comforter. Maybe I could force sleep.

Unfortunately, still lucid fifteen minuets later, I gave up and brushed my hand under the pillow. Re-reading Edward's note in the green glow of the alarm clock I had to smile. After pushing it back into hiding I stood up, if I was going to be awake I might as well open my curtains. Three steps and I clattered to the floor landing on the pile of clothing that had been my downfall. Last night I had examined practically every item of clothing I owned, looking for something _just right_ to see Edward in. With those clothes strewn about mixed into a few random articles of worn clothes, I found my savior; laundry, oh sweet laundry. I knew it wouldn't keep my mind completely off the clock but it was something.

I got up, finished opening the curtains, and began sorting through the clothing on my floor. Most of it was clean and the majority that wasn't was enough for about half a load of dark wash. I pushed the clothing out into the hall and went to examine Charlie and Emmett's rooms hoping they would have enough to give me a full load.

Charlie had a pair of jeans thrown over the dresser in his room and a pair of black socks just under his bed. I threw them into the pile and went into the dungeon that was Emmett's room. His room was painted a dark navy and with the dark wood of the future it remained dim even with the curtains open and overhead light on. His floor was just as clamored as mine had been. I grabbed the few black shirts that wove in-between the mess and threw them out the door. Getting on my hands and knees, I decided to look under his bed.

It was too dark under there to see what might be hiding so I thrust my hands bravely in the small space. What I grabbed wasn't what I expected. The texture was rough and it bent under my fingers with a crinkling sound. I yanked it out curiously. It was the package from the truck. It was wrong of me but after Emmett's attitude earlier I wanted to know one of his secrets. If he was going to bother me about Jacob later tonight then I needed ammunition to fire back. I grabbed the end of the paper bag and shook out the contents.

When the shiny cold metal fell into my hands I froze. My hands gave way, too numb to hold the gun. It clattered loudly onto the wooden floor. Just as suddenly as I had gone into a trance I regained my motor functions and picked it up. Turning it about, I became absorbed by its significance. Why did he have this? How could he bring it into our house? I shook my head, put it back into the bag and carefully pushed it under his bed horrified.

I had found the one thing to get my mind off time. I snorted, recalling how that idea had sounded good before. Stumbling out of the room I grabbed the bundle of clothes I'd arranged and went about running the load. I slammed the lid on the old washer that barely worked and, still in some form of shock and confusion, found my feet moving me toward the front door.

**AN: So Bella wasn't supposed to find the gun until much, much later. It was going to be in one of the final chapters but it fit here in a strange way.**

**The line 'stew is delicious' is my own personality being dragged into this story. I'm actually pretty sure that is something I've said before. Though I don't think I've ever eaten stew.**

**Thank-you so much for reading up to this point. Wow, I can't believe I've written this much, can't believe this story isn't already over. This is defiantly the longest story I've ever written and I honestly am not trying to drag it out.**


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: So I stumbled through this chapter in a daze; finding it extremely hard to get the words out. There shouldn't be TOO many chapters left but I haven't written practically anything else after this bit so I'm not positive. Edward and Bella are going to get one more romantic scene together before things start unraveling.**

**The comments I got last chapter were hilarious and so kind. I don't think I've had more fun reading the feedback. Thank-you all so much and loads of apologies for the length of time it took to get this out.**

Chapter eight: (part three)

I was already on the highway before my mind had a chance to catch up. The heater was chortling, trying to force air out. The air smelt stale and dusty like the heater hadn't been used in months and not just yesterday. Like most Forks' days it was damp, dim and cold out. The chill had instantly taken hold of me and I shivered while my breath came out in noticeable puffs. As I moved my right hand toward a vent to check for heat my mind conjured an image of Emmett with a gun in hand. The first trances of warmth blew on my pale hand while I desperately shied away from my imagination.

I didn't want to picture someone like Emmett being capable of pulling a trigger. Didn't want to think why he would own something so dangerous. I couldn't tell Charlie, what would _he _do? There was no doubt in my mind that Emmett had gotten it illegally, though before today I wouldn't have thought him and breaking the law could go together.

It was just warm enough for the pavement not to have ice, thankfully. Today I didn't think I would have enough patience to navigate the curvy Forks' roads if slippery was added to their descriptors.

I knew where I was going before I had even set out, of course I was ridiculously early, Edward wouldn't be there for at least an hour, but where he would be was the only place I wanted to be. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it was a dream, not real, that everything would blow over.

I wanted an easy answer. That all I had to do is sit Emmett down and talk_._ Of course that wasn't going to work. I couldn't admit that I'd found it, didn't think I could say it out loud. The majority of my life Emmett had been there to take care of me, take care of everyone he loved; he would never shot the thing, would he?

By the time the hot air was circulating I had found the last of the road I would take. I swerved the car right and angled it behind the trees. I wasn't alone; a shiny Volvo was already sitting there. I checked the time once more, 8:58 am. Hoping I hadn't read his note wrong, which would be hard since I'd read it about thirty times, I pulled in beside his car, threw my truck into park and walked back into the chill.

At first sight there appeared to be no one inside but as I inched closer a head bobbed up looking alarmed. I smirked at Edward's disheveled hair. He did a double take, looking back and forth between me and, I assumed, the clock. His window rolled down when he seemed to realize that he wasn't imaging me. I broke out into soft laughter, "You're early," he finally said which only caused me to laugh a little harder.

"I could say the same for you," Edward's lopsided grin appeared and my mind couldn't think about anything except the fact that we were together.

I shivered, "Come in?" he asked.

I walked quickly, rubbing warmth into my arms as I did so, and entered his car. It was almost hot inside, a shock to my system. Edward's seat was reclined so much it was practically on the ground; he grabbed a lever and adjusted his seat so it was at a more socially acceptable angle. "Did you sleep in your car?" I wondered thinking that maybe it was a habit of his. This was, after all, the second time I had caught him dozing in his vehicle.

"I didn't mean to," he admitted looking a little embarrassed that I'd caught him. "I couldn't sleep last night and then I couldn't wait to come here," I blushed, "I guess I fell asleep waiting."

"Well I didn't mean to make you wait," I pointed out.

He laughed, "You didn't **and** you're early," he paused, "about an _hour_ early," as if this was a crazy feat. An almost awkward pause followed. We weren't used to having full blown conversation. I looked down uncomfortably not because Edward was making me feel uncomfortable but because when I looked at him I had to strain myself to keep from reaching out. "You don't know how much I've wanted to do this," Edward said as his hands tentatively turned my head toward him. He raised an eyebrow as if asking me if this was okay. Instead of words I moved closer.

Edward closed the gap immediately. His lips softly pressed against mine making me feel lightheaded. This kiss was nothing like the last one, this one was sweet, careful, passionate and delicate. His breath blew on my face as he pulled back. I leaned toward him impulsively before catching myself and opening my eyes. I took in a shaky breathe as Edward's eyes scanned me over. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

His question caught me off guard so it took a few seconds to conjure up _true _thoughts. "Wishing it was always like this." His lip twitched into a smile.

"Maybe one day it could." He grabbed my hand as if to prove that things could change; that we had changed.

"Maybe…" I turned my attention to the grayscale sky. It was impenetrable with no sign that sunlight lay beyond it.

It was selfish but I wanted to be able to hold his hand at school, eat with him, meet his friends, kiss him in-between classes, introduce him to my family (which was irrational in itself); like a normal couple. It was strange how that one kiss had changed my mind, before I hadn't even wanted to tell Angela and now I wanted to tell everyone.

"Are you free next Saturday?" Edward wondered rubbing a small circle around my knuckle. I tipped my chin toward him, his rumpled black shirt defining his chest, my stomach clenched unnaturally. I quickly looked up at his face. "I wanted to show you something," he added in his clear smooth voice.

"Sure."

He smiled whole heartedly now, "Meet me here next week?"

"Sure," I repeated. "What are you going to show me?"

"_That_ is a surprise." I rested my head on his shoulder suddenly feeling too emotionally drained.

I didn't like surprises but at the moment I couldn't form the effort to weasel information out of him and being so close to him was distracting enough. His head leaned on mine and I let my eyelids fall closed. The sensation of his body moving with his breathing was like a lullaby though I wasn't going to fall into its trance today. No, today I was going to savor the moment. The time passed as his long fingers traced patterns on the back on my hand in a silence full of understanding.

"What time do I need to get you home?"

I frowned, immediately opening my eyes and focusing my attention on the clock. The simple numerals shocked me as they had last time with Edward. "It can't be 1:30," I managed.

His head lifted off of mine before I mirrored his action and was sitting straight up. "Time," he explained in a tone that was filled with sorrow.

"But-," I started before deciding it didn't matter, "I don't want to go," my tone echoed his.

A lifeless smile flitted across his face while he gave my hand an encouraging squeeze before letting me go completely. I missed his skin on mine in a way that was physically painful but didn't hesitate, figuring it would be worse if I did, to open his car door. The sound was jeering, unusual, but the cold air was worse. The warm arms of Edward was the opposite of the cold Fork's wind but I braced it as the worry of what Emmett would say when I got home erupted behind my composure.

I hadn't been paying attention and so when I turned after closing the Volvo door, I was surprised that Edward was standing there. "Wait," his tone was breathy and deep; "One last thing…" and he bent down and kissed me with a mixture of the last two kisses we had shared. His lips were urgent as they had been that first time yet full of the overwhelming passion of the last. If Edward hadn't been holding me tightly I was sure my legs would have crumbled under me.

--

Charlie and Emmett weren't back from fishing when I got home. I had stopped to get groceries in case I needed proof of what I had been doing with the car and with my day. I laid the two plastic grocery bags on the counter before getting a pot of water and putting it on the stove top. While I waited for it to boil I went over to the washing machine. Throwing the now soaking dark load into the dryer my mind returned to where it had been the last time I had stood here.

At the grocery store I had focused on Edward and somehow the gun had faded from my conscious mind. Hidden anger reemerged now and I rubbed my temples trying to soothe myself in vain.

The sound of the cruiser pulling in ripped me back into the present. I threw in a dryer sheet, slammed the chipping white door shut and fiddled with the knobs before heading back to the kitchen. Right as I was putting rice in the boiling water the front door opened, "Hello," Charlie bellowed.

"In here," I called back, "How were they biting?" My voice was forced but steady.

I heard the door open again and Emmett's grunt as he hauled the equipment, "Hey," he called interrupting Charlie before he had a chance to answer.

"Hi," I managed, weaker this time.

"Dad I'm going to take a quick shower, if Rose calls tell her I'll be there at seven."

Emmett's loud steps thudded off upstairs as Charlie entered the kitchen. I didn't turn, feeling anxious and awkward, but could just make him out in my peripheral. He laid a plastic bag of per-filleted fish on the table. "Salmon?" I asked, attempting small talk.

"Yeah, I caught a couple small ones; Emmett caught a slightly larger one. Everything else was too small to bring back." I nodded uneasily listening to the water from the upstairs shower run. "What are you making?"

I blanched for a moment, "I was thinking rice and fried fish. Is that okay?"

"Yeah sounds good."

I busied my hands as Charlie followed his familiar procedure and the television cracked on.

By the time I had set the table and called the boys in it was only four. My mind was preoccupied with what I had done last Saturday at four as Charlie saturated his rice in soya sauce, "Kind of early for dinner," Emmett mused.

I shrugged, playing with a piece of fish with my fork before replying, "I guess I should have waited a bit before starting dinner." It was vague and distracted but a sensible thing to say.

Charlie grunted, "We're not complaining," He laughed, "You should have seen what we ate before you came."

I nodded as I took a forkful of rice and started eating. The food didn't taste like much to me. Everything felt stale now that Edward wasn't with me; less real.

--

I was strangely tired after eating and had placed the dirty dishes in one half the sink without any intention of getting to them tonight. My footsteps felt heavy as I made my way to my bedroom. I closed the door without enthusiasm and tugged the curtains closed, knowing I didn't want the morning sunlight to wake me. I pulled on an older white cotton tank top and gray sweatpants before snuggling under my quilt. In the green glow of my room I pulled out Edward's note once more. I traced the letters with my finger when the door creaked open. Shoving the note back under the pillow I became aware that Emmett had finally come to question me.

"So what was that all about?"

"What?" I feigned innocence. I yawned despite myself and Emmett settled himself on the edge of my bed.

"This morning," he urged.

"You're delusional," I muttered letting a tinge of the anger I felt for him colour my voice.

His weight shifted, "Bella," he reproved.

I turned away from him childishly; staring at the wall instead. "You don't tell me your secrets I won't tell you mine," I grumbled instantly regretting my words. Emmett wasn't the kind of person to let me keep secrets and now he knew I had one. I should have been more careful and this realization didn't help me now.

His large hand rested on my shoulder, "Fine," and I was surprised that he didn't sound curious. He sounded as tired as I felt.

**AN: I keep wanting to write a scene where Bella actually gets angry at Emmett but it never seems to fit...**


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Has it really been so long since my last update? I can only say, in defense, that I enjoy reading much more than writing. In fact I don't think I enjoy writing much… I ****do**** want to find out what happens next in this story though and I think that will be enough to keep me chugging along.**

**HAPPY Hallowe'en!!! And if you don't celebrate, I'm sorry, HAPPY FRIDAY! I'm so excited, I love Hallowe'en, adore it, worship it, okay well maybe I'm not that crazy… I'm dressing up, I'm going as a fairy, ha, I know not original at all but alas I've been busy, busy, busy and didn't have time to actually sew anything. Is anyone else dressing up? What are you guys going as? You don't have to answer, I'm just curious…**

**ANYWAY thanks for not killing me for posting so irregularly lately, thanks for reading, thanks for everything. ;)**

"What did Romeo and Juliet do?"  
"They died," I remind her gently. "Some mix-up with the poison-"  
-Gordon Korman

Chapter Nine: Meadow (part one)

My eyes were only for Edward as I diligently shoveled raspberry yogurt into my mouth, barely noticing the motion. Though his eyes were focused _just _away from me I could tell he was paying the same amount of attention, watching me from his peripheral vision. He smiled and laughed as I tried to mimic his static posture, if anyone was following my lead and looking at the beautiful boy they might wonder what he found so funny. Try as I might I couldn't hear a word from my table mates. Blissfully ignorant of their comments I fumbled around the table ensuring that my gaze wouldn't be intercepted by a nosy student.

Today was the most careless I had been. It was Wednesday and my patience was waning, expectation had already surmounted, worse than it had been for the pervious encounter. In class we had seemed distant, practical, our words beyond over practiced. Anyone listening would think we were cold, rough and rude to the other though our body posture seemed to war against this idea. It was silly, maybe a little dangerous, but our shoulders brushed against each others, unknowingly sending sparks through me.

My heart overreacted when I saw him and though I tried to hide my behavior I knew it was obvious. Jessica had made it part of her mission to get the 'dirt' out of me. Wondering unabashedly what was different, why I was so happy.

Yes I was happy, I was ecstatic. The lack of physical contact somehow made the payoff much more intense. Monday he had stolen a kiss hidden behind the gym building before school, pulling my hand, tugging me toward his out of sight form. Though I should have been terrified that I was being herded off to the unknown I knew the moment his skin hit mine who it was. I knew he was being unnecessarily open but how could I not enjoy the moment?

His lips on mine, catching my bottom lip carelessly. I sighed out loud at the memory, suddenly tearing my eyes away from the limbo of the present moment. I got up from beside Angela, who I noticed was staring off in another direction, toward a group of slightly rowdy boys who I had not taken the initiative to meet. Wondering which one of them she preoccupied her time on; I tossed the empty yogurt container into the trash.

Emmett and I hadn't really spoken since he had come into my bedroom on Saturday. He was quiet when he was at home, which hadn't been often, and even stranger than that had spent most of that little time in his bedroom. Charlie had turned a blind eye to his behavior but I couldn't help blaming myself. Yet even that couldn't last when the love I felt for Edward blossomed in my chest, overshadowing, overpowering everything else.

The car rides were the worst, it was like Emmett had given up, had lost his reasoning. At times I could see something change behind his eyes, like he was just waking up, his mouth would twitch open yet he hadn't been able to let the words fall. I didn't help, I just watched, couldn't forgive him for bringing a weapon into our house, an unlawful weapon, but more than that I couldn't rebuke him.

Jacob had called last night to talk; to see what was knew, to let our 'time' barrier drop a notch. I laughed and smiled and forgot about everything else as we spoke. He told me about school, his father, about Sam and Emily and his friends. I measured my responses and told him about the gossip from the dance, though I doubted he was interested, and Jessica and Mike's new found relationship. His overeager tone and challenging brightness had me spinning; I knew he felt victory just knowing I'd lost an admirer. Yet instead of pushing him away I had agreed to see him today after school. Somehow I couldn't deny him when I wanted the easy atmosphere.

Emmett grunted and nodded when I told him I wouldn't need a ride home as he drove to school in the morning. I'd avoided telling him before in fear of what he might say. Yet it wasn't the worry that he might make fun or play at the idea of Bella and Jacob together it was the lack of it that scarred me. His good natured and often crude humor had been washed away. It almost seemed like an overreaction on his part, to me, how could my refusal to tell him my secrets change him so much? But it was 'almost' because although it should seem that way I knew he had oddly hit the nail in the head.

I hadn't seen Rosalie much throughout the days, a touch of her hair as Emmett met up with her early in the mornings. She hadn't been to the house in so long that I wondered if Charlie noticed. She didn't look at me when we passed between classes; like she knew something I didn't; figured out more than I had. I supposed it wasn't much of a change, we'd never been close, and I tried to tell myself this instead of letting the pang of jealousy push be closer to the edge. He was my brother and he didn't have to tell me his secrets, it was true, yet the fact that Rosalie was allowed 'in' was irritating.

-------

Continuing with my seeming unconcern I came out of gym late once again. Today, of course, should have been the day to speed out of there, to hurry, not make Jake wait, but Edward was so tempting. Our time together ticked away grievously quickly; no one, nothing could make me loose a few seconds.

He was leaning on the wall across from the door, poorly disguising his intentions and I had never been gladder that high school students didn't usually dally once the bell rang. He straightened up as I approached, his mouth opened, "I have t-," but I interrupted him by pressing my lips to his. His were shocked still for what felt like an eternity before they started moving against mine. Prurient thoughts bleed through my previously balanced ones.

I'd been fantasizing about this moment while I struggled through indoor hockey games in gym, while Mike tried his small talk and even while lying on the floor after tripping myself on my own stick.

My fingers trailed into his hair, afraid to let him go, before air became as issue. I pulled back just far enough so I could see his whole face, memorize it before putting a last peck on his mouth. "Missed me?" He asked when he caught his breath. I disentangled my fingers while taking anxious glances down the hallway.

"You have no idea."

"Oh I think I do," he replied, his cocky half grin much too distracting.

I took another step back not wanting to push anymore buttons today. Well that was a lie, I wanted to push _every_ last button today but fear was a remarkably good deterrent. "What was that you wanted to say before I so rudely interrupted?"

"If that's your idea of rude…" His eyebrow shot up in a purely animal way. Suggestive implications laced in his deep voice. I blushed; his finger traced my cheek before he seemed to realize that I was waiting for an answer. "Alice knows," I froze, taking a step back from his fingers. I supposed I had been waiting for this since the beginning, since before that, if that was possible, I had just prayed it wouldn't be so soon.

"Knows," I repeated; my voice hard, composed.

"It's not that like," he started, "She doesn't care about…" he took a step closer to me and rested his hand on my shoulder, "She's happy for me, that's all she cares about. She wants to meet you."

My instinctive worry was clouded by the idea that we –our relationship- could be a little more normal. I could meet his friends, well friend, which should be a good thing. "Oh."

"On Saturday."

I smiled a little trying to turn the seriousness, "No more surprise?"

"No, that's still on, I told Alice her time is limited," he chuckled as if remembering a joke. "We're still on then? Nine?"

The hint of disturbance in his voice made me realized he didn't really believe our time together would happen. It was the same fear I felt, like one day he might simply not show up, and it would be over just like that, "Of course."

His breath blew on my face and I took another stolen kiss before retreating, watching him as I walked backwards toward the doors. Glad that my distraction hadn't caused the usual clumsy trip, not wanting to test my limits, I turned away.

-------

I was so attuned to Edward by this point; my ears just naturally followed his distant actions as I walked toward the parking lot. I could hear his footsteps crunching, could even sense that his body language was guarded, I doubted anyone would even _think_ that the reason we were both lagging behind was because we were together. Jake was smiling from the front seat of the rabbit, probably too happy to see me to notice the time, to even notice Edward's form as his footsteps sounded toward _his_ vehicle.

But it wasn't the sight of Jacob waiting that surprised me in the mostly empty lot; it was Rosalie in her flashy car that took my attention. I blinked confusedly toward her; her eyes pierced me before her car backed up and she drove away from me.

I shook my head as I opened the passenger door on Jacob's rabbit, "Hey!" I smiled, settling myself in.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, I'm surprised I still recognize you, it's been years."

I rolled my eyes, "Funny," I mumbled.

I had taken far too many chances today but I still couldn't resist one more look at Edward, his silver car stood out like a sore thumb, and his expression was strangely blank. He stared back at me, his green eyes irregular. I raised my fingers to the glass wishing there wasn't so much in-between us, a closing remark. His unequaled smile flitted across, too nonchalant.

"How was your day? Anything interesting happen?" Jake broke in.

I turned my focus back on him, "Nothing you'd want to know about."

He reversed, "So I saw Emmett, "he trailed off, "Is he okay?" A topic very high on my list of things that don't keep me sane, I didn't answer. "Because he seemed kinda… what's the word…"

"Distant? Unemotional? Different?"

His tone changed, "Yeah, one of those."

"I wish I knew," I wasn't sure if that was true anymore.

As we drove he seemed to collect himself, "What do you want to do today?"

I shrugged, "It's nice out for once; did you want to go to the beach?"

"A classic," his smile stretched back to its usual spot and I let it remind me of how it used to be, how it should be.

**AN: So the gun… yes, yes I should comment again on that. So first, no Emmett is not a gangster (though strangely enough I was thinking about writing a gangster story) he just owns a gun. Originally I didn't plan for him to have a weapon but one day it dawned on me that he 'needed' one.**

**Why 'needed'? Well I tried to put myself in this fictional person's head. What I got out of that was that his life feels like it's going out of control. His sister is getting hurt and Rosalie is emotionally everywhere (which I haven't gotten to in this story much) and he's just **_**lost it**_**. He needs an anchor and that's where the gun comes in, or at least why it took him so long to acquire one.**


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: I've got to say I'm jealous of all you people who get daylight-savings time, completely random thing to say maybe but the lack of it always throws my careful schedule out of whack. I've just never gotten used to not resetting my clocks, this city is strange….**

**ANYWAY, here we go another chapter. I appreciate all the comments, all the favorites and all the alerts. Right now over a hundred accounts have this story set to alert. WOW, that's crazy you have no idea how flattering that is! Over two-hundred reviews, thank-you, thank-you! That is completely above and beyond, truly.**

Chapter Nine: Meadow (part two)

A lunch tray slammed down beside me as I bit into my granny smith apple. I looked up in surprise. Rosalie gave me a timid smile; calculating. I swallowed loudly, "Err hi; you're not eating with Emmett?" I stumbled out as Jessica looked up from her conversation with Mike across from me. She raised one eyebrow. I shrugged back practically hearing Jessica's questions.

"There was something I needed to check on," she told me vaguely.

"Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. When she didn't explain I turned back to Angela, who I had been previously discussing an English essay with. "So I was thinking about my thesis statement-"

Rosalie cut me off with a loud cough. I turned back to her a little fearfully. It might be pathetic but Rosalie scared and intimidated me.

"I was wondering about you, Bella," she stated. I nodded absently looking down at my hands. "How have you been lately?"

I looked up just as Edward and Alice walked into the cafeteria, they caught my attention more so than the blond in front of me. My lips curved upwards pleasantly and Edward winked at me. Rosalie's hair swung into my vision, turning to see what had distracted me. Thinking fast I responded, "I've been great, good; really good it's Emmett I'm worried about."

The frown on her face was discreet but the look in her eyes was crafty. I scratched my neck distractedly, feeling my nerves collapse around my heart. "Emmett is fine," her voice was cold.

"We haven't spoken lately," I admitted my voice low enough that only the people beside me seemed to hear. Angela squeezed my shoulder in a sign of affection, of caring. She had heard this before.

"I know," Rosalie's tone was more understanding. "He misses you," she added. It hit me like a wave, the sadness of the situation corroded around me. I hadn't really dwelled on Emmett. There was just so much else on my mind, sure it had bothered me, sure it hurt; sure it made me ache…

A tear fell from my eye, falling on the apple I was still clutching in my right hand. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?" I asked casually rubbing the trail of the tear away.

"Not quite," she took a bite of pizza as she stood up. Her face was composed and she swallowed before grabbing her can of pop from the table, "but I really should get back to Emmett."

"Bye?" I watched her as she strutted out of the room unsure about our whole encounter. Her heels clicking loudly as she walked in a hypnotic beat. The door swung shut behind her before my attention again returned to Edward. He looked speculative, almost like Jessica in the way his questions were formed on his unmoving lips.

"She sure didn't stay long," Jessica commented and I turned my head back to the table so quickly I could have gotten whiplash.

"No she didn't." I mumbled.

"What did she want?"

I paused, the same question tossed around my head, "I don't know, she didn't say."

-------

Rosalie's critical eyes diligently strayed back to me as I ate dinner, never giving me more than a minuet of undocumented feed. Under her gaze I devoured the fried chicken and boiled carrots that I had prepared, analyzing them now with the same concentration she seemed to give me. Charlie and Emmett spoke casually around, background noises to the inhumanly loud sound of my fork hitting my teeth or my knife clashing against the plate.

Rosalie didn't try to add to the dry conversation and for whatever reason this made me feel worse. Today was the first time I'd eaten with Emmett since Saturday and the second time I'd eaten with his girlfriend today.

I swallowed rabidly, barely chewed particles washed down with lukewarm water. It was just as I finished my meal that Rosalie spoke, "How has Jacob been?" The fork I had been just about to set down fell from my right hand loudly crashing onto my plate.

I blushed, "Sorry," when I looked up two sets of startled eyes analyzed me. Rosalie's instead looked almost expectant. "Um, Jacob?" I spoke slowly trying to put together my thoughts, "Jacob is good." I nodded as if to assure myself of this fact.

My mind spun back to the other day, the time I had spent with Jake. The easy way we had shared each others' presence, companionable. It had been so… so normal to sit with him at First Beach, where we always sat and just_ be_. "You haven't been spending as much time with him," Rosalie pointed out. I noticed that Charlie and Emmett both seemed to lean toward me a bit at her words, as if to say _we've also noticed this, we're also curious._

I wanted to tell her it was none of her business but the words lay stale in my mouth, "Hmm," her words hadn't been a question and I felt the only way to answer them was a vague acknowledging sound. Her eyes were fierce, questioning, and I wanted nothing more than to escape them. "I've got an essay to write so if you'll excuse me…" I stood up then without even taking my plate to the sink. My words were overly formal in the Swan house but at the moment I didn't care if they raised more questions than they answered.

-------

Rosalie's eyes seemed magnetized to me as the week passed and she went as far to linger in the parking lot till I was safely in Emmett's care. She didn't ask about Jacob again, she didn't ask me anything actually, but my guard had already been reinforced.

I dropped my books, scattering them around Edward and my table in biology, after the bell rang. While the students hurried out I bent down to pick them up. Edward did the same an inquisitive look on his face. "I'm sorry," I started not _exactly _sure what I was apologizing for. I couldn't quite get the sight of Edward's blank expression from the other day out of my mind. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea about Jake and me.

I remembered what he had told me about jealously. Although I had dispelled the idea of another romance between me and anyone else, I knew that doubt was like an infection. He didn't reply but looking up at his eyes was enough to convey his message; he understood.

"Rosalie has been watching me." His eyes immediately hardened. His posture fixed and he handed the books he'd recovered for me.

"I guess I won't get another chance to _really _see you 'till Saturday then." And he didn't. I wasn't sure why Rosalie's strange fascination had sprung up. Was it because of Emmett? Had she seen too much already, seen something she shouldn't have?

I went home that night and tore up Edward's note. I had embarrassingly enough kept it under my pillow even after Emmett had almost seen it.

One thing I knew was that regardless of why she had started observing me I didn't want to give anything about my betrayal away.

-------

As I swung the truck door shut someone grabbed me. My body clenched involuntarily, not recognizing the small hands that had threaded themselves around me. "Bella!" the high voice yelled jubilantly, squishing me a little tighter before releasing.

I turned to face Alice; my shock already worn off. "Uh, Hi," I laughed at her exuberance.

The smile on her face was so large I couldn't possibly feel uncomfortable. I looked past her into the almost vacated Volvo. Edward raised his hand, almost identical to the way I had from inside Jacob's Rabbit, although this was obviously meant in the opposite way. He looked guilty and unsure from inside his car.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed as Alice grabbed my hand and towed me over to the car. She tore the passenger door open and pushed me in. "She gets like this…" He added as I closed the door.

I gave Edward a reassuring smile before spinning around to face Alice. "He's just upset that he doesn't get to hog you today," she explained. Edward picked up my left hand, making me feel that although we weren't alone we were safe, free. Alice let out a small squeal, "You don't know how badly I've wanted to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," I managed.

"You can ignore her, I usually do," Edward muttered but as I turned to look at him I could tell he was enjoying this. He wasn't smiling but I could see one fighting to be released. "And Alice I'm not changing my mind; once we get there you're leaving."

She scoffed, "Alright, alright; so humorous." Edward was rubbing shapes onto the back of my hand while he started the car. As he pulled into reverse I quickly fastened my seatbelt hoping that he wouldn't drive as fast as he had the last time.

"So do I get to know where we're going yet?" I asked.

Alice laughed, obviously already in on the secret, "Not yet," Edward answered; smiling over at me.

"You know you're exactly how I imagined," Alice broke in.

"You _have _seen her at school before, it's not like you imaged her," Edward threw back.

I could practically hear her eyes roll, "I wasn't talking about physically, geesh," she sighed, "Boys, _always_ so focused on the outside shell," I laughed but Edward's eyes were scowling. "No, your _personality_," she lingered on the word, taunting Edward.

"Um well that's…" I didn't know if that was supposed to be a compliment or not.

As if knowing what I was thinking she added, "And yes that's a good thing Bella." I chuckled in relief. "I can tell we're going to be friends."

I looked out across the dash instead of answering. Edward let go on my hand to turn up the music which was deep in bass before returning his hand to mine. A firm grip to steady my thoughts because we _all_ knew, all three of us, why Alice and I couldn't be friends, why Edward and I couldn't _be together._ We all knew that the ideal painting we were imaging's canvass was being punctured; torn apart.

**AN: lately I've been writing a couple hundred words a night, very spaced out chucks and it's hard to keep the same running feeling so if this chapter feels choppy… well that is why. I wish I could promise that I would get better at updating but, well, I won't make empty promises. I will say I'll try and I'll hope that's enough.**

**Last thing I want to say; I hope no one is annoyed at the fact that I didn't show Bella and Jacob at the beach but I've written enough of those scenes and honestly they are tedious for me to write.**


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: This is the last romance scene in this story or at least the last one I have planned. I wish I could just flounce around with the cutesy things but I do have a plan.**

**So the whole reason for Alice's comments in the last chapter will be revealed here. Hopefully it comes across as cute and not tacky. *crosses my fingers***

**As always THANK-YOU ; )**

Chapter Nine: Meadow (part three)

"Here we are," Edward declared some time later, "Last call for you Alice."

He parked as confusion set in. We had stopped in the middle of nowhere. I could hear Alice and Edward getting out of the car but it took Alice opening my door to realize this really was where he was taking me. She gave me another hug, "I'll see you later, Bella."

She smiled and then started walking away, "Bye?" I turned to Edward who was getting something out of the trunk. I closed my still open door before walking over to him. "You're just letting her walk off?" I didn't think she had annoyed him that much.

He turned to me, swinging a backpack over his shoulder, grinning, "It's only a ten minuet walk for her." He slammed the trunk and my eyes watched him as he deposited his keys in his faded jeans' pocket.

He laughed jarring my eyes back upwards, "What's so funny?"

"We match." I looked at him closer, a white cotton shirt and jeans. Then I looked down and realized he was right, I smiled.

"So what are we doing?"

"There's someplace I want to show you." He reached out and grabbed my hand before leading me into the trees.

"We're hiking?" I wondered, my voice portraying my fear.

"It's a short hike, I promise. I'll hold your hand the whole time; I won't let anything happen to you." He chuckled, "I won't even let you trip and hurt yourself." Once breaking through the outer trees I noticed a path and relaxed, even I could follow a path.

"Ha-ha very funny." I muttered which seemed to lift his spirits more. "What would you have done if it was raining?" I asked noticing the ever elusive sun peeking through the trees.

"I had backup plans," he told me vaguely, "But they don't really compare."

"Am I allowed to know where we're going now?"

He smiled over to me, "You're not very patient Bella. Don't you want to be surprised?"

I shook my head, "I'd _rather_ know but if it'll ruin your fun I won't ask again," I answered lightly.

His face looked contemplative, "There's this little meadow just a little further in," he told me, "Alice and I used to come down here often as children. It's close to both our homes and one day, on accident, we found ourselves there. I guess I should say, it's special to me and because you," he raised his eyebrow and grinned at me sheepishly, "are special to me, I wanted to show you."

I smiled sweetly, "Won't Alice be upset that you're letting someone in on your secret?"

"It's not like that," he paused again before his voice turned a little more serious, "I used to come here when something was upsetting me, when I had to think things through… when I told Alice I was going to invite you here she was ecstatic; she said it would be good for me to associate this place with something good, someone good."

"Thank-you," I whispered. He brought my hand up to his mouth and gingerly kissed my knuckle.

A little while later he let me hand drop and pushed his way through a small opening behind a shrub. I followed him and my mouth dropped in shock, "It's beautiful," I whispered. It was almost a perfect circle and the sun shone relentlessly down on the deep green grass. I could hear a stream nearby; the whole thing seemed to come out of a daydream.

Edward was setting down the backpack when my senses came back to me. He pulled out a plaid blanket and laid himself down, patting the space beside him. I joined him taken aback by how gorgeous he looked when the sun hit his skin. "Alice lives just over there," he pointed and I turned to admire what looked like a well trodden path. "And I'm about a sixteen and a half minuet walk that way," again I followed his finger as it led away from where we were.

"Very precise time," I laughed.

"I've timed it," he admitted joining in my laugh.

He lay on his back and closed his eyes. I was lying on my side facing him when I noticed how his hand lay limply beside him. Without thinking I let my own cover his and started to gently play with his fingers, his eyes sprang open, "Sorry, do you mind?"

His eyes slid closed again, "You don't know how nice that feels," he told me.

"So what else do you have in that bag?" I wondered absently a bit later.

"Some sandwiches, nothing difficult, just peanut butter and jelly but I was worried you might get hungry."

"That's thoughtful of you." I watched how his grin creased his forehead.

"Now I have a question for you," his voice was again a little more serious, "Where did you tell Charlie and Emmett you were off to this morning?"

I frowned and rolled onto my back, letting my hand still, now just resting against his. "No one was home this morning, like most mornings, so I just left. If I don't get home before them I'll use the excuse I was going to use last time."

"Which is?" he prompted.

"I went to pick up some groceries."

"Hmm," he mused. His voice was clear but I could hear the curiosity in the next question he posed, "What about Rosalie," He spoke Rosalie's name in a cold voice, "why has she been watching you?"

"I assume because I haven't really talked to Emmett in a week."

"Why not?" Edward asked his tone anything but demanding.

"A couple reasons but I'll talk to him tonight I think." Yes I was going to suck it up and breach our strange talk less arrangement, I was tired of being annoyed at him, I just wanted to forget about it and move on.

My eyes drifted away into the trees again, just enjoying the sun on my face. If I closed my eyes I could almost imagine being back in Phoenix. The smell ruined the figment.

It was silent enough that I could hear the stream's water rushing across rocks and other objects. My body relaxed as the time passed. Edward's breathing was in rhythm with mine and I felt contented.

"It's not true," he finally said. I tore my eyes away from the surroundings and rolled on my side to face him.

"What isn't?" His eyes were closed, he looked like he was experiencing a wonderful dream and I hated to ruin his illusion.

"What Alice said," his lips barely moved and the sound carried on the wind. His eyelids slid open; he raised his right hand, looking at it experimentally before resting it on my upper arm, touching his skin to mine. His fingers playfully brushed the exposed skin. His eyes returned to mine before he continued, "What she said about me only focused on the exterior."

His touch was so distracting that it took me a while before I fully comprehended what he meant, "She was just kidding around with you," I offered.

He frowned slightly, "That's the point, it felt like she was belittling how I felt." His fingers brushed against the short sleeve of my shirt before resting on my collarbone, tracing the shape of it slowly. "That's not to say you aren't beautiful," I blushed. He examined my cheeks with a critical eye, "Exquisite," he added with a hushed tone as his index finger moved up to brush against my inflamed cheek, "But it's so much more than that, and I'll be nothing short of ashamed if you've been thinking I was only interested because of, to use Alice's words _your outside shell_."

I opened my mouth to comment but his finger touched my lips in a silencing gesture, "Because it's everything about you that I'm drawn to. The way you smile, the way you hide yourself behind your hair," he paused as his finger moved around the outline of my lips, "The way your answers always leave too much to the imagination," at this he let a good natured, quiet laugh escape. "I sit around and speculate for days about a ten second encounter with you.

"And you have to know that I'm completely, undividedly, _utterly _smitten with you." There was a sparkle in his restrained eyes; anxious for my response. He was so close to me that his exhaled air tickled me. He pushed his hand carefully, meticulously, into my hair, "Because the truth is that I, I-" Edward's green eyes shone, propelling me forward and I caught his mouth with my own, silencing him.

My free hand cascaded down his arm that was flexed, still gripping the back on my head, landing on his hips. All the while his lips danced with mine, his cheek nuzzling against me. My hand moved on its own picking at the hem on his shirt; the soft cotton not as enticing as what was under it. He pulled back for air returning with a fever, laying every piece of exposed skin in kisses. Trailing where his hands had just been, a kiss on my shoulder following my collar bone and then up my neck before reaching my lips.

My lips parted with his and all rational thought was gone, I forgot what he had been talking about before. I forgot that he wasn't done speaking. The tension drifted away from my body; my hands now gliding beneath his shirt. He rolled me over so he was hovering above me, all the time our lips connecting us.

I felt warm all over while his body felt cool beneath my fingers. A strange balance, I used my free hand to thread in his hair, keeping him close. Slowly he pulled back, his body oddly supported on his free hand and knees. "I'm sorry," he gasped removing his hand from my hair.

"What for?" I wondered. He fell back beside me and I could hear him catching his breath.

"I didn't mean to attack you."

I laughed, "I attacked _you_ silly." I turned to face him again.

"You did?" confusion lacing his voice.

"I did," I admitted watching as his perfect crooked grin graced his features.

"Are you sure?"

I laughed out loud, how could he not remember? I coughed it back; in mock formality I spoke, "So I should apologize."

"Don't," he had picked up a strand of my hair, twisting it around his finger, "I've been dreaming about doing that for so long…"

"Have you," I teased.

"You honestly don't understand what you do to me."

"Sometimes I think you underestimate the effect _you_ have on me. I've never felt like this before"

"Really?" he was intrigued by this, "Hasn't anyone else ever-"

I cut him off, my cheeks flaming red, "Of course not; never before."

He pecked my lips tenderly, "Me neither." I scoffed at that, "What?" he wondered.

"No one else… ever?"

"No one else ever," He repeated. My eyebrows rose up questioningly, "Why do you look like you don't believe me?" he wondered lightly.

"Well look at you," I explained. "You're perfect."

He laughed, "The way you perceive me is ludicrous."

"I think you have that backward." His arms circled around me in a protective stance.

"No I think I have it exactly right," he whispered.

**AN: I couldn't resist using **_**smitten **_**to describe what Edward is feeling. I think that is really one of the cutest ways to describe it. I always adore the ever popular **_**I'm sweet on you**_** but that simply wouldn't fit. *sigh* I just love the way the word smitten rolls off the tongue; I honestly think it is my second favorite word, after curmudgeon (which so rarely fits in with everyday conversation).**

**Regardless here in your **_**make out**_** scene and I'm sorry it took so FREAKING long to finally get to this point. It's not even a long make out scene either, ah I'm sorry. The previous chapter is really just a lead up to this so I felt it rude of me not to post it quickly.**

**Before anyone asks, his backup plan would be to take her to Seattle again and get an expensive dinner but he was really hoping he wouldn't have to use his plan B. And also, before anyone wonders; Edward has been thinking about kissing Bella like that for a long time and was pretty sure he initiated the kiss that is why he apologizes (I'm not sure if I explained that well in the text).**

**Last thing I'll say, because things are going to get serious from here on out I'm probably going to be a terrible update monster for a while, sorry, sorry, sorry!**


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: I lied, here's another pointless fluffy scene. I need a thicker skin; I'm sorry. I've been reading a lot of sad books lately and I just needed to write, well, I guess inconsequential cutesy blah.**

**As always thanks to all who reviewed. So many great, funny comments; they're amazing. Thanks for the alerts as well; every time I log onto my Gmail I'm astounded.**

A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story  
-Prince Lir

Chapter Ten: Paranoid (part one)

The air cooled off as we lay beside each other causing Edward's hold on me to tighten. Both of us knew what the chilly atmosphere meant, our time was over and in protest we pretended anything else. "I don't think anything will ever top this," his strong voice announced to the top of my head.

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"Today," he let the word sink in, "Nothing will ever be better than today."

"Really?" I pressed, self satisfied by Edward's sincere words.

"Please don't doubt this," he replied, an easy presence in his words.

"I won't if you don't," I laughed.

"I can guarantee you that. As long as you want me, I'll be here."

"I'll always want you," I warned.

"I'm glad," His face nuzzled into me just a tiny bit more before he added, "Sometimes when I look at you I forget right and wrong; forget my own name even. Nothing will change that."

"I know the feeling," I managed, kissing the base of his throat.

"Oh do you," I could hear the smirk in his voice and before I could prepare myself his fingers began tickling my sides.

"Ed-ward, st-op," I managed between chuckles. His laugh was all consuming, so carefree; I was more in love with him in this moment than ever before. I had jerked away from his fingers when the mood shifted again and he was leaning over me with such deliciously intense eyes.

"I love how you say my name," I stopped breathing. The word love from his lips was much more than I'd ever dreamed I would hear.

"Edward," I breathed, half kidding, half egging him on. We stared at each other for what felt like years and I was so sure that nothing bad could ever happen. I couldn't possibly foresee any negatives between us ever. He kissed me tenderly before pulling us into a sitting position. He was still holding me close when I finally commented, "We never got to those sandwiches." I broke from the careful hold of Edward's arms by turning toward him. His sigh was miserable and I couldn't argue with its' implications.

"Oh well," there was mock disappointment in his words. I could hear just how little care he put into the food.

I laughed despite myself but the giggles stopped the second he stood up. I knew today was over and frowned even when he presented his hand to help me. I took it and clumsily allowed myself to be pulled up. "It seems too early to leave," he mused grabbing the blanket and shaking it out before draping it around my shoulders eyeing the little clothes I wore now disapprovingly.

I wrapped it tighter around me smelling the rich sent of Edward contained in the thread. I watched him zip up the backpack and walk toward the path we had come from. "You should have told me to meet you here," I realized, "You're practically home. Now you'll have to drop me at my truck and come right back."

He gave me a suspicious flirty look before he squished around the outer hedges. I followed him in as he responded, "Bella you're so absurd. The whole point of today was to get more time with you." I smiled then, deciding I wouldn't start missing him until we really said goodbye. "Do you mind if we share the blanket," he teased standing in front of me with his standard grin.

I pulled out an arm from my locked position, offering it to him. He spun around my arm and put his left around my shoulders while the other pulled the blanket closed. It was slightly harder to walk like this but imaginably romantic.

Our footsteps moved in sync and I swear our heartbeats correlated. That in itself was personal enough to satisfy me but every once in a while Edward's lips would fall on the top of my head and give me reassuring, yet brief, kisses. Our body heat kept us comfortable yet it still startled me how fast the cold had set in outdoors. It wasn't dark yet, wasn't even late, but Fork's simply couldn't hold the heat. I missed it but was gladder for its disappearance; much preferring this way of staying warm.

Edward finally unwound himself from me when he got to his car. He pulled out his keys and pressed unlock before cracking the door open for me. I shook my head at him as if to remind him that I _did_ know how to open a door, though I was so rarely given the chance to prove this. This look caused his infections velvety laugh to caress me. Truly this day had been the best of my life and I didn't care what awaited me after this, I'd take whatever it was. Nothing was worth missing this chance with Edward.

-------

This wasn't the last I'd see of Edward but I couldn't help feeling like he was driving me to my execution. I knew it was melodramatic but I couldn't shake the worry, a strange nagging, telling me to savor the moment. Of course it was probably nothing, I knew I had to savor all the moments I had with him, and this one was really no different.

We sat in his car, me staring menacingly at the truck, almost blaming it. "Can you meet me at the meadow on Thursday? I can't wait till Saturday again," he explained. His fingers brushing a piece of hair out of my face made me snap away from the truck. I tried to force an easygoing look but it was too forced.

"I'll be there," I assured him.

"Do you remember how to get to where I parked?" he wondered playing with my hair as he had done before.

"Yes." The way there was imprinted on me, or at least that's what it felt like; too important to forget.

"Get there whenever you can, I'll wait all night if I have to," he smiled and sighed, I could feel how the thought of seeing me again relaxed him. He came closer and my heart sped up. His lips impressed themselves against mine pushing me into a stupor. It was a brief kiss, almost innocent; pure, though I craved it wouldn't end. "What did I ever do without you?"

I didn't care that I really should be getting out of here I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him back to me. I could feel the smile on his face as I pushed my lips hurriedly against his, tasting him, wanting to be as close as possible. It was heaven; it was perfect or _nearly_ perfect anyway.

We were meeting awkwardly over the middle console but that didn't stop him from running his hands down my sides, eagerly stroking me; knowing we would have to wait much too long for another chance at such contact. I fondled the hair at the back of his head as his one hand snaked around and released me from the seat belt. Given more freedom I leaned further into his embrace.

As I pulled back slightly for air I noticed the clock, three pm, I had to get home, didn't want to chance anymore untrustworthy speculation. With one hand on the door and the other still attached to Edward I began yet another kiss. Never more had I felt so torn and it took everything in me to jerk the door open. His hands clung to me as I tried to pull away; my heart wasn't in it to leave.

"I have to-"I attempted in a rare second without his lips on mine before he closed the distance again, "go," I mumbled against him. At this he finally ceased his excited exploration. He sighed again; it was the standard response to moments like this between us. "Thursday," I reminded him.

"Thursday," he repeated, dejected. I laughed at the gloom on his face, the desolation imbued in the two syllables.

Instead of moving in for one last kiss I excited the car knowing 'one last' anything was just the start. One last hour, day, month, flew more seductively into the forefront of my mind. I breathed deeply, still catching my breath, realizing the only 'one last' anything I would get today was a last look.

His eyes looked black, deep and understanding. He raised his hand touching the glass, now a perfect imitation from the other day, signaling his departure.

-------

I entered the Thriftway completely distracted. Everything looked too bright and I had a hard time walking straight much less figuring out what kind of groceries we were running low on. I palmed an apple before throwing four into a plastic bag, tying it and placing them into the thick plastic basket I had somehow managed to remember. Tittering on the edge I managed to pick up a loaf of whole wheat bread and a half gallon of milk figuring the baser foods were always running low.

It was while I stood waiting in line that I noticed someone was watching me. My eyes snapped back to my basket, too uncomfortable to stare at whoever was looking. From the quick glance I knew that it was a man, he didn't look much older than me, maybe three years maybe less, and his longer straggly blond hair was pulled back. His eyes had momentarily pierced me but not as Edward's did, Edward's had something behind them but this man… maybe it was just my imagination.

I knew I didn't recognize him so I forced myself to appear ignorant as I paid for the few items I had gathered and hurried back to my truck.

-------

Emmett and Charlie weren't back when I got home, not that I expected them to be. Instead of being relieved that I didn't have to use an excuse on them I felt paranoid. I locked the front door, something I was sure that hadn't been done in years, before turning on the television simply for the background sound.

**AN: At the end there I almost got into something resembling a story line, ha-ha, I know shocking coming from me. Well next chapter I promise to really delve into the serious (or at least that's what I've told myself). On the upside I have actually jotted down a story outline. From here on out I will try to stick to it *salute*.**


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Ridiculously long authors note is located at the bottom. Up here I will just express my usual thank-you; yes, THANK-YOU. ;)**

Chapter Ten: Paranoid (part two)

"Bella, we're home!" Emmett's voice boomed around me. I blinked stupidly and rolled over only to realize I hadn't fallen asleep in my bed, I'd fallen asleep on the couch and the couch ended rather abruptly. I heard Emmett's laughter and although in the back of my head I was actually relieved to hear it, having missed it for too long, I was more embarrassed. I ran my hand through my hair, noticing how it felt like a mess before I stood. The laughter grew and right before I raised my eyes to Emmett I realized another horror, he wasn't alone.

"Hey," Jake chuckled at me.

I froze momentarily. "Um- Hello," I muttered; trying desperately to brush my hair with just fingers.

Charlie passed us and nodded his greeting while he carried one of his large tackle boxes with both hands, huffing as he went. His face was strained and reddened around the cheeks. At least I wasn't the only one who looked less than ready for guests.

"Hello Bella," Billy called as he followed Charlie toward the kitchen.

"Ran into the Blacks at the lake," Emmett explained, jerking my attention back to the teenage boys in front of me. Jake was smiling like an idiot while Emmett looked like he was trying desperately to compose his features.

"Your brother invited us for dinner," Jacob added.

"Yeah, we haven't had a normal family dinner in a while;" Emmett tacked on; "Emily and Sam are heading over later."

As I rubbed sleep out of my eyes I turned from the speculating eyes, "Give me a moment," I mumbled, making my way upstairs.

"Don't take too long," Emmett called out, "We've got lots to discus." I stilled again; blanched. What exactly did we have to discuss? My mind of course called forth an endearing image of Edward. I didn't turn back, just sucked in a deep breath and petered on.

-------

I brushed my hair out, noticing for the first time that there was a leaf tangled in the back. As I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror I noticed the agitation. Trying to push it back I forced a smile before I headed back down.

The boys had surrounded the television, catching whatever sports they missed while out. Charlie was lounging on the one armchair; Billy sat beside in his wheelchair and Emmett and Jake were on the couch commenting on a bad play. I sighed moving toward the kitchen to start dinner when Jake looked up, "Over here," he said nudging his chin to the cramped space at the end of the couch. He patted the spot with his hand as if to prove it was empty.

I shrugged and walked around to the end and plopped down beside him. His arms eased around Emmett and me, resting on the back of the couch. Emmett smirked at this and I saw Charlie eye us in my peripheral before he grinned. "Score," Emmett exclaimed and the television crowd cheered along. I couldn't help but notice the innuendo.

I placed my feet on the coffee table and leaned against the side of the couch. "What was up with locking us out?" Emmett wondered still staring at the screen.

I thought back to the stranger from the Thriftway. His image was too dreamlike, was he even real? It surprised me that I had been able to sleep after feeling so… paranoid. Yes, paranoia that was it; that was all. "Sorry," I expressed half amused at my own worthless worry, "Old habits die hard I guess."

Emmett snorted, "You've been in Forks how long? I know you took care of the house for mom but us brute men can handle _this _town."

I ignored him not because he was wrong, the opposite really. Worry coursed through me uninhibited, if Emmett _knew _how to keep me safe then what was the gun's purpose? Had it already been used?

Jake's fingers brushed against my hair with his fingers; the slightest fraction of touch roused me wide awake. "I should start dinner," I declared.

Charlie looked up as I stood, "You don't have to; Sam told me Emily had planned lasagna before we invited them. She's bringing it over."

Billy chuckled, "I don't know what we'd do without our caregivers."

Jacob chimed in, "Dad we don't have caregivers at _our _home, don't know what _you're_ talking 'bout."

Emmett patted him good naturedly on the shoulder, "Maybe one day."

I shivered at how easily they could kid about exchanging me from house to house. I rolled my eyes, "How gallant of you Em."

"I'm nothing if not gallant," he played along.

Again I ignored him, "I'm going to prepare a salad. You _brute men_ need vegetables to stay big and strong."

I walked away without a backward glance and had just set our sharpest knife on the battered wooden chop block when I noticed Jake had followed me. "Mind if I help?" he asked quietly.

"There's a head of lettuce in the drawer," I pointed to the fridge, "Run it under the tap and then," I paused as I pulled out a salad spinner from a lower cabinet. "Then, well dry it."

He eyed the contraption with a raised eyebrow before he did as I instructed. "Throw me three tomatoes while you're in the drawer," I added turning to him.

He made to toss them to me before seemingly catching himself, "What am I thinking?" he asked, "You'd never catch them, would you?"

I gave him a disbelieving look, "I should be offended but the truth is you're probably right. Run them under the tap and _set _them here," I tapped the chopping block with the knife.

He again followed my instructions. He didn't speak again until the sink turned off. "What the hell is this thing?" I looked up to see his exaggerated glare that was directed to the spinner.

"Haven't you ever seen a salad spinner before?" I asked bemused. I elbowed between him and the spinner. "Put the lettuce pieces inside," I explained once I'd raised the lid. His left hand grabbed a chuck of pre ripped lettuce from the sink and threw them inside the contraption.

"Now what?" I could hear his absolute curiosity.

I pushed the top back on. "See this handle?"

"Yeah."

"Turn it." I showed off my excellent turning skills and was surprised when his hand covered mine and continued the spinning. It was only then that I realized how close we were. I didn't speak, too uncomfortable to do anything but let his hand lead the spinner on with mine trapped under his.

"New perfume?" he quietly wondered.

"No, why?"

"You smell different," he hedged. It clicked so briskly that it jarred me. I smelt like Edward. I pulled my hand from under his.

"Oh," I exhaled before returning to my cutting board.

-------

"It was good to see you Bella," Emily whispered beside my ear as she gave me a goodbye hug.

"Good to see you too," I replied as we pulled back.

She waved as Sam took her other hand and they left. "Later," Jacob called to the couple. "Dad, you ready?"

Billy grunted as he maneuvered over the threshold, "See you tomorrow Billy," Charlie called as he headed upstairs. I assumed lugging around the tact box all day had tired him out.

"Mhmm," Billy vaguely returned as Jake helped him down the outside landing. Jake looked back at me as if longing for another private word with me. I waved before closing the door trying my best to seem normal.

I sighed out one long breath, "Long day?" Emmett asked as we wound our way back into the kitchen.

"Long day," I repeated. It was so strange how we had somehow found ourselves back in our normal routine.

"I'll wash, you dry?" Emmett offered as he plugged the left half of the sink.

I nodded, grabbing a couple dry dish towels from on top of the fridge as Emmett ran the hot water filling the sink. It was silent as the water ran and I gathered the dishes.

"I've missed you, kid," Emmett said as he handed me the first cleaned bowl.

"Me too."

"Let's never do that again."

"Okay."

"Just okay? We're good?" his tone was slightly playful, slightly wary.

"We're good for now," I conceded. His washing was too quick for my drying and he started piling them into the right half of the sink as I dried a fork.

"Good. It was weird not really… well," he paused, "not really talking. I know there are things that aren't quite… right; things that just aren't talked about, I guess, but I love you, kid."

"Love you too, Em."

I turned to him; he smiled mischievously before flicking soapy water at me. "Hey," I laughed holding my dishcloth as protection.

He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance at my lack of playful revenge, "And I can assume you're not going to tell me about Jacob and you. Even after his classic yawn arm move."

I picked up a plate, absently wiping it, "He did not fake yawn."

"Of course not, what was I thinking?" he laughed, "that's a no then, you're not offering me anything?"

"Honestly Emmett there is nothing to offer. I feel like a broken record but Jake and I are _just _friends."

"Yes, you keep saying that."

"Yet you keep asking…" I pointed out.

"One of these days I think your answer's going to be different," he admitted.

I exchanged my now soppy towel with the second dry one before I spoke, "I don't think it will."

"Why not?"

"Emmett," I warned.

"He makes you happy," his serious tone brushed his words.

"Lots of people make me happy." My mind again flashed to Edward. His crooked grin and bright eyes, the way he'd held me. Jake made me happy but not complete.

"It seems like he's more than just any person making you happy," he altered.

"I'm happy now; how I am." It was mostly true.

"I just want you to be with a guy that-"

I cut him off, "You're my brother, aren't you supposed to be shielding me from guys."

His laugh was short, "I'm only shielding you from the bad ones, the perverted ones, the ones that…," he stopped realizing suddenly that he was talking to his younger sister, "Jacob's not like that." He finished a slight blush on his cheeks.

"I know but we're just friends." I repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

"For now."

Instead of answering I turned to him and gave him a side hug. I knew he was just looking out for me after all. He resituated himself so he was giving me a full on bear hug. "You're a good brother." I smiled before I raised my hands over his head and wrung out the towel I'd been using.

"You little sneak," He exclaimed as I pulled back. We both were laughing as we playfully attacked each other with the slightly dirty and frothy water. It felt so _good, _so refreshing, to talk to my brother again; to laugh, to have a serious conversation even, and not be mad afterward.

**AN: The stranger was James. I've barely mentioned him so far but I was happy that a few guessed. A lot of people thought it was Jasper and I have to apologize if I made him sound creepy stalker guy in past chapters.**

**The personal side of my note:  
What's wrong with me? I ask myself this often, especially lately. I have the majority of this story worked out so I should be posting every other day; shouldn't I? So why aren't I able to get my act together?**

**I always want to start ranting about my excuses and then I delete them because honestly my life isn't interesting enough to type about and people who clicked here don't want to read about me (thankfully author's notes are well marked and easily passed over). I know that and yet I feel strangely bad not explaining why I'm an update monster. So for this chapter, hopefully only, I will let my ranting skills surface.**

**LIFE; just that one word oddly covers EVERYTHING. Yet I long to say more. First; two of my friends got engaged, CRAZY. Second; and I've mentioned this I know, I can't say no to people. Thirdly; and the MAIN reason I can't seem to get my updating act together is my insatiable NEED to read. I know that might not sound too crazy coming from someone that posts on fan fiction but hell if you understood how many books I've been going through lately you'd be raising an eyebrow quizzically wondering what demonic reading fairly had possessed me. I think I need a reading detox.**

**On a closing note; did anyone see the movie? What did you guys think? I'm interested in what others thought but you don't have to answer if you don't wish to.**


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: My computer is fixed, it's beautifully working again and I could not be more ecstatic.**

**Again I don't know how much longer this story will be. I haven't written it, it's all in my head, but every time I think about it I get a headache because it seems like there are WAY TOO MANY scenes left.**

**Thanks for reading. I wish this story was shorter but unfortunately I keep writing more.**

Chapter Ten: Paranoid (part three)

"We should do something today, just us," Emmett told me once the truck was in park. I stared at the school buildings, breathing deeply, just imagining Edward inside. I'd missed his face; I'd missed everything about him. I was addicted to him.

"Like what?"

It was so… so good, so nice, so right, knowing that Emmett and I were fine again. It's funny how it took us 'making up' to realize how much I'd missed him. "I don't know, maybe a movie? What do you want to do?"

"Movie sounds fine. Just staying in with popcorn and a blanket…" I trailed off.

He smiled at me, "Sounds perfect." An easy pause filled the vehicle as every single part of me relaxed. "I've got to get to class, I'll see you later." He gave me a small side hug before walking into fresh air.

-------

I hadn't seen Edward all morning and therefore was extremely anxious as I entered the lunch room with Jessica. She was chatting about her weekend and I casually listened. As I walked in my eyes flew to 'Edward's' table, he wasn't in the room yet so my gaze twisted to 'our' table. Angela smiled up at me and I waved. As Jessica and I walked to the lunch line Angela joined us.

"Hey," she timidly spoke. I cocked an eyebrow because although Angela was shy she wasn't usually like this around me.

"What's up?" Jessica asked her. She blushed and Jessica, ever the gossip queen, picked up on this, "What happened?" her voice had quickened and her eager eyes were frightening.

Angela looked torn slightly; a secret. I wondered if it was what she'd kept to herself when I'd asked about the dance. The lunch door shutting grabbed my attention from the possible high school troubles. I couldn't help glancing over.

Edward, I couldn't even help the sigh that escaped. He looked beyond perfect, a dictionary explanation of pulchritude. He grinned in my direction so quickly that if I blinked I would very likely have missed it. It took me much too long to notice Alice's hand, raised simply in a show of acknowledgment. I hoped no one else noticed. Alice wasn't as careful as Edward and Edward was barely careful enough.

"This weekend," I heard Angela start behind me. Her voice seemed muted and I was about to turn to focus on her when two other people walked into the cafeteria completely ruining any chance my mind had to hear the rest of Angela's secret.

I walked away from the girls without even a goodbye. "Emmett? What are you doing here?" I wondered. "You never eat here?" I added.

He laughed as he pulled me into a hug. "It's _our_ day, didn't I say that already?" He whispered in my ear and it made me close my eyes and hug him a little tighter. Yes, I had definitely missed him.

Rosalie gave me a suspicious but relaxed look. It didn't seem to go together but it was much better than the looks she had been giving me before. "Nice to see you Rose," I offered a little emotionlessly only because I couldn't figure her out.

"Bella," she nodded to me as she walked over to 'our' table and made herself comfortable while bumping into a conversation Tyler was having with Mike.

"You didn't have to ruin your lunch date with Rosalie," I told Emmett as I turned my attention back to him.

"Nah," he laughed, "She understands. I told her how we made up." He took my hand then and led me to the table.

I made sure to sit with my back to Edward. It wasn't safe to tempt my eyes, best to keep myself less aware.

Emmett sat in-between Rose and I and immediately he imposed on her conversation with the boys. Rosalie and my brother were certainly alike, I could see that now.

I looked over to the lunch line only to notice that Angela and Jessica were already heading back. Angela sat on the free side of me and Jess sat beside her. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to walk away like that," I told my friends showing true guilt on my face. I didn't mean to make it seem like the world revolved around me.

Angela put her hand on top of my own, "I understand," she said, "I'm happy to see you worked everything out with your brother." She took her hand back to pick up a fry.

"What were you saying; about your weekend?" Jessica broke in.

"Well… you see, Ben came over," Angela began again and Jessica's mouth dropped open.

"No," she interrupted incredulous, "You never told me you like Ben," She hissed in a whisper. It was almost funny how quickly having a boy over turned into crushing on said boy.

Angela was red now, "It was too embarrassing, and I didn't think he liked me back." I smiled, "Anyway he came over to help on an assignment and… well one thing led to another."

If I had thought Jessica looked flabbergasted before it was nothing to what she looked like now. I wanted to tell her to breathe, to stop her assumptions but perversely it was too funny to watch her. Angela's eyes opened wider when she noticed Jess, "Not like that," she rushed.

Jessica's mouth snapped back. "Oh, good."

I laughed at the absurdity of Angela rushing into anything with a boy; she simply was not that kind of person. Of course rushing into things with a boy didn't always have to do with the type of girl someone was; I should know, except I guess I really hadn't _rushed _that far with anyone before…

"We kissed," Angela hurriedly whispered, "that's all." And her blush rushed down her neck. I could definitely sympathize. Her attention diverted away from us and Jessica noticed before I did. The two girls staring away with some determination finally made me shift my consciousness. Ben stood there looking uncomfortable and unsure by the door.

"Wave at him," Jessica's voice broke in and I almost raised my own hand to do as she instructed before I realized she was directing her comment to Angela. I could only assume that Angela had done what was instructed of her because Ben smiled and started over to us.

"Hello," he greeted upon arrival. I spun out of my seat in a show of offering it to him.

"I'm going to get something to eat; Ben you can sit here if you wish." He nodded at me appreciatively before I walked off.

I was grinning to myself as I grabbed a bagel off the food cart; pushing my tray on the metal beams toward the fruit section. With my left hand I grabbed a banana and was just about to set it on my plastic tray when warmth brushed my right arm. I looked over and up to find Edward's beryl coloured eyes. He winked at me and I could do nothing but beam at him.

My eyes trailed down from his eyes to linger on his lips. Instinctually I licked mine before coming to my senses and stepping away from him. We were in public after all. Actually we were in worse shape than just in public; we were in eye range of Rosalie and Emmett. Had I actually thought Edward was careful just a moment before? I was delusional then.

As I paid I recalled the image of his lips, he didn't know what I wanted to do to those lips at the moment, if he only knew…

I sat beside Tyler when I got back to the table, my old spot taken over by Ben, though I certainly didn't mind moving. Angela eyes were glazed over; she was so involved in her talk with Ben. I wondered if they considered themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. How long that would take if it hadn't already happened.

It was then that a potent jealousy clouded me. I wanted what she had. I wanted to be like this, to be so close, in true public without having to step back, to step away. I wanted to be able to raise my index finger and motion Edward to the empty seat beside me. I wanted to be able to laugh with him, touch him, all those romantic young love things HERE, right now.

I converged back to reality and took an unladylike bite of my bagel. After I swallowed I let myself have a peek at the Cullen table. Edward wasn't looking at me but Alice was, like Edward before, she winked at me. I hated myself for not feeling comfortable and _safe_ enough to return it.

I shook my head to clear the injustice before turning back to my brother. I never got that far, Rosalie gave me such a strange putrid look that I stopped breathing for a moment. She raised her eyebrows at me but my brother's hand falling on her shoulder knocked her assuming glare away. I was suddenly so glad that Emmett was unobservant.

**AN: I had to write about Angela and Ben again, I love them.**

**Answers to questions:  
The feud will either be discussed in the epilogue or not at all (it depends if I ever figure it out).**

**Charlie wasn't mad in the last chapter he was 'huffing' because he was carrying a heavy load. I poorly explained that part and I apologize. My father used to fish A LOT probably more than Charlie ever could and I have many memories of him out of breath carrying the HUGEST tackle box EVER so I wanted to write a small bit about that…**

**This is all the information about James. This is a bit taken from chapter six for anyone who doesn't remember where he comes in:**

"Just explain who James and Laurent are. You've made them sound fairly interesting."

"They're Cullens; cousins of the one going to your school. They graduated last year, James is a year older than his brother but he was held back, now they're going to, I think, Dartmouth or something else just as prestigious," he sneered. "I wonder how much money they used to bribe themselves in. Anyway while they were here they caused most of the fights. The two of them and James' girlfriend, Victoria, mostly James though. Since they left, life has been mostly drama free."

I let this settle into my thoughts. Maybe Edward didn't do anything wrong, maybe it was just James and Laurent.

**Now for a question, do you think I should write a scene about Jake and Bella having a talk? Where she lets him down and either alludes to Edward or full on talks about him? I've been wondering if it would be best to let Jacob in on the secret now or wait till the end. Please tell me what you think because I'm really torn between which should occur. It's not a huge thing and if you don't have an opinion on this, I u****nderstand. ;)**


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Sorry for the drag-age in the past few chapters. I just wanted to flush out some characters a bit. ANYWAY I guess I spoke too soon on the fixed computer. BUT NOW I think it's better. It really is a strange virus, my mouse wouldn't even work… so weird.**

**Now I must stop and complain, it is bloody -45C (apparently that converts to -49F) out here with the windshield. That is ridiculous. That seriously can't be right? At my workplace the fire-exist doors are literally frozen shut (the frost is creeping along the wall). I'm sure some of you have it much, much worse; to be fair it is only -35C (-31F) in the afternoon, but to me that is beyond intolerable. I'm a wimp though; I sleep with a heater on in the summer. So somebody please tell me how much worse it is where you are because I need some perspective, need to stop feeling sorry for myself, haha.**

"Love was generous precisely because it could never be immortal"  
-Peter S. Beagle

Chapter Eleven (part one)

Rosalie and Emmett didn't eat with me on Tuesday and though I was fairly certain Rosalie was aware of something she didn't say one word. Emmett and I had spent the rest of Monday after school with each other like we had planned and he obviously hadn't heard anything from Rose. He laughed, more than half the time and ate for much of the rest. In-between eating and laughing he read the subtitles of the classic Jackie Chan movies we watched loudly.

So I didn't think anything was amiss Tuesday and acted accordingly.

I didn't wait for Edward after gym. There was no need to push Rosalie, or anyone else really, when we would get our stolen time Wednesday. Emmett was leaning against the hood of the truck smiling at me when I approached. He was chatting half-heartedly with Tyler though his words seemed dismissive.

"Hey," Tyler commented when he finally turned to see what Emmett was smiling at.

I nodded at him, much like Emmett; I felt no need or want to talk to Tyler. I only wanted to go to sleep so the time would move quicker and I would be with Edward sooner. It was pathetic that everything in my life corresponded to Edward.

"Well I better get going," Tyler admitted, giving me a cute look that I promptly ignored.

Emmett waved lazily closing his eyes, contented. I joined him, leaning on the rusty vehicle while timidly people watching.

Everyone seemed in such a rush to get home. Edward wasn't anywhere to be seen, I noticed on my first quick scan; of course I looked for him first. I saw Jasper and Alice kissing by Edwards' car. It must be wonderful to be so sure in your relationship. Alice looked so happy and I had to smile just because I really was glad she was. Strange how quickly my feelings for her had grown.

I turned my head only to get a glimpse of Angela walking with Ben, hand in hand, in the direction of her house. She was babysitting her siblings today and Ben had offered to 'help' out. It seemed like everyone around me was in caring, perfect relationships.

"What are we waiting for?" I wondered quietly to my brother.

"I'm enjoying the moment," he returned as I watched him, a grin spread and his eyes finally opened. He raised an eyebrow at me before taking over my people watching position. I continued to look him over, hoping to figure him out.

"What's so special about it?" His eyes hardened slightly but not at my words, or so it appeared, and he righted himself from the truck.

"It feels so-." He cut himself off, grimacing, before turning behind him. He whipped his head back just as fast.

"What is it?" I followed his gaze ahead of me. Rosalie looked pissed but this time it wasn't directed anywhere near me. She was staring at whatever Emmett had just surveyed.

I was about to check behind me when Edward walked out. I wondered if he had waited for me; it had taken him a while to emerge. I watched as he walked toward where I remember Jasper and Alice were, moving quickly. The sounds around me dulled and I noticed Edward seemed eager to make it over to his car. He didn't even look around him.

I heard Emmett's grunt beside me and it pulled me slightly out of my trance. Rosalie wasn't around and I spun to find her; already in her car, practically out of the parking lot; strange. I would have thought she was coming to speak to Emmett. I glanced up only to notice I hadn't been the only one watching Edward, Emmett was mimicking me.

No that wasn't quite right, I had been focused on Edward; Emmett seemed to be interested in who he had walked over to. Alice and Jasper were not the only ones there; two other males were standing with them. I blinked surprised, feeling unobservant. One had dark brown hair while the other, dirty blond. They were about the same height and their backs were to us. Edward punched the brown haired one playfully on the shoulder in greeting. He seemed amused and I wished I could hear what they were saying.

Emmett grabbing my shoulder pried me away from the group. "Let's go home," he gruffly told me nudging me toward the passenger door. I nodded absently but turned back to Edward when my brother walked away. Edward smiled, his mouth moving quickly toward the brown haired one while Jasper seemed stiffer in talks with the other. Alice just stood there, though not uncomfortable by looks.

Emmett's door slammed getting the attention of their group. I started walking to the door, still looking over at them. For once in my life it wasn't Edward's eyes that caught my attention. My breath hitched as the boy from the Thriftway stared at me. He smiled like a Cheshire cat before winking at me. I blinked and turned ungracefully for the door handle.

My heart was beating uncommonly fast.

-------

I didn't speak as he drove. Emmett's mask was cracking and he looked so angry that I was scared into silence. I forgot how intimidating my brother could be; when he wanted to. "Can you spend the afternoon with Jacob?" he finally grunted out.

I frowned, suspicious, "What is it?"

"I have to check on something," he returned, staring at the road like it was an obstacle, "Can you go visit Jake; get a ride home with him?"

My mouth twitched, "If he's home?" The statement was more of a question.

Emmett's hands tightened on the steering wheel and he peered at me with strangely gentle eyes. "I'm not trying to shove you together," he added, "I promise."

It hadn't crossed my mind and I didn't believe Emmett was in any frame of mind to 'push' me romantically anywhere at the moment.

-------

As we pulled around toward the Black's house I was tired of the quiet, "Emmett what's wrong?"

He tapped the break, catching me off guard; I flung forward the seatbelt cutting into me painfully.

Beside me my brother was frozen, even his breath sounded uneasy. I figured like most things he was thinking about how this was too much for me. I unsnapped the seatbelt, finally releasing the pressure and opened the side door angrily. I was done with these mind games, I wanted answers now and I didn't care who I got them from. I was suddenly so happy that Emmett had driven me to Jake.

I was just about to slam the door when Emmett mumbled "James," he paused, "and Laurent." He let the names hang in the air. They rang familiar to me and I remembered the one and only time I'd heard them; the cousins.

A door behind me closed and I tipped my head to see Jake leaning on the house's siding. I waved as Emmett spoke further. "Bella," he tone was so serious, "they are dangerous." He carefully spoke, over spacing the words firmly.

His pause was pointed; he was waiting for me to speak. "Okay," I replied more mystified then I would like to admit.

"Avoid them. Never be alone with them." I tried waiting out the pregnant silence but it was clear nothing more was to be said. His eyes narrowed infinitesimally and I closed the car door on them. I was ready to speak to Jake and get real answers.

-------

"What's wrong?" Jake asked walking up to me. The truck had already taken off but I could still make out the rumble of the loud engine.

I shook my head, "The Cullen cousins are back," he frowned and I added, "apparently."

"Emmett get into a fight?" his question was full of presumption.

"No," I hastened, "We just saw them in the school parking lot."

"Oh," Jake breathed resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Do you mind me coming over?" I wondered biting my lip.

"Nah, of course not."

A few drops fell from the sky and I looked up in annoyance. "I didn't get in the middle of any plans?"

His hand dragged from my shoulder, down my arm till he was holding my hand. He tugged it slightly and I met his dark eyes. "I was going to the Thriftway but I can do that tomorrow."

"No," I let the heat from his hand comfort me and allowed a small smile to tug at my lips, "No," I repeated. "Let's go." He nodded; my smile caused his own grin to release.

-------

Before I could get into a comprehensive question barrage on what the reappearance of James and Laurent meant Jacob spoke. "I've missed you," he told me staring at the darkening road. The rain had picked up, it felt fitting.

I laughed, "It hasn't been that long."

Jake didn't let my kidding deter him; serious words fell from his lips instead. "It felt like it," he let out a long breath like it was hard for him to admit.

"Silly."

"Maybe," He allowed. "But everything feels less… less real when you're not around." He chuckled darkly before adding, "You make me feel complete."

I didn't know what to say to that. I blushed, hoping deeply that this conversation wasn't going where I thought it was. In desperation I spoke, "You're my best friend," pronouncing 'friend' a little more forcibly then the other words.

I turned his radio on to change the mood. I flipped through a couple stations before settling on one playing a quiet ukulele version of 'Close to You.' It didn't change the mood in the way I was originally hoping but it was hard not to pay attention to the sad rendition; from Jacob's relaxed posture I knew that he was listening intently as well.

-------

The song ended right as we parked in the Thriftway's lot. My courage flared just enough for me to get back to my point. "Jake I wanted to ask you about the-"

"Fuck," Jake more or less yelled. I blinked both annoyed at his crude language and the fact that I was again stopped from finding out anything useful. He got out of his car in a flash, the door slamming closed behind him.

"What?" I asked more for my own benefit, opening yet another car door angrily. Jake came around to me and grabbed my hand in an almost possessive manner. It wasn't like before and it wasn't friendly. I tried tugging free. He only held tighter, "Jake, what's your problem?" I mumbled. He nudged me and I finally saw what had grabbed his attention. Edward's Volvo sat at the other end of the lot. "Maybe we should go home…" I offered.

"No," His voice was strong. "We're not letting someone else make decisions for us." I wanted to laugh simply from his phrasing. He was apparently making my decisions though.

Just like that he had pulled me into the store. I was beyond reluctant. It was one thing to hang out with Jake and another to hang out with Jake in front of Edward. This was stupid; I continued my attempt at freeing my hand from his hold. "Let me go," I muttered.

He dropped my hand finally. "I'd rather not," he told me.

I shook my head, "What do you need here?" his eyebrows pulled together in worry, "We'll break up, get out of here faster," I tried to reason.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'd really rather get this over with if you insist on staying."

"Fine," He grumbled, pulling out a crumpled list. He ripped it in half, "Meet me in cereals afterward."

"Yeah fine," I brushed him off walking away; half peering at the list, half looking for Edward.

-------

I hadn't seen Edward throughout my scavenger food hunt and was feeling confident as I walked toward the cereal aisle. Maybe fate was on my side today.

"Bella…," I froze, "right?" I spun slowly, almost sure who the slick voice belonged to already. I nodded, taking a step back. It was remarkable how similar the situation was. He laughed when I took yet another step away. "Don't be frightened, I don't bite," he mocked.

"James," Alice's voice called. James turned as the small girl broke into the frame. She assessed the situation with her critical eyes before I turned around, hurrying away. I shivered. My bones felt stiff and my skin, overheated; James had a creepy vibe that set me off. And I thought Edward seeing me with Jake was the worst that could happen…

-------

We sorted the bags into the Rabbit's trunk in silence. I still felt uneasy and wanted to get as far away from here before anyone else exited the Thriftway. Jake gave me a curious glance but didn't comment. He didn't start speaking until we were clear of the parking lot. "Are you going to tell me what has you so jumpy?"

His hand brushed up and down my upper arm in soothing circles. "It's nothing," I managed, uncomfortable.

He smirked over at me quickly before his eyes fell back to the road. His expression was too meaningful; I immediately wanted out of the car, I felt claustrophobic. "Bella," oh no, not now; too many things were happening today.

His fingers curled into a stray hair. I took a sharp intact of air, "Jacob can you drive me home?" What was that saying, the best defense is a good offense, or something?

"Sure," he returned his good natured tone still intact.

I turned the radio louder hoping again to discourage anything further. It was selfish but all I could see were Edward's eyes from when I'd driven away with Jake. He knew then, he knew before then, that what was happening now was unavoidable.

Jake allowed the loud music for only a few minuets. Turning it almost completely down, he began again. "Bella I really want to talk to you."

"Jake," I tried but he wasn't having any of it. Apparently what I wanted to hash out today wasn't on the agenda.

"Please let me get this out." He sighed and I could hear how arduous this was on him. I looked out the window, his hand once again resting on my shoulder. "Bella, I know how I feel is obvious." I could just make out my house; I could be out soon, not soon enough though. "But I feel like I need to say it, say it so it's well… it's out there."

His words were clear. A lingering joint of adrenaline cut in and it allowed me to say something that I hadn't admitted to anyone, "Jake I'm involved with someone else." He hand dropped away like I'd shocked him.

My eyes widened, realizing only now how I'd turned the conversation. I didn't look at Jake, I couldn't; I felt too guilty.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"How long?" his question sounded like he'd just resurfaced from drowning.

I closed my eyes as I spoke honestly, "A while."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded emotionless; I really was the worst type of person. I was the absolute worst friend, at the very, very least.

"I couldn't, I didn't…"

He stopped in front of my house but instead of rushing out I stayed rooted to the seat. "It's okay." I felt like someone needed to pinch me. Surely Jake wasn't okay with this; wasn't okay that I had withheld such important information from someone who was supposed to be my best friend.

"It's not okay," I challenged, a tear strolled down my cheek.

"Bella…" My name held so many interpretations in this moment.

"Please don't tell Emmett," selfish, selfish, selfish. Even as Jacob's heart was breaking I still could only think of myself.

I finally turned to my friend. He was looking ahead entranced. "Okay." This was not the reaction I had imagined in the few seconds I'd had to imagine a reaction anyway. He didn't question me, he just accepted.

Another tear slid down, "Jake I never wanted, I… I love you but not like that." He head twitched at the word 'love' like I had again electrocuted him.

"Nah, it's okay," he just kept brushing it away, under the rug, dealt with when I wasn't around. "You don't have to say anything more."

I opened my mouth to contradict him, there were many more ways that I could and should apologize but nothing came out. I lifted a hand to brush away the tears instead. Everything moved slower than usual then, I opened yet another car door, exited yet another strange situation and walked away. There simply wasn't anything else I could say now.

**AN: If Jacob knew Emmett's reasons for not wanting Bella alone he definitely would not have let her hand go.**

**So I don't know how I feel about this chapter but… well I didn't know how else to write it. To be fair it is four in the morning here and I think I'm going a little crazy because that last part made me strangely overemotional, haha, it isn't even really that sad but, like I said, insane.**


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: The last chapter was confusing and so I'll start off saying 'sorry about that'. I'd go back and edit but I don't know how to change it to fix everything that is wrong so I'm leaving it for now.**

**I'm just going to sum up a tiny bit. James, Alice and Edward all went to the Thriftway in the last chapter. There is a tiny back story as to why they went but it's not important (though maybe at a later date I'll do a small EPOV that will explain it). Edward was in the store for a very small amount of time. He got a phone call and therefore spent a lot of time 'there' around the back of the store on his cell.**

**Bella did not see him at the store. I know that was super confusing. Edward didn't see her either (well he might have caught a glimpse but that's all).**

**As always thanks to everyone who is still reading this. I can't believe all the favorites and alerts. The reviews are so encouraging; ridiculously addictive. Thank-you so much for sticking through all the crap chapters, really!**

Chapter Eleven (part two)

I didn't sleep that night; I didn't eat. I went directly to my room and pretended to sleep. Emmett came home about an hour after me. I heard the door groan as he more or less slammed it, but I didn't assume he was angry like one might, slamming things was _just _Emmett.

Though Emmett was usually the one to do it, it was Charlie who came to check on me. He had come home maybe half an hour after Emmett. In his quiet way he peeked in, maybe wondering why I wasn't in the kitchen like I normally was, maybe just to say 'hi,' I guess I'll never know.

I wasn't a good actress but I forced the tears down as best I could, I think I stopped breathing to hold back the sobs, and turned my head away. My shoulders were slumped and the covers were up. I assumed I looked like I could be asleep, or if I didn't, maybe Charlie understood now wasn't the time to fuss in my life. Without turning on a light and with minimal noise he drew his hand and softly, delicately, brushed his fingertips down my hair.

He left then with a slight sigh. If my brother or Charlie made any other sound that night I didn't hear. From that moment on I was a slave to my emotions.

The tears that poured down my cheeks were useless and even by the time Charlie came home I knew they weren't fully about Jacob. Everything I'd done since arriving in Forks was wrong, I was wrong. Everything I touched and felt was… wrong; everything.

Betrayal should have a limit; shouldn't it? Yet I seemed to have dug past the bottom. I'd found new lows, new ways to ruin.

I wished Edward were here, to hold me and tell me everything was okay. Just to be my friend or maybe more.

So maybe it didn't make sense that I couldn't sleep. Surely I wished to fall into the paradise of dreams knowing full well that they were extremely likely to be more or less like falling into Edward's arms.

Maybe it did make sense. I felt too awful to give myself that luxury, truly.

The morning came; I showered and otherwise prepared myself for the day. I chose warm clothes and avoided the mirror. Neither Emmett nor I wanted to talk, yet it wasn't the same quiet as before. We weren't on other sides, we weren't fighting we just _weren't_ talking. I guess you could say we had too much on our minds. Or maybe, more likely, we didn't have words at the moment. We would move on without 'a talk'. We'd forget everything but right now it was too _soon._

I didn't ask him to use the car after school because I didn't care currently. I'd either take it without asking or walk, it didn't matter. Edward would wait for me.

All I could do was force a smile on my face and get out of the car and so I did.

-------

It wasn't until everything _felt_ like it would get better that things starting moving at a normal pace again. All I was thinking about was Edward as I went through my mornings classes, his face was my perfection. When I tried to focus on anything else I saw the way Jake's face looked yesterday. If there was one thing I didn't want to think of it was Jacob.

I was just about to walk into the cafeteria, see Edward, when instead I saw Rosalie.

"I need to talk to you," cold emotionless words flew from Rosalie's perfect mouth. She stalked off, glaring back once to see if I was following, of course I did. I had learned that Rosalie's temper wasn't to be tested. She didn't go far, just down the hall. Pushing the girl's bathroom door open harshly, not brothering to hold it open for me, she disappeared. I cautiously entered after her, unsure what was wrong; curiosity and a feeling of commitment coursed through me. Two steps in and her hands clamped down on my forearms. Grasping tightly she spun me around and pushed me into the wall. My head made a small thudding sound as my mouth fell open in surprise.

I glanced around me; no one was in the small bathroom. The place was eerily empty; I tried to pry her fingers away in vain. Her mouth was twisted in horror. Anxiously I wondered if my cries would be loud enough that someone would come in to inspect. As if reading my thoughts she sneered, "Don't even think about yelling." Her words didn't discourage me but I held my tongue. I had a feeling that it was in my best interest to listen.

"What are you doing?" my voice finally cut in. I was trying to relax, this must me a mistake. Another misunderstanding…

"What am I DOING? What am _I_ doing?" her voice was beyond icy. "What the HELL are _you_ doing Bella? What in the world do you think you're doing? What are you doing to yourself?" A tear slid down her face and I instantly felt sorry for her. It was a strange thing to feel of course, she was after all acting crazy. Her fingers loosened slowly, as if realizing how insane her actions had been.

"I'm," my voice was hardly a whisper; "I'm here, with you."

A short laugh came from her mouth, "Not _now._ What are you doing with," she took a timid breath, "with _him_." Suddenly everything made sense. She knew, she knew about Edward. It had been only a matter of time of course.

My eyes glazed with my traitorous tears. She had every right to hate me, every right to push me around. It was kindness that led her to attempt talk before going to Emmett. Visuals of his disapproval clouded my vision. I bent my head in shame hoping my pathetic tears wouldn't fall in front of her.

"How could you do this?" her voice was incredulous and somehow soft. She sounded so pained.

"I'm sorry." The two words fell meekly into the stillness of the tiled room. I was sorry. I couldn't explain how Edward made me feel, how even now, I felt the time with him had been worth it. I couldn't explain to her that I loved him.

"You're sorry," her tone was conversational; too understanding. "Don't _be_ sorry; get out of whatever you're in with _him_. He'll hurt you, he'll kill you." I glanced up, her eyes were distant.

Though it wasn't the right thing to say I simply knew I couldn't lie, "I can't."

It wasn't the time for honestly.

The thought of my family and friends ignoring me from now on hurt but the idea of never talking to Edward was somehow worse, more awful; unbearable. "You can't?" her voice was controlled, thankfully, though anger glittered on the surface.

"You don't understand, you don't know him," I explained.

She took a step away from me and turned toward her reflection in the dirty mirror. "Oh I know him Bella, I know them all…" she trailed off.

I was about to ask what she was talking about when the door opened ruining my chance. A girl I was fairly certain was named Lauren Mallory broke the tension immediately. She looked at both of us questioningly before ignoring us and turning to the sink. The sound of water splashing from the tap forced me to move and I took the opportunity to escape. I walked past both blonds and out of the bathroom. The hallway was empty, the sound of students filtered past me as I walked past the cafeteria. I needed to breathe, needed fresh air, needed to think.

It was drizzling outside, no real surprise there, when I stepped out past the building's overhang. I felt a headache coming on. My temples throbbed either from the minor collision with the wall or the information I had just learned.

Yes, I wanted to go into the cafeteria. Yes, I wanted to see Edward. I was confused, hurt, and unsure; I knew Edward was the cure. Yet I couldn't see him yet. I pulled my sleeves over my hands. I was without my coat but even as I tugged on my shirt material I knew it was more out of nerves than to seek warmth. I couldn't feel the cold if I wanted to.

I didn't cry as I walked down the road. Wondering, maybe offhandedly, if you could run out of tears, I continued to walk.

I didn't have a choice in where I went. I guess it was ironic, wasn't this exactly like the first time I'd fully acknowledged my love for Edward? The rain was similar but defiantly not as harsh as it had been then. Maybe not ironic, that wasn't really the right word. I'd always been bad at defining irony. It was more coincidental, really.

The time ticked by without me consciously noticing it. Yet somehow I had walked myself in a twisted circle. The school was in front of me again and I still hadn't thought things through.

The cars were still in the lots and as I walked past one I saw my reflection. I felt tired and a glance from anyone would see the dark circles to prove it. I ran my hands through my hair half-heartedly and found a dull pain as I did so. My arms felt sore as my head did. If a small run-in with Rosalie hurt like this I was scared to imagine anything worse.

The bell ringing brought me out of my self obsessed mindset. I looked up and noticed students already spilling out. End of school bell.

-------

I leaned on the front of the truck like yesterday only nothing was really like yesterday anymore. People hurried around me like ghosts. Too much had happened in too little time and my nerves were simply shot. My mind certainly wasn't functioning right. I was screwing everything up; again.

I wanted to laugh when I saw Rosalie rushing out of the school. She looked almost as bad as I felt. She came straight for me and stood right in front of me, like a shield. She didn't say anything and I didn't attempt anything either. Maybe we had an understanding, I wasn't sure.

The sight of Edward rushing out broke my heart. He looked just as he always did, maybe a little confused, but that was all that could be seen from the quick glimpse I had around Rosalie. I shifted so I couldn't see him because I just _couldn't,_ not right now. Did that make sense?

I would talk to him tonight and everything would work out.

When Emmett came over he didn't talk either. I was starting to wonder if I'd entered into a silent movie but didn't even open my mouth to see if I could break the spell.

It was Rosalie that spoke up, "Emmett do you mind if I drive Bella home?" I blinked rapidly. I didn't want to be alone with her. She knew.

Emmett's eyes were wary like he knew what was running through her head except when he looked at me I knew that couldn't be true. He didn't look at me like I had betrayed him. He didn't look at me like he knew me, my secret, everything. He looked at me like he pitied me. Like he was sorry I had to spend time with Rosalie, like he was sorry I had to hear what she had to tell me.

"Whatever you two want," he breathed already walking toward the car only hesitating at the door to hear my answer.

"Okay," I answered more for Emmett's benefit than anything. I'd rather talk to Rosalie about this now anyway. Get it over with, get on with my life, and, foremost on me mind, get to see Edward quicker.

So I followed her to her car and continued on the insanity trip I had started the second I had walked off the plane.

**AN: Rosalie doesn't literally mean Edward will kill her. There are worse things you can do though. It shall all be explained next chapter which I have yet to write. WHOOP.**

**And yes I think next chapter will clear up much of the open ended questions.**


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: Excuse the Freudian slip; Bella and Edward are planning to meet Wednesday; and yes it is Wednesday in this chapter. I will go back, at some point, to edit the correction in and sorry about all the mistakes. I should do a better job editing, I'm aware.**

**Anyway HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I spent my own 'Christmas' celebrating with a bunch of people who talked about cadavers and dissection while I smiled, nodded and stared at my plate of celery. Maybe that explains my awful dry humor…**

**Thank-you for sticking with me. ;)**

Chapter Eleven: (part three)

Rosalie didn't say a word as she drove and I just sat there letting the silence permeate. Driving and silence seemed to go together in my life and I almost understood it. It's almost like if it was worth saying it was worth being _somewhere _to say. Oh course my mind used that course of thought to push me into the last 'serious' conversation I did have in a car.

Rosalie had a habit I never noticed before; tapping her finger nails. Each click on the steering wheel annoyed me and I could feel my headache throbbing painfully in my temples.

She drove almost as fast as Edward and I started to wonder if she was doing it on purpose. I dug my finger nails into my palm for some perspective but it didn't do much more then create dead purple looking indents. So I closed my eyes and pressed my hands, still clutched, to my ears.

It didn't really help the ticking from her nails fade but it soothed me regardless.

It had only been nine minutes when the car first crawled and then came to a complete stop. The missing sound of the engine reminded me to pull my hands from the sides of my head. There was an odd expectance in the air and it took two deep breaths for me to decide to open my eyes.

Rosalie's keys jerked out from the ignition and her door opened with barely a sound. I didn't watch her as she did any of these things; just let my perceptive over active ears follow her around.

For once, I opened my own door and when I did she was already standing in front of me and I just _couldn't _look her in the eye. I stared at my shoes that were worn and ugly and wet. I stopped my running Rosalie featured commentary to wonder where they had picked up all the mud till it seemed to dawn on me how long I had to have been walking around when I should have been at school.

I snorted against my wishes; Rose grabbed just above my wrist in a grip that wound have made a sailor twice her age wince. I let her fingers press harshly because I knew I deserved it and I let her pull me forward only paying attention to the dirt road that we followed.

"I refuse to park there," she told me and her words had no inflection at all.

I looked up to notice that the dirt road actually led somewhere. The building had seen better days and the area surrounding it, which appeared to be a parking lot, had been almost overridden by vegetation.

Forks never could hold the colour brown for long.

I didn't ask her what she meant because, frankly, I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care what her reasons for not being able to park closer were, I just didn't.

Her grip loosened, finally, but I still didn't look at her. Her breathing sounded rigid beside me and I wanted to pull away because her aura, if there were such things, radiated and whatever it was radiating felt awful.

"I knew the Cullens very well," she finally said and it sounded easy now, a direct contradiction of her posture which I glimpsed only from her belly button down.

I shook my head before staring at the building in a trance like state.

"I knew them very well for five years." She sounded sad again and I almost wanted to scream at her to stay on task, keep it together, and keep her emotions on the same page. I shouldn't have been angry at her but I was and I didn't even think it was irrational. Wouldn't most people be furious at trying to maintain a normal conversation with someone who was about to _try _and end the best thing that had ever happened to them?

"You don't anymore," I interjected and my words were only a tiny bit rude, in my opinion.

"A past is just as important as a future," she snapped back like I had truly, deeply offended her. She took another deep breath and said, "I dated James for a year." I wanted to snort, again, because for one, I couldn't imagine her with anyone but Emmett and two James didn't seem like the kind of guy you would want to date.

"It was…" she faltered like it was really too hard to admit, "Awful." Again I didn't ask what she meant by this; if she was commenting on his kissing skills, his conversational abilities, the thing as a whole... "If I could take it back I would."

"We would come here," she paused, stuttered, then said, "All the time," slowly, over pronouncing the last three words. "It was 'our' place, 'our' something because, you know," she chuckled blackly, "Forks doesn't have much. This building, a while ago, well it was like what the Thriftway is now. Owners had some issues…" she trailed off and I knew this wasn't really important but it glued her emotions on straight to mumble about inconsequential details, "Busted water pumps finally nailed the coffin, so to speak. Abandoned it." I nodded although I doubted she noticed or even saw me anymore, "We were happy, I guess." I could practically hear her scrunch in distaste, "Or at least _I_ was."

I wanted to tell her happiness was fleeting and that she should take as much as she could, where she could. That she should let me off the hook, stay quiet, so I could have a little more happiness, but I didn't.

"I was friends with all of them, Jasper, Alice, Edward, Laurent even Victoria who had the most obvious crush on James. Her crush didn't even bother me because, well, you think I'm vain already so I'll just admit it; Victoria didn't hold a candle to me," she rushed while my interest piqued hearing Edward's name.

If the situation were different I might've stopped to speculate on Rosalie's enormous ego but it was what it was. In all truth there was no way Victoria _could_ hold a candle to Rose. Rose was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I understood, distantly, why she wouldn't be worried about _some other girl_ having a crush on her boyfriend.

"Alice and I were so similar," I finally turned to face her and I noticed a smile tug at her lips, "we both liked shopping, we both just… I don't know, _got _each other," a few tears slid down her cheek; she didn't even brush them away. Her talking about shopping was hilarious; I wanted to snort again. Her mind picked out such a silly detail at a time like this. "But it doesn't matter now. We're not friends now." Her tone warned me yet I couldn't even think about doubting Alice.

I spoke up, my voice feeble, "What does this have to do with me?"

She blinked her eyes, another few tears slid at this, before her attention was on me; her eyes locked on mine, holding me. "It's not _about_ you." She sounded like I was being ludicrous even questioning her but I allowed it and stayed quiet. "James was a terrible person," she finally told me.

The atmosphere changed briskly. "One day he-," and completely out of the blue she sobbed once, loud and clear, before continuing, "he took me here." Suddenly I didn't want to hear anymore, not that I had ever wanted to hear this before, but now I really wanted to get out. My lungs felt restricted and my heartbeat had picked up. "He was a lot stronger than me," she paused letting me fill in my own conclusions, "We had been together a long time at that point and he'd bothered me about how far-" she broke off again.

My hand instinctually rose and took hers in mine, trying in vain to dull the pain that she must be feeling.

"Well one thing always leads to another."

When she didn't grip my hand back I let my own fall away from hers. There wasn't anything I could do to fix her, there rarely was.

"But it wasn't that," she sobbed, "That hurt. Or at least," she slowed, catching her self, changing her speed, controlling herself, "that wasn't the worst. Because, because people are just fucking around with you. You have to be careful." She raised her eyebrows signaling to me that this was the truth; this was what she was trying to impart.

"Alice, Jasper, Edward, all of them… after, after I," she scrunched up again, "talked," she finally released looking like that wasn't quite the word, "with James, well I never spoke with them again. They, they just… things were never the same. I thought at least Alice…"

She shook her head as if trapped in a memory.

She started walking back to her car and I followed. Just before I reached for the door handle I turned back and looked at the ugly, menacing building and prayed I would never see it again.

Before starting her car Rosalie reached across me and opened the glove compartment. She pulled out a squished box of tissues and bent the mirror to fix her face. She twisted her mouth into a smile that didn't touch her eyes before rummaging in her purse. She made an approving sound when she came out with a wand of cover-up.

As she removed the red that blotted her face she spoke, "He'll try to sleep with you, tell you he loves you," she sounded pissed and I was relieved that she sounded like Rosalie again. "But it's all a lie; it won't be what you think."

She tossed the tissues, the used ones and the box, behind her into the small backseat; turned to me and said, "Edward is using you."

I must have looked disbelieving, which wasn't too far off from how I felt because she added, "I thought the same about James, about them all, trust me," she pushed her purse back near my feet, turned back to the road and muttered, "I don't want anything to happen to you. You don't deserve it."

She started driving once more and this time I paid strict attention to where we were. It wasn't even seven minutes before we were at the house. That dilapidated building had always been so close and I had never even heard about it before. Now it was strange and ominous and stuck in the back of my head.

"I'm not going to say anything to Emmett," before I could praise her for not giving me away she finished, "Because he deserves to hear it from you. But not today," I was about to ask her why not today, figuring she'd want me to get it over with when I remembered James' appearance in our lives so recently and how that had already put a strain on our lives. "Just don't see him again." She didn't wait for an answer, I was sure she was used to getting her way with people like me.

I followed after her into my house already knowing that I wouldn't be obeying her wishes. I was going to see Edward today no matter what. Once she left I would too.

**AN: And there it is; probably the most obvious turn of events ever to be written from my fingertips. So yes I'm trying to stick to Rose's character background from the books, I exchanged James for her actual rapist because that fits my story in an easier way. This is pretty much the only plot point that I've stuck to from the original idea and I kind of hated writing it. I've dealt with awful things in my life but never rape so I really didn't know how to get strong, dominate Rosalie to tell Bella.**

**Sorry for the curse words, I try to write in my 'work speak' which obviously isn't usually so riddled with curses. I hope they didn't take away, sound too crude, at least.**


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: I've given up on technology. I've somehow messed up my mouse again. Who knows how, I certainly don't. That plus a raging migraine and you might read the irritation I was feeling throughout this chapter.**

**First off, happy Ukrainian New Year! And, as always, a great big hug of thanks to anyone who commented, favorite-ed, alerted or just read up to this point. *salute***

"I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do... I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you."  
-Alex Weidenhof

Chapter Thirteen: love (part one)

My full attention was firmly planted on the clock above the television; it was an older one that looked like it could come out of any elementary school classroom. I wasn't sure why it seemed all schools had the same clock, maybe they got them on discount.

It was white and black, which seemed to be the norm., and the ticking sound was about twelve times more annoying than Rosalie's nail tapping habit.

Emmett and Rosalie were on the couch and I was sitting in the lone chair in the living room. Rosalie glanced at me about twice a minute. She remained quiet and Emmett followed her lead. The television was on but I didn't bother diverting my gaze to check what was on. The volume was more of a blur, in the background, though even that felt too loud.

I was waiting for Rosalie to leave and because of that I didn't go upstairs and disappear. The second she was just a smear in the distance, I would get out of here. Of course there was still Emmett to worry about but I could think of something to tell him. Maybe simply, _I need some air._ I knew it would work because Emmett seemed to know what Rose had told me, he had to know it was a lot to take in. I was betting that he would understand, I was betting that he'd even let me borrow the truck.

But I just couldn't go to Edward with Rose here. It felt like she was judging me, it felt like I was hurting her. So I couldn't, not when she was here to witness me. Because she would know that I wasn't just getting air, because to anyone in the know it was obvious. It didn't exactly make sense but in my eyes Rosalie had done me a favor, she hadn't told Emmett, and that was above and beyond what the situation called for.

When it dawned on me, the very obvious fact to anyone who wasn't so focused on the ticking clock that Rosalie was staying for dinner I got up, went to the kitchen, and started preparing pierogies. Charlie would be home any minute and they were simple and quick to make.

In the kitchen I watched the digital clock on the oven. It, impossibly, moved even slower than the other.

-------

"Dad is it okay if Rose spends the night?" Emmett asked his mouth full; a dollop of sour cream trailing down his chin; attractive.

I nibbled on a carrot while I waited for Charlie to disapprove, there was no way he'd let Emmett's girlfriend spend the night, Charlie wasn't that lenient.

"On the couch, of course," Emmett added.

I rolled my eyes, yet even with her a floor away Charlie wouldn't like it.

To my credit Charlie frowned before he ruined my night, "Sure," it was more of a head nod than a full on approving 'yes' but it was an affirmative all the same.

My eyes widened and I cocked an eyebrow at him. He didn't seem to notice, he was watching Emmett and Rose. I had only eaten two pierogies and half a carrot when I deserted the kitchen. I glared at the front door in a moment of contemplation before I stumbled up the stairs and into my bedroom.

_Now to wait for Rose to fall asleep_, I rationalized with myself. Sure it wasn't ideal, sure it wasn't guilt free but, I sighed out loud, whatever.

-------

So by the time midnight rolled around I was scared that Edward was already gone, that he had called it a night, and that all my waiting had been in vain. Regardless I was making it there tonight, or was it this morning, if it was the last thing I did.

As I tiptoed down the stairs I contemplated if I should 'steal' the truck. It was likely to wake at least two of the three people in the house but it would get me there much, much faster.

I was still considering pros and cons when a voice startled me off the last step. "Couldn't sleep either." I wasn't sure if this was supposed to be sarcastic or not. I was wearing slightly ratty black sweats and a gray thermal long sleeved shirt. So it was possible I was just coming down to grab, I don't know, something.

Of course Rosalie was still up; she was the one person I _needed_ asleep.

She was laid out on the couch so I again sat in the chair. I would wait her out.

She pulled back the maroon blanket that looked rather itchy and turned on the television. We weren't going to talk, obviously.

An infomercial hummed and I again forced my attention on the clock, course I couldn't make out the time, but it was more soothing than watching bad acting.

I wasn't sure why Rosalie wasn't falling asleep but I was quickly losing sanity. I was so tired and sore that I finally got up; Rose eyed me as I did so.

I fumbled in the kitchen wondering what would be the least obvious way to remain alert. Rose would ask me if I brought in a cup of coffee and though cold water was supposed to keep me awake I didn't want to be running up and down the stairs to go to the bathroom all night.

I pulled open the 'candy' cupboard as my brother liked to call it and scrambled for well _anything_ that might help. Wasn't chocolate and sugar supposed to be good for staying alert? It was hard to remember. There was nothing but a pack of peppermint gum. I swear I'd heard before from one of my mother's strange boyfriends that peppermint was supposed to be beneficial, for some reason, for people attempting to stay awake.

I popped two pieces in my mouth and returned to the living room. Rosalie was still up, now sitting more alert on the couch, she didn't even look peaceful.

I wondered if she suspected me or if she was simply reliving what she'd told me earlier.

-------

The sun had come up and I could clearly read the clock, 6:30 am. I don't think I've ever felt as irritable as I did at that moment. I was already showered and changed because it was so darn obvious that I wasn't getting out of here without Rosalie. I avoided the mirror; there was no fixing the mess I knew I looked. I had on my most comfortable pair of jeans and a pain white t-shirt. A black zip up sweater was a must because not only was it cold outside, Rosalie's hold on my arms from yesterday had left some bruises.

I ignored everyone that morning and faded into an in-between day dream as our location shifted. It was raining very lightly and I stared at the soft downpour as I sat throughout my morning classes. It felt like that first day all over again.

"You okay Bella?" Jessica asked as we gathered our books up.

I looked at her; she was put together, fresh faced. I could only imagine the way she perceived me. I shook my head, "I didn't get any sleep last night," I admitted.

"You shouldn't do that. It's not good for you."

"I know." I was much too uncaring to say anything sarcastic.

Edward wasn't in the cafeteria when I arrived and I swore my heart was going to explode from missing him. My emotions were overdramatic and completely unalterable.

I didn't bother with food; I just slumped on the table and rested my head on my arm.

-------

"Bella. Bella. BELLA," someone was chiding in my ear. My arm flung out to brush it aside. "Bella." My eyes slid open and Angela was staring back at me. Disoriented I turned from side to side trying to get my bearings. "You're going to be late," Angela stated in an apologetic way.

"Oh," I mumbled, then "OH!" when I realized what she meant, where I was, what was happening. In my haste to get to class on time I tripped out of my chair.

Angela pulled me up, "Are you okay?"

I shook my head downwards, not sure of the answer, "I'm fine."

I let the room come into focus again before attempting anything further. Edward and Alice were speaking by the door; though the cafeteria was mostly emptied there were enough people left to relax me. Angela had of course nudged me awake on time.

She passed me my books that I'd left on the table without comment; smirking to herself. I took them from her with a mumbled, "thanks."

"No problem."

We walked past the two and Edward gave me a speculative up and down. I tried to offer explanations in my eyes and could only hope he understood.

I heard him trailing behind us because of course we had biology together and he also had to get to class.

We sat down at the same time as Angela trailed to her own seat. I opened my mouth to give a rough explanation when the bell rang. "I'm sorry," I whispered as Mr. Banner went on one of his characteristic tangents.

Edward nodded and I noticed that it was sluggish.

-------

It was near the end of class that I decided to pose my question. I bent close to him, and if anyone else in class paid as mind, I didn't notice. If Rosalie already knew I figured it was _just _about to spill over anyway. Still, I wasn't the kind of person to broadcast my private life. "What are you up to tonight?" I was so close to him that his smell assaulted me. I hadn't felt so _at home _in all my life.

I pulled away so he would have a chance to answer. He smirked and I could see some emotion settling off him. "Same place, same time." He mostly mouthed to me.

I made an affirmative noise and settled my left elbow on the shared countertop so I could cradle my head on my hand. I gave Edward a lazy smile but he was focused on my arm, his eyebrows scrunched.

I followed his gaze and immediately lowered my arm while pulling my sweater. Raising my arm had caused the baggy material to fold and a deep bruise had been visible.

When I returned my attention to Edward he looked angry and disapproving. His lips twitched as if he was about to speak but I shook my head. We couldn't talk now and he certainly wouldn't keep the conversation quiet if he did. I deserved the marks Rosalie has given me and I flushed realizing I just didn't want Edward to know about them.

Good thing I thought about this beforehand.

I whispered, "Not now," and hoped that would suffice.

-------

Rose didn't follow Emmett and I home and for that I was ridiculously thankful. I smiled watching the landscape pass. "You seem in better moods," Emmett said.

"Much better; much, much better," I corrected.

"So Rosalie, she told you about, about herself?" He spoke slowly, stumbled and I could tell this wasn't easy to talk about.

I didn't want to get into it much; it was painful to think about. I wasn't Rosalie's biggest fan but I definitely would never wish such hardships on her either. "Yes."

"She's had it rough." We'd all had it rough.

Contrition bristled inside me but it wasn't time yet to 'speak' with Emmett.

So when we got home and Emmett went upstairs instead of his usual trip to the living room I used it to my advantage. I took his keys; he'd tossed them without a thought on the kitchen table, left my books in return and closed the door on my family, maybe for the last time.


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: I didn't realize how cryptic that last sentence in the past chapter was so in apology I actually updated quickly, for once. **_**'…Closed the door on my family, maybe for the last time' **_**wasn't in relation to Bella leaving her family, not at all. I wasn't thinking when I wrote it, obviously, because I was trying to say she felt like it was the last time she'd be leaving to see Edward. I didn't realize how, well, how much it sounded like the opposite until this morning. So please take a quick update as my form of gooey warm brownies (and yes brownies are my form of saying I'm sorry ;) )**

**And extreme thanks to all y'all out there in fan fiction land. *waves, waves***

Chapter Thirteen: Love (part two)

The drive was quick. I parked where Edward had the last time. My stomach felt knotted. There was just _so_ much to discuss with Edward. In a selfish way I wanted to forget it all and just enjoy the moment.

It was still slightly raining so I grabbed an umbrella and a fleece blanket Emmett kept shoved under the passenger seat. The umbrella was a boring black with a wooden curved handle; my mother had given it to Emmett as a going away present all those years ago. I left the keys in the ignition, making sure that the car was off before venturing out.

It was surprisingly warm for the weather, I noted, before I pushed through the brush and followed the path to the meadow.

It was almost exactly how I remembered it. Of course the sun wasn't out and Edward wasn't there but it was tangible proof that things could get better.

I laid out the blanket before lying down. I propped up the umbrella so it shielded my face. I didn't care if the rest of my body soaked through. I yawned and closed my eyes and let the pattering of the rain comfort me.

-------

Fingers ghosted over the contours of my face. They elegantly traced my lips, lingering, before cupping my chin. My eyes slid open.

"Edward," I breathed, smiling despite my shivers.

He lay down beside me, as close as he could, warming me up with his body. "It was worth the wait," he whispered into my ear.

Of course he had to say the silliest, romantic thing. I started tearing up and clung to him. His thumb rubbed my chin, while the rest of his fingers spread and he had a firm hold on my face. He pulled back just a fraction so he could look me in the eye. "Are you crying?"

"No," I blubbered, lying.

"Why are you crying?" he wondered.

He brushed where the tears would trail if I had let they fall yet. I shook my head. His brilliant eyes shone with questions but instead he bent closer to me, nuzzling his nose next to mine while his lips located my own.

The kiss started slow, delicate nips at his lower lip, my lower lip. His other hand tangled into my hair, pushing the umbrella away as he connected with me. He pulled me unto him, grunting as he did so. I wasn't sure whose lips were whose, I felt so lost. Pursuing the moment I let my inhibitions peter away.

I took a deep breath before letting myself go with him. I was pulling at the sleeve of his long sleeve shirt; begging to be closer. The raindrops splattering on my back cooled my overheated flesh.

I'd never realized how much, how far, I'd wanted Edward before. His hands trailed down my sides, finding the hem of my shirt.

And just as suddenly I pulled back. I put my hand to my mouth, so confused I could barely think. I wanted him but my life wasn't meant to end here. I couldn't do this now. Maybe soon, maybe? Maybe we could work everything around us out…

"I didn't mean to-" I cut him off with a finger to his lips; finally catching my breath I bent closer and replaced my finger with a sweet, chaste kiss.

He affectionately returned it and I almost allowed him to deepen it when everything crashed back to Earth.

I was still straddling his waist and that made me blush. I loosened my hold on him and carefully stood up.

He moved quicker. Because I didn't have any self restraint I hugged onto him when we were both vertical. I didn't mean to be so hot and cold with him, it wasn't him; it was everything that wasn't him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He finally asked.

"Not really," I mumbled back, squeezing him tighter. He laughed without humor, "I'm sorry," I added, knowing that word would become my staple.

"Hush," he mumbled breathing heavy against my hair, "I don't care about yesterday. It doesn't matter," but to me it did, "I just care about you. Are you okay?"

No; no I wasn't okay. "Mhm," I hummed without a trace of commitment.

"I wish you would let me in."

I pulled out of his arms at this. Taking a deep breath, fear clear in my eyes, "Rose knows." It was just like how he'd told me Alice knew; the demonic flip side of that situation.

Edward cursed, his head bent so I couldn't see his expression clearly and his thumb and forefinger gripped the skin between his eyebrows.

When he finally let the stressful posture drop a notch and met my eyes again he spoke, "Did she give you that," he pointed to my arm. I knew he meant the bruise.

I nodded and he cursed again, "That crazy bitch," he breathed.

My mouth dropped, "Don't say that about her." Strangely I was personally offended. Rosalie might be a little crazy and maybe, yeah, she was a bitch but Edward shouldn't speak of her in that way. After all he'd had a part in directing her to those dispositions. Of course **I** wasn't an innocent party but I wasn't the one calling out childish names.

His eyes grew incredulous. I took a step back from him and his eyes shaded and took on a terrified glaze, "You aren't," he started, scraped and began again, "She won't get in the," again he stopped. He took a long look at me, "She has nothing to do with us," he finally settled on.

The words were so similar to mine yesterday _what does this have to do with me?_ I'd asked. And Rose had said, simply, _it's not about you._ In the same way this wasn't just about us, Edward and me, anymore. Maybe it was never only about us.

"It's not just about _us_ either," I countered half heartedly.

"But it is," he almost hissed and I was afraid of him. "It's about us. She's not about _us._" He tried to control his temper and I could see it tittering back. "She can't tell you, who you are; who you can be with."

I had started crying by this time, the tears mixing with rain so that I wasn't sure if it was distinguishable to Edward that he was pulling me apart.

I opened my mouth to tell him that it wasn't about us all the time; that we had been selfish, that I had been selfish. But he cut me off. "No, don't say it," he shook his head and in an undertone mostly mouthed, "don't." His eyes were like those of a child.

I used the back of my hand to rub my eyes. The distance between us felt immeasurable.

He took a step closer, "There's nothing I want more than you, there's nothing I care about more than you. I love you." The silence caved in; I caved. His eyes twitched, a frown line scarring his face. Standing off against him felt so wrong. Again my mouth opened, I wasn't sure what I was going to say, would I say it back? I knew I felt it. I wasn't sure if I believed Edward did.

But whatever I was going to say, I'll never know. His phone rang loud, shattering our brief instant sheltered away from reality. He rummaged it out of his pocket, took a look at the caller, frowned and looked back at me.

"Take it," I told him my tone was dead and it surprised even me.

It rang again and he looked torn. I flicked my head at the phone in his hand and he let out a tense breath before flipping it open. "What?" and I could have laughed he sounded so annoyed.

I could have, if I hadn't been in a cacophony of emotions, of thoughts, of questions. Because before when I'd questioned my loyalty there was no one there to hold an axe to my head.

"Wait, what," Edward muttered, turning away from me, "Slower," he said holding the word longer than necessary as if to prove that slowing things down was possible.

And that was the last word I heard from Edward. I watched him pace for no longer than two seconds, his back still to me, before I ran out of the meadow, down the path and back to the truck.

Immature, I know, but I couldn't determine between right and wrong, I wasn't even sure what had just happened. We'd been kissing, right, I'd been in bliss, and then he was holding me, comforting me. Those were on the same page. And after that we'd been thrown into some war of the words.

And he knew, even before I said, that we were sinking apart; drifting.

Yet I wasn't strong enough to stay. And even though I couldn't fully blame Rose it were her words that allowed that first step, _he'll try to sleep with you, tell you he loves you. But it's all a lie; it won't be what you think._

I started the car and was halfway to my house before I had to stop. I was crying so hard, so badly, that everything melted together.

I let the sobs rake through me, consume me. I let the pain ebb and flow in my veins and my heart hurt at each beat. I held myself together, crossing my arms across my chest and let the convulsions pass.

I ached; there was no other word for it. I was sore internally, and every bit of me was oversensitive to touch.

I pathetically tried to dry my eyes with the hem of my shirt, remembering Edward's hands sliding where mine now lay.

I numbed it, blocking it out and started the truck once more.

The ride felt long, much longer than any car ride I'd ever taken.

I slammed the door behind me, leaving the keys again because, well, did I really need a reason for my actions right now? But before I got to the door Emmett was standing there.

In the moment I thought he looked accusing but I didn't ask and he had something to say, "Bella!" and he sounded mad. "You heard," I blinked. I heard what?

"I-" With no where to go I faltered.

He came towards me pointed to the truck and said, "I'll drive." I followed his finger and returned to the vehicle. He reversed out of the driveway with speed I didn't know the truck could or should attempt. My eyes narrowed and I took a good long look at my brother. He didn't quite seem mad but if I had to label him with just one emotion it would be just that, mad.

"Are you okay?" he asked. No. Why did everyone have to ask me? Without waiting for an answer he overtook his words, "No, of course you're not," finally someone gets it, "Course not, no one would be fine," he paused,

"And of course today, of all days, you had to steal the truck." Stealing was kind of a strong word, though accurate, "Maybe for the best," his brow scrunched, "I would have been there too if you hadn't. But, damn it Bella, you can't just take off without telling me. You could have been there for all I knew."

_Stop talking in riddles,_ I wanted to scream.

"And if they hurt you." He slammed his first against the wheel. It stayed still in protest and Emmett cursed rubbing the side of his hand against his cheek. "But you're safe," he rationalized, taking another quick once over of me, "You're safe and I'm safe, we're both okay so we can't think about us, not right now, no, we have others to worry about."

"Fuck what am I thinking, _are you alright," _he mocked himself, "no one drives to the hospital, thinking, _I'm great, just peachy._"

My heart stopped.

**AN: I know, I promised no cliff hangers but I didn't want to get into the technical details about what happened tonight so I chickened out and just stopped before I had to.**

**But I think I'm going to try to update all the stories I've written, so if this isn't updated soon it's not because I'm lazy, it's probably because I'm thinking about another story.**


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: The original plan was for most of these hospital scenes to take place in the emergency room but the last time I was in the emergency room was much too long ago so I can't remember details. PLUS the last time I was there I was kinda, sorta, you know, bleeding a lot so that warrants a poor memory.**

**Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting. I can't believe I got twenty reviews on that last chapter. That's a lot to me, more than I thought I'd get on the whole story.**

Chapter Fourteen: Backlash (part one)

A took a sharp breath before letting my words settle out, "What exactly happened?" As I spoke I could feel my skin stretching, could feel how the dried tears made my skin taunt. I absentmindedly wiped my cheek with the back of my hand.

Emmett grimaced before his mouth relaxed yet no sound came out. He seemed to be inwardly contemplating how much I should know. But the words that finally escaped caught me off guard, "Where were you just now? Why'd you take the truck?"

Now it was my turn to be put on the spot. I shifted so I was facing the passenger window. It was dark with not even a sliver of moon. I could hardly believe that so much time had passed. "I had a lot to think about." At least it wasn't a lie.

"Because of Rosalie," Emmett assumed. He waited for me to speak and I found it strange how quickly Emmett had changed from overzealous, angry and over reactive to understanding and patient. "Because of what she said, where she took you…" he trialed off, "I remember when she took me to Andrew's." He hesitated.

"Andrew's?" I wondered as I tightened my arms around myself. The more I tried to play normal and fine the worse I felt.

"She took you to Andrew's, didn't she?"

"She took me somewhere," and as I said it the building came into view in my mind's eye. That building tinged with aguish. It made me sick and I closed my eyes trying to force the vision to dissipate.

"James' and her place."

"Yes." He hadn't asked it as a question but I pushed the answer out anyway.

"That's Andrew's." he took a long breath as I opened the window a crack. The air inside was too stale. The window didn't roll down easily, practically not at all, but with a slight breeze my mind hinged back together. "I know this isn't the time to talk about, well about, _this_." What an elaborate way to avoid my initial question. "But when I got the call earlier all I could think, well not _all_ I could think but a lot of what I thought about, was all the things I hadn't said. All the important things that I needed to work through and the last thing we talked about… well I wanted to really get into what happened to Rose but, geesh Bella, this is _hard_."

I reached out with my left hand and patted his knee. I let my hand settle there all the while not facing him. I was only trying to comfort him but it actually comforted me. It didn't matter that I wasn't holding myself together when I could feel Emmett's distress. Putting my thoughts on him and his issues was much easier than dealing with my own.

"What happened to her, well I can never fix it. I can't go back and make things right or put everything into a perfect place in my ideal world. It doesn't work that way. When I came to Forks it was to help Charlie out. He needed me, he needed someone. So I left my life behind and started new, much like you did this year. We had friends back in Phoenix, you know, we did, yet neither of us kept in touch with them. Or at least I didn't and I've never seen you call any of them.

"That's not to put you down, kid, it's not, I'm just saying, we're both alike in those ways." It was true, I hadn't even thought about Phoenix much, to be honest. Somewhere along the line Phoenix stopped sounding like home. "But I came here angry. I never told you that. I was so fucking angry; angry at mom; angry at dad; angry that they couldn't work but mostly I was angry at the Cullen's because I blamed them for what happened between us.

"Of course it took me a couple months here and there to get it into my thick head," and he laughed without humor at his put down, "to realize that mom didn't leave because of the Cullens. She was never the small town kind of girl, woman whatever."

"No she wasn't," I agreed in that lukewarm way that everything seemed to come out like lately.

"No she wasn't," he repeated in much the same voice.

Even though Emmett hadn't gotten to the original question I didn't bring it up again. He had just worked out one of his worries, just explained how he felt and that was more than I ever expected from him.

So when we got the hospital half a minute later I still had no idea what was wrong.

-------

The hallways were absent of humanity, or at least that's how I read the situation. I could hear a pin drop if someone was around to drop one. Emmett was holding my hand as he led us into the inner sanctum of the building. It wasn't a large hospital, not in comparison to the big city ones I'd been to as a child, but it was the largest building I'd been to since coming to Forks.

The first person came into view as we turned a corner, the receptionist. Her hair was a dyed black that was pulled back in a low loose pony tail. She looked tired and was nursing a mug with an owl on it that appeared to have a witty saying that I couldn't make out. I assumed it contained coffee. She took a sip, her attention on a clipboard in front of her face beside a computer monitor that hummed. The screen cast a glow on her face.

Either she sensed us or one of us made a sound that caught her attention. She swiveled in her chair and made eye contact with Emmett. I felt her eyes flit over me but my attention had switched to my brother. His hand felt chapped and he was holding onto me a little too harshly to be considered comfortable.

"We're looking for Sam Uley," Emmett finally disclosed.

The nursed nodded, and tapped her fingers on the keyboard in front of her. She frowned as the information pulled up, "Level three, room 345." Her voice was high and clear.

"Thank-you," Emmett returned as he turned away.

"Of course."

I wasn't sure if I felt relief or not at finally getting a piece of information. Mostly I was just worried, mostly I just wondered what had happened. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked as Emmett pushed me into the elevator that had been just further down the hall from the receptionist. He pressed the third floor button and I took note of his grim expression.

"I think so," he told me noncommittally.

"Is Emily here?"

"I think so," he repeated.

-------

The third floor wasn't so quiet but it wasn't noisy either. There was the sound of basic activity, I guess because it was later many people had already gone to bed, I wondered if visiting hours were over. The last time I'd been in a hospital the visiting hours had ended at eight, was it the same here, was it past eight already?

A sink turned on and off and footsteps sounded all around us as we walked, following the numbers with ours eyes. I saw a nurse rush past in her white sneakers and pink floral patterned top. I followed her with my ears as far as the elevator; it dinged as the doors closed.

345's door was open a crack and I could hear someone sniffling from within the room. Emmett knocked on the door very gently before walking in. The knocking was just to inform the people hidden inside that we were here, Emmett didn't much care if someone called for him to enter or not.

Emmett made a brief sound of distaste when he entered but all I could see was his large back, he blocked all else from me. When he finally moved out of my line of sight I almost wished he could return. The first thing I saw was Emily, she looked terrible, awful. She was wearing a sweater that was too big for her, I was sure it was Sam's, and was holding Sam's hand in both of hers. Her face was tearstained, we might look like twins; both of us had seen better days. Her hair was tangled around her face making her look devastatingly plain when she was normally anything but.

The next thing I saw was Sam. Sam had seen much, much better days. His right eye was swollen in a bruise that covered most of his cheekbone as well. His lower lip was cracked open and his right arm held more bruises. My mouth hung open in surprise. My eyes trailed down his body. He was clothed in one of his maroon t-shirts and an old pair of sweats that appeared cut off. Down my eyes went till they landed on a broken leg that had already been set in a cast.

Sam's eyes were squinted making him looked tired and old. He opened him mouth as if to speak but Emily gave him a glare that silenced him, "It's worse than it looks," she said instead. "Concussion is what I'm most worried about." She lowered her head so her eyes disappeared from sight. "It could have been much worse."

I walked over to Emily and sat my hand on her shoulder; she needed someone to support her. She made a reassuring sound and mumbled a, "thanks."

"How are you holding up," I whispered as Emmett pulled up a chair and sat on the other side of his friend. My eyes spun around the room, suddenly taking it in. It was large, there were five other beds but none of them were occupied. Sam's bed was the nearest to the door and all the curtains used to separate the beds were open. The windows at the far end of the wall showed the darkness that I had noted previously.

"I'm holding," Emily managed as she yawned. Sam yawned not ten seconds after and Emily shook his hand, "You can't sleep," she warned him, "Not tonight."

Sam shrugged and it looked so sullen what with the exhaustion that was clear on his face.

"How's Paul?" Emmett finally asked.

Paul? What in the world was happening?

"I don't know," Emily told him tonelessly, "Charlie was by an hour ago said he had to get stitches. I think he's more worried about Embry."

"And how's Embry?" Emmett continued.

"He's still out," Emily told him, "Room 260 if you want to visit him, see how he is." She sighed and adjusted her posture slightly, "I would be grateful if you could check on them and then come back to tell us how they are."

Emmett nodded and shook his head before heading toward the door. I took his chair and rested my head against the wall. "Don't worry Bella," Emily spoke, her voice quivering just slightly, "He'll get better."

-------

Emmett didn't come back up, instead he sent Jacob. Jacob gave me a pointed look that was so sad I had to turn away. "Emmett and Paul are with Embry." Emily looked up blankly while Sam nodded eager for more information. "Embry woke up a bit ago, he's out again but he'll be fine by the morning, at least that's what the Doctor said." Jake patted Emily's shoulder, like I had done before and she gave him a tentative smile back. It looked forced and certainly didn't touch her eyes.

It was then that Jake refocused on me. "Bella can I speak with you?" His eyes pleaded to me. I got out of the chair, ran my hands through my hair and ambled out the door. I could hear Jake's footsteps as he followed. He walked beside me once the door closed and didn't speak. Instead he led me down the hall farther away from the elevator that I remembered lay behind.

"Privacy," he mumbled under his breath. I didn't bother questioning him; sure that he knew where we were headed.

Jacob finally stopped at an unmarked door; he opened it without a thought and held it for me. It was dark inside and I carefully walked with my arms at the ready. The light snapped on sheer seconds later. I blinked in adjustment; when my eyes finally took in the room I noted how empty it was. There were two couches a plant and a poorly coated wood piano; a visiting room.

"We have to talk," Jake told me as he, more or less, collapsed on one of the couches.

The door clicked shut as I took my spot across from him on the piano bench. "First can you explain what happened today?"

My voice sounded as exhausted as Emily's. Jake played with his fingers, picking at dirt that had collected under them as he nodded.

Good, finally I would be getting answers.

**AN: This 'visiting room' is based on one I knew in my times in hospitals. The piano there is completely out of tune, I don't think anyone has played it in years. I'm breaking up this chapter now before I collapse in tired-niss-ity. No that's not a word, but tired people don't need words to make sense… or something along those lines. Okay I'm posting this and sleeping until everything refocuses, yeap. Geesh, it's only 12:30am.**


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: Thanks for reading ;)**

Chapter Fourteen: Backlash (part two)

The fluorescent light strips above me hummed distractingly as Jake and I sat in-between the silence. I was waiting for him to speak and he, well, he was just stalling.

Finally Jacob looked up from his fascination with all things that weren't my eyes. "Where do you want to begin?"

"After school," I told him, "today" I added.

He patted the table with his finger tips, hesitating. "I wasn't there," Jake said drearily, "So I can only tell you what I've heard happened." I nodded trying to hurry the answers. "It's very one sided; very Paul sided," he snorted.

"I don't care whose side said what. Just tell me what you know."

"Well I was writing a history essay when Embry came by the house. He asked me if I was up for hanging, whatever, and I couldn't because, well, my essay was due tomorrow." He scratched his knuckle as his eyes darted. "Guess I won't get it in on time after all," he mused.

"Charlie called at about seven, told me some things, uh, went down, I guess. Those aren't his exact words but," he shook his head, shrugged slightly before continuing, "So I came straight here, Billy stayed back; I told him I would call him."

"I wasn't exactly surprised to see Paul had got in a fight. I mean its _Paul_." He over emphasized Paul's name like it was enough to explain away the situation. A heater clicked on adding to the buzzing white noise that persisted in the room.

"But, before, when Charlie called he said something about Sam and Embry and they're both even tempered guys, you know... So I pulled Paul aside and pretty much did what you're doing to me now." He looked me in the eye and held my stare for a few seconds. "Paul isn't hurt badly; he had to get some stitches on his knuckle, that's all. Which is pretty unfair, no offence to Paul, well actually, all offence to Paul, because he's the one who couldn't keep his fists off them."

"Have you ever noticed when people say 'no offence' it usually comes out sounding really fucking offensive?" Jake asked in an aside.

"People tend to say that just so other people know that they aren't trying to be rude. I don't know. Does it really matter right now?"

"No, guess not. Um, well I talked to Paul and he told me his side. I guess Embry, Sam and him were hanging around and they came across Jasper, James and Laurent, perfect combination, of course. And Paul said that James was using his big mouth to insult them. I don't know how true that is, I wouldn't be surprised if Paul was the one who started digging at them but…" he trailed off.

"I guess one thing led to another; Paul jumped James and _here_ there aren't really details. They broke themselves up, the cops didn't come or anything but people were hurt so," he drew out, "we're here now. They won't tell the police what really happened. That's not how we do things, you know?"

I didn't know but I nodded anyway. "But everyone will be fine?"

"As far as I know."

"And when I say everyone," I paused not sure if this was the right thing to say but needing to know anyway, "I mean everyone involved. Not just Sam, Embry and Paul."

Jake's eye flicked back up, he looked speculating. "I think so. Jasper was hurt pretty badly."

It was obvious that he didn't really care how Jasper was but I did. I could just imagine their side right now. I pressed on my temples trying my best to get the image of a devastated Alice out of my head.

"This is a mess," I whispered.

"It's not the first time something like this has happened," Jake disclosed.

"That is absolutely ridiculous; childish," and my words sounded angry even to my own ears.

"But that doesn't really change anything."

"No it doesn't."

I rubbed my eyes, just needing to keep my hands busy. "What time is it?" I asked.

I didn't look up but I imagined Jake fiddling for a clock. When he had uncovered or found the time he spoke, "Two minutes to eleven."

This surprised me. "Is it really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Bella come over here." I looked up; Jake was eyeing the other cushion on the couch. I got up wearily and sat down beside him. I didn't care why he wanted me closer, there were too many things running through my head.

I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling. One of the florescent bulbs flickered; it was going to die soon.

"I'm sorry about how I acted last time," he spoke slowly, quietly, like he was afraid that he wouldn't be understood.

"Jake, we both know that was my fault, all of it. I should have told you before, but I didn't. I am so, so sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you. It was… it was weird and… well we've been kind of, I don't know, not defined in that respect so I just didn't know."

"It wasn't your fault. It was just… a surprise. I wasn't expecting you to have found someone else. Emmett always said you weren't interested in any of the boys at school and you'd never talked to me about anyone so I…"

I stopped him there. "I should have said something. I know that." It was interesting to learn that Emmett had talked to Jake though, some of my suspicions were confirmed, I wasn't sure if I was happy to learn I was right.

"But you don't have to tell me everything about your life."

"I don't have to tell you everything," I agreed feeling so tired I could barely keep my eyes fixed on the overhead lighting, "But that was one thing I defiantly should have told you."

"But I want to be friends with you Bella. I don't want anything or anyone to get between us."

"I don't think anyone could." I whispered.

"I'll hold you to that." He chuckled, what a relieving sound. I listened to his breathing for a couple minutes trying to relax my tense muscles, "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying."

I tilted my head to eye Jake. He looked serious and contemplative, "You shouldn't waste your time."

He grinned; his eyes closed, "It's my time to waste."

I shook my head at my best friend but it was futile because I was glad. I didn't put much thought into his romantic pursuing; I wouldn't say I was happy about that, but I was glad he hadn't given up on me in general. I hoped that was the case when he learned the truth, the full truth.

-------

I stumbled back to Sam's room; Jake followed after me. We had sat together in companionable silence for over an hour; now it was time to rejoin our friends. Emily and Sam were both still awake and they still looked awful.

Jake took my hand and pulled me over to the bed beside Sam's. He sat up on it and I sat beside him facing the couple. I leaned back so my hair was hanging over the edge. While listening to the others low-pitched talking I let the sleepiness take me under. They're voices were like a mumbled lullaby, a chorus, and while I didn't fall into a deep sleep, I was relieved to get at least a small amount of shut eye.

"So everyone's going to be fine," Jake whispered.

"Oh good," Emily sighed.

"I should have talked to you before Bella; I didn't realize we'd be gone so long."

"Don't worry about it. We're here all night after all."

And their voices became progressively dulled.

"Yeah"

"And you and Bella worked everything out?"

"I guess you could say that…"

Words ceased processing correctly at this point. Everything had a dream-like quality. It was too hard to separate the words my friends spoke from those of my dreams.

I smiled when Edward's face floated in the periphery of my imagination. He smiled back but I didn't bother speaking with him, I wasn't deep enough, immersed enough, to understand his words and I was aware enough to know I was dreaming.

-------

I woke up with my nose pressed against a hard body; a woodsy smell permeating the air. I shook my head, letting my hair drape around me. I pulled back, sat up, and realized I was lying against Jake. I blinked a few times before rolling out of bed. Then I looked up and around me trying to figure out where I was; Emily stared back at me. Sam seemed more interested in reading a magazine.

And just like that I remembered where I was. "Jacob moved you when you fell asleep." Emily explained. I turned back to look at Jake and sure enough I noticed that he was lying properly, with his head at the headboard and so on.

"That was thoughtful of him," I replied keeping my voice down. "Did you stay up the whole night?"

Emily nodded, "Yeah, we both did," and she tilted her head slightly as to include Sam.

"The cafeteria opens in about," she looked up at the clock on the wall, "Like ten minutes. They don't have much, bagels, sandwiches, maybe soup, but I'm heading down if you wanna come."

"Yeah I probably should." I yawned and leaned against the wall in-between Sam and Jake, both still in their respective beds. "Maybe we should wake Jake. He's probably starving."

"He looks dead to the world, maybe we should just leave him," Sam said. It had been so long since I'd heard him speak I'd almost forgotten the way the tone in his voice made you think 'leadership.'

"No, no I'm coming," Jake gurgled in a voice so filled with sleep it was hard to believe he was aware of the goings on around him.

"It's alright Jake, I can grab you something; you stay here." I told him in a motherly voice.

"No, I want to get up, walk around." I watched him as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stood up. He looked disoriented. I chuckled at him when he ran his hand through his hair.

"If you two are both going maybe I'll just stay back," Emily spoke up. "I don't really want to leave Sam."

Sam made a grunt like noise, "Emily I'm not a child."

She raised her eyebrows in Sam's direction, "Don't act like a child then."

He rolled his eyes and smiled. It was nice to see them interacting like themselves.

"What do you guys want us to bring back then?" Jake asked. As the couple had talked he had walked over to the door and was already holding it open. I stumbled over to him, still only mostly awake.

"Can you just bring us, I don't know, four bagels, something to drink?" Emily asked.

"That sounds good," Sam added.

"Okay we'll be back soon," Jacob returned as I walked past him and into the hall.

"Don't bother hurrying. I think I told you last night, 'we'll still be here'." Emily chuckled as Jacob joined me in the hall.

"What was that about?" I wondered trying to recall last night and everything we'd spoken about.

"Emily's just kidding with me," I tipped my head; he was smirking like a fool.

"You have a strange relationship."

"Nah, it's pretty normal."

I laughed, "Whatever you say."

Jake pushed the down button beside the elevator doors, "Things are going to get better. This was the bottom."

"Somehow I don't believe that," I was trying to sound easy going but I couldn't help how my point sounded valid.

Jake chortled at me, "Don't be so serious."

The elevator dinged, I turned to Jake as the door opened with a small half-hearted grin. Maybe he was right.


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: I was reading back through this story and had to laugh aloud. In chapter (I think) 25 I said something about 'not too many more chapters.' What happened to that? I haven't added anything plot-wize to this story but I guess it just didn't seem much longer back then… It doesn't seem like there's much more now but maybe there's still ten chapters left… ten, wow that doesn't have a 'too many more' sound to it, does it?**

**Because there is no way I'll do the whole story in EPOV, I'll ask, is there a specific part in this story that anyone wants to read from his perspective? I don't mind writing out a few and just adding them in as extras after an authors note like I did before…**

**ANYWAY now that I've spoken mostly nonsense for two paragraphs I'll thank everyone who's still reading. ;) You're awesome, amazing and lots of other words that start with other letters. Thanks for reviews, for alerts and favorites as well.**

Chapter Fourteen: Backlash (part three)

I wish I could say that my grin stayed in place for longer than those few seconds, I wish I could say that I was seeing Jake's ideals, his positive outlook on life; I wish I could but the second I turned back to the door I realized how wrong I'd been.

My hand quivered and I felt physically repelled from the chasm in the wall. But like last time Jacob wasn't one to pull back. He took my hand and tugged me inside; a grunt was all that showed his effort. Even with my heels panted on the linoleum I was no match.

And while I was being practically thrown and tackled into the elevator all I could see was James. His eyes poured into me, I felt raw, open, and sick. And I only felt worse when his mouth turned and twisted into that small half smirk that Edward had won me over with. I'll never know if Jake noticed the exchange.

"Ground floor?" James' asked. His voice was smooth; no inflection. I watched his mouth move with fascination. His left cheek was marred with a small gash that had been stitched up, likely, yesterday. There was something so off-putting about him that I could barely stand still. My body wanted nothing more now than to flee. When teachers had spoken about that fight or flee instinct I'd never realized how strong, how forceful, that feeling could be.

Jacob made a committal sound to the question.

So the three of us went down together without any more words, in a silence that was so loud I wanted to cover my ears. My heart thrummed as if to ward off the demons the quiet could conjure and I cowered behind my messy head of hair as best as I could.

When the door pinged again I wanted to scream in triumph. I was so happy to be out of the small enclosure. Jake led our procession still holding my hand. He held firmly; possessive.

"I think you dropped this, miss." I didn't want to turn around but there wasn't much else I could do. I was angry; I had thought I was free. I dropped Jacob's hold and spun my body around. James held a small ring out to me with his index and thumb.

"Not mine." I shook my head as I said this.

"Are you sure? Take a closer look."

I didn't move but I did sense Jacob take a step closer toward where, I assumed, the cafeteria was.

"No, sorry; not mine." I repeated turning away. I could see the edges of the reception desk just down the hall. We walked toward it and it took all my self restraint not to simply run.

I could hear James' footsteps behind us, following us. So much like a horror movie; the killer stalks his prey.

The cafeteria turned out to be just left of the reception desk. The tables were scattered about, they looked like the cheap plastic kind that many mall cafeterias used; chipped in many places from age and usage. A recession in the wall held fridges. There was a counter that lined the far wall and another that sliced the small area in half. A lone worker was preparing a sandwich on the back counter oblivious to the people who had entered and the two that were already seated.

I noticed all the minuet details because the first step I took into view I had to look everywhere other than at the two dismal looking people who sat alone. It was weird that I classified them alone when they were obviously together but something about their presence spoke volumes.

Jake continued to walk straight over to the food but I had stopped. Edward's back was to me and something in the way his shoulders seemed to buckle told me he knew I was there. How he knew could be anyone's guess, maybe my footsteps sounded familiar, who knows? Alice on the other hand stared up at me, her eyes were red and in all truth she looked worse than Sam, Emily, Jake and I put together. I couldn't image her pain, I didn't want to either.

"You should keep it anyway," the voice from behind startled me proper. And when his hand touched mine I shuddered. He chuckled deep but quiet, his breath eerily penetrating my skin. He enclosed the metal into my hand and forced it into a fist so I wouldn't drop the bauble.

"I'll see you soon," he finished before he walked over to the table where his 'side' sat. I blinked as Alice stared at me. Her eyebrows lowered and she surveyed me with intense interest; too much interest for someone that should be more worried about her boyfriend.

I started walking after Jake, shoving the ring in a garbage can before reaching him. I didn't care if James saw; I didn't care if he knew.

He'd wanted to creep me out, he wanted a reaction and, of course, he got one.

-------

Jake held the bagels for Sam and Emily, a sandwich for himself and a can of Coke. I followed him with two bottles of Sprite and one of lemonade. I wasn't hungry enough for food; a drink was all I wanted. Jacob took a table a few down from the others letting the food and drinks fall onto the plastic table nonchalantly.

I knew we weren't going to go back up. I knew it even before he'd started walking further away from any salvation because he'd proved he wasn't the kind of guy to shy away from conflict.

I sat so my back was facing the other table. Unfortunately this meant I could feel Edward's eyes on me. I didn't look at Jacob who sat across from me, worried the guilt would be written clearly on the surface. I drank from the bottle habitually when listening to the quiet chewing. It had to have been the longest meal I'd ever eaten, if you could call what I was doing eating a meal, I guess.

"You look awful, like a day from now I'll be uncovering your corpse."

I didn't say anything; leave it to Jake to say something completely wrong for the moment. He seemed to sense he'd said something stupid and remained quiet a long while after this.

I listened as he took a long gulp from his can. "So he loves you. That's obvious; what do you feel for him?"

I coughed on the mouthful of lemonade I'd half swallowed. Looking up at my friend I noted how his eyes were shielded and opaque. He met mine determinedly. "What?" I croaked.

"Well the way he's looking at you."

Like that explained everything. "What?" I repeated at a loss.

"Edward Cullen is looking at you," he finally explained or at least sort of explained.

"Oh." It wasn't an inquisitive 'oh' like some people might use in a moment like this. No, this 'oh' was just sad.

"I guess it all makes sense now. I was just being slow." He shrugged; his face too smooth to read. Was he angry? "How Emmett said you didn't seem interested in anyone and you telling me you were 'with' someone. Why you didn't tell me anything about him, not even his name, when we'd spoken about him twice. I guess I didn't put too much thought into it until now… So he's obviously smitten with you…"

He was speaking too low for any of the others to hear but I wanted to tape his mouth shut. It wasn't like he'd know that Edward had told me himself that he was smitten, of course not, but it felt like be was mocking me by using the word now.

I bit my tongue instead, "and how about you?"

"I-" but what was I? What was I now? Did I still love him, of course I did. Did I still want him; it might be strange to admit that yes I did. But did we have a future? No, not if I kept hiding it from anyone I cared about. "Yes," I admitted conviction in my voice, "I love him." It was so simple; I smiled to myself. Jake was the first person I'd told, it was a bite in my side that Edward hadn't been the first, but what could I do now?

"Hmm," he mulled. "And somehow just thinking about him makes you smile, a smile I haven't seen in a while, might I add." He was telling himself this coming to his own conclusion.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, we love who we love. At least he loves you back; at least he knows he loves you." I didn't know exactly what he meant so I remained hesitant. "And Emmett doesn't know of course." He gave me an all encompassing once over, "No, of course he doesn't."

"I'm going to tell him," I rushed because right now I knew that was true. It had felt, well, the opposite of how James made me feel to finally reveal my secrets.

"Of course you will," Why this was an 'of course' I'll never know.

"I will," I reassured myself smiling despite everything.

"Let's go back upstairs?" Jake offered leaving the clear wrap that had housed his sandwich on the table and taking the bagels and the bottles for Sam and Emily in an easy sweep. I took the last sip from my own drink and left it on the table like Jake. It wasn't that I condoned leaving a mess I just didn't seem to care about garbage. No, my head was swirling.

Jacob walked around and past me, now, in a hurry to get out of the room. I chanced a glance at Edward; I'd missed his face and was feeling my path was cemented.

James' and Alice's backs were to me which was a relief.

And then he met me halfway, his green eyes dazzling from beneath his eyelashes. Even from this distance the details of his face were clear. Was that because I was so attuned to him or was it just him as a person? Edward's face was hard; his eyes were harder, so familiar. It was like we were reliving our past mistakes. I tried my best to soften my own eyes, melting as I did so; we had the kind of connection that breached the space.

I bit my finger nail in thought as I watched him; worry that we'd be uncovered all but forgotten.

And I smiled; my face couldn't stop the muscles from flexing. I imagined I looked like the beaming, in love fool that I was.

Edward, bless him, looked confused while his face relaxed.

"Bella," Jake called ruining my peace. I suppose I'm proven that peace didn't last in my life. I remained locked on Edward for just a bit longer before leaving the cafeteria behind.

It was time to face the firing squad but it didn't faze me that Emmett and Charlie wouldn't be on board anymore. Letting others in had a soothing quality.

**AN: So I don't know why Jake acted how he did, whenever he comes up I let my fingers write all on their own. No, Jacob will not end up with Bella in this story. I'm not a huge fan of him though I think he gets a hard time in fanfictions… That's all, now I'm going to fall into bed and sleep and sleep and work and then sleep again.**


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: Short update on the Bella front but EPOV at the end. So I think that sorta makes up for my quick lead up chapter. Honestly I'm too tired to write anymore tonight.**

**And of course a massive thanks.**

"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies."

-Pietro Aretino

Chapter Fifteen: Truth (part one)

"You're too good for that guy, you know that don't you?"

I laughed, "Subtle."

"I'm just saying… you have options you know."

My eyes narrowed, "Jacob Black what are you playing at?" My tone was skeptical. "I just told you I'm in love with 'that guy,' as you would say and you're… what are you doing?"

He frowned as the elevator opened on the third floor. "I'm just not giving up; like I said." He looked confident as he gazed down at me. He replaced his frown with a spectacular smile that showed just the right amount of teeth.

"What am I missing?" I pushed. I eyed Jake with weary eyes pacing myself to his quick strides. His long legs had me practically running to keep up.

He sighed. "You are missing nothing dear Isabella; nothing, not a thing." He stopped noticing me struggling. "Sorry," he chuckled, "I forget you're not good at walking."

"Hey," I drew out. "I'm fine at walking. It's keeping up to Mr. Grows a foot each time I see him that's the problem." He snorted shifting the bagels under his arm beside one of the bottles before taking my hand. Again we were striding down the hallway. There weren't many more people than yesterday night. A single patient was walking the same direction we were just further ahead and a nurse was speaking on a phone that was bolted to the wall.

I heard snip bits of her conversation. Patient Smith's not reacting to the medicine as predicted. I watched as her expression wavered from uninvolved to pain. She cared and she didn't want to. I would imagine that was a workplace causality right there.

"Hilarious Bella and look at that with my help we reached the promise land in record time."

"Record time?"

"We all have our skills."

"And yours is rushing?"

He stepped in front of the door blocking me. Looking down at me he glowered something that was much more than friendly, "I can take it slow."

Not wanting to play his games I threw caution to the wind, "Sure you can." Better to agree than mean it sometimes.

"You don't believe me?" He sounded amused. "I could show you."

"Jacob Black," I stopped, contemplating how to properly chastise him. "If I have to use your first and last name in one sentence again, you'll be sorry." His eyes lightened up. "Now if you don't mind." And with that I attempted to push him away from the door with my arm. Obviously I wouldn't be able to move him on my own but he complied.

"After you, Isabella Swan," He took the door handle before I could and opened it for me.

Emily and Sam both looked up as we entered and I hoped for embarrassment's sake that they hadn't overheard our strange exchange.

If they did they didn't comment. Emily's eyes flew from me to Jake to what Jake held. I took one bagel and bottle from Jake. I contained an out of place giggle as he staggered, twisting his arms, trying to keep the other bagel under his arms. I was simply fed up with him at this point. I didn't bother helping him, he didn't need my help.

"Here," I offered. Emily grabbed the food with a ravenous smile.

"Thanks," Emily enthused as she took the wrapper off the bagel and took a large bite. Around the food she mumbled, "Starving."

I laughed, "What room is Embry in again?"

"Second floor, room 260," Sam told me. He cracked the seal on the lid, took a swig and then turned his attention on Emily. He beamed at her like she was keeping him afloat, his own personal life support. It reminded me of Edward. It reminded me that I had no idea how long it would be until I saw Edward again.

"Are you heading down so soon?" Jake asked shattering my concentration; bringing me back to the reality of what I was about to do. Admitting my guilty conscious to Emmett; not exactly the situation I wanted to be thrown into.

"I figured I should." I directed my comment pointedly at Jake because he was the only one who would understand. My comment gleamed at him saying 'don't mention it now,' saying 'shut the hell up.'

"Do you think it's the right time for that?"

I raised one eyebrow at Jacob. "I don't think putting it off any longer will make it easier, do you?" That was one half of the argument going on inside my head. The other was telling me to hold off, telling me that avoiding the 'talk' at all costs was more opportune. But if I wanted to progress I had to do the moving forward. I didn't want to delay because if I did I might never come around.

"What's going on?" Emily asked obviously picking up on the tension.

"Nothing," I shook my head, "Don't worry about it."

-------

But when I entered the dreaded room 260 it wasn't Emmett that greeted me.

"Bella," Charlie acknowledged standing near the window that took up the left wall looking out in thought. He was wearing his work uniform, that is to say, looking like a cop. Emmett was sitting, well more lying, on a ripped gray vinyl chair, propping his head on the bedside table, completely asleep.

The room was a single, it was painted white and the only decorative feature would be the cracked plastic clock that was hung on the wall. It was crooked and was off by at least, I estimated, an hour and a half.

"Are you working?" I wondered more out of surprise than anything. It seemed odd that life should go on after the day we'd all lived through.

He grunted, "Well, yeah." He shrugged his shoulders in a manner that reminded me how clearly we were related; short on words, straight forward. Sometimes getting right to the point was the best option, and when I say sometimes I mean most of the time. I wasn't one of those girls that would throw a fit if someone forgot an anniversary, though I didn't have many anniversaries to speak of. No, I was the girl that would remind people a couple days before and then the day before, just to be extra careful. It was common courtesy, why get upset when you could avoid it?

"Were you here all night?"

"No, I went back home for the night." He nodded uncomfortably between Emmett and I, "Em said you were spending the night?"

"Yeah."

"You two should get some real sleep, I don't mind you missing school but sleep is important." It was funny he should speak of sleep when Emmett was obviously out like a light in front of us, I wondered if he was analyzing my dark circles, that I could only assume, were making me look more raccoon than human.

And as a kicker I had completely forgotten about school. Thankfully it was Friday; we wouldn't miss anymore while worrying about our friends. I knew I wouldn't be able to sit listening to lecture after lecture while Sam and Embry sat alone in this building that was more glorified holding cell than anything.

I nodded, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh," He looked distractingly at the empty bed, "Well I was here to question Embry but they must be checking on him or something."

"Ah."

"They didn't talk yesterday, they won't talk today." He spoke with full assurance but I could tell that he was annoyed. It was another obvious reminder that this kind of 'thing' had happened before. "But I still have my job to do even if I know the outcome."

I sat down on the edge of the bed watching as Charlie became more and more annoyed. His attention was turned inward; I assumed he was thinking about the possible scenarios that had led us here.

"But I've got to go see Sam, see if he'll shed any light," he rolled his eyes and I let his purely juvenile response lift my lips. It was a smile that was all knowing, it was a smile that flopped a second later.

"Tell Emmett what I told you." He nodded once more before he left us alone. I watched the door close, it didn't slam but it closed with a louder than necessary bang. I'd never seen Charlie so pent up and it had distracted me from my actions. Maybe I should have told Charlie about Edward first? I really hadn't considered that. It seemed breaking it to Emmett was more important.

Maybe it was because I felt I knew Emmett better. Maybe it was because I owed him the truth after being evasive for so long. Did it have something to do with Rosalie? I wasn't sure any longer. I flopped back onto the bed; the sheets, in their disarray, pressing into my back in lumps. I was avoiding the present, I snorted, and I had been trying to avoid my avoidance. Why did everything have to come out so convoluted?

"Emmett?" I spoke in a whisper wishing he wouldn't wake.

And he didn't, and the relief was only temporary, "Emmett," I called.

I turned to him and watched as his head twitched.

"EMMETT," I practically yelled at my brother. To my surprise, because I was used to much more force, he opened his eyes. He was adorable when he was taken by surprise. I could see the confusion dawn when he didn't recognize the surroundings. He lifted his head off the bedside table and blinked the light room into focus.

And eventually I saw the comprehension come to him.

"Bella?" He drawled. He looked like a teddy bear, I was only sorry I had to lay my serious issues on him after everything. Maybe Jake was right…

No, there was no time like the present. Right?

"I think we need to talk," I began.

**AN: Swearing ahoy, just a warning. There aren't TOO many but if you're sensitive to crude language you probably won't enjoy the Edward side of things.**

**Anyway nobody commented about a specific scene they wanted from his perspective so I thought I'd just tell you what's going on in his side now.**

"I'm going to head back up," James told us. The first words our group had spoken since I suggested coming down to the cafeteria. James slid out of the chair beside me with ease patting my shoulder as he did so.

Alice looked up at him in all her tired splendor. Her eyes were darkly rimmed and twitched as I spoke, "Later." It was a relief for him to leave. He was a tense catalyst in an already, obviously, tense situation. I watched him glide away from us turning a corner and disappearing down a hallway. I rubbed my eyebrow to relieve some pressure before I returned my attention to my companion.

"Does Bella know him?" she questioned. Her voice was meager; as fragile as a promise. Though my attention should be on my friend my heart still panged at the sound of her name. How pathetic. Yet every thought about her opened up Pandora's Box, so to speak. Unleashing all the bad and being closed before the final truth was laid.

And I was tormented by her when she wasn't around; anxious and indifferent to all else. My world was about her and no matter how she might toss me aside I'd go running back, box of expensive chocolates and flowers; outstretched on my knees for her. It killed me that I didn't understand her, that I couldn't decipher her rejection mixed with that small smile she'd tempted me with just moments earlier.

Was it as good as I dreamed it might be? It was hard to place her behavior. She had; after all, run away from me. I had to keep reminding myself of this fact because it seemed so out of character. It wasn't that I believed she'd tell me she loved me too because I would never assume her emotions for her but thinking about her fueled my confounded head. Yet nothing changed the fact that I longed to hear three words come from her soft lips.

"Know who?"

"James?"

I scrunched my eyebrows down in thought. Had Bella ever mentioned James, I couldn't remember a time… though that didn't mean she hadn't. Sometimes being with Bella was distracting, sometimes I lost moments. I'd recall them later, with a reminiscing smile. When I told her before that I spent hours thinking of her I was minimizing my fixation. I was obsessed and I wasn't sure if I'd thrown too many cards down. I'd rushed my 'love yous' in the wrong moment.

"No, I don't think she does. Why?"

"Just the way he was-," she stopped herself and gave me a long, hard look. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Not right now. I'm sure there's an explanation." She nodded to herself and though my interest was piqued I didn't probe her. Did James know her? I couldn't think of a chance they'd have to converse. It rattled my conscious that I, honestly, couldn't remember. All the time we had spent together and I couldn't remember ever speaking about ourselves in relation to others. Had we ever?

"Do you want to see how Jasper is?" I had to change our topic; had to fend off my thoughts.

"No he told me to leave him be for a while." Her eyes dulled further. "Said he doesn't want me to see him like this." She waved her hand in front of her to encompass the whole situation, "He just doesn't want to see _me_ like this," I made a disagreeing grunt but she soldiered on, "Edward, I'm a mess. I can understand that. I wouldn't want him to try to support me if the situation were reversed. It's just too hard to see someone you love so…" she trailed off.

Someone you love so… so what? So beaten? So hurt? What Alice? Which 'so' were we talking about? I'd just seen Bella looking like she had just walked through the worst day of her life hitting every obstacle. I wanted to gag, just knowing how alarmingly damaged she'd appeared. I'd seen her down before but that was in a whole different zip code.

Yet I couldn't sit here and engross myself in Bella. So I focused on the positive. Alice hadn't spoken so much since that phone call yesterday. That damned phone call; I could still feel the tears in her words drowning me through the cordless wires.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" I asked. It would be great just to get out of here, to have something to do; an immense relief not to have to think, not to have to waste time.

Alice rubbed her eyes and I could feel her mind pulling and pushing options and decisions. She was listening to the repercussions each choice would make like it was a life or death situation. Which wire, the red or the blue? We were both overdramatic, I guess, when it came to love.

"Not yet."

That was all. I could sense the misery settling over her like a fine mist that distorted as it fell. I couldn't handle it, "Alice everything is going to work out." It might not be the truth but false reassurances were all I could offer.

"I really don't see that," another vague answer. She rested her forehead on the table as I scratched my hand. It was a habit I had picked up yesterday, with nothing to do with my time I'd found exits for my repressed energy.

"Why can't you see the positive?" I sounded cold but there was still that spark of hope hidden deep within my well meaning prayers. I was the pessimist usually not her. I wanted to kill whatever was holding the bundle of activity captive in Alice.

She snorted, "**I** need to see the positive?" she blurted, incredulous. Her head, quick as a wink, spun back up to face me. "Edward, you're one to talk."

I rolled my eyes suppressing a groan. At least I got a reaction out of her…

"I can't see the positive right now. I can't see much of anything it's all muddled up… but it doesn't look good or at least it doesn't look over."

"How cryptic," I deduced. I wasn't going to heed her warnings, not when she was behaving like her evil twin.

"Yeah, **I'm** being cryptic," she scoffed at me. Apparently I'd evoked the monster within; it wouldn't be the first time. "And when you got here and I asked where you had been _all _you said and I quote_ 'hell'_." She scowled at me. "That's it. No more."

Hell wasn't exactly true. It had felt like heaven while she'd kissed me, blessed me, and wanted me but when she took me down, well, she _really_ did. It stun and blistered and now limbo awaited me. Not knowing when my emotions would pick up or tear me apart… well that was even worse then the rejection. At least with the rejection I was in her presence, or at least sort of in her presence, I mean when she wasn't running away from me.

I took a deep breath before I attempted a rational answer. "Alice yesterday was the worst day of my life and I'm too confused to delve back into it. I don't have the mental energy to figure out the clues. Can we please," I paused, "fuck, just not?"

"No," she replied, venom on the tip of her tongue. "No we can't _just not_. **I've **been through hell Edward," and somehow she found a way to sound icy while her anger bristled. "I did, not you. You have no idea what I went through."

For a moment I could see her point. If Bella had been admitted to the hospital in Jasper's condition I would be, somehow, worse. I would be looking for an outlet. I'd be finding someone to take it out on. And I knew I had to be that for Alice because I knew she'd be that for me. "I can't make it better, you know that," I told her dryly.

"You can't make it perfect, you can't fix it and there'll always be something left. But you can take my mind off _my_ problems." She rubbed her eyes again, "Why won't you help me?"

A single tear strolled down her cheek and that was all it took for me to cave. "What do you want to know?"

"Tell me how your yesterday went."

"Where do you want me to start?" and if I sounded pissed I didn't mean to. I just didn't want to tell my story; I didn't want to hear everything in detail. I wanted to beg her to pick a new topic.

"Last I saw you, you were driving Jasper home."

And just like that she rubbed salt in the wound. I clenched my hand, letting the nails dig into the skin. "I drove him home." So casual, like it was an everyday occurrence, which it wasn't too far off from. I knew what she wanted from me, what she wanted to know. How her Jasper, happy last she saw him, had ended up with Laurent, James and a bunch of fists. Why I wasn't involved, why I hadn't interfered like I always promised her I would when things got _disagreeable._

Her eyes flickered and her chin jutted out. Her body language was prompting me on.

"And he asked if I wanted to do something and I couldn't because Bella and I were supposed to meet."

"You were supposed to meet?" Alice took her chances where she could. I could almost hear the hope in her emerging. She liked Bella. It didn't surprise me, how could it surprise me when I liked Bella so much?

I ignored her, "Of course I couldn't tell Jasper that."

"Of course not." And she let the small seed of happiness fall into poison.

She started picking the material around her wrists. The sweater she wore was old, black and made out of cotton; one she only wore when she didn't care. "And that was the last I saw him." I didn't want to tell her my true thoughts on the matter but she was Alice, we were so close I just couldn't hold back. "I can't say I wish things went different. Maybe I should have agreed to Jasper. Maybe I should have…" I sighed letting the idea percolate. "But even if I had another chance I still would have gone to see Bella."

Alice gave me the fiercest glare she could conjure but I talked over it. "That's not what you want to hear, I know, but Alice, if I thought you wanted me to sugarcoat this for you I would. But you don't, do you?"

Of course I'd still go to Bella. I'd never leave her out there alone, in the rain no less. I could never do that to her. I knew how that felt; anticipation that she'd enter the clearing at any moment and yet _every_ moment feeling misfortune when that strange sound proved to be only rattled leaves.

Alice's eyebrows softened her look while her eyes flicked to her fingers picking at the sweater. "Don't sugarcoat." So we were back at short answers.

"She said things, I said things." I hurried. I didn't want to speak of my private matters but I didn't want to alter the story line. "She was sad," Her big brown eyes, small chin and heart shaped face shot through my mind. I wished I could still the image and reach out to stoke her hair. Those eyes, God, I could curl up in front of her and just stare into them. And when she looked up at me with those lingering tears I had wanted to fix her. I'd wanted to be her hero, all Enrique Iglesias jokes aside. "And eventually Rosalie came up," Alice stopped tearing at her sweater. "And one thing or another, you called."

"One thing or another," she wondered. Her words hung in the mostly empty room. Then she brought up another sore spot, "How did Rose come up?"

Rosalie had been Alice's friend for many years and though Alice tried to pretend she was tough the situation still hurt. I wouldn't say they were best friends, maybe not exactly, because Alice had a way of being friends with Jasper and I on the same level but Jasper and I were obviously not female. Though I couldn't be certain, I figured males would never connect with Alice is the same way.

"She talked to Bella about me," I smiled without an inch of good will, "I guess," I tacked on.

"I see and I'm guessing you weren't too tactful."

Alice knew me. "No, I wasn't." Like I said before, I wasn't going to sugarcoat it.

Her attention fell on me again like she was consuming the details right off my expression. "And then…"

"And then," I closed my eyes. This was the part I didn't want her to know. I wasn't embarrassed; not really, it was more the confusion; the fact that I didn't want to tell my friend until I understood myself. "And then I told her I loved her."

I rested my elbow on the table and propped my head up.

"You're an idiot."

My mouth opened in surprise.

"So ridiculously stupid that I could hit you right now." Subtle. "And then what happened?"

"You called."

"And you picked up," of course she knew that part. She knocked my elbow off the table. "You're a real asshole. You know that don't you?"

I recovered from her outburst. "Thanks Alice. Just what I needed to hear."

"Fuck you," she retorted.

"What is your problem?"

"For someone so smart you're bloody dense."

I grimaced and held my tongue. Maybe listening to a female point of view on the situation would open my eyes. Maybe just any other perspective would…

"So let me get this right. You're acting like a jerk, telling her terrible things about Rose, someone who she knows well. And Rose doesn't like you so she was probably telling her a bunch of shit about you. And you, you don't ask her what Rose said, don't try to dispel anything… NO, no _you_, you sink to a lower level and rant, call names? Am I right?" I bit the inside of my cheek as she reamed me out. I was having difficulties figuring out all her 'yous' and 'shes' but I got the gist of what she was saying. "And that's not all. No, of course not. Then you cover up your behavior by telling her you love her.

"Just great. How romantic. It was the first time you told her too, eh?" she read my face, inching closer, "Fuck I'm right, I was hoping I wasn't." She shook her head from side to side like she was sorry to be in my presence. And all the while I tried to recover from the truth. "And there's more. Of course with you there always is. You don't even work this outcry out with her. No you answer your phone. You idiot! Do you not hear how every move you made was wrong? So she left you? Right?"

I nodded, running my fingers through my hair and then leaving them there.

"The fact that she didn't look angry today says something for her character."

I blanched. "How do you know she didn't?"

She rolled her eyes again but didn't answer. "Don't you dare talk to her until I can fix your mistakes," she remarked.

"Don't fix anything for me," I growled. I was done with her taking her aggression out on me.

"You _need_ me to smooth this out for you. Trust me."


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: When will I learn not to try to write in the midnight hours? Because I seem to start and stop and fall asleep on the keyboard and then wake up and think why'd I write that? Or what's up with all those commas.**

**Now for an awake AN because those generally make much more sense. So thanks for keeping with this story. It's been interesting to write and probably therapeutic. It's nice to be near the end and also kind of strange and sad. After I'm completely done I'll probably get off my lazy ass and do some epic editing. Ah editing how it is the bane of my existence…**

Chapter Fifteen: Truth (part one)

"Well I can't say I'm surprised," He yawned and stood up. The chair creaked under his shifting weight. I rolled over so I could look him in the eye. I was too tired to stand and have a professional looking chat. I knew I had slept last night or really earlier this morning but I was still feeling the strain. A few hours of half sleep plus the half hour from lunch the other day, well that just wasn't enough. Yet I was sure I'd never met a single person who ever thought they got enough sleep. Stress, confusion and, well honestly, life got in the way.

Emmett walked over to the exact spot that Charlie had just vacated and I smiled as the light played across his face. I could see the family resemblance in his pained expression. I took in the environment behind him through the window. It was a shocking contrast to the hospital room; a hazy brightness. The clouds shielded direct sunlight but it was light enough that you knew the sun was simply prying through. The green landscape was so haphazard; the opposite of a coppice.

"You're not surprised," I repeated. I didn't know where I wanted to start. Did I want to pierce quickly, just tell him, or did I want it to be gradual? The result would be the same and I couldn't seem to rationalize with my grubby brain.

"Well," He held the word then shook his head. His slightly curly hair bounced as he did so and his eyes blinked at me almost irresponsibly. He flashed a grin before he let his face completely turn from me. "I knew eventually I would be good for something."

"You knew eventually you'd be good for this?"

"Of course."

"Emmett, I'm too tired to play your games."

"Then get some rest and tell me in the morning." His head reflexively glanced up at the clock for the time. "Or tomorrow morning," he amended.

"I can't," I replied straight forward, "I won't be able to say the same thing later."

His large shoulders shrugged. "What happened to Embry?"

"I don't know," I told him truthfully. He was somewhere in the building, I was sure. I figured Emmett would also surmise this.

"So we're going to do this here then?"

"Is there somewhere else you'd prefer?" I kidded though my voice didn't hold any humor.

"There really isn't anywhere I'd prefer."

I snorted, "You've been trying to get this out of me for so long, finally we reach the conclusion and you grow nervous?"

"Just the way you're speaking, I feel like I'm losing you, losing touch. You're not supposed to offer me the truth Bella."

My face scrunched up in confusion. When did my brother become so serious all the time? Where did he throw his playfulness? Was it a gun in exchange? "I've been misusing your trust," I admitted closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see the results.

"I've figured it might be something like that." He spoke calmly and it annoyed me. He knew something was wrong this whole time, did he? I wanted to be angry, I almost was, but I couldn't.

"What exactly did you figure?" I whispered. Behind my lids I noticed it grew darker and I assumed Emmett had drawn the blinds.

"I never did get as far as that. You've just been… hiding something. I tried to get it out of you and when you wouldn't let it slip I let you go on hiding it from me. I let myself be naïve."

I tried to cover up my yawn but it didn't work well, he chuckled, "We've both been, I think." I shifted my feet. My shoes felt so uncomfortable; I tried to remember the last time I'd taken them off. When I couldn't I spoke again, "Emmett I've ruined everything." My eyes filled with tears that couldn't fall trapped beneath my eyelids. I held myself together as best I could and knew Emmett was watching me, probably leaning against the blinds, in the dark.

"You haven't ruined everything."

I knew he'd only believe that for a while longer. "I've been," I gasped, "I've been," as I went the words were harder to push out. I felt like I was eleven years old again getting ready to tell my mother I'd knocked over her favorite picture frame, the one she'd bought at a specialty store, the one she was so proud of just because she liked it. My mother was like that. I remembered that time every once in a while, it knocked me clear, it agitated me, it made be feel childish. The words hung on my tongue and I could imagine what would happen when I released them yet in both instances I knew nothing of what _would_ happen.

"It's okay Bella."

"Are you ever going to stop fighting them?" I asked changing the direction of my confession. It was better to sort out facts first and one in particular nagged at me incessantly.

"I don't know."

"It's your decision to stop," I pointed out however weakly it sounded.

"If it was up to me," he spoke slowly and assuredly, "then everyone would be fine, safe, without bruises and cuts. If it was my decision the Cullens wouldn't be around. But it's not up to me."

"If you push things into crevices they don't go away. Just because someone isn't around or because you can't see the problem doesn't mean it's fixed."

"It would fix this one," a simple conclusion. I wanted to smile at him; at his childish optimism because issues are rarely truly mended, not wholly. If I had learnt one thing it was that.

"No it wouldn't. Forgetting doesn't help." I rubbed my arms suddenly feeling cold.

"You don't understand Bella."

"What don't I understand?"

"Everything."

I snorted again, "I think I understand it better than you. Emmett you can't keep doing this."

"Doing what exactly?"

"This," I repeated. "You can't keep trying to erase the pain by ignoring the root of it."

"It's not like I'm not trying," he grumbled and I knew he wasn't aiming to sound unkind.

"I can't say you aren't _trying_ but you're going about it the wrong way."

"You don't know anything about the ways I'm fixing things."

It was so juvenile; how he thought he was already fixing things. I opened my eyes briefly to get a good look at my brother. It was hard to see him in the dim room, my eyes were trying to adjust but I didn't give them enough time. They snapped back after I saw his defeated appearance. "I was in your room the other day. I was doing laundry," I said covering up my shame by forcing it upon a new vessel. "Underneath your bed, I found something."

"You shouldn't go in my room," he sounded angry.

"I didn't know you were keeping something from me."

"Yes you did."

I guess that was true. I corrected myself, "I didn't know it was something I'd find in a brown paper bag stashed under your bed."

"Now you know."

"I'm trying to tell you **my** secret." I relented just hoping he would drop the 'tough guy' act he was presenting.

"It's hard to get there when you keep accusing me!"

He was passionate with his comments and I couldn't help how they stung, "I'm not. If you feel that way it's not because I'm being hard on you." My hand clawed in my hair as the base pressed on my temple. His attitude hurt to hear. "I just want you to know that I know. I just want you to know everything," I whimpered.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

I took a shaky breath. "Ask me where I took your truck."

"It's _our_ truck. Not just mine."

I covered my eyes with my hands even though it didn't change anything. "I don't care about possessives right now." I practically grumbled. "Ask me where I was."

It was an order that Emmett let me force upon him, "Where were you Bella, where'd you take the truck?" I struggled to keep my composure but the tears welled up again.

"I was with Edward Cullen." I bit my bottom lip anxiously as the quiet around us grew. "I've been doing that for a while now," I added, "I've been lying and deceiving you and- and-." I caught my hesitation and reined it in, "And I'm completely in love with him." My voice broke all over the place, I almost sounded like I was stuttering. I wanted to be brave and strong, instead I sounded pitiful.

It wasn't like I was expecting much and I definitely wasn't expecting anything good, obviously, but I _was_ expecting _something._ Instead of dealing with me Emmett left. I heard the door open and by the time I opened my eyes the door was just clicking back. This was absolutely something I hadn't thought about. Anger, horror, maybe even blank resentment; well I could have foreseen those but _this_ wasn't Emmett. I didn't recognize him at all but maybe the problem was he didn't recognize _me_ any longer.

-------

I wanted to close my eyes and let the misery have me but I realized the time wasn't now and it definitely wasn't here. Embry would be back soon and I had no heart to explain a single thing. Maybe Jake had been right, now really wasn't right. Well I couldn't let the 'what ifs' bog me down. There was so sense worrying about the 'hows'; it happened. I needed to find Emmett and explain further.

Or maybe I shouldn't; did he need time? Either way…

I got up and out of that bed and as I did gravity found the tears unshielded and they glided down my cheeks. I stumbled over the floor even though it was perfectly even and walked to the door. The darkness was eerie because I knew everywhere else was light. It's funny how the darkness had a way of bringing out what scares.

And what scared me? I was scared to lose Emmett; I was scared to lose Charlie but the horror at possibly losing Edward burst through fiercer.

And all these thoughts raced by. All the realizations and feelings, they speed through me. It seemed to take hours to hurry out the door but in retrospect it was only sheer seconds. Emmett's back was already half way down the hall; he was running. I wished I could see his face now, I'd taken advantage of him by closing my eyes, I should have known better. People fool you when you close your eyes. And no matter how scary it is to see their expression you just have to.

It was too late. I took the situation as a competition and ran after him.

But I will never be a runner and I will never win a competition. I was just Bella, and I was still a clumsy mess-up with the addiction of practically no sleep. So when I tripped, catching myself painfully on my wrists, my knees knocking loudly on the floor, all I could do was look up and watch as he disappeared around the corner. He wasn't coming back, I was sure he'd heard my fall, and he wasn't coming back.

But I'd thrown him around, tossed his emotions into a whirlwind; I had no right to ask him for help. I had no right to beg his forgiveness or his understanding. We weren't those people anymore; we hadn't been those people for a while.

I let out a sob as I carefully stood up. I knew nothing was broken, I was just bruised, but somehow it hurt more than I could possibly explain. My heart was a twisted wreck. The tears fell now soundlessly and, however disgusting and unladylike, my nose ran with them. I rubbed the dust off my knees before massaging my sore wrists. And then I leaned against the wall defeated because Emmett was fast and I knew I wouldn't catch him.

A woman passing by gave me a seriously stern look but didn't say a word. She didn't know the circumstances but I deserved all of her scorn. I let my head roll back; hitting the wall before my knees buckled and I surrendered myself to the floor. But by then woman was already gone; there was no one around to judge me; to judge my mistakes.


	40. Chapter 40

**AN: So my computer finally kicked the bucket, though I never have understood that saying. Regardless it died. It was a sad, painful and slow death that had it clugging along remarkably slow for over three months but, as with most deaths, even if they're drawn out they take you by surprise. My hard drive died, my motherboard died. It all just died. So of course I no longer have windows XP. Nope, now I have Vista and since I am still, and most likely will always be, computer intolerant I'm completely lost.**

**Unfortunately my computer wasn't the only one who died these past few weeks. An acquaintance of mine overdosed and chocked on his vomit. It's weird to think about but important to remember. So all y'all out there in internet land; just be careful. I know I sound like a nagging mother but I really hope everyone takes care.**

**Of course I want to thank everyone who's read thus far as always and everyone who has kindly commented. I'm sorry this took so long and I'm sorry I haven't gotten off my ass and responded to more comments but my head is just thinking about death, honestly, and I surprised enough that I typed out a chapter. I'll try to get to everything tomorrow though.**

"Oh, the difference one heartbeat could make"

-Richelle Mead

Chapter Fifteen: Truth (part two)

With my knees pressed to my chest and my hands on the sides of my face I fell into a sort of trance. My gaze was directed at the floor but my mind was off and away. I let my hair irritate me as I desperately tried to call basic motor functions back. Every single cell of me was radiating at an intense frequency. My hearing scattered around me, as if suddenly I could pick out a foot step a floor away.

I started to sway forward and back, electricity seemed to rock throughout my body, but I was sure my movement would be practically undetectable to an outside force.

When I finally did hear footsteps approaching I didn't react. I assumed it was the woman passing through again, or some other patient, visitor, so when they slid down beside me I was only slightly surprised. Nothing could take my full attention when I felt as I did; sick mostly, confused as well.

An arm wound around me, grasping me close, holding me tight. Yet still my eyes, glazed, didn't move. I wanted them to, I think, I wanted to break free but it was easier to remain molded, staring at the crakes in the linoleum floor, the random flecks of blue throughout the ugly pattern and even the dirt that was splashed a foot up the wall.

The arm squished me closer while that hand gripped my wrists and pried them away. My head lolled down, my neck couldn't keep me upright. Another hand pulled me around and toward the body. Still unfocused my head rolled onto a shoulder that wasn't mine. My hands were limp in-between us but the arms were wound around me so carefully, so knowingly, that I didn't feel like I needed my own to glue me together. I should have tried to lean on someone long before.

"Shh Bella," the rustic voice cooed. "Shh."

My head tipped left and right gently rubbing my eyes deep into the t-shirt material. It was cold and wet; it was then that I realized that I'd started crying again.

Yet I couldn't stop, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I can't help it." My lip quivered as his hands rubbed around my tensed shoulders.

"I should take you home."

"No," I murmured, capturing my lip with my teeth to steady it.

His head nodded against mine, "Yes, you should go home. It'll be better in the morning."

"Jake," I held his name like a whine but it sounded anything but the nasal, childish, stereotypical whine. What it did sound like was painful and ugly. I hated how it came out, "I don't think I can."

His nose was against my neck and I could feel his breath as he exhaled. "Why not?"

He sounded so calm, like he knew I wasn't making reasonable judgments but he went to the effort to figure out my plans like a man of wisdom.

"Because I need to talk to Emmett; I need to explain."

I was reasonably quavering as I spoke but Jake didn't take the opportunity to treat me as a child. He head nodded against me.

"Not today," he whispered.

My eyes blinked and I finally got enough sense to raise my head. The light seemed too bright but I didn't let it stop me from turning my attentions to Jacob's face. He'd inclined his own to me at my motions.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too much for him."

My eyebrows drew in and Jake licked his lips. He was closer to me than we'd ever been and it started to feel inappropriate.

His head came closer and he gripped me tighter. He rested his nose against mine but his whole head was angled to my right so his lips were just a fraction away from the skin of my chin. His hot air felt dangerous.

"Can you drive me home?"

His lips touched my skin when he spoke, "Sure."

And just as he started ghosting to the left I pulled back. His eyes were closed for a moment. In that moment I could understand how easy it would be to lean back and let him kiss me, because I knew that's what he was going for.

It wasn't right for me to see his selfishness in this time but I did. How he could ignore my whole mess and think now was the right time for us. How he could conveniently forget that I was with someone else, in love with someone else.

Regardless I saw how he preyed on my weakness, how he saw it as a positive rather than any other adjective. He saw me as a damsel, reaching out, however blinding, for his touch, his pick me up. He was seizing this time, using it, using me, to his advantage. I couldn't fault him for it, I could recognize it but I couldn't fault him for it, because if situations had been different, if Edward didn't exist, he would've been right.

In those seconds before his eyes looked back at me I could see how our future would've laid out. How happy we would've been, how easy we would've been; how perfect for everyone involved.

And in that moment I knew I loved Jacob; I did. But in that moment I knew that I didn't love him enough. Maybe you could say that Edward had spoiled me for all others, maybe you could say that I was selfish, both would be true. But in all ways I knew Jake wasn't for me, I'd known it all along, of course, but it's always remarkable to see, to feel, close up.

His eyes opened to mine, they were disappointed but understanding; a deep brown with flecks of an almost gold-ish brown and black. I'd grown to love these eyes but they weren't _the_ eyes that I was in love with.

"I need a few minutes," I told him as I pulled back further. His arms loosened me while he pulled himself vertical all the while helping me along. I hated how the guilt racked through me, how Jake's kindness supported me. It was ill spent on a girl like me.

"Of course." He laid his large hand on me, cupping my cheek, staring at me, just observing my destruction. As his fingers breezed down me and eventually pulled back he finished, "There's a bathroom at the end of this hall."

And so I was alone again. I stumbled down the hall knowing I didn't need his guidance to find them. I felt cold again, it permeated throughout me, it tugged on my nerves but I didn't let it bog me down. I just walked and followed the walls all the while hearing as Jake's large feet tapped behind me. He let me have my space but not a lot of it.

A little black figurine in the shape of a girl wearing a shirt appeared above a door painted on a white square. I didn't turn back to Jacob, I just went forward. I pushed the door in and met the best silence of my life. There were three stalls and two sinks. The far wall was mostly windows and the whole room smelt of cleaning product. It was comforting, or maybe that was just because I was used to the smell of cleaner.

I stood in front of the mirror for a long time. I let my fingers push through the mess that was my hair, I had known it was bad before but hadn't been prepared for the realization of it. Grabbing a few pieces of brown paper towels I went about cleaning my face. I didn't hurry; I didn't even move at normal speeds, I just went through the motions while practicing my breathing. New tears didn't come though my eyes tugged to release them, maybe you could run out of tears…

My eyes were as red as a cranberry, more obvious due to the translucent white of my skin. How was it possible to become paler? I missed Phoenix one last time imagining my life there as I tossed the papers away.

I missed of course and slowly fixed my mistake. Then I turned to the window and, out of a perverse odd feeling, looked out. I let Jake wait, I didn't seem to care that he was saving me; I just did what I wanted.

If I could have seen the sun it would have been at the perfect level, that twelve o'clock high. As it was, outside looked remarkably the same as it had been the last time I'd looked out; that time with Emmett. His name racing through me almost caused an involuntary moan but I slammed on the breaks, so to speak, and all that emerged was a tainted groan.

Letting my eyes trail down towards the front of the building I saw something, or someone, that caught my attention. Emmett was yelling, I could tell even from so far away, his face was full and red, almost like he was out of breath but had forgotten the need for oxygen. He was speaking to James. I blinked a few times as I watched them. James seemed to be laughing at him, which of course was further enraging my brother. I let my hand touch the cool glass as I leaned my forehead against it.

Emmett was heating up; he shoved James who stumbled back still laughing. Now James wasn't a big guy but when he came back, finally dropping the smile I was surprised at the force he elicited. Emmett slammed hard against the building and I strangled a shout as my heart picked up.

Two things happened next. The first was a knock on the backroom door. I couldn't help my socially beaten in reaction to turn to peer at the sound. Just as quickly I turned back which in turn led to the second thing. James had stepped back from my brother and he was looking up, up at me. The corners of his mouth turned up and, in some bizarre form of fear, I stepped away from the window.

I walked back to Jake with more questions then I could handle. Just as my finger tips touched the door I shook my head and my idiocies and ran back to the window to check on my brother. But by the time I looked out once again they were both gone.

-------

Jacob drove me home in his Rabbit and with the quiet between us I could hear an empty water bottle roll back and forth in his backseat. The sound grated on my nerves so much so that by the time he stopped the vehicle I just barely controlled my jerky rushing movements; freeing myself from the seatbelt.

Jake followed me to the house checking around as he did so in a suspiciously animal fashion. When he seemed satisfied he made for the couch.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm not leaving you alone," he rolled his eyes.

"What if-"

He cut me off, "I don't care if you want to be alone, you can be 'alone' in your room. I'm not leaving you alone, alone though."

He laid himself on the beaten up couch and I had to walk around so I could speak face to face. "Don't worry about me," I spoke assuredly. "I really want, no need, you to check on Emmett. Please Jake, please, it's all I want. I'm so worried about him."

He snorted like he didn't believe me.

"Please," I enthused one last time, "The last I saw him he and James were pushing each other around. I need you there with him to take care of him. He might not exactly listen to you, I know, but I can't just sit here and imagine all the-" I cut myself off.

"Just please, I trust you," I tacked on.

He sat up in a slight huff. "He's a big boy, he can handle himself. You don't need to go running after him every time he's, he's whatever, you know." He scratched his head, stretched his arms into the air and walked past me, "But you're going to be all agitated if I don't, aren't you?"

He smiled in a mocking way as he went back to the door, "Yeah, I'll be like this," I mumbled after him.

"That's right," He laughed rudely, "So I'll check on him. Okay?"

"Okay," I repeated.

"And you'll shower, maybe get some sleep; promise?"

I nodded.

"Stay out of trouble."

He opened the door still facing me; his smile falling as he backed out and the door closed between us.


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: Massive note at the bottom. Up here is just the regular '_thanks_.' I'm so tired right now; I should probably wait till tomorrow to post this, re-edit it but, well, when I'm tired I can think these things but I don't listen.**

Chapter Fifteen: Truth (part three)

I glanced up at the clock in the living room before I headed upstairs to begin cleaning myself up. It was 1:30pm. School wasn't even done for the day. My feet felt heavy as I trampled up the steps, balancing my arm precariously on the wall in no direct hurry.

I twisted the water on in the shower, quickly adjusting the temperature before I hurried to my bedroom to retrieve a pair of tan pants and a long sleeved white thermal shirt. I quickly, instinctually grabbed undergarments and socks along with my toiletries baggie.

I closed and the locked the bathroom door behind me because although I knew I was alone it was one of those habitual moves. I'd been walked in on when I was small and that was embarrassing enough.

Avoiding the mirror I stripped out of my clothing. It was stiff but fell off easily, pooling at my feet. I ran my brush through my hair before I stepped into the heat because I knew it would be easier later if the tangles were mostly tamed.

When I finally stood under the stream of warm water I sighed and embraced it almost as if it were a long lost friend. The water dribbled down my shoulder blades providing me with an inner heat that I had been missing for much too long. The water with it's' temperature along with its pressure worked minutely against the knots that had formed all along my neck.

As the water continued to run I started to wash out my hair, shampooing it through twice before moving on to the conditioner. And as I touched my long hair I imagined Edward's hands in place of mine. It was just a fraction of a memory that flew from my mind to the situation at hand but it was a thought that caused me to smile.

I missed him and I wished I'd been more secure in him to stay instead of running. It was foolish of me to think avoiding the situation would help me figure everything out, wasn't that what Emmett had been doing? I deserved Emmett's dismissal, really when you thought about it. It was a classic case of 'you get what you give.' Obviously that didn't make me feel any better but it was the truth and there was no denying that.

I should have talked with Edward, I should have told him to miss that call. Now that it was after the fact I could see how I had wasted my time with him; hadn't I been longing for him for days, hadn't I been up the whole night before just thinking about him? Yet nothing changed how juvenile I'd acted. It was like I'd become the standard over emotional one from a late night soap about rich teenagers living in luxury but with tons of troubles.

I had every right to defend Rosalie; I repeated this to myself, trying to rationalize simple facts. I was right in standing up for her and standing up for myself. It wasn't about that, it was more that I couldn't believe that Edward understood the truth of the rape. I couldn't believe he even knew about it. It didn't make sense and there was no denying with myself, at this moment, that I believed Rosalie had been raped. It wasn't something she would or even could lie about. It was serious and there was no way she would have told Emmett about it if it wasn't true, not if she really loved him and that was something I knew. She loved my brother, there was no way she didn't.

So I needed to explain to Edward why I'd chosen, however subtly, the side without him. Because when you chopped up the situation that was what he would figure; I knew him well enough to realize this.

I needed to talk to Edward about love. Even now I blushed at the idea; did he really, truly love me? Which was the last and most important thing I needed to tell Edward; simply that I loved him; I ridiculously, ill advisedly loved him. I always would.

I was ashamed that I was obsessing about Edward when Emmett should be dominating my thoughts. So my mind pushed my brother into the forefront. Yet there was nothing more I could think about in regards to him. I'd worried enough; he'd eventually come to me and say what he'd say. I'd let him have his time, he deserved it and much more. I couldn't rush him, Jake was right about that.

When he did come to me I would get into the gritty details, everything, no holds barred. He would deal with it however he wanted I couldn't influence him to see it my way; I could just give him facts.

I wrapped myself in a towel and sat at the edge of the tub. The water had started running cooler before I'd turned it off. The mirror was fogging and I couldn't see myself through its film but even so I ignored the faint reflection coming off the object. I finally put on my clothing and brushed my teeth before walking back to my room.

Once in my room I went about blowing my hair out, I knew where I had to go and I didn't want to go there with a mop of cool wet hair on the top of my head. I closed my eyes and let my memory travel back to Edward, selfishly, noting the way his fingers made me feel when they touched my bare skin, noting the way I swear my body was molded specifically to lay next to his. The smile reappeared on my mouth as I finished drying my thick hair.

My eyelids were heavy from my lack of sleep and it could have been messing with my logic skills but I was too weary to care and too nervous not to get 'this' over with.

-------

There were no vehicles outside the house so I started my walk down the road. I'd controlled the outward smile as I went; going to the only place I could image running into Edward, the meadow. Eventually he'd come and if he didn't, well no one could say I didn't try. I couldn't believe, if he felt even a quarter of what I did for him, him not wanting to fix things.

Or at least I hoped he did. Because what else did I have left?

Each step I took made me feel worse; each felt like I was moving in slow motion. As I walked I yawned, my body's reaction to my sleepless nights; taking in extra air like jolts of espresso. I would have figured walking wound have worked against the fatigue but the repetitious movements had a lulling effect.

The cool air also didn't help. I knew I hadn't been awake long enough for delusions but each time I remembered to open my eyes, and it was getting further and further apart though I did keep moving ahead, I would swear that the green foliage was moving, changing while I watched.

My feet hit the ground heavily, I knew because I could feel how my clumsy nature treated the dirt, yet the sounds were subdued. It was really a miracle that I kept going along; the largest mystery was that I didn't trip. I kept shaking my cognizance back into focus throughout the walk.

I was more than incredulous when I found the path into the meadow and all around proud that I hadn't gotten lost along the way. I yawned again as I parted the shrubbery and hurried along the path darkened by the overhang. It was easy to follow and I had to sigh in relief when I finally came back to the scene of my running departure.

I was amazed at the phenomena of the meadow, it seemed to have an incandescence that was surreal but then again I was tired. Of course it was empty of humanity other than myself. Of course I hadn't exactly expected anything different maybe I'd desired someone tall dark and beautiful to be waiting but I hadn't counted on it.

Like last time I walked toward the center before I let myself lay down; just to bide my time. The grass was colder than last time, wetter too but that might have had something to do with the fact I didn't have a blanket buffer now. The grass should have been uncomfortable but because it was long it cushioned me. It smelled wonderful and I brushed my nose gingerly back and forth through it.

I wanted to stay alert and watchful and in any other mind frame I would have been on the edge in anticipation but as it was my deconstruction won and I let everything bring me down.

-------

Sometimes when I sleep reality and the dream world collide and as I faded in that meadow this is what happened. My eyes were closed, honestly, but I could still see the trees. And as I drifted they came into a peculiar sharpness that was deeper than human eyesight; the grass perked as well while the colours popped out.

Time was still and the leaves blew and the water further along trickled down. Time was perfect; the only thing wrong was Edward. He wasn't with me. I mumbled his name; in my dream I edged up on my elbow to search but he wasn't around and I called for him bitterly but my only reply was a bird flying off.

I cocked my head from side to side exploring the scene because I knew that if I was dreaming he'd have to show up; he was my dream.

But he didn't come.

"Bella," she whispered tapping my shoulder with the pressure you might use on an intricately worked cross-stitched piece; too precious to handle roughly.

My eyes slid open but I wasn't shocked out of the dream. The scene was so similar though the real meadow felt colder and less majestic.

Alice laid down beside me her eyes in line with mine. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"No you're not," she kidded absentmindedly pushing a short piece of her dark hair behind an ear.

I blinked a few times, "I guess I'm not." I paused to yawn. "What are you doing here?" I wondered.

"I knew you'd be here."

"You did?" My eyes slid closed as she moved beside me.

"I'm practically omniscient," she laughed half-heartedly reminding me of Jasper and why she didn't seem as bubbly as I stereotyped her.

"How's Jasper?"

"He'll be okay," Alice told me trying to keep her voice light yet failing.

"He will be," I assured her though truly I had no clue how he was.

"You'll be okay too," Alice continued, "and I will. Edward," the sound of his name led my grin to lazily expand on my face, "well, him too. He's sorry about everything, you know?"

It was so conversational that her statement surprised me. My eyes snapped open to hers and my eyebrows drew forward in a question, "What's he have to be sorry for?" My anxieties reappeared in full force.

Alice frowned at my reaction, "How he acted last time you were here."

"How he acted?" I repeated, "Oh." I exclaimed realizing what she meant, "You mean about what he said about Rose."

Her frown relaxed, "Well not quite about Rose. He's not her biggest fan. But what I mean is how he treated you."

I was confused again. "What are you talking about Alice?"

"Aren't you mad at him?"

"No," it was the truth. There was no one I was mad at but myself, "I'm never mad at him. I wished he'd treat Rosalie with respect considering-" I cut myself off; it wasn't my place. I could tell this was a conversation Alice had to have with Rose. "But I'm never mad at him. Why would you think that?"

She snorted quietly. "Omniscient," she scoffed at herself, "yet you take me completely by surprise." She didn't answer my question but it didn't matter. "You love him?"

She asked it like a question but it was so obvious that it still sounded like a statement. "I love him," I answered only slightly upset that she seemed to be the third or fourth person I'd told about this love that wasn't Edward. My brain was too slow to remember if I'd told Rosalie.

"He's terrified he's losing you."

"I'm terrified I'll lose him."

"He'll never let you go," Alice said.

"I miss him." I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I'm sorry, I'm whining, you have Jasper to think about."

"I can't think about him right now; it's too hard. I want to do something real."

"You're a good friend Alice."

"You too." She gave me a small hug, both of us just raising one arm from our possessions to touch. She pulled back first and I yawned again. "You should get home; get some sleep so you can make good decisions."

I laughed, "Emmett and Charlie shouldn't be home tonight, or at least until much later. Can you ask Edward to visit me? I know it's not the right time but…" I sighed, "Can you Alice? Please?"

I sat up and she followed my example, "He'd love nothing more."

"Thank you." She nodded as if it was no big deal. I stood up wanting to hurry home, knowing that there might be something worth waiting for me there; hoping anyway. Alice was great at installing hope. "But if there are cars in front… tell him not to come in." I grimaced, "It won't be a Fork's secret much longer but I don't want to agitate the situation."

"I'll tell him."

I yawned once again as I leaned down to hug her. "I love you too," I told her before I turned away.

**AN: Unanswered questions that I've let build up (sorry, sorry):**

**The ring 'from' James— I really don't think I'll ever get into the back-story of the ring in this story which is probably something I should have worked in. Anyway giving a person a ring is really very personal, or at least it is where I live and the idea that James handed her a ring, in my head at least, is extremely creepy. I mean I would never give someone a ring if they weren't an extremely close friend or significant other. I know that isn't true for everybody but… well I'm writing this story and therefore my mind works things out its' own way…**

**And speaking of James… I know it seems unrealistic for James to be so bloody creepy but honestly I'm not too concerned about realism. I mean I don't want to get aliens involved or anything but if a character is a little overtly creepy, well I can live with that. And regardless of all that I've met many ridiculously creepy, off-putting people in my short life; people that my body is just simply repelled from. Does that sound weird? If you haven't felt that before, well you're lucky. It's no fun being stalked or repeatedly 'forced' into uncomfortable and awkward situations.**

**But back to the ring. The ring was one that James had previously given to Rosalie. He didn't pick it off the floor; he had it in his pocket. He wanted a word with Bella in semi private and so he tried to give it to her. I did the whole ring thing for two reasons, one) Alice needed to see their exchange and two) I thought it was a good representation of James switching his affections from Rose to Bella. 'Affections' isn't exactly the right word… maybe obsession. Anyway I'm all spacey and didn't really get into the ring from Rose's perspective and when I eventually go through crazy editing, yeah I'll clarify this point in the actual story.**

**  
When am I finishing/how much is left:**

**I think three to five updates but I'm not positive because sometimes I drone, obviously you can see my rambling powers in action now, and sometimes I'm quick and direct.**

**What did Bella believe in the meadow?**

**Well when I was writing that scene I purposefully avoided saying she felt one way or the other (and when I say one way or another I mean if she 'agreed' with Rosalie or with Edward). Much of that is because the situation isn't as simple as one is lying and the other isn't because really neither is lying. Edward isn't aware of what actually happened between Rose and James and Rose doesn't understand Edward and can't differentiate between him and James. She doesn't trust any of them.**

**Another reason I avoided Bella thinking about who she sided with was because she is just overtly confused; she's kissing Edward, she's defending Rosalie, she's hugging him, running away from him. She's just all over the place, you know? She's tired and emotionally overloaded which I think is fair in her position.**

**But in the end I think she's just trying to rationalize both sides and she can't figure out the missing pieces especially with Edward there being all smexy and dreamy. ha-ha**

**Emmett didn't yell?**

**This wasn't a question just something I wanted to comment on.**

**I have to cringe just thinking about his reaction. Have I ever had someone walk out on an argument? I can't actually think of a time.**

**Have I ever just walked away from someone who is trying to tell me something important? Geesh, yes at least five times. So no I don't really understand poor Bella. I just get Emmett.**

**In some situations/with some people; fuck I'm just DONE with them or it as the case may be. I'm just done being upset, I'm just done worrying, and I'm just done, done, done.**

**Emmett, in this story, hasn't ever gotten mad at Bella, he just let's things stew. I think when she finally clues him in it's just his breaking point which may seem strange to people on the outside because he hasn't actually had much leading to that point, at least with Bella, you know.**

**But ack if I were Bella I'd be frustrated and if I were Emmett, well I'd do exactly what he did. So if you want to be mad at Emmett for walking away you should be mad at me for acting like that more than once in reality.**

**So now that I've rambled on again… I'll, you know, stop talking about the story and just write it haha.**


	42. Chapter 42

**AN: And it happened again, of course it happened again; daylights savings time. ARUGH why oh why? Seriously, I've complained about it before but damn-it, I hate not getting daylights savings time. It's such a tease.**

**Anyway thanks so much for reading this far. By my calculations I should be pushing myself over the 100,000 word mark which was my big goal. I'm pretty excited I have definitely never written anything this long. I think before this there was a 4000 word story that was hinging my scales. So I'm just going to feel giddy for a few seconds, days, years, yeah whatever, while I spout out thank-yous. Thank you so much for reviewing and alerting because honestly I would never have typed out so many words if there hadn't been someone reading. Arugh I'm gonna shut up now because I'm annoying… anyway.**

All my flanks were weak!  
-Howl

The sensation of walking home was much like the walk there; more dream than anything else; a stubble here a tumble there. My knees were caked in dark earth while my palms looked worn and red but I made it home. I tripped over the lip on the front door just for that one extra reminder that I wasn't perfect.

There were no cars in the front, no Edward, Emmett, Jacob or even Charlie waiting so I'd come in unannounced. I had hoped, ridiculously, that Alice might have already found and spoken to Edward but that thought had been unlikely. I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision as I caught my slip harshly on the wall. I left muddy marks sliding down. It reminded me of blood as it contrasted against the just slightly off white walls. The sight made me nauseous.

I would have gone straight up to bed if I hadn't been thirsty. It had been hours since I'd had anything to eat or drink and my mouth felt dry. As I turned the tap on, waiting for the cold water to run, I ran my hands slowly over the cabinet façade, taking a hold of the handle and prying it open. I took out a stout clear glass and spun back to the running water. As the glass caught the sun in the window I noticed a red light shining through and hitting the opposite wall.

I blinked, turning to find the source and noticed the answering machine claiming one new message.

I flicked a finger out and pressed play. As the message ran for me I filled the glass halfway.

"Bella; it's Jacob. I couldn't find Emmett anywhere. The truck is still around but…" He paused and sighed, sounding frustrated. I took a sip of the water and swished it around my mouth before swallowing. "I just don't know where he got to. I'll keep an eye out and call again." I gulped the rest of the water as Jacob told someone near him he'd only be a minute. "Well I hope you missed this call because you're sleeping; not up to something irresponsible." I rolled my eyes and set my cup upside down in the sink.

"Irresponsible," I scoffed to myself.

"Talk to you later," he finished; his voice sounding unworried.

"Bye," I mumbled back waving offhandedly in the direction of the beeping that concluded the message.

I frowned; where was Emmett? As I wondered about what happened between him and James I started up the stairs. I couldn't help feeling apprehension; I couldn't stop the foreboding that came from Jake's words. Sure Emmett was old enough and strong enough to take care of himself… right?

I shook the thought away. It was too difficult to think about the serious when I was getting a headache from lack of sleep, when my eyes weren't focusing right and I was barely walking straight.

If I weren't so drained I would have been able to wait up for Edward, I would have been able to act proper but as it was I didn't think he'd care. If he had to wake me up, well that really wasn't that horrible, was it? So I followed all the instructions I'd been given and walked into my bedroom.

I brushed the dirt off my knees in front of the window. Peering out, I took note that the sun, although still high in the sky, was getting clouded over. I wondered how long I'd been but didn't bother checking the clock. I violently pulled the shade closed and stumbled back to the bed.

I had just laid my head down on my pillow, still wearing the same clothing when I heard the phone ringing. It sounded urgent, as phone calls tend to do when you are too lazy to find the receiver. My eyes, that had momentarily rested, sprang open. I yawned and reflexively let my legs roll over and position themselves on the floor.

I would have normally ignored the phone if not for the situations. If it were Edward calling I didn't want the machine to pick up. If it were Jacob, I wanted to speak to him. If it was Emmett, well that was something I couldn't pass up; something I refused to chance away.

But as I pulled my weight up my knees buckled and I found myself wrapped up in an old beige towel and a pair of jeans. I laughed at myself, rubbing my right elbow to relieve the minor pain that appeared knowing it could have been much worse.

"Wait, wait," I whispered to the phone that couldn't hear me as I charged out of my room. As I hit the first step the machine's beep cut in signally that I had already been too late. "Damn," I muttered, still hurrying down the stairs in case they left a message.

"Bella," the voice was distorted by the old answering machine but it was clear as day who it was, "I have something you might be looking for," he drawled, making my veins seizure unexpectedly.

"It's too bad I missed yo-"

I picked up the receiver cutting him off, "James," I pronounced his name carefully like it might bite.

"Ah," He laughed, "I'm so glad I caught you." When I didn't speak he carried on, "I have a game to play with you." I yawned involuntarily. "But it sounds like I did get you at a bad time. Missing sleep, huh?" Again I didn't answer.

"Well it almost feels like I'm talking to myself but I hear you breathing so…" He trailed off. "Anyway, that game… Have you misplaced anything recently?" He chuckled and my heart started to beat faster. "Or should I say someone?"

My mouth dropped open as the adrenaline made its first appearance. It coursed through my body, tingling throughout my joints. "Emmett," I whispered, more in surprise than any need to clarify.

"Ah, yes Emmett." He let the silence charge and all the while I just clung to it, hoping against hope that what was working through my mind was wrong. Yet inside premonitions churned out a mile a minute and the basic fact apparent in each was that something was off.

People tell me those stories all the time. How their children, for instance, fall or slam their hand in a door, and even though they aren't in the room they can feel something isn't right. Or maybe it's another loved one, a boyfriend, girlfriend, and they just _know_.

Unexpectedly seeing something you shouldn't; discerning a fact without any allusions to it. But it's useless to ask for clarification because it's just a sensation after all. How are you supposed to volunteer your bad feeling as a means to glean strange information out of people?

Or sometimes those background thoughts are just about you; decisions you've made, the ones you didn't. Maybe you know you're about to win the lotto, an elementary school raffle. Sometimes people can feel their lives fracturing; can see the fault lines just a moment too late. The rock hasn't hit but even the fastest reflexes wouldn't save you.

And while the anticipation of James's words caught me completely all I could realize was the feeling; _that_ feeling. It wasn't necessarily about Emmett, I could never swear an oath to say it was him that was causing me to freak out, but the feeling was there and that was undeniable.

"Have you ever heard of a place called Andrew's?" And just that name made my mind shift back to that dilapidated store, his and Rose's. "No?" He asked lightly, "Rose didn't mention it?"

"She did," I barely managed.

"Ah, perfect; you know where it is?"

"I do."

"Hmm, there's someone there waiting for you." He laughed amused, "But I don't think he's going to come out of this building quite the same. Well not unless you wanted to offer a trade."

"Trade?"

He sounded like a skilled chess player, already seeing my moves, already knowing he'd won. With childlike glee he replied, "Yes, it's like a game. You for him."

"Now?" My voice was stunned and feeble.

"How fast can you make it?" The line went dead and like an idiot I kept it to my ear expecting to hear something. It took maybe fifty seconds for the beeping to start and another seventy for me to react.

I slid my thumb over the 'on' button and held it down for a spilt second. I threw it back on the table, not caring that it didn't hit the cradle as I rushed for the door. I could hear the phone ricochet from the table to the floor, suspended by the spiral cord, bouncing back only to hit the floor over and over. I barreled down the hall, causing a few books on a nearby table to topple loudly. I didn't even bother closing the door.

My reflexes, usually deplorable, were even worse but it didn't matter; not now.

And in the back of my mind I knew I was being compulsive, mindless and moronic; that I was acting without haste, without thorough contemplation. But if you tried to stop me, in that moment, I would have struggled with all I had because it was Emmett in danger and I had already caused him enough pain.

So I ran, tears collectively rolling down my cheeks. Was I more frightened for him or myself? That selfish question kept attacking me. If Emmett was hurt, or worse, wouldn't I always repeatedly be responsible? Wouldn't he constantly blame me? Would I know for the rest of my life that it was my fault? Would that haunt me perpetually? The most James could do to Emmett was physical harm but he could terrorize me mentally and that lasted forever.

-------

I was running, running faster then I had ever run before I was sure; running to my brother, for my brother. I wondered reflectively if I'd ever see Edward again. I knew I would never feel complete without him. As I hurried I accepted that I was likely throwing my life away.

The ground wasn't wet for once, it wasn't dry either, it was Forks after all, but it was damp enough that my shoes gripped it effortlessly. I only slipped once as I ran, only once, the gravel dug into my knees, grinding painfully into me through my pant leg. I frantically used my arms to shove myself back up and continued running.

My destination appeared slowly, too slowly, in front of me. It came up like curtains at the theatre, revealing the actors at a distance. The emotions indistinct, their expressions blurred.

As I went closer, my breath painful, I located the door. It was cluttered over to the left, shaded in, almost like it was hidden.

I didn't hesitate not even once as I gripped the door and threw it open. Inside it was dark, dim, only the light from the boarded up windows let any light in and the overcast Forks caused that light to be barely helpful. It fell in strange parallel lines causing the mostly empty space to feel like a fun house, a creepy old fun house straight out of a horror movie.

My eyes scanned the place quickly, "Emmett," I cried out my word hardly making a sound as I gasped around it for air, "Emmett," I managed again a little louder and more frantic.

It was because of the dark that I hadn't noticed the person in the room before; James. He emerged from the corner alone. Though my mind should have been screaming at me to leave, having taken note of his very obvious solidarity, all I could think was 'where was Emmett?' My eyes went crazy as they roamed around and around. James was smirking, a sad reminder of Edward's pleasant heart wrenching crooked smile from long ago, happier, and perfect memories.

"He's not here," he said, a portrait of ease as he made his way slowly toward me, "Better this way isn't it? Better that he didn't have to be involved."

I looked down. Better, yes it was better. Relief crashed through me, "Yes," I murmured my breath almost caught up.

He laughed aloud, "Funny, you mean that. Some people have no self perseverance."

"Where is he?" I asked ignoring his comment.

"Still at the hospital, I'm sure." Yes, he was probably right, my brain figured. Spinning back to the topic at hand I realized that James had tricked me. He hadn't even had to try hard. I had come running at the slight chance that I could help my family and now here I was, scared out of my mind. "You were so easy to trick. I was hoping for something much harder. I thought I would have to plot and plot but no, I just had to pick a place, you came to me."

And why had I been so easy: because I had been too tired. And why had I been so tired: because I had been too busy waiting for Edward to sleep; too busy thwarting Rosalie. I'd been too worried about Emmett to stop and assess the situation; too stupid to listen to Jacob's pleas for me to sit and wait. I'd ignored reason.

"Of course you were never my true opponent," he explained more for his own benefit, for his own egotistical gloating pleasure. "Your brother; Emmett, now there," he exclaimed, "there is someone that I want to take on. Do you think I would win?" I knew this question was rhetorical so I remained quiet, "Hmm, that is the question isn't it?"

He was so calm so sure of himself and I knew that his words should have been making me more terrified but I was resolved. I knew what I had chosen, I had a strong inkling of what I was going to go through, and I just hoped it wasn't too painful. Remarkably, even though I knew it was going to harm and damage, I still wasn't letting the thought phase me. The relief was blinding everything else.

He continued toward me, slowly and I backed a few steps away with a startled fowl. "Do you think he'll come for you?" He asked and I knew that this question I was meant to answer.

"I hope not. I really hope not."

"Well there's where our hopes differ; I suppose. Regardless I don't think he'll be able to resist after I'm done with you."

**AN: So here is the last of my prewritten stock, save one paragraph. I wrote the majority of this chapter before I even started posting on fanfiction. It's really strange to have connected the beginning up to here. Anyway I answered so many questions last chapter that it made me wonder if there were any I missed. So if there's anything confusing call me on it. I'm thinking about doing some major editing to the past chapters before I post a new one so hopefully I'll get to the old mistakes.**


	43. Chapter 43

**AN: Wow this took me a long time; I've had a lot more fun writing other stories and so I let myself get preoccupied. I think a lot of people aren't going to like this chapter, or at least I don't really like it, but it is what it is.**

**As always super huge thanks for reading, for commenting and everything in-between. :D**

Chapter Sixteen: part two**  
**

"Well there's where are hopes differ, I suppose. Regardless I don't think he'll be able to resist after I'm done with you." With these words I ran towards the door, knowing I wouldn't be fast enough but it was my reflex reaction. The large open room suddenly felt like it was closing in; hands came from the walls, from the floor, no where felt safe.

And then James grabbed my arm and I knew I wasn't fast enough, like I hadn't been fast enough to catch Emmett. He gripped me harder than he probably had to but I was sure I'd pissed him off by trying to run, he knew it was useless for me and a waste of time for him. His fingers left marks, I was sure. He didn't hesitate once he got a hold of me. He promptly pushed me into the wall, knocking my head hard.

I could hear the boards crunching beneath me, too old to hold the force. The pain was immediate, sharp, and intense. I clutched my eyes shut, desperately trying to will it away; trying to stay in the moment.

I slid down the wall, my breath gone all the while a throbbing erupted in my eardrums screaming at me that I was still alive. But all I could think was I wasn't strong enough to fight and there was no one around to hear me scream.

"Do you know the best way to piss someone off?" he asked rhetorically, "HMMM?" He moved his leg so he was standing on my left, "It's actually the easiest too," he egged me on. I heard a sickening snap and a blood curdling scream and realized, in horror, that it came from me.

It felt numb at first and then with each thump of my heart the pain welled and became unbearable. The tears were falling down my face faster now and James laughed, all casual pretence gone. My heartbeat was continuous and I forced it to keep pace, keep going.

James was a one trick pony, another broken leg, hadn't he already used that on Sam? If anything really bad happened to me he was the first they'd point a finger at, I reasoned.

Except none of those boys had told the cops a thing, now it'd be too late, wouldn't it? You can't exactly give the same details to the police after the fact and expect them to believe you aren't trying to pin someone else.

"Get your enemy is his weak flank" James finished sounding slightly out of breath.

I tried to get away; tried to crawl. I was on my good knee, trying to get up, when James grabbed me under the arms and rammed me back into the wall. This time everything crashed into me, fear, pain, adrenaline, everything. None of it mattered though; I wasn't even able to keep my eyes open.

It was then that everything starting going black around the edges. I slowly fell back to the ground, the last thing I was conscious of was the smell of blood, my body wanted to be sick but I was too weak to listen.

--------

Then there were noises, there was life beyond this dark pool I had floated into. There were angry words and terrible sounds. And as I sank once again everything stilled.

--------

A hand on mine, a pulse next to me, harsh breathing; every sensation rushed back. The force on my hand was gentle, careful; I might even call it worried.

"Bella," The voice was perfection and I wondered if maybe I had floated further than my world but as my senses came I felt everything, every pain, ever confusion.

"Bella" he repeated, so broken. I could hear the tears that would be falling down his cheeks. I could sense the despair.

My eyes slid open, finally, the last sense to be returned. "Edward," I mumbled. I was surprised at how weak I sounded. He'd been looking at my body so intently before, the hand that wasn't on mine was ghosting over my stomach like he was scared to touch me. His shoulder was pulled up, cradling a phone to his ear.

When I spoke his eyes lifted to mine and he looked relieved and the phone slipped from its position, clattering on the ground. "Bella," he repeated, shocked, a small smile played upon his lips. "Are you okay?"

My eyes closed without my permission and his grip on my hand tightened. "Stay with me," he demanded, "Please." I didn't think I was that badly hurt, I mean, I could feel that I wasn't. My head hurt like nothing I'd ever felt and my leg was clearly broken but he had no reason to act this way.

I let my sight flicker back to him, "Good," he sighed, "Good," picking up his phone he spoke again, "She's conscious, not for long, I think."

He listened to the other person his brows deeply shaded. He nodded to himself once before speaking to me, "Can you move your toes?"

What a weird question. I wiggled them, noting how uncomfortable it was to move them on the broken leg. I stun but it was possible. "Yeah," I whispered.

"She can," Edward said into the receiver.

But I didn't hear anything more, I didn't see anything more; there was a white out in my mind, and everything fell apart. I could handle it this time; easier because this time I was leaving with his image in my mind. It wasn't a perfect memory, he was, after all, severely distressed but it was something tangible.

It was easy to disappear in the stable painless paradise that was my mind; to hide from possible truths, revelations, which waited when I came back, and I was positive I would come back.

--------

My head was too heavy my fingers too stiff. I moved them experimentally; it didn't feel like anything was wrong though I knew that was an illusion. I listened to my heart beating electronically; knowing simply where I was. I was surprised I wasn't disoriented like before or unaware. No, I knew where I was; hospital. It was the only thing that made sense.

I didn't open my eyes now for a different reason than before. Then it was less painful to stay trapped, now it was better to think clearly without interruptions.

I knew what had happened. James had hurt me, he'd hurt my leg, he'd hurt my head but nothing else, and for that I was grateful. I knew he was capable of much more; what he did to Rosalie or even, if he got clumsy, angry, more. Maybe he would have killed me, I wouldn't put it past him, but then I'd always found him remarkably creepy.

Edward had been there, for how long I wasn't sure. How he knew I was there, I didn't know.

But he had found me and that was all that mattered.

Now that I could think I could see how my life had corroded around me. Everything rushed to crowd my mind, tormenting me by revealing my sheer stupidity. There was nothing I could do to change the past, it is what it is.

My eyes strained open; and the room slowly came together.

My fingers fluttered, sore; everything was sore. They were heavy, weighed down by a grey clip that was taking my heartbeats and making them public. I swallowed and that hurt too and while all these bodily functions were noted all I could see was Emmett and Renee asleep beside each other on a tiny couch. Both were stirring but clearly unaware of my state.

I twisted my head side to side to see if I was as alone as I felt. No one else, I coughed and that wasn't nearly as painless as it should have been.

I was in a private room that was that last information I gathered before I fell down again, figuratively of course. Darkness once more, but a softer gentler one; medicated.

--------

When I came to once more, it seemed like that was all I was doing lately, in and out, Emmett was the only one in the room and he was very awake, pacing back and forth. I watched him with interest, not worried about notifying him of my alertness.

It took him maybe two minutes before he turned to me, giving me such a sad look my heart crumpled. "Bella," he whispered. Then he came closer and touched my hand, the one with the clip and simply hovered over me. "I was starting to think you'd never wake up." I didn't tell him that I'd been awake and asleep god knew how many times; didn't tell him that he'd missed me a few times.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

And he laughed, it was a forced laugh, harsh and unnatural but it was a laugh and it made me feel immeasurably better. I knew he wasn't happy with me; I'd destroyed the trust he had for me, maybe the trust he had for everyone.

"_I'm_ sorry," he pushed, "sorry that I didn't listen to you when I had the chance."

He was wearing a blue flannel shirt and old worn jeans, he looked like a wreck. "No, I didn't deserve it." It didn't feel right to talk.

He squeezed my hand a little, letting the pressure say something I was too tired to understand, how could I possibly still be tired? "I don't care about… about Edward Cullen and how you think you feel for him," his voiced sounded strained but he said it either way, "I care that you're here, that you're my sister and that you'll be okay."

My head throbbed, my heartbeat internally loud. "Thanks," It wasn't the right word but I didn't want to attempt anything more.

"You know Renee came down?" He asked rhetorically, "Charlie called her, I wouldn't have done that to you; I knew you'd be okay. Phil called her so she _just _stepped out but she's here." I tried to nod and for some reason this time that really, really hurt. I winced. "I'm gonna call the nurse. She can talk to you next time you're awake, I think you could use some more shut eye."

He pressed a button to my side with his free hand, "Where's Charlie?" I asked roughly.

I closed my eyes as Emmett answered, "At the station, you've given him a lot of work." He squeezed my hand again, "He's been in and out of here for the past couple days."

"More pain medication?" a different voice asked; a woman's voice.

"Yeah," Emmett answered, letting go of my hand.

They murmured back and forth as the drugs slowly kicked in and I fell asleep yet again.

--------

"How're you feeling Hun?" My mother asked in that sweet simple voice all mothers seem to have when you're feeling sick. It was wholeheartedly kind and compassionate.

I rolled my shoulders back letting a yawn pierce the silence. The room was empty except for the two of us and I finally felt really awake. "I'm fine, I think."

"You really had me scared."

"I'm sorry," Those words would be my staple for days, weeks, many months.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around enough, I should've called more. There's been so much going on in your life and no one for you to talk to," she rushed; her eyes were downcast like she was ashamed.

"It's not your fault. I was very capable of talking to someone, friends at school, Jacob, Emmett even Charlie…"

"I would hope you were never that desperate," Renee commented with a chuckle.

"But I didn't," I spoke over her words, not wanting to have to admit she was sort of right. "And that's my fault."

"And I'm sure I didn't help. I let old situations dictate our lives."

"What do you mean?"

"I spent so much of your childhood bad mouthing the Cullens, I never thought about where that would lead."

"Why were you always so negative about them?" I asked quietly, carefully; I didn't mean to accuse her and I wanted to know the truth.

"I blamed them for a lot," she admitted, "Especially for what happened between your father and I. It's silly, Charlie was rarely involved with what happened with the Cullens but I wanted excuses."

"Excuses for what?"

"For wanting to leave; get out of Forks. I've never been this small town girl, you know that." She frowned, shaking her head minutely, "And I let myself believe what I said for a long, long time, and then I sent you into the hornets nest and I started reevaluating my life."

"You didn't send me here," I objected.

She scoffed, "Bella, honey, you know you don't really believe that." I didn't know what to say to that. "When you were gone, even though we still spoke, I started wondering 'what really happened between Charlie and I', and I know you aren't feeling too well now and I should probably wait to talk about this with you and Emmett but I feel like if I don't tell you now I might never…"

"I want to know."

"I know you do." She took a deep breath, "I wasn't happy with Charlie, it wasn't working out, it wasn't you kids, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, to us, and I know that's a cliché, right there, that you were the good in our lives but its true. And yes, sure Charlie got into some arguments with the Cullens, Laurent and James' parents, just so you know, and that always put a strain on us but that wasn't what was wrong with us. Do you understand?"

"So you never had anything against Esme and Carlisle?" I approached the question with caution; my nerves were fragile.

Renee rested her head against the headboard of the hospital bed. "No, never. They were nothing more than kind toward us."

"Then why was Emmett always so…"

"People live on their preconceptions." That was her only answer.

"So what exactly happened to me?" I was trying to put pieces together as fast as I could but I needed to prod them about a little more.

"Yesterday?"

"Yeah, I mean, I know what happened up to a point. I know where I went and I know why but then everything goes blurry."

"Edward found you dear, he called his dad and an ambulance and he got you help."

"But how did he know where I was? How did he-"

I was starting to get passionate and Renee hushed me softly, "I don't know Bella, you'll have to ask him. I'm taking you home in a couple hours, I just need to fill out some paperwork and then you can call him or something."

She patted my bed before standing, "I'll be back in a bit; will you be okay for that long?"

I nodded, "Yeah." She smiled and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. I turned my head and stared at the wall as I thought about all the missing pieces hoping that by the time I was home I could understand everything; hoping Edward would be home when I called… then the funniest thing fell into the forefront, I didn't have Edward Cullen's phone number.

**AN: So there it is. I haven't had a chance to go through this story and edit yet, but I will. If there isn't an update in a while hopefully it's because I'm working through this story and not getting extremely distracted again.**

**It took me a long while to decide how to write Edward into this chapter. I honestly think I'm going to type up his point of view because I think it's odd that he just **_**appears**_**. I think I gave a lot of clues as to what got him there but clues aren't substantial. For a while I was thinking it was really too obvious that he was going to show up and considered changing it around but decided that wouldn't fit with the 'Twilight' side of this story at all, or in any way, actually.**


	44. Chapter 44

**This is just Edward's POV. It treads over what has already happened.**

**Thanks for reading and being amazing; all that good stuff. :D**

Chapter Three: Extra POV

I opened the door for Alice and she sat in the passenger seat gracefully. An old scene played with Bella, watching her, helping her, she always needed my help. Alice wasn't like that, she was self-sufficient. Bella would hate that I thought she needed taking care of; and maybe she didn't from anyone else. Maybe she just needed me taking care of her, or maybe those were just the lost hopes of a doomed romantic?

I shut the door and came around, moving fast because now that Alice wanted to leave she really wanted to leave. "You're quiet," I announced.

She didn't reply. Instead she flipped her hair and watched the outdoors go by, I was already speeding.

We were half-way to her house before she spoke, "I have a bad feeling."

I tipped my eyes to see her, her own were strangely big and unfocused. She tucked her chin and started playing with her sweater again.

"Why?"

"I don't know does anyone ever know?" she murmured.

"Maybe not know; maybe suspect."

"I have no idea about the why but I think I have an idea about how to make it go away."

"How's that?"

She ignored me again and I growled quietly in annoyance. Alice and I were friends, good friends, but that didn't mean she didn't drive me insane eighty percent of the time. Sometimes I swear she knew the outcome of my life and was just playing with strings watching me jump. She wasn't villainous about it but it seemed she'd already decided what was best for me and I had no choice in the matter.

She was frustrating, in a nutshell, but then it's hard to be friends with someone your whole life, or most of your life, and not feel frustration. She was my family; her and Jasper; they were my family. More so than anyone else except Bella, if she'd still have me.

It terrified me that she might not view me in the same way; that I might be tilting at windmills, as it were; fighting a battle with imaginary forces. In the end I was her slave. It's a strange thing to be powerless to know nothing will ever matter as much as what she wants.

"Are you going home?" Alice asked as I pulled up in front of her home.

"I'm not sure."

"You're not sure," she repeated. She unbuckled herself and turned to me eagerly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Alice," I started sternly, "I'm not sure." I separated my words out, emphasizing each. I was tired of Alice; I was tired of this day and every part of it. I didn't need her judgments or conceptions. I didn't need her to fix my life for me, as she seemed to put it. No; I wanted to think for myself like a human being.

"Fine," she twisted out of the seat and hurried out of the car. She slammed the door and I backed out of the driveway. I watched her watch me desert her; I watched her eye my car, not even attempting to move toward the house. Something in me flicked to life, she looked so untrustworthy.

I hadn't, truthfully, decided if I was to return to the hospital or head home. I wasn't sure about much so I let myself drive. It was a bad decision but I drove to Bella's. There were no cars in front and that bothered me, I wanted to see her so badly that it was an acute pain.

I clenched the wheel as I took a block. The car was smooth and the ride was quiet; it was driving me insane, no pun intended. I took note of the few people out and about as I drove down a busier rode but none of them were Bella and therefore they were inconsequential. I was distressingly pitiful; she was all of me, she was the only thing.

--------

I kept driving trying to escape everything and when I couldn't escape that anymore I drove home. Before I stepped inside I checked my cell phone, no missed calls. I stuffed it into my pants pocket as I entered. Stillness evaded me. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the indoor lighting.

Then I heard a sound, footsteps. I walked toward them, always aggressive. "Edward," Alice said, her eyes were brighter, her body language was relaxed. She still seemed carefully strained but it was nothing to how she'd seemed before.

"What are you doing here?" Did she actively seek me out? Couldn't let me torment myself; had to add her guilt.

"I spoke to Bella," she raised an eyebrow and turned from me walking through the living room and toward the kitchen.

"And she said what?" I called out as I jogged after her.

Of course Alice would make me miserable. I'd been trying to locate Bella for _how_ long and Alice hadn't had to lift a finger. She'd known where she was, how did she know Bella better than I did?

She sat down at the kitchen island a bowl of cereal was out, spoon still sticking out of the mush. "Your dad let me in. He seemed mad; something about paperwork…" she turned to eye me. I had walked around the island, my arms leaning on the table in front of her; the tendons flexed.

"I don't fucking care." She was trying to goad me; she was excellent at it, years of practice. She was playing with me knowing I would do anything to hear what Bella had said. Of course I would especially after Alice had told me she was going to 'fix' everything for me.

"You're rude." She rolled her eyes before looking down and taking a large spoonful. She chewed loudly and swallowed louder.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I was angry now, it was completely unjustified. Alice was just getting a kick out of me, the trouble was I'd been beaten down throughout the week; I was a shell of a man. I knew she was going through a tough time. Jasper was everything to her but she knew, hell we all knew, that he was going to pull through, heal perfectly. She knew he loved her and that in twenty years or even just tomorrow he'd still love her.

I didn't know this about Bella.

She sighed. "Bella's at home she wanted you to visit her."

"Thank you," I whispered. Alice smiled half heartedly up at me. I'd taken the only joy she'd have today, yes it was bothering me like an incessant child but it was something keeping her sane. "I'm sorry."

"She said not to go in if there were cars in front."

My eyebrows drew, "She's home but the cars aren't?"

"I'm really not sure Edward," she took another bite and I could hear the annoyance she had playing out in each crunch. "She just said _that_ and to tell you _that_ and now I've done _that_."

"Thank you," I repeated.

"Yes well sometimes you're right."

She'd switched the topic so quickly that I stood there stunned. I wanted to burst out the door and finish my hunt but her words held me back. "About what?"

"You know her better."

My fingers threaded through my hair, another bout of frustration swept through me. "Please Alice; I'm at your mercy. Tell me what you want to say or don't say it."

"I thought I knew how she'd be feeling but I was wrong, I mean, I was right about some things but not the things I really thought I knew."

"You're a convoluted mess," I pointed out.

"Yes well, I thought after speaking to Bella I wouldn't feel this foreboding but I think it made it worse." She chuckled, shaking her head and frowned at me, "Why are you bothering talking about this with me. I thought you'd be out the door the second I told you she wanted you."

She wanted me. That was all I heard. Alice was right; I should already be out the door.

"Are you going to stay here?"

She shrugged. "I'd rather spend the day with Carlisle than my family." She pointed to the side of the table, her cell sat pink and shiny. "If anyone needs me I'm on full alert."

I'd been backing up toward the door as she spoke. "Then I'll see you when I get back." She didn't respond and I had nothing more to say so I hurried back into the Volvo. There was something remarkably comforting to know my favorite person was waiting for me.

--------

I knew something was wrong the second I caught sight of the Swan house; the door was gapping open. My pulse seemed to be beating faster than it ever had before; Alice's feeling was catching; paranoia.

I threw the car in park right in front of her house, right on the tarmac driveway. She'd been right when she'd accused me of being careless.

I ran to the house. The foyer was a mess. Books were scattered around. It was unsettling and my mind conjured the worst reasons it would be like this. My pulse beat loudly in my ears. I looked around scanning the room peripherally. Nothing seemed wrong other than that front room.

I went up the stairs and made a beeline for Bella's room. She wasn't in it. "BELLA." I called. If there was someone here other than her I was caught. What did it matter? No one answered. "BELLA!"

Quiet, it was startling. I ducked my head out of the room and called again "Bella." Nothing, not a sound, except… no that wasn't quite true there was a sound. It was an annoying beeping grating sound. I followed it to the kitchen. The phone hung limping off its cord, dangling over the table. I placed it back on its cradle, my eyes immediately going to the red answering machine light and pressed play.

--------

My temper flared around me and I couldn't point out why. James had called and asked Bella to meet him at Andrew's and that he 'had' Emmett and these things all made sense on paper but not out loud; not in theory. I knew James. I didn't particularly like the guy but I knew him, or I thought I did, and he didn't do shit like this.

Why did he want Bella?

All these thoughts were percolating in my head as I drove, way over the speed limit, to Andrew's. I had no faith in James; his reasons couldn't be anything but bad and that freaked me the fuck out. A storm was brewing inside me bristling, agitating my nerves. My blood was pulsing and I felt that at any moment I would explode but I drove steady, a miracle.

--------

In my line of sight there weren't any cars present in the old building's parking lot but that didn't mean anything. I left my car in front of the door as I got out. The whole place looked like it was about to come down, the town had been too cheap to officially destroy it. It's always cheaper to leave useless property alone on useless land.

I entered the building quietly, my eyes again adjusting to the different lighting. The sounds alerted me to movement within and my ears perked. "Get your enemy in his weak flank," A male voice gritted out.

And then my eyes saw.

James was hovering over a body. A girl, Bella. And he was looking dangerous and evil and all those cliché words; he was going to take it too far. Bella was on her knees trying to stand and I was frozen watching like it was a movie, like it wasn't actually real. Why wasn't I moving?

And then James moved. He gripped her arms and rammed her harshly back into the wall. Bella fell away and I ran forward. Thank you, legs.

Like a rag doll she hit the ground and I erupted. I rammed into James' side; pushing him to the ground. He made an 'ofmph' sound, the wind being knocked out of him. The wind left me too but some times air is the last thing on your mind. I raised my fist and caught him in the face. I was shocked at the crunching sound it made.

All I wanted to do was beat him into the ground, that was all, I knew there were other things happening but in that moment I couldn't see the point other than he hurt what I loved and now he was going to hurt. It was a childish impulse one they teach you not to heed in kindergarten.

James pushed back on me, rolling us over so he was on top. "What the fuck," he growled.

But I didn't care what he thought as long as he was gone. My fist connected with him again, knocking into his jaw, and man did that hurt. I'd hit people before but never like this, this was raw. I knew I was hurting myself, not nearly as much as I was hurting him, but I didn't care. It didn't matter if I was dead at the end of this as long as James suffered.

He tried to grab my fists, to still me but I was having none of that. "Fucking stop," he yelled but I couldn't. There was nothing he could say that could make me stop hitting him. At some point he understood this fact and stopped trying to, well, to stop me and start hitting back.

I wouldn't have known any other way that I was stronger than James; I'd always grown up in his shadow. It was empowering to know I was the alpha male, as it were.

He was shouting, saying things but they'd stopped commuting. His words were drivel, like I said; they weren't going to slow me down.

And then the smell of blood assaulted me and that stopped me. Our scuffle was out of hand. I pulled back from him and he didn't struggle or try to hit me. He was in protective mode. "Get the fuck out of here," my voice was deep and scary. I didn't sound like me.

His eyes were clouded, confused but he stood and limped away didn't even ask questions. His eyes everywhere, brain working to decide where to go, if he _should_ go, if he should attack again. But we both knew what would happen if he tried to stay. I would deal with him a better way later. Right now I had a sick sneaking thought; the blood wasn't mine or James, no that smell was Bella…

Then I was leaning over her. I was scared to touch her, scared I'd hurt her, not sure if I was in control anymore. I didn't know enough about medicine, I couldn't tell you if she'd hurt her spine or shouldn't be moved, I knew nothing.

But Carlisle would…

I stuffed my hands in the pocket of my pants, desperately hoping the cell phone was still in there and not in pieces. Another miracle; one whole piece. I put in my home number and prayed it would connect.

And it didn't.

My eyes were traveling her body, too scared to touch as I hit 'end' and thought about another number. I could have called 911 but I wasn't sure if I should. The Swan/Cullen fights were synonymous with avoiding outside help; it was instilled in me, so I dialed Alice. In that moment it made sense, in years to come it would seem ridiculous. It was ridiculous.

She answered and I sobbed. I sobbed, I fucking sobbed.

"Hello?" she repeated.

"Alice," I murmured, "God, please I don't, I, I, don't know."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, what's wrong Edward?" Her voice was alert and calm.

"Bella's hurt. I don't know… I, ah, she's unconscious."

God bless Alice she didn't ask how or why or any of those things she just said, "She has a pulse?"

I shifted the phone to my shoulder so I could use my hand. Careful as a butterfly I took her wrist in my hands and pressed my fingers to her pulse point. There was a steady strong pulse. "Yes," I rested her hand beside her body, leaving my hand with her. "I'm not sure if she's fractured anything. Her spine- ah, I don't…" My words tossed and fell around me.

"Bella." My other hand looked for something to do but was too hesitant to touch, "Bella," I was crying, I knew I was.

"Edward," her voice was so faint I could have missed it easily. The phone fell away from me as my shoulders changed position.

"Bella," I guess I half expected never to see her open her eyes again. I couldn't help the joy that rushed over me. All my emotions were coming in tsunami worthy waves. "Are you okay?" The stupidest question.

Her eyes flickered and closed. "Stay with me," I cried out, "please." Her eyes listened to me, "Good, good." My free hand searched for the phone, staying on track and I replaced it on my shoulder. "She's conscious, not for long, I think," I told Alice.

Alice let out a sigh over the phone. "Is she alright? Can she move?" I didn't know what to say, "Well?" I blinked studiedly, "Ask her, can she move her legs? Her feet? Her toes? Anything."

"Can you move your toes?"

There was blood on her face; it was accented by her wince. She seemed to pause in thought before responding, "Yeah."

"She can," I relayed. Her big brown eyes beat into me, long and proud, puzzling.

"Then……."

I didn't hear Alice's next words, Bella slipped from me; I could feel her inability to hold on. I was right; she hadn't been able to hold on for long.

"Can I talk to Carlisle?" I cut her off, the smartest thing I'd done all year.


	45. Chapter 45

**AN: Nope I haven't started Editing yet, I keep wanting to, okay wanting in the wrong word lets try, trying to force myself to. Anyway I WILL get to it; I promise.**

**Thanks for still reading, for commenting, for alerting; yeah pretty much anything. ;) Oh and Mia59 you asked if I had any connections with Ukraine and I forgot to answer before so, sorry about that, haha. I've never been to Ukraine but I am half Ukrainian on my mother's side. Actually I am Ukrainian, Polish, British, Canadian. Not the most interesting mix but, yeah, I get some pretty awesome 'I'm cheap' jokes thrown my way.**

**And of course a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!**

Chapter Sixteen: part three

It turned out my injuries were fairly minor. Hitting my head had done the worst damage, but even then, the days spent in the hospital had mostly taken care of that. My leg was broken, I knew it would be, and my neck was bruised. It was the ugliest bruise I had ever seen. Yellow, purple and black; it cascaded over the majority of my neck, spreading out around my face like a bonnet. I wasn't sure how it was caused maybe something after the fact; all I knew was that I looked ghastly.

My eyes looked sunken and tired. My whole body hurt like I'd been covered in acid and no amounts of baths would rid myself of pain. My arms were bruised from Rose and James' hands but that didn't bother me nor did the bruises on my torso.

My bedroom was so dark I thought I might actually be asleep but I knew better. My headache throbbed and I sipped my glass of water convulsively, the sound was enough to remind me of fingers scratching up and down blackboards, of that feeling you get when you chew tinfoil.

Charlie had been in and out of the house twice today, he'd peeked in and smiled kindly before disappearing both times. I didn't think he was angry with me exactly; more worried. Emmett had sat with me for a few hours after I'd arrived but his breathing was loud enough to make me wince and after those hours he'd left with a small weak excuse that was for my benefit.

I wouldn't go back to school for a couple days; maybe the day after tomorrow, if there was school that day, time confused me so much now. The past few days had felt like a month; was it Friday, Tuesday or next year? I had no idea. I would be on crunches but those were much preferable to using a wheelchair in my case. I'd probably get the crunches caught in everything but they'd be easier to get around with, in theory.

Through all the discomfort I thought about Edward; he was like my deity, I prayed for him, I prayed through him but I didn't call. It was an excuse to say I didn't have his number or even that I was too sore to walk to him. The truth was I was scared, beyond scared I was petrified; I was plagued with dejection. What if he didn't want me now? What if everything had changed?

He'd stopped James, he had to have, but maybe stopping him was as far as he could go. Edward was a Cullen and that was something I knew very little about. Where does loyalty and love draw the line? What side was I falling on? I didn't know; did he?

So the day passed…

--------

Emmett went to school in the morning and so I learned it was Monday. That whole thing had only been one weekend, had only been a few days. The house was quieter which in itself was a God's send though I _could_ hear Renee moving downstairs. She'd told me she would be leaving the following day, telling me she was very sorry and that she wished she could stay longer.

She had a life and it didn't always include me back 'home' and it surprised me how much that didn't bother me. I'd done the same thing, I'd become someone else; that's what living is. She had Phil and I had Edward, or maybe I didn't…

She'd slept on the couch and I was glad I was stationed in my bedroom. I didn't want to see how awkward Charlie and Renee were together. I could imagine it.

Even though I knew I was making excuses for not visiting Edward it worried me that he hadn't come to see me either. It was hypocritical; what else could I say? I wanted him, I really did, and maybe him not showing up was his way of telling me he didn't want me. Or maybe he was doing what I was doing?

--------

I heard Emmett coming home at 3:40pm, the door closed behind him loudly and there were voices; two male voices. I perked up; my head, that had been laying on old science homework Angela had given to my mother a few days ago just in case, had shot up. Angela was an angel, at least now I wouldn't be quite so behind.

I smoothed out my t-shirt and ran my fingers through my hair, I knew I wasn't going to look great but I could at least look better. I heard Renee's voice muffled as it was through the floorboards; greet whoever had come over and my heartbeat quickened. It couldn't be, could it?

Then the footsteps moved up the stairs and the voices got louder. Emmett's head popped into my room without knocking, he smiled. "Hey Bella how was your day?"

"Fine," I gave him a tidy grin.

"Someone wanted to talk to you, I told him now wasn't really…" he trailed off looking guilty.

"That's okay."

"Well, I'll, uh, leave you two then." Emmett propped the door fully open giving the person I couldn't yet see a strangely strong look before walking away, his footsteps loudly dictating his dissension back downstairs.

As I listened to Emmett's steps the other male stepped forward… and it was Tyler. I blinked like I'd been punched in the gut. That was a surprise. "Uh, hi," I greeted stupidly.

He walked in leaving the door open and leaned against the wall staring at me. "You look, well…" He couldn't find the words, or didn't want to say them.

"I know." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You wanted to see me?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And…?" I was kindly leading him forward; honestly curious.

"Well the rumors..."

"Ah." I knew the gossip would go into effect quickly, it was one of the silly reasons I was glad to avoid school today. No matter what I told myself, no matter how glad and secure I'd felt in secrecy this was a small town and small towns are gossip magnets; nothing else to talk about.

"Yeah and I wanted to say… eh I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?" Tyler would have been the last person I'd need an apology from.

"Because I told her yes."

I bit my lip and scratched my neck. "Ah, sorry I don't know what you're talking about."

"Lauren," he stated like it explained everything. "She asked and I said yes."

"Tyler, no offense or anything, maybe it's because I hit my head so hard but, ah, I really, truly don't know what you're talking about."

"Prom; Lauren asked me to prom and I know we sort of had plans-"

I cut him off realizing suddenly what he was talking about, "Oh no, don't worry about it." It wasn't until this moment that I realized how serious Tyler had taken his flippant remark from months ago.

"Are you sure?"

"No, totally. It's not like I can dance with this thing." I held my leg up a few inches to show off my large clunky cast.

"Whew," he over exaggerated wiping his brow and I laughed.

"That's all you came over for?" I asked bemused.

"Uh, well I was also supposed to tell you to complete all the odds on page 428 for math."

I smiled and he returned it. "Thanks Tyler."

"Yeah of course," he paced a few steps like he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

"You wanna sit down?"

He nodded and shuffled across the room to sit in the ancient rocker. "So not my business or anything but you and Edward?" he cocked an eyebrow.

"What… I thought, and you." I coughed, clearing my throat.

"Well there have been multiple rumors going around."

"So Lauren and you…?" I wondered trying to place his behavior.

"She did ask me to prom and I did say yes but that doesn't mean I hadn't heard you had another perspective date." He was being playfully serious.

"The gossip's really bad, isn't it?" I could feel the blood drain from my face.

"Nah," Tyler swatted his arm through the air, brushing off my worries as easily as pushing a fly away.

"But you really came here to dig?"

"I might've wanted to clarify…" he led.

I took a deep breath, "To be honest I'm not sure what's happening there."

"Hmm." He stood up either believing me or satisfied by my comment.

"Wait, I wanted to ask you something."

He walked to the door, leaning beside it, still watching me. "Go ahead."

Without wasting a moment I went straight to the point. "Why do you fight them? I mean, I kind of understand my brother and all… ah, that situation but what does it have to do with you?"

He chuckled, "Bella, you make it sound like everyone has ulterior motives. I just like kicking the shit out of rich pretty boys." He laughed again, turning to the open door. He darted his head to give me one last glance, "You gonna be back at school tomorrow?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Okay, see you then." And that was it, he walked away leaving me to think about his superficial reason and the question I should have asked yet didn't; what happened to James. It's hard to explain why I hadn't asked _anyone_ yet. Of course I knew by my family's attitudes and evasion that they didn't want to discuss the, well, facts of what had occurred so Tyler should have been the perfect solution. The perfect solution if I could have been brave enough to ask. Don't get me wrong, I had my suspicions. Charlie had been at the station practically the whole time I'd been recovering so there was _something_ going on but I couldn't get the words out to ask; to know the answer.

It was similar to why I hadn't found a way to speak to Edward; I was just too scared. All the past events showed me how important honesty is; how important knowing all the facts is and yet…

--------

Renee left the house just as Emmett and I left for school. Charlie had gone over an hour earlier; never one to stay for the big farewell, I didn't blame him. Emmett gave her a long hug while Renee played with the curls that were tickling his neck, a loving gesture. I wondered if Renee had spoken to him like she'd subtly suggested. They seemed to be on clear even ground, so to speak. She pulled back whispering, "You take care now."

I smiled, playing with one crutch, digging it into the pavement trying to look away to give them privacy now that I fully realized how private it was. Feet crunched their way to me, scratching pebbles into the driveway. Renee's hand lay down on my shoulder, afraid to apply pressure now that I looked like a giant aching bruise.

"I'm surprised you didn't contact your Edward before, today is going to be hard." She gave me a pitying smile that only made me worry more. "If you need anything; call, okay Bella. Don't let everything coalesce." She leaned close and kissed my forehead being gentle and caring.

I heard Emmett approach; he'd had the same idea as I had, kept a bit of space so Renee could separate her goodbyes; it was an unspoken understanding. Renee pulled back, "Goodbye." She stepped backwards, watching us like a mother bear might watch her children, afraid for us yet aware we could handle ourselves.

Finally she turned and walked to the rental car, that ugly old red rusted thing that made, even me, cringe. It truly didn't look like it was still road safe. In fact I was pretty sure it wasn't.

"Do you need any help?" Emmett asked me, gruffly, like he was holding back tears; my big sentimental brother.

Her car disappeared down the road and I replied, "I'm okay." And for the first time in a while I meant it.

I made it to the car, not gracefully but wholly, and Emmett did help, regardless of my words. He opened the door for me like Edward had done so many times, and kept me vertical with one arm while he stuffed the crutches into the truck bed. I applied my weight to one shoulder as he maneuvered me into the seat.

With the door closed on me he went around and in no time at all we were driving. I tried to be brave but I wasn't. I tried to lesson my worry and think about everything other than Edward but the more I tried not to think about him the more I thought about him; one of the great mysteries of the world.

--------

Edward wasn't in the student parking lot when we arrived; his car was there but not the person. People turned and watched as Emmett parked, people watched as he came around and helped me stabilize with the crutches. People watched as he lead me toward the school and people watched as he left me on my own in front of my first class but Edward wasn't one of those people.

So I kept my eyes open watching and waiting for him; scanning my peripherals and barely paying attention to class. My mouth, on the other hand, stayed closed except for the basic questions the brave students were curious enough to ask. Their questions were all along the lines of 'How are you doing?' and 'How's your leg?' Maybe they were courageous but not courageous enough.

Jessica wanted to know everything, I could tell, but she didn't ask. I was surprised by her silence, it was strangely uncharacteristic. Maybe she remembered what it was like to like someone and not know where it was going, maybe she knew.

But even with my eyes and ears open Edward's name didn't come up nor did the individual with that name, so I went around on pins and needles in expected agony.

And then the lunch bell rang and I knew, somehow _knew_, that everything was about to change.


	46. Chapter 46

**AN: I just don't know how I feel about this chapter. Part of me really hates it; part of me is full of sap and the rest is, well, just… ready to go into the future to edit it into something completely different. Either way it's more or less a lead up fluffy chapter.  
**

**Thanks for reading and sorry about the cliffhanger. I didn't, honestly, realize how the last sentence left everything open ended. I really didn't mean to make it sound so suspicious. I know I'm a terrible updater but I'm trying to be better, I guess that's all I can say.**

"Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Things in a million years you'd never see yourself do. But there you are doing them… can't help it."  
-Alex

Chapter Seventeen: part one

My heart was fluttering in my chest and my palms were sweating. I could feel tremors running throughout my body, releasing their momentum with my fingers. I walked as slow as possible, like it was the last walk I would ever take; like it was the last anything I'd ever do. Yet even as I trudged along I could feel half my body begging to run. Wasn't I messed up?

People scurried past me, many of them giving me knowing looks. Did they know something I didn't or was I just paranoid? I stopped outside the lunch building, resting my head on the concrete wall, trying to steady myself, trying to think but it didn't help.

With the last ounce of courage I entered the building and walked with precision past the tables teeming with students. I didn't look around; I just went straight to the lunch line. The crutches made me feel bulky and off balance but there was no one to trip on. I'd let enough time pass that the line was empty. In hindsight I knew why I'd done all these things, I wanted to appear normal; didn't want to be the talk of the town.

Normal was apparently getting food and sitting at the table I always sat at and not mentioning Edward or my bruises. Really when I thought about it _my_ normal was sitting at that table with my food and giving Edward aggressively in-love glances. I took a deep breath and an apple off the counter, holding it uncomfortably by the stem as my arm leaned against the crutch.

With the other hand I wrangled change out of my pants' pocket and passed it the lunch lady. I didn't look up at her when she took the money. As this all went about I ignored how it was quieter in the room after I'd arrived and ignored, as best I could, how the sound gradually picked up again.

I took a couple steps past the line as I slid a quarter back into my pocket. And that was when it happened.

"Bella," Edward whispered. Surprised, I dropped the apple and it landed on the floor with a thud. With eyes wide I looked up. He walked the few steps to close the gap and picked up the apple. He examined it for a second and then broached my eyes again.

He looked upset. His free hand lifted and hesitated a centimeter beside my neck, inspecting the deep bruise. "I'm so sorry; can we talk?" His voice was controlled and methodical.

I looked around me in a flash of self consciousness; we'd grabbed the attention of about half the student body. "Talk," I repeated, stupidly because, honestly, I couldn't think of an answer.

"I mean, we're talking now," his face blanched like he'd said something idiotic and he knew it; I didn't. "But in private."

Again I looked around suspiciously, old habits die hard, I guess. More students had joined in gawking. With shaky legs, that had little to do with my poorly balanced crutches, I started walking toward the door. Edward bit his lip, like he was holding off speaking and paced beside me.

We remained in a chaotic hush; neither knowing how to approach our issues. Just being near him made a crushing weight lift from my heart and I couldn't help enjoying the feeling. I hadn't noticed the heaviness before it was gone; funny how often that seems to happen.

When we were outside, in-between buildings, effectively hidden from view, the tension grew. I leaned against the concrete wall again while Edward watched me standing carefully two feet in front of me. Close enough to touch if I leaned forward but not so close that we were invading each others' personal space. I wanted to invade his personal space; I wanted to be near his skin. I wanted my fingers to be on his skin, barely touching the hair on his arms. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to get better.

I wanted to be the classically boring and pathetic damsel in distress, saved by that big tough man. Apparently I read too many fantasies; reality was awkward.

Edward's hand fidgeted with the apple, his face falling as the seconds ticked. I bunched my eyes closed and was surprised when I felt a tear leak down my cheek. "I'm so, so sorry," I whispered. "I don't know what I was thinking; I don't know what's wrong with me."

Edward swallowed loudly; I watched his Adam's apple bob with the effort. "I don't understand why you'd risk yourself like that," he finally stated, something bubbling under the surface of his voice.

I leaned my weight onto the crutches as I brushed a stray hair out of my face, "No, I mean," I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry that I ran out on you." He took a tentative step closer. "I just… I just," my heart erupted and I had to still my words, "was so confused and everything was falling apart, you know?"

He nodded, his face composed, his eyes compassionate and eager.

"And I didn't know what to say," I finished.

He grimaced, "Because you don't feel the same."

I cocked my head to the side and leaned straight up from the wall getting closer to him, "I didn't say that-"

He interrupted, "But I don't care if you don't feel the same." He didn't care, my mouth went dry. "Because, because-"

It was my turn to interrupt, "Because everything's different now," my voice sounded bleak.

He winced, "Is it different for you?"

I stole the apple from his hands; his fidgeting was driving me crazy. I spun the stem avoiding his eyes, "Not you," I whispered ashamed to admit how I felt when it was so clear he was changing his own mind.

"Not me?" he murmured. I sensed, more than saw, his right arm go forward around me to rest against the concrete, I leaned back slightly, avoiding being too close. If I got too close I'd do something stupid.

"No," I shook my head resigned.

"It kills me to see you so… wounded," he said and I finally looked up. His eyes were powerful; haunted. My knees weakened.

But it was like his words fell flat, didn't quite reach me anymore. He was too close. I was breathing his air, I was sharing too much. With my last coherent thought I rested my weight on my good leg. With a lamentable need, I let the crutches fall away, grabbing onto Edward. I coveted him; had to touch him, really feel him. It was so acute it was harrowing.

By the 'oaf' sound he made I could tell he'd been taken surprised. "Please don't leave me," I breathed into his hair. "I need you." If he didn't want me I didn't know what I would do, who I would be. Somewhere along the line I became an extension of him; he'd become my definition. Or maybe it was more I didn't want to disassociate myself from him. Was that sexist of me? I didn't care anymore.

It took a moment but his arms wrapped around my body, cradling me adjacent. He was strong enough that I barely needed my legs, planted on the ground, to stay upright. I held on tighter scared he might at any moment reject me, leave me here defeated and alone; that he'd realize how much I wasn't worth this.

The tears were draining from my eyes, bleeding out soundlessly as I dug my body into his. His nose, in the crook of my neck, blew warm air onto me while his eyelashes flicked my hair.

And it was painful. Not because his fingers were catching bruises in places where didn't realize I had bruises. Not even because my neck was in a position too angled to be comfortable, no, it was painful because it felt like this might be my last chance.

"Please," my voice broke half way through the word.

With his hands secure against my back he leaned away from me, looking at me baffled.

I let one of my arms loose and raised my hand, resting it on his cheek. His skin was warm, too warm, like he was feverish; his face perfectly smooth. "I love you, don't leave me."

He smiled then, something that was lacking teeth but that brightened his face, his eyes, and leaned back into me. His lips brushing past mine with the slightest pressure, like the flutter of a hummingbird's wing. He let out a breath against me, taking a deep one before he moved a fraction.

Then his lips took my lower lip and he was kissing me. My eyes closed as he led the kiss; his face rotating positions so he could kiss every bit of my mouth.

I dropped the apple and my legs gave out but Edward didn't seem to care, he was too distracted. He pushed me against the wall continuing his assault on my mouth. It was hard to breathe but I didn't care. My back hurt against the rough wall, so much so that I grunted slightly, breathlessly.

One of his hands trailed down my side, grabbing me and wedging himself between my legs all in one move. I could feel every part of his body, nothing separating us now but clothes. I hung onto him, praying that he wouldn't stop. I felt too weak, I needed more strength.

He moaned low in his throat and it sounded like a confession. I let my nose trail against his, pulling back enough that we could breathe and also resulting in an accidental Eskimo kiss. I sighed and went into him again. I kissed the edge of his mouth; kissed the tip of his nose, before firmly kissing him letting intuition take over.

It wasn't until I noticed what my hands were doing, playing with the hem of his shirt, again, that I stopped kissing him. He let me like he knew what I was thinking, how much I wanted to be closer, how this was the worst place to be playing around.

I was dizzy leaning cheek to cheek with him. I was overdosing on Edward and I felt giddy. I wrapped my hands on either side of his hips.

And then the bell rang.

It jarred me completely and it seemed to jar Edward too. One second we were intertwined against the wall the next I was sliding down the wall, Edward coming with me. My feet couldn't grip the ground so they came out in front of me and I hit the grass bottom first. Edward fell between me; he'd given out first apparently. I shuffled closer; sitting on his lap in a much too sexual pose for such a public place. I was blushing and yet too comfortable in my embarrassment to move. I could hear footsteps sounding around us and hopped no one would come down our way.

In the back of my head I knew we weren't anywhere students would go, there were no buildings behind us, no reason for anyone to stumble upon us. In the forefront of my head I was thinking about how much I wanted my lips on his lips again; still. So I listened to that forefront and kissed him being careful, holding his neck.

His hands rested on mine, and he pried my hold before leaning back and escaping me. My eyes snapped open but I couldn't see anything more than his mouth, his lips. He laughed and it was unexpected, "I love you," he said in a gruff, low voice.

"Uh huh," but it was like I didn't hear him; couldn't think clearly. I tried to catch his lips again but he leaned further away.

He laughed again, "The bell," he said, "We have class."

"You want to go to class?" his words finally clicked. I looked to his eyes with confusion, "now?"

"Well… no," he admitted.

My hands broke free from his and I reached for his face again. I brought it closer, practically falling into him and started a new round. He kissed me back hesitantly. The second bell rang while my hands were under his shirt rubbing his back; they had a mind of their own.

The ringing was enough to distract me. I paused, listening to my heart react. "You still love me?" I whispered, my mind finally catching up to his words, to the meaning.

"Uh, yeah of course," he divulged it like I was crazy, like it was obvious; a blatant statement of fact.

"Are you sure?" I asked, verbalizing qualms.

"Bella," his eyebrows lifted; eyes innocent, "I love you so much, _too_ much, it's like I can't contain it."

And I laughed because that was exactly how I felt.


	47. Chapter 47

**AN: Wow it feels like it's been a year since I updated. This was written in really, really small sections and I still don't feel like they blended together well… but here it is, I guess.**

**HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! Thanks for reading and all those good things.**

Chapter Seventeen: part two

A minute passed and then another one, neither of us moved, neither got up. We didn't move to reenter reality, to see our friends, our family; we didn't return to class. Respectively I didn't move to kiss him either because I did in fact have questions. It was hard to make sense of those questions when I was on over-sensory overload.

"How did you find me?" I asked, finally.

"Alice," he answered shortly already knowing what I was referring to; the fact that I didn't mean now, today; that I meant those days ago, "She said you were looking for me."

"And you intuitively knew where I was?" I laughed a harsh sound because it sounded implausible.

"No, I went to your house. You weren't home, obviously." He squinted like he was seeing things all over again; squinted like he didn't like remembering. With one of his hands he took a lock of my hair and started playing with it, twirling it around his index finger; essentially avoiding my eyes. "It might sound like an invasion of privacy, actually it is an invasion of privacy, I can't argue against that, but the door was open so I went inside.

"There was no answer when I called out, though I guess I've already covered the fact that you weren't there, no one was there. That should have stopped me from looking around but it didn't."

I held up his left hand; the one that looked cold, white and balmy against the ground; my ears focused on the words. I kissed his palm enjoying his company, wanting to stay trapped here with Edward.

His story paused as I kissed him and he made a humming sound, "You're distracting me," he commented.

"I'm sorry," I murmured and dropped his hand sad to feel its' loss.

"I didn't want you to stop," when I looked up he was smiling so I picked up his hand again feeling immediately better.

"You were looking around my house…" I led.

"Huh?" his hand twitched.

"That's where you left off."

"Oh, yes; I was." He coughed, clearing his voice or biding time, "Your answering machine was blinking…"

And just like that I knew that he'd heard it all; knew that I hadn't thought of deleting the evidence. It was almost funny, almost… "James," I whispered.

"James," his voice was disgusted on the word.

"To be honest I can barely remember what we said."

"I can remember every word," He responded.

I let his comment hang in the air as I struggled with the proper way to thank him. Finally I simply said the words, "Thank you." I leaned in, letting his hand go again, gathering him in my arms; hugging him as strongly as I could. "I'm sorry I'm so high maintenance."

He snorted. "You're sorry for all the wrong things."

"You make it sound like I should have known not to trust James, like it was a universally known fact. Isn't he your cousin?" The truth was I'd never trusted James but that didn't change anything; or maybe it did.

"He's related but he's not _family_," he muttered, "He's always been a strange kid; always doing stupid things. I won't lie and say I've never had fun with him or that I wasn't happy to see him when he came to visit but that doesn't mean I ever trusted him. Not with my life, not Alice's or yours. I didn't think he would do anything like _this_," His breath blew out and I pulled back to stare at him.

His face had gone livid. I smoothed the lines on his forehead with the tips of my fingers. "Was he bothering you before," I didn't have to ask 'before what.' "Alice said something a couple days ago and since, well, it's made me wonder…"

I swallowed loudly uncomfortably, "He said some things; was around too much." I frowned, "He looked at me… so strangely." I petered off, "That sounds stupid; I don't know…"

"You should have told me."

"I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't realize he was so fixated. Rosalie said-"

He cut me off, "She said what?" If the situation had been different I would have made fun of him for cutting me off right before I told him exactly what Rosalie had said but of course it wasn't like that. It seemed it was never the time for jokes between us.

"Things he did to her," I whispered. "Things you might do to me."

"I'm not like him."

"It was confusing," I said ignoring him because it was easier to pretend I'd never let my thoughts wander; never thought he might be. "There were too many people saying too many things and I just didn't know what the truth was anymore. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry," He growled. "You shouldn't be sorry for anything. You shouldn't have to be sorry."

"I made so many stupid mistakes, it's my fault. I deserved-"

He cut me off again, "Stop it, stop it; please stop it. You're killing me. You shouldn't feel guilty that someone _else_ tried to hurt you. You shouldn't apologize for _him_," he hissed. He took four calculating breaths; four breaths that calmed him down. "I wish I could go back, fix everything but I can't…" He sounded so broken; so hurt.

"You tell me these things and put them onto yourself," I accused. "We're such a healthy couple."

He chuckled almost rudely but smiled all the same. The light grin that tickled his face collapsed not a minute later. "You know it doesn't get easier. We're essentially in a tight confusing spot. It probably won't be as uncouth around here but it'll still be…" he hesitated; his eyes darting as if looking for the word, "different."

I had to smile at him, "I'm not sure we're ready for this going public thing."

He rested his forehead against mine letting the rest of face rest against mine slowly as he pressed his lips to my lips. "I'm happy," he whispered.

I snorted quietly surprised, "About what?"

"Our chances, I guess. I don't know about you but _I_ think they're pretty good."

"Even with all the weird stares, the gossipy teenagers, the gossipy adults?" I sighed, "We're public domain."

"In a way I'm glad we are, I was getting tired of all the male attention you got since you weren't officially taken."

I hit him lightly on the arm, "Yeah _all_ that male attention."

He pulled back to give me a suspicious look, "You don't even notice it?" I raised an eyebrow, "No, of course you don't." He smiled to himself as if I'd just revealed the secret to a magic trick.

"There's still a lot we have to work through, so much we have left to learn. I don't really know you, not a lot about you anyway." I told him changing the topic.

"What don't you know about me?" He asked bemused.

"All the important things."

"I love you, that is the only important thing to know about me."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help how my heart swelled, "I want to know the little things that make you up. I want to know your favorite cereal; favorite fruit. Things like that. I want to be able to see a movie with you, sit beside you and learn your subtle attempt at pulling your arm around me. I want to see you try to distract me." Words just kept bubbling out; things that had been on my mind, things I didn't want Edward to know, but given the euphoria came out.

"Those are the easy things; you're leaving out the inevitable problems."

"Like meeting the parents?" I beat him to the punch. "You know I don't think it's going to be as bad as you imagined, not that I know what you imagined…"

"Why not?"

"Because, well you kind of saved my life, or however you want to put it," I informed, "It won't make up for everything to them but it's a start."

Edward rubbed his eyebrow releasing tension, "And I suppose it doesn't matter anyway; not what they think. Does it matter to you? I mean it _matters_," his shoulders slumped and I shook my head at his inability to say the right words, "but I don't care if they aren't okay with us." He spoke slowly but still ended up stumbling, "I would prefer them to be happy for us but it isn't everything."

I liked the way he kept saying 'us' like we were always going to stay that way; be together. "It's going to be a whole new start to our relationship," I pointed out.

"But a better start; a normal healthy beginning."

-------

A few minutes passed, just us sitting intertwined. The wind blew silently, twigs and trees rustling. I shivered as I finally said, "I'm worried."

He kissed my forehead to comfort me, "Don't be, James isn't going to be around again." Edward's thin fingers pulled into my hair, "We'll make it through everything else." He added with a heavy voice, "The worst is behind us, even if it doesn't seem that way."

"It's not that."

"What is it then?" his hands slipped forward to frame my face; I couldn't avoid his stare.

"It's too simple, this conclusion. I feel like I'm going to wake up and everything is going to be a mess again. It's almost impossible to believe you're real and that this is actually happening. That you want me…"

He frowned, "I want you," Edward's words came out sounding pure and emphatic.

"But will you always and, and _later_ will you think back, and think it was worth it?" I rushed. "It's just," I sighed, "Whenever we part… I just, I just get so anxious."

"It won't be like that, I won't ever be able to think of you with anything but love. It's hard for you to understand, maybe, but I know I won't feel like this again."

"How can I believe this will last when neither of us has any experience."

"I'd rather our inexperience forever than try anything else. I love you, how many times do I have to repeat that before you believe me."

"How can you know when there is nothing to judge it with?"

"Are you really doubting me or yourself," Edward's voice had taken on a note of misery.

"I just want you to know what I'm thinking. I want to be truthful because it seems like I've been bending the truth a lot lately. I just, I want you to know what this means to me, you and me, and I don't know how else to tell you."

"Well I'm glad you're communicating," He said half laughing, "But you are only freaking yourself out by the sound of it."

"Well I'm glad I'm amusing you," I told him sourly trying to shift away from him in embarrassment.

"Don't pull away from me," he gripped my shoulder and I desisted. "I'm sorry I've annoyed you." He looked repentant, like a large puppy dog, his eyes out and pleading. "I think we'd both feel better if you said it one more time?"

I thought about playing dumb, telling him I had no idea what he wanted repeated but instead I leaned closer, edged to his ear and whispered, "I love you Edward."

"I'll never get tired of that," he mumbled nudging my face to his own and kissing me aggressively as the bell rang signally last period was about to start. I knew somewhere lost in my head that maybe continuing out relationship was a bad idea; it was probably healthier to stop and start again with new people. Maybe most couples would have done so but there was something undeniable in the way I felt about Edward, the way he touched me, made me feel. Everything felt better when he was around, my heart felt whole; the anxieties that came left. It was right, how else could I describe it.

We'd gone through a lot and we weren't done going through awkward situations, we weren't done with our families, their insecurities and their prejudices that they didn't dictate us and if there was one thing I'd learned it was that love was worth it.


End file.
